A SPECIAL GAME FOR SPECIAL KIDS

I spent Wednesday night watching my grandsons play baseball. The schedule made it possible for me to see all three boys play in one evening. I did not expect the most memorable part of my evening would happen on the walk between the two games. The University Little League plays at a beautiful complex in south Fort Worth. There must be at least ten well manicured fields where kids age four to twelve can complete. Caleb and Jonathan were playing a pee wee game at one end of the park. Andrew's game followed at the opposite end of the complex.

There was a fifteen minute period between the two games. As I made my way I was drawn to a game taking place on another field. What caught my attention was that the number of adults on the field outnumbered the kids. It's not unusual to see a parent video taping a game, but these folks stood in the middle of the action. The bleacher were filled with fans who seemed even more vocal than usual. I was intrigued. As I ventured over to the fence I began to understand why all the attention. The players in this case were special needs kids. Some wore braces, and one was in a wheelchair. The scoreboard was operating but I don't think anyone noticed the score. I watch for a few minutes and then continued on.

Later I noticed that the game had concluded. All the fans had exited the bleachers and had joined those who had been on the field. They formed two lines at the gate where the players would leave the field. As each player exited they were greeted with cheers and high-fives. It's hard for me to remember a time when I had seen more smiling faces after a game. There were no losers this time.

Athletic competition is part of our culture. Most of the time with kids, we put too much emphasis on winning. It was nice to be reminded that when it comes to kids, making sure they have the opportunity to participate and have a positive experience is most important. I wish every child had the opportunity to leave the playing field as happy and affirmed as did those special needs kids.

Is Texting at School at School OK?

I have not update my blog over the last few weeks. I've been a little preoccupied with our daughter's wedding. It was quite an event and in the process I learned again the value of family. Having so many folks traveling to DFW from all over the country, made for a special celebration.

There were a couple of news events that have happened over the last few of weeks that deserve to be commented on, but one at a time. A few weeks back the Plano, Texas Independent School District decided it was OK for students to use their cell phone outside of the classroom during the school day. That means students are free to text in the school hallways and lunchroom. When I posted this news on Facebook I got an immediate response from adults, many of whom are teachers. To sum it up: adult sided in against the change, seeing it as giving in to kids.

I have taken a random poll of teens and most don't see it as being a big deal. Many admitted that they were already texting at school, even if it was against the rules. Most felt making it legal would allow them to come out of their lockers. In this case I feel a tendency to side with the kids. While I am among those who grieve the loss of meaningful eye contact, I find some comfort in knowing that texting probably saves a few trees in Oregon every day. The reality is texting is part of our culture. Let's embrace it and help kids learn how to use it effectively. A great topic for conversation might be: What messages should always be delivered face to face rather than via text?

Staying Grounded at Ground Zero

As the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy approaches, we all have memories of that day. I was at work as a school counselor that day. As the day began I was meeting with two students who had chosen to go AWOL the previous day. Their motive was good, a friend was in trouble and they skipped school to drive to Arkansas to help them. But both students had a history of struggling academically and could ill afford to have missed a day of class. I was trying to walk them through the decision making process when our principal interrupted. Pat respect my office and my responsiblity to students. In this case, the look on her face told me something was seriously wrong. "I need you now," she stated. Once in her office she informed me as to what had taken place on the east coast. "We need to do something to let the kids know God is still in charge," she concluded. While I had been in my "counselor bubble" most of the students had watched the events transpire on classroom televisions.

We decided to switch to a chapel schedule, which called for worship after second hour. I was the logical one to serve as leader.

Our family was already in turmoil that day. My wife, Barb, had been diagnosed with breast cancer the previous afternoon. The first of her multiple surgeries was scheduled for September 13. Now,in comparison to the crumbling towers, our tragedy seemed insignificant. Still, there was a big question mark over our future and now our nation's security.

My words to the student body that day were based on one of my favorite scripture passages. "I look to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber." (Psalm 121:1-3)

Jesus tells us, and the realities of this world constantly remind us, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Those are words we need to repeat as we commemorate the tragedy that was 9/11. This side of heaven, there are going to be more tragedies. We all are one breath away from eternity. So, we live fearlessly and confidently. That is a message we need to say loud and clear to our children in both words and actions.

Wealthy People Behaving Badly

This is a summer of extreme weather for those of us who live in Texas. We are approaching the all-time record for days with a temperature of 100 degrees or more. We also are in an extreme draught situation. As a result, all citizen are being asked to make voluntary adjustments. I have not watered the lawn in two weeks. The only outside watering I do is the soaker hoses around the foundation to prevent damage. We also are adjusting our thermostat up a few degrees in the afternoon and not using any appliances until evening. Most people I know are making similar accommodations in order to conserve both electricity and water. No rolling blackouts yet.

Not all people are cooperating, however. According to news reports over the weekend, on the estates of some of the wealthiest folks in Dallas, the lawns are as lush and green as ever. Their sprinkler systems and fountains continue to run like normal. In addition, all the special lighting that does nothing but enhance the beauty of there palatial estates continue to burn late into the night. On the Fort Worth side, one of the most exclusive country clubs has expanded its watering in order to keep the golf course green in these extreme times.

It's not surprising to see this kind of behavior. We live in a self-absorbed society. If the rules don't fit, I will adjust them to suit my needs. We see it daily on the roadways. If the speed limit doesn't fit my driving style, I will adjust them rather than conform. If the lines at the grocery store are too long, I expect them to allow me in the express lane, or to open up another lane just for me.

