The flashing school zone signs yesterday reminded me that the students in our community are heading back to the classroom. It's a time of transition for parents and their students. There are also challenges: clothes to be bought, school supplies to be purchased and backpacks to be replaced. Now parents have a new concern as health officials warn about the dangers lurking in the school lunchbox. For parents of many teenagers there is another issue. How do we get them out of bed in the morning?
We may want to label some teens as lazy or unmotivated, but the reality is the issue could be a lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation is the silent killer. Nation-wide 500,000auto accidents each year are blamed on drowsy driving. The greatest percentage of those involve teens. In addition, lack of sleep leads to poor concentration and low performance in school. Some educators even point to lack of sleep as the root cause of many discipline issues.
Doctors tell us teenager need 9.2 hours of sleep each night to function normally. The average teen gets only 7.5 hours. That's a deficit of almost two hours each night. No amount of extra sleep on the weekend is going to make-up for that deficit. Research on the circadian cycle of teens indicates how the issue is compounded. A teen's energy level is sustained longer in the evening, meaning their bodies want to stay up longer. Their reliance on coffee and energy drinks only exacerbates the problem.
The ideal solution would be to change their school day, delaying the start until 10:00 AM. I noted in this morning's paper that the high schools in the Dallas Independent School District (DISD) are beginning their school day at 9:00 AM. That's a step in the right direction.
What is a parent to do when facing this dilemma? For starters, discuss the concern with your teen. By providing them with the information you are giving them the opportunity to make the adjustments. You might also discuss ways that they might become more organized. A final option is to take the steps to structure their lives, enforcing a set time for them to be in bed with the lights out. As always, it's better to give them the information and to allow them to come up with their own plan. Remember, we're preparing them for that time when they will be on their own.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Raising Responsible Teens
I recently overheard a conversation between a father and his teenage daughter. The issue was an empty gas tank that required dad to make an emergency run. It brought to mind an issue I got involved in several years ago. In that case mom and daughter shared a car. The friction arose because daughter often parked the car in the driveway with the gas gauge on empty. The daughter pleaded her case to me. "I've never felt comfortable pumping gas."
There are two issues here, both of which must be dealt with. To begin with, it's really inconsiderate to expect others to take care of us. Still, many parents continue to pamper and coddle their kids. The second issue is that of responsibility. There are some simple tasks that we need to learn so that we are able to take care of ourselves. The solution in this case is easy: A trip to the gas station and tutorial session on how to pump your own gas. We need to raise teens to be responsible for themselves.
Unfortunately, parents often facilitate dependence by continuing to provide for teens in the same manner they did when they were younger. Take the issue of laundry. Junior year in high school is a good time to begin to hand of that responsibility to them. It begins with instruction and then helping them schedule a time when they can have access to the laundry room. If they balk, remind them that it is part of the process of getting them ready to live on their own.
With regards to the issue of behaviors that are inconsiderate; We need to identify those when they happen, along with a reminder of how their actions affect us. We often shy away from confronting them because we don't want to harm an already fragile relationship. Reality is coddling them will do more harm than that.
Remember, we are raising kids to let them go. There is no greater joy than seeing our children grow into responsible and successful adults. That won't just happen, however. The time to start is now.
There are two issues here, both of which must be dealt with. To begin with, it's really inconsiderate to expect others to take care of us. Still, many parents continue to pamper and coddle their kids. The second issue is that of responsibility. There are some simple tasks that we need to learn so that we are able to take care of ourselves. The solution in this case is easy: A trip to the gas station and tutorial session on how to pump your own gas. We need to raise teens to be responsible for themselves.
Unfortunately, parents often facilitate dependence by continuing to provide for teens in the same manner they did when they were younger. Take the issue of laundry. Junior year in high school is a good time to begin to hand of that responsibility to them. It begins with instruction and then helping them schedule a time when they can have access to the laundry room. If they balk, remind them that it is part of the process of getting them ready to live on their own.
With regards to the issue of behaviors that are inconsiderate; We need to identify those when they happen, along with a reminder of how their actions affect us. We often shy away from confronting them because we don't want to harm an already fragile relationship. Reality is coddling them will do more harm than that.
