The death of an ambassador, the attack on our embassies, and the riots in the streets are all examples of the hatred that many of those in the Middle East harbor against Americans. We might ask: Where does this hatred come from? After all, most of us are peace-loving people. I've had a few weeks to contemplate an answer to the question. While it's easy to blame the recent video, The Innocence of Muslim, or even the Florida pastor who has made burning Korans a part of his ministry, I believe the source lies much beyond those specific events.
Unfortunately, I view myself as part of the problem. I must admit a certain bias when it comes to those who are of Middle Eastern descent. I find many things about their culture strange and hard to understand. As a result I try to avoid them, or at least limit my contact. Only recently have I begun to ask myself, why. Most of them are peace-loving people like myself. I had one tell me recently that they view the theorist in their culture in the same way we view the serial killers in ours. Most Muslims grieve the events of 9/11, and other attacks, much the same as the rest of us.
It might sound simplistic to say the answer is Jesus, but I truly believe we need to consider how Jesus responded to those who did not share his Jewish heritage. While Jesus came as the Hebrew Messiah, he did not limit his ministry to the Jews. In Matthew 15; Jesus travels to the cities of Tyre and Sidon where he ministers to a Canaanite woman. There are also numerous accounts of people from other regions coming to hear him preach. Probably the best example is found in John 4 where Jesus encounters the Samaritan woman. The Samaritans were despised by the Jews, but Jesus only saw a woman who was lost.
In every case Jesus accepted the individuals for who they are. He shared his message of salvation with all, without regard to color, race or creed. Now, as his contemporary disciples, he calls us to do the same. Can we put an immediate end to the hatred being directed at our country? No, but we can try to establish a relationship with those who do not know Jesus. Without that relationship they might never know the hope that lies within us.
Our tolerance is a powerful lesson we can teach our kids.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Parents Behaving Badly
I am never surprised when teenagers make poor choices. It's a reality because they don't have the life experiences and decision making skills that most adults do. It's also the way they are wired. Teens are not equipped to process their impulses and emotions. As a result they make poor decisions from time to time. What is shocking is when parents allow themselves to be co-conspirators.
That came to mind yesterday when the news came out that a Colleyville, Texas mom had been arrested on a charge of criminal mischief. This was not your usual case of toilet papering a home; Although there is surveillance video of the mom and middle-school kids purchasing 100 rolls of toilet paper from the local Walmart. Raw chicken was left in the mailbox, mustard and peanut butter was used to print graffiti on the driveway, and sanitary napkins were hung along the driveway and placed in windows (yes the victim was hosting a sleepover for their daughter and friends). As a final touch, additional slurs were written on the house. You can argue that the estimate of $6,000 in damages seems a little over-inflated. The eight kids involved, three boys and five girl, along with commando-mom, could probably have cleaned up the mess in two hours.
Teenage pranks happen all the time. I have been victim to a toilet in the front yard, soon followed by a queen-size mattress. I just accepted it as part of making a career working with teenagers. In my case, a single call to a parent put a stop to it. An anonymous letter of apology was also left on my desk - I did know the source and we shared a laugh years later.
In the most recent case, what strikes me the most is that mom not only facilitated the vandalism, but took an active part; remember, someone had to provide the transportation since middle school students can't drive. I am sure that her excuse is she just wanted to have some fun with her child and their friends. That's all well and good, but when it comes to pranks and mischief, teens are perfectly capable to handling that themselves. They also need to be held accountable when they step over the line. In this case the line was not only crossed but destroyed. If there was vandalism, mom, and not the kids, should be held accountable.
If you want a good relationship with your teenagers: Attend their concerts and sporting event. Take them out to dinner and have some real conversation. Go on vacation together. At all times, however, be the adult role model they so much need and desire.
That came to mind yesterday when the news came out that a Colleyville, Texas mom had been arrested on a charge of criminal mischief. This was not your usual case of toilet papering a home; Although there is surveillance video of the mom and middle-school kids purchasing 100 rolls of toilet paper from the local Walmart. Raw chicken was left in the mailbox, mustard and peanut butter was used to print graffiti on the driveway, and sanitary napkins were hung along the driveway and placed in windows (yes the victim was hosting a sleepover for their daughter and friends). As a final touch, additional slurs were written on the house. You can argue that the estimate of $6,000 in damages seems a little over-inflated. The eight kids involved, three boys and five girl, along with commando-mom, could probably have cleaned up the mess in two hours.