Extreme times offer us the opportunity to set an example for our children. If we behave in a self-absorbed manner, we are giving them permission to do the same. I have to wonder where our world is headed.

A Concern over Teen Spirituality

I sing with the worship team at our church. Over the last couple of years I have noticed an increase in the number of teenagers attending the 11:00 AM worship service. Since that service is in a contemporary style and follows the Bible class hour, it's convenient for teens to attend. A cluster of them sit together near the front of the worship center, others are scattered throughout the sanctuary sitting with their families. On the surface it seem that the level of teen spirituality is healthy. Nationwide, experts tell us that 60% of teens are engaged in some form of spiritual activity. However, a recent report from the respected Barna Group raises a red flag when it comes to teen spirituality.

Sociologist have labeled this generation (roughly those under the age of 21) as mosaics. You have probably heard of the terms: Baby Boomer and Gen. X, but the term mosaic might be new to you. Mosaics have a very eclectic lifestyle. While they value relationships, those tend to be more fluid - they relate to people according the their needs. They are also much more tolerant and open-minded. While they consider themselves spiritual, it's a "cut and paste" spirituality that might draw from a variety of sources. It's the last two characteristic that probably should arouse the greatest concern.

The Barna Group tracks teen's religious behavior by assessing nine areas of involvement. Participation in worship and attending youth group activities are two areas that have remained constant. Unfortunately, over the last dozen years there has been a significant drop in six of the other seven behaviors. There has been a decline in prayer life (praying to God), reading sacred books other than the Bible (devotional materials), and monetary contributions to a church. For the most part the former have dropped about ten percent. The most disturbing is the almost twenty percent decline in evangelistic behavior. Fewer teens are explaining their belief in Jesus to non-believers.

As in other areas in their lifestyle, teens are much more tolerant when it comes to religion. They are open-minded when it comes to other belief systems, and are far less likely to share their faith. From their perspective it's wrong to force a belief system on someone.

Parents and those who work with teens need to be cognizant of this trend and address it. One way is to study other faith systems (Mormon, Scientology, Etc.) and help teens see the uniqueness of the Christian Faith. Another way is to address current issues and trends. The popularity of the Harry Potter series is a good example. Over 75% of teens reported having seen at least one or more of the Harry Potter movies, but only 20% of teens noted that they had discussed the films in a Christian context. The final way is to expose our teens to mature adults who have a vibrant and active faith. When they enter into such relationships they begin t see the value of an active faith life.

The Silent Killer of Teens

The flashing school zone signs yesterday reminded me that the students in our community are heading back to the classroom. It's a time of transition for parents and their students. There are also challenges: clothes to be bought, school supplies to be purchased and backpacks to be replaced. Now parents have a new concern as health officials warn about the dangers lurking in the school lunchbox. For parents of many teenagers there is another issue. How do we get them out of bed in the morning?

We may want to label some teens as lazy or unmotivated, but the reality is the issue could be a lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation is the silent killer. Nation-wide 500,000auto accidents each year are blamed on drowsy driving. The greatest percentage of those involve teens. In addition, lack of sleep leads to poor concentration and low performance in school. Some educators even point to lack of sleep as the root cause of many discipline issues.

Doctors tell us teenager need 9.2 hours of sleep each night to function normally. The average teen gets only 7.5 hours. That's a deficit of almost two hours each night. No amount of extra sleep on the weekend is going to make-up for that deficit. Research on the circadian cycle of teens indicates how the issue is compounded. A teen's energy level is sustained longer in the evening, meaning their bodies want to stay up longer. Their reliance on coffee and energy drinks only exacerbates the problem.

The ideal solution would be to change their school day, delaying the start until 10:00 AM. I noted in this morning's paper that the high schools in the Dallas Independent School District (DISD) are beginning their school day at 9:00 AM. That's a step in the right direction.

What is a parent to do when facing this dilemma? For starters, discuss the concern with your teen. By providing them with the information you are giving them the opportunity to make the adjustments. You might also discuss ways that they might become more organized. A final option is to take the steps to structure their lives, enforcing a set time for them to be in bed with the lights out. As always, it's better to give them the information and to allow them to come up with their own plan. Remember, we're preparing them for that time when they will be on their own.

Raising Responsible Teens

I recently overheard a conversation between a father and his teenage daughter. The issue was an empty gas tank that required dad to make an emergency run. It brought to mind an issue I got involved in several years ago. In that case mom and daughter shared a car. The friction arose because daughter often parked the car in the driveway with the gas gauge on empty. The daughter pleaded her case to me. "I've never felt comfortable pumping gas."

There are two issues here, both of which must be dealt with. To begin with, it's really inconsiderate to expect others to take care of us. Still, many parents continue to pamper and coddle their kids. The second issue is that of responsibility. There are some simple tasks that we need to learn so that we are able to take care of ourselves. The solution in this case is easy: A trip to the gas station and tutorial session on how to pump your own gas. We need to raise teens to be responsible for themselves.

Unfortunately, parents often facilitate dependence by continuing to provide for teens in the same manner they did when they were younger. Take the issue of laundry. Junior year in high school is a good time to begin to hand of that responsibility to them. It begins with instruction and then helping them schedule a time when they can have access to the laundry room. If they balk, remind them that it is part of the process of getting them ready to live on their own.

With regards to the issue of behaviors that are inconsiderate; We need to identify those when they happen, along with a reminder of how their actions affect us. We often shy away from confronting them because we don't want to harm an already fragile relationship. Reality is coddling them will do more harm than that.

Remember, we are raising kids to let them go. There is no greater joy than seeing our children grow into responsible and successful adults. That won't just happen, however. The time to start is now.