Grace Loncar Died

Grace Loncar took her own life.  I saw her obituary in the Dallas Morning News.  Teen suicides do not normally make the news but Grace’s family is well known in the community.  Her dad is prominent attorney Brian Loncar and her mother Sue the artistic director at the Contemporary Theater of Dallas.  Grace was sixteen and junior at the award winning Booker T. Washington School for the Performing Arts.  Grace has already made a name for herself on stage.  The obituary noted that she had battled depression since age eleven.  The disease finally won and now her family and friends grieve her loss.

I grieve too.  Depression and teen suicide are issues I am all too familiar with.  I dealt with depressed student when I was a high school counselor.  The threat of suicide was always present and I took it seriously. Suicide has always been high on the list as a cause of death among American teens.  It has always been tough being a teenager and the increasing pressure to succeed can be overwhelming.  Then there is the struggle for identity and the desire to conform to the counterfeit image the world establishes.  There was a time when these matters were confined to the home and school hallway but in the world of social media they can be out there for the whole world to see.

The topic of depression and teen suicide recently was a front page story on Time Magazine.  The article noted that percentage of teens who have had a major episode of depression in the last year has grown from 8% in 2006 to 12.5% in 2015: an alarming increase.  Girls are almost three times more likely than boys to suffer from depression.  Boy are, however, more likely to suffer from anxiety disorders.  An estimated 6.3 million teens are afflicted with some form of anxiety disorder.

The responsibility for responding to the epidemic of depression and suicide should not fall on parents and educators alone.  It is a community problem.  That should especially be the case within the family of believers.  It begins when we offer a smile and encouraging word to the teens and young adults who are around us.  It continues when we accept them for who they are, instead of asking them to conform to our standards.  It continues when we engage in conversation and learn to listen to them their concerns and opinions.  It also means watching for the warning signs of depression.  When we see something, say something. 

Next time you pass a teen or young adult who seems sad think of Grace Loncar.  I do not want to read another teen obituary.

The Millennial Church Dress Code

My Aunt Phyllis worked in the millinery department at the J. L. Hudson Department Store in downtown Detroit.  These days you are not going to find a millinery department in your local Kohls or Macys store, but in the fifties and sixties it was popular spot for female shoppers.  Before you reach for your dictionary; millinery is a traditional term used for covering for the head.  My aunt sold women’s hats.  Her clients were not just any shopper.  She sold expensive hats that we kept in a glass case.  Many of her regular customers were among the social elite in the city.  Hats were a big part of a woman’s wardrobe in those days.  One of the places a woman was even expected to wear a hat was to church.  Yes, there is even a reference in Paul’s First Epistle to the Corinthians; “But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head…” (1 Corinthians 11:5)  To be fair the previous verse admonishes men to keep their heads covered as well.  As I recall it, the women took this to heart far more than the men.  All women wore hats to church.

How times have changed.  I did not see a single woman in church yesterday with her head covered, but then I did see any men wearing hats either.  I do not know too many people who are upset by this, but in some cases there is one fashion trend that does cause some people angst.   It is the idea of people wearing jeans to church.  To many older church goers who show up for worship wearing their “Sunday Best,” jeans are not acceptable.  

While I welcome their opinion, there is something inherently wrong when we judge people by what they wear.  What visiting millennials are going to return if they get “that look” when they show up for wearing jeans and tee shirts? The reality is that times and traditions do change.  When it comes to young people who want to engage in a worship community, I feel we should just be happy they want to be involved.  I recall God’s word to Samuel when he was looking to anoint the next king; “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b) 

A recent article by Thom Rainer of Lifeway Publishing offers some insights into the issue of millennials and Sunday dress.  In many cases their reason for coming to church in jeans has nothing with being comfortable.  It has everything to do with making their peers feel accepted.  What are the chances if they invite a friend to church  they will come if there is a preface, “Yes, and make sure you where a dress or suit and tie.”   Tattoos, tattered jeans, and piercings are part of the millennials lifestyle. While not all Christian millennials might follow the trend, they want their friends who do to feel welcome when they visit.  If the church is to survive over the next two decades it must seek to include millennials.  That means learning to accept their dress code as well.

  

Millennials and the Election: Hopefully a Lesson Learned

Unlike most Americans, I was not shocked at the results of the recent presidential election.  I could see it coming.  Part of it was the reality that Donald Trump was able to rally the support of the segment of the population that was frustrated with the status quo.  They were tired of the gridlock in Washington and seeing jobs leaving the country.  For me a bigger indication was the fact that so many young adults boycotted the election.  Early on they supported Barry Sanders but felt disenfranchised once he was out of the picture.  So, they decided to not vote on November 8.  As a result, Hillary Clinton lost key battleground states that had previously voted democrat.  Millennials, the segment of the population that elected Barack Obama, cost them the election this time around.  The irony is that now many of those who chose not to vote are protesting the results. 

