Obese Kids are at Risk but Not Just for the Reason You Think

I can't go shopping without running into them. They, in this case, are parents with obese kids. It's usually mom who is pushing the cart, often filled with junk foods, while the kids trail behind munching on chips or a candy bar. I can only shake my head and try to hold my tongue. Don't they see the same statistics that I do. Obese kids are more at risk for health problems. Obesity leads to heart and blood pressure problem, not to mention the risk of diabetes.

Now there is another reason to address the issue of childhood obesity. Chubby kids are bullied more. Researchers at the University of Michigan analyzed incidents of bullying involving 821 kids ages 8 - 11. Over-weight kids were bullied more than their normal weight peers. About one third of the children in our country are obese but over two-thirds of those who were bullied had weight issues.

Obese kids also experience more depression, anxiety and lonliness that do their peers. This issue becomes more grave when kids enter into the teen years. Middle school kids can be especially cruel when it comes to the treatment of peers who are overweight.

The time to address childhood obesity is now. Obese kids are not only at risk when it comes to physical health but emotional health as well.

Lack of Eye Contact is My #1 Concern About Today's Teens

Back in March of this year I had the opportunity to be part of a panel discussion. The occasion was the Fiftieth Anniversary of Director of Christian Education (DCE) ministry in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. I spent the first twenty-five years of my ministry as a parish DCE focusing on youth ministry, which I guess qualifies me as a pioneer in the eyes of my peers.

One of the first questions to the panel was; What is the biggest change in ministry since my early years? I must admit that I had often considered that as I watch today's youth ministry professionals sort through the wealth of resources available. I was handed a Concordia Publishing House catalog on my day of graduation. The expectation was all I needed could be found there. Our church body had a team of four professional in St. Louis who produced resources that were supposedly up to date and doctrinally pure. Of the two major publishers today, Youth Specialties was just getting started and Group Publishing was just a dream in Thom Schultz's mind. The only media was 16 mm films that came on big reels and had to be ordered via mail, usually at a hefty price.

I have recently had to re-think my answer. I still believe the abundance of resources available today is the greatest change but probably the biggest challange comes from the way today's teens communicate.

I have recieved a lot of feedback from a comment I posted on my Facebook page last week. I referenced the latest findings that report the average teenagers sends fifty or more text messages each day. I had the opportunity to spend last Friday at Dallas Lutheran School and many of my former colleagues wanted to share their comments and opinions on the topic. All found the trend disturbing. One noted that she had observed two high school students in the hallway standing six feet apart but still using their cell phones to communicate.

I must admit that I do find texting convenient. "Meeting Still on?" "B there in 10 min." But I also recognize the value of face to face conversation. There are so many more ways to communiate than just written words. I value eye contact. I want to observe body language. Even the tone of voice and cadence can tell me so much.

If you share my concern, I would encourage you to talk it through with your teenager. Maybe you need to establish some ground rules in terms of texting within your family. There is still a need for one-on-one discussion within the home.

Parents Never Stop Teaching

I recently returned from spending a few days in Michigan with my mom. She celebrated her 89th birthday while I was there. Mom has an apartment in a retirement community. She does pretty well for her age but has reached the point where she does depend a lot on others. Much of the responsibility falls on my brother who lives fifteen minutes from her but when I am there I find myself in the position of parenting my mom. She did have her "to do" list and we spent one whole day running errands. I discovered one evening that mom is still capable of teaching me a few things when it comes to faith.

My dad has been dead over five years but I know she still misses him. She confessed one time that she still cries at night when she gets in bed. But mom is a person who lives with the hope of eternal life. I was reminded of that on my first night there. I was relaxing in bed with a book when I heard her singing loud and clear in the next room. "Abide with me, fast falls the even-tide. The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide." I put my book aside and listened. How could such a quiverring voice convey such strength and conviction. Suddenly I was the one with tears in my eyes. "Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes. Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies. Heaven's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee. In life, in death, O Lord abide with me."

Suddenly I was the child again and my mother was singing me a lullaby. Her message was loud and clear. She is a person of faith in Jesus Christ. She lives in the hope of a joyful reunion in heaven. What a legacy she is passing on!

We will always be parents to our kids. Our role and influence might change, but our duty, as conveyors of the faith, is unchanging. How will you communicate today the hope that you personally have in Jesus? How will your child see Jesus and the hope he brings, in your life?

Is Your Child the Bully?

Bullies have parents too. While no parent wants to think of their child as being a bully, the reality is the potential is always present. Bullying has received a lot of attention lately. In the process, some myths regarding bullies have been debunked. One example: Bullies are loners. In actuality bullies often are surround by friends. Bullies need an audience and support system. Bullies know how to manipulate, so over time their peers may become unknowing accomplices. Another myth is that bullies have low self esteem. In reality the exact opposite could be true. Kids with an elevated self esteem can use bullying as a way to reinforce and insulate their self image.

So what are some warning signs:

Abuse of Power: Power is a convenient tool. We can use physical or verbal power to gain control over other people. In the process we can get them to do what we want them to do for us. Parents can prevent their children from falling into the "power trap" by not allowing themselves to be manipulated. They also should be good role models when it comes to abuse of power. Spanking and other physical uses of power might work with infants and toddlers but they might teach older children that they can use force to get their peers to do what they want them to do for them.

