What is Your Christmas Story?

What is your personal Christmas story? I am referring to a memory from a Christmas past, as opposed to the events surrounding our Savior's birth. From my perspective Jesus coming into the world as an infant born to a virgin is much more than a story. That's "The Christmas Miracle."

My mind is flooded with memories of Christmases pasts. One of my earliest memories happened when I was a child of probably four or five. I guess I had an angelic singing voice in those days, at least in the mind of my grandmother who had connections with the Sunday school superintendent. I was picked to sin a solo, the second verse of Away in the Manger, in the children's Christmas service at our church. My great grandmother had died earlier that year. As a motivation, my grandmother told me to sing loud so that Great Grandma Schild could hear me. I spent my entire time in the spotlight focused on the church balcony searching for my great grandmother's face. I guess I assumed since she was in heaven she had to be watching from someplace above.

I remember Christmas concerts at our church, St. James Lutheran Church in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. Our choir director, Carl Munzel, was a stern disciplinarian. I sang in the children's choir. We spent months preparing our three pieces. It was always three, the Trinitarian number. I recall one concert taking my place in the second row only to look out and see Miss Ketry, my 5th grade teacher, sitting in the front row. What was she doing there? I went to a public school. Such a mean-spirited tormentor of children had no business in any church, especially mine. I guess somewhere along the line I acquired a concept of the Gospel to go with my youthful legalism. Miss Ketry needed to hear the Good News just like I did.

I have so many memories of Christmas from my youth. Church and family were always in the middle of it. Those are the stories that I have shared with our children. Now they enjoy telling stories about our family's celebration of our Lord's Nativity. Many of the ornaments on our tree have individual stories behind them. Many represent significant events in our lives, others are gifts from friends. Some were lovingly made by our kids as pre-schoolers. Each year one of the first things our children look for is the Magi. In the manger scene under our tree the Magi don't arrive until Epiphany. Each year they take a different route to get there, moving closer each day. At this moment they are journeying across the mantel. Oh, and Jesus is hidden too. He appears between Mary and Joseph on Christmas Eve.

I am sure your family has traditions as well. You will probably create some new memories this Christmas, but take time to share memories of Christmases past too. That's your heritage of faith, the legacy you need to pass on to the next generation. We have a Savior. He came in the form of a baby, The Son of God who came into the world to save us from our sins. That's much more than a story. It's our Christmas miracle.

Self Serving Coaches

As a family we are college football fans. We've been TCU Horn Frog season ticket holders for years. This has been a fun season. It's been a great season for a number of teams. Four major college teams, in addition to TCU, remain undefeated.

One of those teams is the Cincinnati Bearcats but they are in an unusual position. They have lost their head coach. The University of Cincinnati players dedicated themselves to a goal. They worked hard and their commitment paid off. The reward is a trip to a BCS Bowl where they will play the Florida Gators. They will do so without their coach, Brian Kelly. Coach Kelly resigned to accept the head coaching position at Notre Dame. Kelly described it as his "dream job." We should not be surprised that Coach Kelly deserted his player to pursue his dream. Unfortunately he is typical of many adults who work with kids. I use the word "Kids" because that is what college athletes are. They are student athletes. In this case, the kids had their hearts broken. Many walked out of their final meeting with Coach Kelly angry. They knew what a traitor looked like when they saw one. They had committed themselves to a cause and they thought their coach had too. Instead a better offer came along and he left them "high and dry."

We should not be surprised. In his book Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, Chap Clark writes about the heartaches caused by self-serving adults. "Whether it is a coach, school teacher, a parent, music teacher, or a Sunday school counselor, midadolescents (high school teens) intuitively believe that nearly every adult they have encountered has been subtly out to get something from them." Such adults could be a little league coach obsessed with winning at all cost or a teacher whose only goal is to help students pass the standardize test so their job remains secure.

