Teen Sexting

With the beginning of a new school year the issue of sexting and the posting of suggestive photos on the internet is back in the news. Two local DFW school districts have specifically band texting and the general use of cell phones during the school day. Administrators for other districts have expressed concern over the material posted on student's web pages. During my years as a school counselor I regularly had to deal with this issue. Sometimes it was a parent who brought it to my attention. Other times it was one of my colleagues, some of whom out of a sincere concern for kids monitored the internet social network. Rarely did kids "blow the whistle" on their peers.

Typically the incident unfolded this way. Any adult would walk into my office and place an envelope or file folder on my desk. "Have you seen this?" they would ask. A glance at the material helped me to understand their concern. Ninety percent of the time it was a female student in some kind of a suggestive pose. My mental response was usually, "what were they thinking." My next step was always to contact the parent of the student and request that they stop by. I knew better than to approach the topic without them viewing the evidence. "My "sweet" daughter would never do anything like that." With the actual photo in front of them it was difficult for them to dispute the issue. At that point I would usually hand the evidence over to them and let them deal with it. I knew I wasn't done with it, however. In the ensuing days I would usually get the cold shoulder from the teen. Only on rare occasions did they really express what they were thinking, "You've got no right to control what I do in private."

We do have a responsibility to protect kids. Oft times the enemy is themselves. Truth is, they just don't think things through. The tempting photos they post for their friends to see sends a message to the opposite sex. Unfortunately that audience could include some perverted adults. Teenagers are vulnerable enough without increasing it by posting suggestive pictures of themselves.

As a parent, you are responsible for monitoring you teenagers internet and cell phone activity. That can be done by regularly asking them to show you what's there. Is it a violation of their privacy? Yes, but you are the parent and adult. In most cases you are paying the bills or have bought the computer they are using. Ultimately, it is your responsibility. If they object, take away the privilege or cancel the service. The reality is our kids are at risk.

Road Rage and Suppressed Anger

An incident of road rage made the news in the DFW area over the weekend. Unfortunately we've become accustomed to these occurences. Usually they happen on urban freeways or at an intersection in the ghetto. This one, however, took place in the drive-thru lane at a Chick-Fil-a Restuarant in affluent Southlake. A couple were attempting to leave the pick-up window when their path was blocked by a $200,000 Bentley. Tempers flared and the two men in the Bentley assaulted the women in the passengers seat. My guess is the police will have no problem tracking down the thugs. Even in Southlake there are not a lot of Bentleys.



Road rage is a symptom of a greater problem. As a society, we do not know how to handle conflict. Suppressed anger eventually will lead to an irrational act.


Let's consider the iceburg. We only see the tip. Eighty to ninety percent of the iceburg lies beneath the surface. In the case of the Titanic, it was the portion of the iceburg below the surface that sank the ship. So it with with our anger. The suppressed anger below the surface results in the irrational behavior we eventually see.

We recently spent a week at Disney World with our three pre-school age grandsons. We expected to have some moment of tension. You can't have nine people together for a full week and not have conflicts. Yes, the little boys did throw some tantrums. We could deal with those. Children are not equipped to deal with their emotions in an appropriate way. Adults on the other hand should be so equipped.

One of the appropriate ways is to deal with small conflicts as they occur. When small conflicts are allowed to build below the surface we risk having them come out in an inappropriate manner. My guess is that the two gentlemen in the Bentley were carrying a lot of emotional baggage in their personal trunks.

So, what does this mean to us as parents? We need to be models of how to appropriately deal with conflict. In the relationship with our teens, we are the ones who are probably better equipped to deal with our emotions. Secondly, we can use news stores such as the current one, to talk about the issue of anger and the appropriate ways to deal with it, with our teenagers.

Josh Hamilton and Life Lessons

Another lesson from the world of baseball: On Saturday Texas Ranger, Josh Hamilton, met with the media and admitted that he had "fallen off the wagon" and gone on a drinking binge during the off season. For those not familiar with his story, Josh was one of the top prospects in baseball until drugs and alcohol side-tracked his career. Since turning his life around in 2005, he's become a strong spokesman for Jesus Christ, giving credit to The Lord for the changes in his life. You can check out his testimony on www.iamsecond.com.

As a life-long sinner, I can identify with Josh. The one difference is that to my knowledge my sins have never been posted on youtube. We all stumble. We also all live under grace. Sins confessed, are sins forgiven. "A broken and contrite heart O Lord, you will not dispise." (Psalm 51:17)

What impressed me most about Josh Hamilton's response was that he immediately took ownership of his misdeed. When he awoke the morning after his binge he immediately called Ranger General Manager, John Daniels, the office of Major League Baseball, and his personal friend and his accountability partner, Ranger Coach Johnny Narron. He also apparently confided in a couple of his teammate. That means these men kept it private and kept a vow of confidentiality for at least six months.

There are some lessons here for parents. Number one is the power of addiction and the need to discuss that with our kids. There is also a powerful lesson here in terms of forgiveness. Nobody is pointing a finger at Josh. Everyone is willing to put the incident behind them and move on. There is across the board support. Josh Hamilton is still a friend and teammate. When our kids fall short of our expectation, and yes break our hearts, they are still our kids. God still loves them and so should we.

Instant Gratification: Lessons Learned from Baseball

I am a baseball fan. My favorite team still is the Detroit Tigers but living in the DFW area, I root for the Rangers except when they are playing my team. Yesterday was the supposed trade deadline. I tracked the various deals all day long. Both the Tigers and the Rangers were in the news. The Tigers because they pulled the trigger on a big deal, the Rangers because they didn't. The team from Detroit traded two prospective pitchers to Seattle for a veteran pitcher, Jerrod Washburn. The Rangers are acknowledged to have one of the best farm systems in baseball. They have a number of great pitching prospects but they refused to trade any of them just to get one veteran who might help them win this year. I was hoping the Tigers remembered 1987. If you are a fan you know the name John Smoltz. He's a great pitcher, probably Hall of Fame material. That year the Tigers traded him for Doyle Alexander. The Tigers won their division but lost in the playoff. Doyle Alexander left and John Smoltz made history.

