Teens and The Shopping Mall

During my time as counselor at Lutheran High School of Dallas I received a unique phone call one Monday afternoon. It was from the head of security at one of the local shopping malls. He was calling me as a courtesy, and said the information was off the record. He went on to tell me that three of our students had gotten in trouble at the mall the previous Saturday. He knew they were our students because they were wearing apparel with the school brand. They also had student ID's. He obviously could not provide names but he suggested that I remind all our students that no matter where they were, they were representing our school. I thanked him and assured him that I would address the issue. Yes, it was not the way we wanted our school to be represented. Since we were a small private school, and there were few secrets: It didn't take long to find out who the students were. While I never addressed them specifically, I did discuss appropriate behavior with several groups students, making sure to include them.

The experience came to mind recently when it was reported that the most popular mall in Dallas, North Park, is banning unchaperoned teens under seventeen after 6:00 PM. The same article reported that some malls in the U.S. did not allow any unchaperoned teens. The issue; teen behavior had become a problem and their meer presence was bothering other patrons.

I can understand the many good teens who act responsiby being upset, but I also realize why malls have to take the actions they do.

I think part of the solution lies within the realm of effective parenting. When kids report that they are heading to the mall the two questions that should be asked are: What is the purpose of the visit? Who will you be with? Going to the mall for a specific purpose is ok. Going to the mall to hang out is not. It's the old adage: Idle hands are the devil play ground.

We also need to remind our teens over and over that no matter where they are they represent their families, their schools and even more than that they represent their God.

Face to Face Conversation Still Rules

There is no doubt that we live in the age of social networking. Facebook, My Space and Twitter are part of our worlds. When you add in the amount of texting that we do as American, it's easy to assume that face-to-face conversation in on the decline. According to a new book, that is not the case.

The appropriate title is The Face-to-Face Book. The authors, Ed Keller and Brad Fay, are principals in a market research and consulting firm. Over the last six years they have collected data on over 2 million conversations. One surprising finding is that 75% of our conversations still happen face-to-face. Even more significant is that people tend to view such conversations as more positive and satisfying. People are perceived as being more credible when they communicate face-to-face, as opposed to on-line.

If you have any doubt that this is the case, visit a fast food restuarant or coffee shop where teens are present. You will quickly conclude that teens still enjoy hanging out together and talking to each other.

The question now becomes: what can we as parents be doing to encourage face-to-face conversation. As with other behavior, the best way is to model it. Talk about the value of personal conversation and identify individuals in your life who you enjoy visiting with on a regular basis. Build in time for personal conversation as a family. Family meals at home or at a restuarant provide such opportunities. Stipulate that texting is not allow during such times. Establishing no texting zone. Designate certain rooms in the house as no texting areas, and don't allow texting in the car. Limit the social network conversation between you and family members. Insist that information, comments and the expression of opinions between family members be expressed face-to-face.

Social networking is a great way to stay in touch with those that we do not see on a regular basis, example old friends or relatives that live far away. Social networking should never be a replacement for good old conversation.

ONE TEEN ISSUE THAT CAN BE SOLVED

Our teens are at risk. Unfortunately many of the issues threatening our teens are out of our control. When we allow them behind the wheel of a car we run the risk that that they might make a fatal decision. As much as we preach about the dangers of substance abuse, some teens are still going to experiment with drugs and alchohol. Another reality is teen suicide. We can know the warning signs, but even then some kids will slip through the cracks and decide to end their own lives.

So what is the teen issue that can be addressed and solved? It's obesity. The reason we need to address it: Type 2 diabetes.

According to a recently released report done by the University of Colorado Denver, a third of American children and teens are overweight and obese. Such kids are at a higher risk of developing Type 2 diabetes.

I am familiar with Type 2 diabetes because it runs in my family. Five years ago my doctor told me I was a borderline diabetic. As a result my mantra became, "diet and exercise." I watch what I eat and I walk two miles at least five times a week. I monitor my blood sugar. When I had my last physical the topic of diabetes never came up.

As adults we can teach our kids the value of good nutrition. We can model that behavior by being responsible eaters as well. We can make sure our kids are getting their proper exercise and be an example there as well. We can control what is eaten within our homes.

Our grandsons, ages 4 - 8, were staying in our home over the Christmas holiday. I happen to pass through the kitchen during breakfast time. Grandma had placed the various cereal options on the kitchen table. I was surprised to hear five year old Caleb reading the nutritional value of each one. He knew exactly how many grams of sugar and protein each contained. If a five year old gets it, why not a fifteen year old?

The Parable of the Soil

Maybe it's the creative writer in me that causes me to look at some of the Bible stories from a different perspective. The obvious one is Luke 15. Instead of the Parable of the Lost Son, I want to focus on the forgiving Father. That's the kind of Heavenly Father I picture, and the kind of earthly father I desire to be. In John 3, I want to focus on Nicodemus. If I had an evening with Jesus, what kinds of things we would talk about. I have so many questions and doubts that I want to discuss. When I read John 4 I identify with woman. If Jesus encountered me at a Starbucks (our version of the well), how would he approach my sins. It's both scary and comforting to acknowledge, "he knows everything I've ever done."