So, what is a parent to do in order to insulate their child from a self-serving adults? It starts early. They need to get to know every adult who is in a position of influence over their child. It's important that all of those individuals share similar values and perspectives. Sure, when it comes to people like school teachers, it really is a matter of the luck of the draw. But in other cases parents do have control. Parents can dictate the role that coaches, church youth counselors and scout leaders play in the lives of their kids. If they love their kids, they will surround them with adults who share that sentiment.

Most importantly, it must start with you. The needs and the development of your child must be your #1 priority.

Do Tiger Woods and His Wife Know Jesus?

It has been a week since we first heard of Tiger Woods' accident. It's a story that doesn't seem to go away. I will admit some initial fasination. I have never been a Tiger Woods fan, probably for the same reason I don't cheer for the Yankees and Jimmie Johnson. I have always had a heart for the underdog and a certain disdain for those who seem to win all the time. It's never been anything against Tiger personally. As more details came out my question became, Do Tiger and his wife, Elin, know Jesus?

I have to give Tiger credit for taking the sole responsibility for his actions. He is also saying all the right things, "I have let my family down and regret those transgressions with all my heart." He further states that he has, "not been true to his values." The word, "transgressions" sounds like a confession to me. That indicates to me that he has "come clean" with those who love him and who he has let down. Tiger is right when he states this should be a private matter.

Confession and absolution should always be a private matter. It's should be between the sinner and the person they have hurt and offended. For a Christian that goes beyond our earthly relationships to our Heavenly Father who also has been grieved and offended by our actions. Such confession adds a whole new demension. God is always more forgiving to the repentant sinner than friends and family. God not only fogives but He forgets. This side of heaven those transgressions will always be on our minds, casting a certain shadow over a relationship.

There is another aspect here. God's love is unconditional and his desire is that we love the same way. That's why the story of the Forgiving Father (Luke 15:11-32) is my favorite parable. The Father in the story was always waiting for the sons return. When it happened, he didn't ask questions. He just forgave and then celebrated. If Tiger and his wife are going to get through this with their marriage intact, unconditional love will have to be present. It sounds to me like Tiger has confessed with a repentant heart. Now it's time for forgiving, healing and eventually celebrating. Without Christ in their lives, that will never be fully complete.

There is no better model of God's Grace and Forgiveness than the Christian family. The primary responsibility in making that happen lies with mom and dad. Everybody makes mistakes. Teenager, because of their nature, are probably more prone to transgression than others. Our kids are always are kids, however. No sin should ever become a permanent barrier. Hold them accountable and wait for the confession. Sometimes that takes years but when it comes... forgive.

Social Networking

Our cyber society seems to have created a whole new set of issues. Many parents have brought up the topic of cyber bulling, using the internet or cell phone to post inappropriate or intimidating comments about others. I have also heard complaints about kids who run up high charges for texting.

I have a Facebook account myself. It's a great way to stay in touch with friends and family, but it's hard not to be concerned about some of the pictures posted by young friends. Some border on being provocative, even suggestive.

It seems to me that a lot of the problems could be solved just by parental supervision. Parents need to constantly moniter what is posted and what is being discussed. We had a social network when I was growing up. I remember evenings when there were as many as a dozen kids gathered on, or around, our front porch. Was the conversation always appropriate? No way, and neither was the behavior at times. But my parents were always within ear shot. Sometimes my mom's face would appear in the door and all it took was her look. Other times my dad would open the door and let us know our conversation was inappropriate. That was quickly followed with an apology. There were other nights my parents joined us. Nobody complained or left. It was an accepted fact that it was their house.

Secondly, there needs to be guidelines. If there's a problem that could mean restrictions. Maybe that means limiting the time on the internet, or controling the number of texts allowed per week. Sure, it might be met with resistence but parents need to remember who is in charge.

Lastly, there needs to be conversation. I know a lot of parents who respond to their kids text with another text. Why not ask for a phone call? It is a cell phone! Why not ask them to call instead of sending a text. That opens the door for a conversation. The tone of voice could also alert us to a potential problem. Parents need to look for other opportunities to have a conversation with their kids as well.