Remember, we are raising kids to let them go. There is no greater joy than seeing our children grow into responsible and successful adults. That won't just happen, however. The time to start is now.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Kortni's Last Request
The realities of our sinful world have hit me hard over the last week. On Friday night my brother, Jim, called me to tell me of the death of his wife's nephew. Jason was only thirty, but had a hard life. His mother deserted their family, and he struggled with a bi-polar like disorder. Jason also battled he demons of addiction. He had spent time in prison, but was finally putting things back together. He was in a halfway house and had even reconnected with his family. They found him dead Friday afternoon.
On Saturday I got news of the sudden death of one of my former Lutheran High students, Kortni Marshall. Kortni and her twin sister, Kimberly, were in our daughter Katie's class. My memories are of a smiling, pixie-like face. Kortni was too innocent, almost naive, but always full of life. There was another side to Kortni. Like Jason, she fought the demons of addiction. Her last request is posted on the Dallas Lutheran Alumni page on Facebook. Tell everyone, "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you."
Drugs and alcohol are a reality in the teenage world. The choices kids make can lead to tragedy and heartbreak later on.
Two realities:
The average teenager has their first experience with alcohol during the middle school years. Most of the time it takes place in an unchaperoned home environment.
While drugs have been an issue since I was in college, the culture is much different today. The marijuana available today is twenty times stronger than the stuff smoked in the sixties and seventies. It's usually laced with other drugs that are designed to create dependence.
Kortni was a baptized and redeemed child of God. She now rests in Jesus' strong arms. The demons can harm her no more. Just remember her last request. Please talk about this issue with your teens. "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you." I only wish Kortni was still here to deliver that message personally.
On Saturday I got news of the sudden death of one of my former Lutheran High students, Kortni Marshall. Kortni and her twin sister, Kimberly, were in our daughter Katie's class. My memories are of a smiling, pixie-like face. Kortni was too innocent, almost naive, but always full of life. There was another side to Kortni. Like Jason, she fought the demons of addiction. Her last request is posted on the Dallas Lutheran Alumni page on Facebook. Tell everyone, "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you."
Drugs and alcohol are a reality in the teenage world. The choices kids make can lead to tragedy and heartbreak later on.
Two realities:
The average teenager has their first experience with alcohol during the middle school years. Most of the time it takes place in an unchaperoned home environment.
While drugs have been an issue since I was in college, the culture is much different today. The marijuana available today is twenty times stronger than the stuff smoked in the sixties and seventies. It's usually laced with other drugs that are designed to create dependence.
Kortni was a baptized and redeemed child of God. She now rests in Jesus' strong arms. The demons can harm her no more. Just remember her last request. Please talk about this issue with your teens. "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you." I only wish Kortni was still here to deliver that message personally.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Cheerleading Suit: Keeping Things in Perspective
We can all breath a little easier. The long-standing suit filed by a cheerleader and her mom against the Carrollton-Farmers Branch, Texas Independent School District is finally dead. A judge from the Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals basically threw out the case two weeks ago. In doing so he labelled the suit, "nothing more than a dispute by a disgruntled cheerleader mom over whether her daughter should have made the squad." The case dates back to April, 2008. Think of the court cost and legal fees accumulated over that time.
I am not saying that a girl's feelings were not hurt, or that her self esteem didn't take a blow when she didn't make the squad. Was she treated fairly? I don't know, but I do know that life is not fair. The best team does not always win. The most qualified individual does not always get the job. That's life.
I recall an incident when our son, Mark, was in middle school. He was the only 8th grade boy cut from the middle school basketball team. My experience working with teenagers told me that was wrong. At that age all students need to be given the opportunity to participate. The primary reason: It's hard to judge long-term talent during the middle school years. The awkward middle school student could develop into a superb athlete. As a coach myself, I recall one student who was slow and awkward as a freshmen, but went on to make first team all district as a senior.
In this case, the school claimed they did not have the staff or facilities to field a B-Team. Mark and a half dozen 7th graders were the "odd men out."