There is a pressure in baseball to win now. I know the Rangers felt pressure over the last couple of days to do that. The question is, do we mortgage the future to have a chance at being successful right now? The human inclination is to want immediate success. Why wait when you can have something now?

I think much of our current economic situation is the result of a desire for instant gratification. Why wait for something when we can have it now? I'll just put it on my credit card. That way I can enjoy it while I am paying it off. Our nation's consumer debt is sky high because of this line of thinking. We are also raising a generation of consumers, our kids, who expect to have the latest and the best right now.

This is an issue that needs to be discussed between you and your children. If they are old enough to ask for things, they are old enough to understand the word "no." Once you've accomplished that with them you need to sit down and explain the how and why behind the answer. There is much to be gained from learning to wait. Plan prudently and then wait on the Lord.

Dead Man Talk

I just finished a remarkable book titled Raising Cole. The author is Marc Pittman. His son, Cole Pittman was a football player for the University of Texas Longhorns. Cole was killed in an auto accident. The book is about the unique relationship the Marc Pittman had with his sons and how that relationship got him through the difficult grief process.

Marc Pittman has a very unique style of parenting. He was the product of a rough upbringing. A builder by trade, he loved the outdoors and had even, on a dare, wrestled a bear. His personality was shown in the unusual relationship he had with his sons, Cole and Chase. Two aspects of that relationships really impacted me.

One is the term "Love Wars." It involved verbally expressing, "I love you," to each other. The war part comes from the fact that each individual tries to prove they love the other more deeply. In other words, they try to go out of their way to express affection in radical ways. Not exactly what you would expect from a 300 lb. football player.

The other aspect of their relationship was "Dead man talk." It draws its meaning from the concept that dead men can't tell secrets. Marc Pittman and his son Cole shared everything. During long discussions they would talk about fears and regrets. It was also a time of confession. Marc Pittman sincerely believed he know everyone of Cole's secrets. The son felt comfortable sharing his thoughts because they we sealed with a vow of secrecy.

I really would encourage you to read the book Raising Cole. It's an outstanding story. In many ways it touched me like Ron Hall's book Same Kind of Different as Me. More importantly, I would encourage you to be honest with your kids. When you share your struggles and inner feeling with them, you give them the freedom to do the same. You are also building a relationship that will be capable of weathering all of life's storms.

Wanting to Rush The Finished Product

I still build model cars. I am a NASCAR fan so I usually buy kits that feature race cars that have some historical value or special meaning to me. OK, tell me I am still a kid at heart. In actuality it one way I pass the time while watching the races on TV each weekend.

Each kits starts with close to a hundred parts, many of the quite small. I am grateful for the instructions that take me step by step through the building process. I am often tempted to just look at the picture on the box and just proceed. Afterall, I've built models before. But I've learned to follow the directions and not skip steps. There is a reason behind every step and why they are placed in that order. To try to rush things, skips steps and do it myself, could ruin the project.

I thought of that this morning as I watch a small segmnt of Good Morning America. It featured a mom who is grooming her two year old daughter to be a beauty queen. I guess in this warpped, self obsorbed world, there are even have beauty contest for toddlers. I am sure this mom means well. As I recall they said she was a teacher by trade. But give me a break. I think she was looking at the picture of the finished project, what she wants her daughter to become, and skipping some steps along the way.

Previously I've written about the danger of living our dreams vicariously through our kids. I see this as another example. It's not a danger limited to the athletic field. The dream scould be of our child as a singer, actor or professional model. When we do that, we want to rush the process. Plan things out now, our way. The danger is that our broken dream becomes their nightmare and in the process we rob them of their childhood.

Give your kids a hug today, and then set them free to pursue their dreams. Don't force your broken dreams on them.

The Things I Learned at Disney World

I am just back from seven days at Disney World. Barb and I recently celebrated forty years of marriage. Trip was our way of celebrating with our kids and grandkids. Nine of us spent seven nights in a two bedroom condo. Speaking for myself, I think we came away loving each other more. Our oldest son Peter and his wife, Amy, have three little boys; Little being defined as under the age of six. Observing them in action for a week I must say I was impressed. They might be the ultimate tag team. Yes, grandma and I stayed back at the resort most evenings so the young people could go out and some fun.

I had not been to the Magic Kingdom before. One of the things that surprised me was the number of international travelers. During my first two days I met families from The UK, Scotland, The Netherlands, Peru, Costa Rica and Brazil. I stopped trying to keep track. One thing I concluded was that international families have a very different style of parenting. I witnessed more family discussion and saw much more unity among those from other cultures. Even the large youth groups, some numbers 50+, seemed well behaved and disciplined. Perhaps it is because the international travelers are from the higher economic class, only they could probably afford such a trip.

International families seemed to treat each other with respect. I saw a lot of serious conversation and listening, as opposed to many American parents who seemed to take the "my way or the highway," approach.

I did come away with a list of the three worst examples of parenting (yes I actually heard these);

1. "If you don't knock if off we'll go back to the hotel." (Yeah right, that's the reason we spent all that money to get into this park.)
2. "If you don't stop it, I'll break your arm!" (I think I will let Child Protective Services handle that one.)
3. "You are acting just like your father." (And you mom, remind me of a member of the gestapo.)

Please think about your parenting style before you go out in public. Our country needs to imporve our image.