The cyber world we live in is a reality. It is what it is. We can't change it and go back to a simpler time. We can, however, control the influence it has on our lives.

Mistakes are Good

Another national publication has focused on the issue of over-protective parents, aka helicopter parents. The cover story of this week's Time Magazine is The Case Against Over-Parenting.

Some of this over-protectiveness is out of concern for their child's safety and welfare. It is an evil world and we hear daily of children who have been victimized. The Time article also focuses on another root cause for parents to be over-protective. They can't handle their kids failure.



We've heard stories of parents who take it to the extreme when their child fails to make the team or cheerleading squad. I've had college admissions folks tell me that a required skill is the ability to distinguish which admissions essays have been written by someone other than the student applicant. It runs much deeper than this, however.



The Time article reports on one Kansas elementary school that has issued a "no rescue" policy. It was instituted after the principal noticed a table in the office covered with lunch boxes and notebooks brought in my parents whose child had left them behind. "The tipping point," the prinicipal noted, "was when a mom rushed in with a necklace meant to complete her daughters coordinated outfit.

Lessons from NASCAR

I am a NASACR fan. Some, including members of my own family, think I am obsessed with it. I do have my share of NASCAR apparel, including a somewhat colorful racing jacket. I also have large collection of 1/24 scale cars and a race scanner I take to the track. I have an autographed picture of my favorite driver, Bobby Labonte, hanging in my office. I have the link to his website listed as a favorite on my computer. I also know his vital statistics, his family history and the name of his wife, that would be Donna, and kids, that would be Robbie and Madison.

I guess my love for NASCAR, and racing in general, goes back to growing up in The Motor City, Detroit. I have always enjoyed watching races but when they built a new track only 45 minutes from my house, it was just too convenient. When I attended my first race, I was hooked. There is no adrenalin rush like watching, and hearing, forty-three stock cars take the green flag.

Some things I like about NASCAR: The parking is free and they let you carry in your own coolers with food and drinks. More, importantly, I like the family values. The NASACR Circuit really is a city on wheels. The drivers and their families travel together and stay clustered together in their motor homes at the track. Before the race you can see the families hanging out together. They support each other and remain friends away from the track.

There is also a spiritual side to NASCAR. What other major sports begins each race with an invocation (prayer), before the singing of the National Anthem. This isn't just a token "nod to God" either. The Gospel is almost always presented. Raceway Ministries meets the spiritual needs of the NASCAR family as they cross the country. Chapel services are held each Sunday and many of the race teams include Bible study as part of their weekly schedule.

So why am I including this information on my blog? NASCAR was in town last weekend and I had the opportunity to take my son, Peter, and two oldest grandsons, Andrew and Caleb, to the track for the first time. We had an awesome night watching the Truck Series. I am sure we will be going back many more times. I think they have caught my passion. Even two year old, Jonathan, will line up his cars and then announce, "Gentleman, Start Your Engines."

I only pray that I am even more passionate about sharing my faith in Jesus Christ, with the boys. It's great to have a sport where my interest and my faith are connected.

Helicopter Parents

A column in today's Dallas Morning News, Parents, Park Your Helicopters," caught my eye. I have always enjoyed reading Steve Blow's thoughts. Today was great example.

Steve reflected on a visit with a friend who is an educator. The person used the term Helicopter parents, a reference to those who feel an intense need to be overly protective of their children. Such individual feel a need to swoop in anytime their child is in trouble and intervene on their behalf. Being concerned about your child is one thing, having the desire to step in everytime they are in trouble is another. The later is just not healthy.

During a workshop I was doing on Sunday, one dad shared an experience from his work. He is in a position where he is involved in interviewing recent college graduates who are applying for jobs. He noted that it is not uncommon to have a parent accompany them on the interview. That is being a "Helicoptor Parent!"

I truly believe that we raise our kids to let them go. Our goal is for them to be successful, self supporting adults. The best way to do that is to set them free to set their own goals and make their own decisions. It means transitioning to the role of consultant, rather than manager as our children develop.