I met with the school administrators and finally a compromise was reached. The school agreed to pay for a team in a local recreational league. A dad came forward to coach and I assisted him when I was available. Mark, by the way, did come back to play two more years of junior varsity basketball, but was cut again his junior year. He found his niche shortly after that when he was offered the position of announcer for the basketball teams. He discovered a whole new world. He went on to be the arena voice for both the volleyball team and women's basketball team at Valparaiso University.
It's easy to get emotionally involved when we feel our children have been treated unfairly. That does not give us the right to bully those in authority or threaten lawsuits to get our way. The best approach is to get all the information, and if needed communicate our concern to those in authority. After that, we just need to let things go. When our children face the disappointment of not getting a part in the school play, or they lose an election to a more popular student, view it as a way of preparing them for the rest of life's disappointments. Believe me, there will be plenty of those. Remember, life is not always fair, but God has a way of using all of life's experiences to mold us into what he wants us to be.
I am not saying that a girl's feelings were not hurt, or that her self esteem didn't take a blow when she didn't make the squad. Was she treated fairly? I don't know, but I do know that life is not fair. The best team does not always win. The most qualified individual does not always get the job. That's life.
I recall an incident when our son, Mark, was in middle school. He was the only 8th grade boy cut from the middle school basketball team. My experience working with teenagers told me that was wrong. At that age all students need to be given the opportunity to participate. The primary reason: It's hard to judge long-term talent during the middle school years. The awkward middle school student could develop into a superb athlete. As a coach myself, I recall one student who was slow and awkward as a freshmen, but went on to make first team all district as a senior.
In this case, the school claimed they did not have the staff or facilities to field a B-Team. Mark and a half dozen 7th graders were the "odd men out."
I met with the school administrators and finally a compromise was reached. The school agreed to pay for a team in a local recreational league. A dad came forward to coach and I assisted him when I was available. Mark, by the way, did come back to play two more years of junior varsity basketball, but was cut again his junior year. He found his niche shortly after that when he was offered the position of announcer for the basketball teams. He discovered a whole new world. He went on to be the arena voice for both the volleyball team and women's basketball team at Valparaiso University.
It's easy to get emotionally involved when we feel our children have been treated unfairly. That does not give us the right to bully those in authority or threaten lawsuits to get our way. The best approach is to get all the information, and if needed communicate our concern to those in authority. After that, we just need to let things go. When our children face the disappointment of not getting a part in the school play, or they lose an election to a more popular student, view it as a way of preparing them for the rest of life's disappointments. Believe me, there will be plenty of those. Remember, life is not always fair, but God has a way of using all of life's experiences to mold us into what he wants us to be.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Passing the Torch
My primary project this summer has been working on a new book. I've tentatively titled the book Passing the Torch: Conveying our heritage of faith and values to the next generation. My original target audience was grandparents, but I've expanded it to all those over the age of fifty.
Grandparenting is still very much on my mind. That's especially the case as I write this. Barb and I are coming off three days of watching our grandsons while our son, Peter, and his wife had much needed break from parenting. Something about watching three little boys, ages 7, 5 and 3, that tends to make you feel exhausted. Still, we were staying on their home turf so their routine was not disrupted. It does require a different approach to grandparenting, however. Under normal circumstance we just try to love the boys but without mom and dad around we had to handle the discipline issues too. We weren't up thirty minutes on our second morning before the first incident occured. Three year old Jonathan's scream caught my attention. As I rushed to check on him, Caleb,the five year old brushed past me. Jonathan would not tell me what happened, but I was sure it involved one of his brothers. No blood or visible bruises, so I moved on. As I made my way to the kitchen to refil my coffee mug I noticed Caleb sitting on the "timeout chair" in the front hallway. When I inquired as to why, he informed me that he had pinched his brother. "Let me get this straight. You put yourself in timeout?" I asked. He then went on to tell me what happened, and admitted making a "poor choice." Be assured, we did have our moments and we did have to apply some discipline, but I came away with an appreciation for the routine that Peter and Amy have established.
I was also reminded of the heritage of faith and values after we went to the theater to watch Cars 2. Following the movie we took the boys of McDonalds for ice cream sundaes. We let them use the playland for a time before we ordered their treats. When we called them, Jonathan was the first to arrived. Much to my surprise, before he took a bite, he bowed his head and recited the same prayer they use before meals. Maybe, there is hope that the torch can be passed. Infact, in this case he taught me a lesson. Whether it's pizza and salad or ice cream, I need to be thanking the God who gave them to me.