It would be easy to say, “You got what you deserved,” but I do not see anything be accomplished in that.  In many ways we need to take the same approach as in training them when they were teens.   We can point fingers or we can use this as a teachable moment.  In working with parents of teens I used the terms punishment and discipline.  I believe the same principle applies here.  Punishment is to point out the results and say you deserve it.  Discipline is helping them, and in a sense us, to learn from the experience.  Stay calm.  Discuss the consequences, and move on.

In the meantime, Donald Trump will soon be our President.  He won the election, even Hillary Clinton acknowledged that.  Now he deserves our support and our prayers.  Nothing is accomplished if we complain about the results.  In the end God is still on the throne and all of us, including our leaders, will ultimately have to answer to him.  Until Jesus comes again, we need to continue to be his disciples in a broken world.  

Divided We Fall

If there is one thing that I have ascertained from the 2016 Presidential election it is that we are a divided nation.  Having grown up in the sixties I have experienced toxic divisiveness before, but in the late sixties there seemed to be two issues that divided us.  One was the racial issue.  Black people felt that they were not being treated equally and in the end that led to tension and some nasty riots.  I lived through one of those in Detroit.  The other concern that caused rising hostility was the war in Viet Nam.  While the later was a Black/White issue, the peace movement was very much a generational issue.  The young wanted peace, while older adults generally supported the war effort.

In our current situation there seems to me so much that divides us, to the point I do not know where to start.  The gun rights activists vs. those who view the 2^nd Amendment as out of date.  There are those who want to build a wall to keep foreigners out and those who want to grant amnesty to the illegal aliens who are already here.  The “Black Lives Matter” movement tells me the racial tensions are still present. On the other side are people who support the police believing that most crimes against Blacks are committed by Blacks. According to data in a recent issue of Bloomberg Businessweek, it is not just young Blacks who should have an issue with their current situation.  Black workers still make less than Whites with the same degree (Bloomberg Businessweek, September 19, 2016, pg. 54).  Lastly, there is still a generational issue.  Millennials have such disdain for both candidates that many plan to boycott this election, while older American seem to be flocking to the polls.  But even then there is a void.  More people seem to be voting against a candidate, than in support of one. 

It would be easy for me to just turn our nation’s plight over to the Lord and pray for an end to the discord but that is not enough.  I must also first confess my own bias against certain groups or individuals.  I must also learn to listen more.  I need to seek out those who are different, or who might be hurting.  It is only when we seek to understand each other that we can have any hope of working together.  I am only one, but if change is to happen it has to start with me.  I sincerely hope that you will join me in this effort.  I do not think we have lost our way as a nation.  The truth is that we have different segments of society that each feel they know the way, but the paths are very different.

 

Please commit yourself to joining me in prayers for:

Our nation,

Our leaders,

Those who are oppressed,

And the church, that we might be Jesus in the world.

Reflections on the Election Dilemma

I cast my vote in the presidential election last week.  I choose to vote early for a couple of reasons.  One, it was a matter of convenience.  I could vote at our city hall which I pass by all the time.  My regular polling place is a bit out of the way for me.   Also based on my experience in the last few national elections, I anticipated a line on November 8^th.  The major factor was I had reviewed the candidates and issues and made my decision.  In the end casting my ballot was easy.  There was no wait and I was in and out in ten minutes.  There were probably a half dozen other people voting at the same time.  Most of them were older adults.  Not surprising because it was mid-day and most of the population is working or busy doing other things.

From what I can gather, this election is going to be decided by citizens over the age of forty.  Part of the reason is that millennials for the most part are boycotting this election.  Like much of the population they are not enamored with either candidate.  A more noteworthy reason is many young adults supported Barry Sanders and lost interest once he was eliminated.  As a generational group millennials only get passionate about causes they believe in.  They really are not buying what either of the main party candidates stands for.  In the previous two presidential elections they passionately supported Barrack Obama, and played a major role in getting him elected.  I sense even some older adults feel a disdain toward both major candidates.  Unfortunately, many people are voting more against the other candidates than for the one the choosing.  Even this late in the process I hear a number of people who are on the fence in terms of how they are going to vote.

The truth is, unless something unprecedented takes place either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump is going to move into the Oval Office come January.  That makes them a central figure in the future of the free world.  Deciding who to vote for should come down to who we believe would best represent our nation on a global level.  We are not going to change the cultural climate or solve our nation’s problems by electing a president.  With that in mind I would encourage you to vote.  I have made my decision; I would call on you to do the same.  In the process we might even send a message to the younger generation.  Boycotting an election is not going to solve our problems.  We are a democracy and our future depends on everyone sharing in the process.