I have been spending a lot of time recently reflecting on the issue of Mosaics, those born between 1984-2001. It's no secret that they are turning their backs on traditional Christianity. Even young people who have grown up in the church are becoming exiles and nomads when they become young adults. When I reflected on Luke 8:4-8 in that light, it became the parable of the soil. As an older adult Christian I like to think I am still maturing, but I also need to be providing fertile ground for young Christians to become rooted in their faith and to bear fruit as well.

I would explain the parable in this way.

The hard ground of the path would be faith communities that are driven by tradition. They reject change and will not tolerate those who have questions or doubts. There is no room for those whose values and lifestyles are different than theirs.

The rocky ground would be faith communities that are shallow. On the surface they appear happy and successful, but their is no depth. There is little spiritual growth.

The thorny ground represents faith communities that are program driven. There are lots of things going on, but few of those activites focus on growing in a relationship with Jesus. All the social activities choke-off the growth.

The good soil is a fertile faith community. People are not only growing in their personal relationship with Jesus, but they have a desire to pass on the heritage of faith to all people across generational lines. They confront issues and address them.

The questions becomes: What kind of soil are you personally? What are you doing to insure that your faith is maturing? In what ways are you cultivating faith among those who are still seeds, searching for a place to put down spiritual roots?

It's not an easy task. Those under the age of thirty have many questions and doubts. They might have a lifestyle that is foreign to us over the age of fifty. They might even approach things with different values. That aside: They are still God's Children. They are very precious to him. We just need to love them as Jesus would.

Be an Eli

I recently read David Kinnaman's new book You Lost Me. The subtitle is How Young People are Leaving the Church and Rethinking Faith. It's a great book and I would highly recommend it. One particular quote has stayed with me. The author credits Jack Hayford with the observation.

"The younger generation needs the older generation to help them identify the voice of God, just as Samuel needed Eli to help him know that God was calling him."

Today's teens and young adults have grown up in a culture that sends many messages that run contrary to biblical principals. For those young people within the church that creates mixed signals. We cannot ignore those signals. As Christians we should be compelled to identify them and respond to them. In the process we should help young people discern the voice of God.

Don't be afraid of contemporary culture. Embrace it! If you are a mature Christian you too should be able to identify God's desire for His people. That is the voice we need to help young people hear and obey.

Make This a No Bunny Easter

I spent eight years from 1972 - 1980 serving as director of Christian education on the staff at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Downers Grove, Illinois. My teammate during those years was Pastor Bill Huener. Bill was a great mentor and also one of the most colorful people I have worked with. He had a real servant's heart, and a passion for the liturgy. As a congregation we celebrated every festival, major or minor. I seldom saw Bill lose his cool, but I witnessed it one Easter. Someone decided to use an inflatable bunny to greet people at the church's Easter breakfast. Bill was indignant and the offending rabbit quickly disappeared. Bottom line: Bunnies have no connection with the Christian celebration of our Lord's Resurrection.

While bunnies are a symbol for fertility, and thus have no connection with Easter, chickens and eggs do. The Easter egg serves as a reminder that Jesus broke free from the tomb, in the same way the baby chick does from the egg. Christians decorate eggs in festival colors to celebrate the Easter feast.

In the same way, butterflies are an appropriate symbol. Caterpillars form a cocoon and in time emerge as beautiful butterflies, a reminder that Jesus emerged from the cocoon of death to be our Beautiful Savior. Easter lilies are another reminder. If you've ever seen a lily bulb, you get the picture. From something ugly and unattractive comes a beautiful flower.

One way of passing on the heritage of faith is through symbols. Easter provides a great time to do that. Spend time this season talking with you children about the significance of the season. While you are at it, take time to talk about how your faith in the Risen Savior has sustained you through times of pain and grief.

Easter is the most significant festival in the Christian Church year. Without the Resurrected Savior we would have no faith, and no hope.

Why Some Teens don't Leave the Church

In my last two blogs I have focused on the issue of why some many teens and young adults are walking away from the church. Earlier this week I read an article that approached the topic from the opposite point of view. Jon Nielson, a veteran youth pastor, proposed three traits of youth who don't leave the church.

He begins by calling those within the church to get back to an understanding of what salvation is: "a miracle from God through the working of the Holy Spirit." He states that we need to stop talking about "good kids" who attend church and youth group regularly, and focus on their faith. Our strongest weapon is prayer. We need to be praying for our kids and their faith.

Secondly, teens that stay faithful to God have been equipped for the challenges that they will face. In Jon Nielson's words, "They have been equipped and not entertained." We need to remember that these kids are growing up in a world that is hostile toward the church and the values it stands for. Whether the issue is evolution or homosexuality, teens need to not just be taught what is right and what is wrong, but why. They need to be able to see all contemporary issues through the lens of Holy Scripture.

Lastly, they have been raised in families that celebrate God's grace. Their parents preached the Gospel to them, but they also live it. Remember Ephesians 6:4, "Parents don exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

While I agree with much of what Jon Nielson writes, I would add two additional traits. Such teens attend churches that passionately seek to engage them in worship and Bible study. Such worship communities are also made up of adults who seek to model discipleship and have a desire to share their faith traditions with the next generation.

As the Body of Christ we need to be people of hope and live as such.