Grandparenting is still very much on my mind. That's especially the case as I write this. Barb and I are coming off three days of watching our grandsons while our son, Peter, and his wife had much needed break from parenting. Something about watching three little boys, ages 7, 5 and 3, that tends to make you feel exhausted. Still, we were staying on their home turf so their routine was not disrupted. It does require a different approach to grandparenting, however. Under normal circumstance we just try to love the boys but without mom and dad around we had to handle the discipline issues too. We weren't up thirty minutes on our second morning before the first incident occured. Three year old Jonathan's scream caught my attention. As I rushed to check on him, Caleb,the five year old brushed past me. Jonathan would not tell me what happened, but I was sure it involved one of his brothers. No blood or visible bruises, so I moved on. As I made my way to the kitchen to refil my coffee mug I noticed Caleb sitting on the "timeout chair" in the front hallway. When I inquired as to why, he informed me that he had pinched his brother. "Let me get this straight. You put yourself in timeout?" I asked. He then went on to tell me what happened, and admitted making a "poor choice." Be assured, we did have our moments and we did have to apply some discipline, but I came away with an appreciation for the routine that Peter and Amy have established.
I was also reminded of the heritage of faith and values after we went to the theater to watch Cars 2. Following the movie we took the boys of McDonalds for ice cream sundaes. We let them use the playland for a time before we ordered their treats. When we called them, Jonathan was the first to arrived. Much to my surprise, before he took a bite, he bowed his head and recited the same prayer they use before meals. Maybe, there is hope that the torch can be passed. Infact, in this case he taught me a lesson. Whether it's pizza and salad or ice cream, I need to be thanking the God who gave them to me.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Shannon Stone: A Lesson in Courageous Living
"Be strong and courageous." (Joshua 1:6)
It's an appeal that Joshua made repeatedly. "Be strong and courageous." As Children of God and Servant of Jesus Christ, we are called to live our lives courageously. For some it's part of their jobs. Those in the military, along with police and fire fighters have to display courage as part of their jobs. One of those individuals was a fireman named Shannon Stone. He was the man who died after falling over the railing trying to catch a foul ball for his son at last Thursday's Texas Ranger game. Those who knew Shannon spoke of how passionately and courageously he lived each day. He didn't hesitate to put his life on the line to rescue and help others. They talked about his passionate faith, but mostly they talked about the relationship he had with his son, Cooper.
The incident at the ballpark was a tragic accident. I recall a day this spring when
Barb and I were at the Fort Worth Zoo with our three grandsons. It was very windy day and we were wrapping up our visit. We had traveled down a tree-lined path and paused to look at one last exhibit. Suddenly, we heard a crack behind us and I turned to see a large limb fall across the path where we had just past. Twenty - at most thirty seconds and we would have been crushed by that large limb. Is that going to stop us from taking out grandsons back to zoo, or even to the ballpark? Hardly. We have to continue to live life courageously, venturing out and taking chances.
I am convinced that God wants us to enjoy the life we have in this world. The reality is the world is sinful and just stepping outside the front door in the morning takes courage. We can live life courageously because we have a couragous Savior. When tragedies happen, they take our breath away. We grieve, but we are people of hope, because we know things are going to be OK. Shannon Stone lived life courageously, now he rests in the arms of his Courageous Savior.
It's an appeal that Joshua made repeatedly. "Be strong and courageous." As Children of God and Servant of Jesus Christ, we are called to live our lives courageously. For some it's part of their jobs. Those in the military, along with police and fire fighters have to display courage as part of their jobs. One of those individuals was a fireman named Shannon Stone. He was the man who died after falling over the railing trying to catch a foul ball for his son at last Thursday's Texas Ranger game. Those who knew Shannon spoke of how passionately and courageously he lived each day. He didn't hesitate to put his life on the line to rescue and help others. They talked about his passionate faith, but mostly they talked about the relationship he had with his son, Cooper.