Anger: All human emotions are gifts from God. As such, anger is a part of being human. It's what we do with our anger that makes it wrong. When we use anger as a way to gain control of a situation it can have a negative long-term effect. When our children have fits of anger we may feel a need to give in. If we see anger in our teens we need to confront it, because it's proably not going to go away. The conversation won't be productive when they are aggitated. The time to talk about their anger is when they are calm.

Teasing: Ok, teasing has always been a part of being a family. We all might gently tease at times. Persistent teasing is not healthy. It can belittling. It also can give us control over another person. A good rule for a family is to respect the words, "stop that." When an individual requests that a particular word or action come to an end, we need to abide by that request. When we continue the action we are putting ourselves in a position of control over them.

We all tend to think of our own kids as being the victim. We want to protect them in all circumstance. When it comes to bullying we need to make sure we have all the information before jumping to conclusions. That especially must be the case if we see some of the warning signs ourselves.

A Need for Ethics in Texting

We live in a rapidly changing world. Think about it, how many conveniences that we take for granted did not even exist twenty years ago. Cell phones and home computers, led to laptops and i-phones. On-line shopping and texting did not even exist. In the case of the Millenial Generation, all these changes have taken place during their lifetime.



As a result, one issue our society has to deal with is a lack of ethics when it comes to the use of some of the technologies. So how do we help our teens learn the proper etiquette when it comes to the use of their cell phone? Here are some suggestions:



Establish some boundaries. Use of the cell phone for both texting and conversations should be off limits at certain times. Obviously that should include during churches services and similar public events but also should include meal times, including when eating out in a restaurant.



Designate a No Texting Zone. When our kids were teens I found that time together in the car was a great time to have conversation. I often used the time between school and home to talk about what was going on in my world and theirs. Maybe you want to make your car or one room in the house, the family room for example, a no texting zone. That way to guarantee you have a place where you can have uninterrupted conversation.



Talk about the issues. Let them know that you are aware of the issue of cyber bullying and the safety hazard that goes with texting while driving. Encourage them to be open and honest when they feel threatened by cyber bullies.



Encourage them to call you, rather than just texting you when their plans change. This gives you the opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of their mood. It's a lot more difficult to be deceptive when you have to verbalize it, than when you are just typing in a message.



Model good cyber ethics yourself. The same rules should apply to you as to your teens. Remember, they are watching you.

Holy Week, 2010

Like most Christian churches, we celebrated Palm Sunday yesterday. I found the worship especially inspiring. Part of that was the fact that the pews were full but the music was also really inspiring.

One of the most meaningful parts of the day happened after the worship services. The 5th and 6th grade youth group hosted a Journey to the Cross experience. Participants took a prayer walk, visiting ten stations, following Christ from the Upper Room to the Cross and then reflecting on His Easter Victory. While the experience was inspiring, what impressed me the most was the leadership of the kids. While I am sure the adult leaders planned the event and supervised the set up, the kids were the up-front leaders. From registration to tour guides, the kids were running the event. They not only directed the families through the experience but made sure that a reverant atmosphere was maintained. They were especially sensitive to the need for privacy and personal time. It was obvious they had a respect for and appreciation of what Christ had done for them.

I reflected back on my own up-bringing. Attendance at Lenten services was a requirement in our family. I was one of the few children in attendance, usually sitting with my grandmother while my parents were up-front with the choir. I remember the solemnness; the darkened sanctuary, the pastor in a black cassock instead of a white robe and somber hymns.

It's important to pass on the tradition of Lent to our children. A proper observance of Lent prepares us for the joyful celebration of Easter. This is Holy Week. It's time to make sure our hearts and the hearts of our children are ready to celebrate the most significant day in all Christendom. If Christ had not been raised from the dead our faith would be in vain.

Substance Abuse and Second Chances

I am a baseball fan. I grew up in Detroit and maintain my allegiance to the Tigers but I also follow our local team, The Texas Rangers. Like the rest of the sports world I was stunned by the news that Rangers' manager, Ron Washington, had admitted to the use of cocaine during last baseball season. Ilike Ron. He's a players manager and he's done a good job putting the team in a position where they can be successful.



While I was disturbed at Ron Washington's disclosure, I was even more troubled by the response of many in the local media. Most local sportscasters called for his resignation. "How could the Rangers put an individual who had exhibited such indescretions in a position of authority of a group of young men," many reasoned. They pointed to the presence of Josh Hamilton, a recovering addict himself, in the club house. Baseball mangers must be held of a high standard, they rationalized.

I encountered the issue of substance abuse numerous times as I worked with teenagers. This was especially the case during the eleven years I worked in a high school counseling office. I always felt blessed to be at a school that allowed students a second chance. While there were definite consequences, first offenders were encouraged to get help. We also monitored their behavior and classroom performance. The involvement of parents in the process was crucial. I also had an undestanding with the school administrators so that if I intervened prior to their involvement, there would be no consequences and no questions asked.

I recognize that fact that Ron Washington is not a teenager, he is in fact 57 years old. He is also in a position of authority, but I concur with Ranger management. Team President, Nolan Ryan, and General Manager, Jon Daniels, both stated they treated the manger the same way they would treat any employee. Their number one concern was for the individual and getting them the help they needed. Based on that, Ron Washington was allowed to continue in his job while getting the counseling he needed.

There is a lesson here for parents. Any at risk behavior must be taken seriously but we should be slow to judge and quick to offer help and support. Consequences yes. Condemnation no.
1) Confront the issue. 2) Get them help they need. 3) Monitor their future behavior.