Engaging the Millennial Culture

I was attending a conference in Austin, Texas a few weeks back.  My scheduled required me to be back in Dallas, so I left the conference at the end of the second day.  My intent was to catch a quick fast food dinner and then make the three hour trip home.  I had seen a number of restaurants in the morning on my way to the meeting, and was pleasantly surprised to see a Rosa’s Café.  When it come short-order Mexican food you cannot top Rosa’s.  They also make their own tortillas always served fresh and warm. 

The restaurant was filled with families and relatively busy.  After retrieving my food I set off in search of a table.  I spotted one toward the back and sat down.  I had my computer with me and figured I could get some work done. Before I could get settled in I noticed a young man sitting by himself at an adjacent table.  The tip off was he smiled and asked how I was doing.  Opportunity!  “Mind if I join you,” I asked.  He pointed to an empty chair but apologized that he was about to head off to an appointment. 

He reported that he had recently moved to Austin to be close to his sister.  He had lived in California but both his parents had died within the last two years and there was no other family there.  He was working at a Best Buy but was hoping to start school in fall.  When I inquired what he wanted to study he said he was a musician and wanted to learn production.  He was living on his own and enjoying the music scene in Austin.   He was hoping to make connections in school that could lead to a gig with a band.  Eventually he asked what I did, and seemed a little surprised when I told him my passion was millennials and helping churches understand and connect with them.  “I’ve never been real religious,” he noted.  “I have always gotten the impression that the church people felt they had all the answers and life is more complicated than that.”  I told him I understood but to not sell the church short.  “There are churches that are seeker friendly,” I noted.  “They really encourage discussion when it comes to issues,” I continued.    

That is the way the conversation ended.  He had his agenda and in the end I had mine.  But I sensed that he was a sincere young man who was struggling not just with life issues but with the death of his parents.  The best I could hope for was that he sensed there was at least one older adult who was concerned about him.  I did give him my card.  Maybe he will call me, but probably not.  Either way I hope he began to see that someone who called themselves “Christian” was concerned about him. 

There are probably many young adults who pass through your life on a regular basis who need to hear the same message.  I recently read an article on connecting the great commission with contemporary culture.  The author was Trevin Wax of Lifeway Christian Resources.  Trevin Wax identified three steps that need to be taken to effectively reach members of our contemporary culture.  The first of those is to seek to understand the people and the culture.  Nothing is accomplished if we observe and make comments from afar.  Before we can effectively impact the millennial culture we need to learn to seek,learn and understand that culture.  That requires stepping outside our comfort zone but I sincerely believe that is what we are called to go.  The future of the church as we know it hinges on our willingness to do that.

A Sticky Wicket

Watermark Church in Dallas has been in the news lately.  It is not the first time.  The Dallas Morning News annually does a feature on the best places to work in DFW.  The mega church, which boasts over ten thousand members, annually makes the list.  They have a prominent location on the LBJ freeway and their campus features a high-rise office building.  Now the church is being cast in a negative light.  One of their former members has shared his experience of being in effect being kicked out of the church. 

Jason Thomas had been a member of the church for years and was even a small group leader.  Jason Thomas is also gay, but for years that was not a problem.  Then out of the blue Jason got a letter informing him that the church was revoking his membership.  They state the church would continue to pray for him and he was always welcome to attend, but he was no longer considered a member.  Jason has since found a new church where he is welcome but his experience at Watermark has in his word left him, “deeply wounded.” Jason’s story tells me that it is not just traditional churches that struggle with the gay/lesbian issue. 

Watermark was aware of Jason’s sexual orientation.  Members of Watermark are required to sign a form indicating they will submit to the churches elders regarding their behavior.  Watermark’s response was for him to repent and undergo “conversion therapy” design to change a person’s sexual orientation.  Psychologist and counselors have long maintained that such therapy is pointless and even harmful.  The reality is that some folks were created gay. 

I am sure there are two-sides to this story.  I know a good number of people who attend Watermark Church and all of them are happy.  They always talk about the sense of community and the way they feel spiritually fed.  They also all are happily married to a member of the opposite sex, living a traditional lifestyle.  Therein lies the dilemma; how do we minister to those whose lifestyle runs counter to the way we feel the Bible commands?   It is a “sticky wicket.”

I truly believe it is always best to love and keep the door open.  I sincerely believe that is what Jesus calls us to do.  We continue to minister to those who struggle with addiction, or those who gossip and even slander others.  Why do we single out those who are gay or lesbians?  I believe we need to join them in exploring the scriptures seeking God’s will and desire for each of us.  Only then can we both celebrate the grace which we have in Christ.