The incident at the ballpark was a tragic accident. I recall a day this spring when
Barb and I were at the Fort Worth Zoo with our three grandsons. It was very windy day and we were wrapping up our visit. We had traveled down a tree-lined path and paused to look at one last exhibit. Suddenly, we heard a crack behind us and I turned to see a large limb fall across the path where we had just past. Twenty - at most thirty seconds and we would have been crushed by that large limb. Is that going to stop us from taking out grandsons back to zoo, or even to the ballpark? Hardly. We have to continue to live life courageously, venturing out and taking chances.
I am convinced that God wants us to enjoy the life we have in this world. The reality is the world is sinful and just stepping outside the front door in the morning takes courage. We can live life courageously because we have a couragous Savior. When tragedies happen, they take our breath away. We grieve, but we are people of hope, because we know things are going to be OK. Shannon Stone lived life courageously, now he rests in the arms of his Courageous Savior.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
PATRIOTISM AND TODAY'S YOUTH
Our church celebrated Independence Day on Sunday with a special patriotic service. I had the honor of singing in a special choir assembled for the day. We were blessed to have the Frontier Brigade Band to help lead the worship. A highlight in the service for me was an interview with a World War II veteran. Don Graves was 17 years old when he enlisted in The Marine Corp in 1942. He served in the Pacific, and was one of the Marines who captured the Island of Iwo Jima. He had a powerful story to tell. 80% of those involved in the battle were killed. During the attack he made a commitment to God that he followed through on several years later. When I spoke with him after the service he confirmed to me that he believed he was spared death at Iwo Jima because God had a higher calling for him.
There is more to this story, however. Don's participation in the service was the result of a unique relationship between him and an eleven year old girl from our church. Virginia Kobel will be a 6th grader this fall. She plays guitar and writes music. She entered and won a contest through the Grapevine/Colleyville Independent School District. The district was partnering with Freedom Flights, a program that allows WW II veterans to fly to Washington D. C. to tour the sites commemorating that war. Contest winners were paired with one of the veterans for that trip. Virginia's partner for that day was Don Graves, hence the relationship with her family. During the service, Virginia spoke of how the trip and meeting Mr. Graves made history real for her.
One of the criticisms of today's youth is that they lack patriotism. As with faith, patriotism is better caught, than taught. We can teach all the history from textbooks that we want, but it's not going to be real unless it becomes personal. In the case of WW II, the individuals who can make that real for us are dwindling in number. I have an eighty-eight year old uncle who served in that conflict. Only now is he beginning to open up and talk about that experience. The patriotism that I have can be traced to what I learned from my Uncle Don and from my wife's father, Gilbert Brown, another WW II veteran.
I would encourage all parents to seek out a World War II veteran. Take time to introduce your child to them. If you don't already know one, find a nursing home or senior residence. My guess is that you will find one. Get to know them and the stories they have to tell. We have been blessed as a nation, but our freedom has come with a price. You can't teach that. It can only be caught.
There is more to this story, however. Don's participation in the service was the result of a unique relationship between him and an eleven year old girl from our church. Virginia Kobel will be a 6th grader this fall. She plays guitar and writes music. She entered and won a contest through the Grapevine/Colleyville Independent School District. The district was partnering with Freedom Flights, a program that allows WW II veterans to fly to Washington D. C. to tour the sites commemorating that war. Contest winners were paired with one of the veterans for that trip. Virginia's partner for that day was Don Graves, hence the relationship with her family. During the service, Virginia spoke of how the trip and meeting Mr. Graves made history real for her.
One of the criticisms of today's youth is that they lack patriotism. As with faith, patriotism is better caught, than taught. We can teach all the history from textbooks that we want, but it's not going to be real unless it becomes personal. In the case of WW II, the individuals who can make that real for us are dwindling in number. I have an eighty-eight year old uncle who served in that conflict. Only now is he beginning to open up and talk about that experience. The patriotism that I have can be traced to what I learned from my Uncle Don and from my wife's father, Gilbert Brown, another WW II veteran.
I would encourage all parents to seek out a World War II veteran. Take time to introduce your child to them. If you don't already know one, find a nursing home or senior residence. My guess is that you will find one. Get to know them and the stories they have to tell. We have been blessed as a nation, but our freedom has come with a price. You can't teach that. It can only be caught.
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