Teenage pranks happen all the time. I have been victim to a toilet in the front yard, soon followed by a queen-size mattress. I just accepted it as part of making a career working with teenagers. In my case, a single call to a parent put a stop to it. An anonymous letter of apology was also left on my desk - I did know the source and we shared a laugh years later.
In the most recent case, what strikes me the most is that mom not only facilitated the vandalism, but took an active part; remember, someone had to provide the transportation since middle school students can't drive. I am sure that her excuse is she just wanted to have some fun with her child and their friends. That's all well and good, but when it comes to pranks and mischief, teens are perfectly capable to handling that themselves. They also need to be held accountable when they step over the line. In this case the line was not only crossed but destroyed. If there was vandalism, mom, and not the kids, should be held accountable.
If you want a good relationship with your teenagers: Attend their concerts and sporting event. Take them out to dinner and have some real conversation. Go on vacation together. At all times, however, be the adult role model they so much need and desire.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Reflecting on 9/10 and 9/11
Like every other American, today was a time of reflection. It also caused me to marvel at how different my life is today, as opposed to that Tuesday eleven years ago. Our lives were reeling before the airplanes even hit the twin towers. The previous afternoon we had met with the doctor and received the diagnosis that Barb had breast cancer. As rescue workers sifted through the remains at Ground Zero, Barb and I struggled to keep our lives on an even keel. As it was, our nation responded and in time we discovered a "new" normal. After three surgeries and extended radiation treatments, Barb was told she was cancer free. We too have discovered a new normal; Twice a year check-ups, regular mammograms and the fact that the threat of cancer is something we continue to live with.
Our lives are different in other ways as well. In 2001 I was in ministry as a school counselor at Lutheran High, and was called on that day to lead an impromptu chapel service. Now in semi-retirement, I do free-lance writing and work as a hospital chaplain. Barb recently left her position as a director of music to join me on the social security rolls. Our lives are different in other ways as well. We have added a son-in-law, daughter-in-law and three grandsons to the family. We have also lost two family members in my dad and Barb's mom.
When I was asked to speak to the students on 9/11 it did not take me long to come up with a scripture reference. Psalm 121 has long been the touchstone for my life. "I look to the hills.. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord." The closing verse of that chapter remind me that God, "watches over my coming and my going both now and forevermore." In a changing world, God's presence is the only constant.
What is your touchstone? What scripture verse have you committed to memory so that you can lean on it in the tough times? I would encourage you to do that, if you haven't already/ Then pass it on to your children so that they might have the benefit of the same hope and security that you do. We continue to be people of hope in a world of uncertainty and change.
Our lives are different in other ways as well. In 2001 I was in ministry as a school counselor at Lutheran High, and was called on that day to lead an impromptu chapel service. Now in semi-retirement, I do free-lance writing and work as a hospital chaplain. Barb recently left her position as a director of music to join me on the social security rolls. Our lives are different in other ways as well. We have added a son-in-law, daughter-in-law and three grandsons to the family. We have also lost two family members in my dad and Barb's mom.
When I was asked to speak to the students on 9/11 it did not take me long to come up with a scripture reference. Psalm 121 has long been the touchstone for my life. "I look to the hills.. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord." The closing verse of that chapter remind me that God, "watches over my coming and my going both now and forevermore." In a changing world, God's presence is the only constant.
What is your touchstone? What scripture verse have you committed to memory so that you can lean on it in the tough times? I would encourage you to do that, if you haven't already/ Then pass it on to your children so that they might have the benefit of the same hope and security that you do. We continue to be people of hope in a world of uncertainty and change.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
New College Trend: Designer Dorm Rooms
According to an article in yesterday's USA Today, the latest college trend is designer dorm rooms. Female students and their parents are hiring interior designers to transform their austere dorm rooms into spaces that look like something from the pages of Southern Living Magazine. The transformations carry a price tag as designers typically work for $100 an hour or more. A typical redecorating job could run four to six hours. The use of designers is not limited to exclusive private schools, as some state schools are also experiencing the trend as well. "Parents view this as an investment to keep kids happy and focused," one designer noted.
While I am surprised at the latest trend, nothing shocks me anymore. When I was a high school counselor there was a male student who drove a two year old Chevy Malibu. He was hardly a scholar, so when he showed a sudden interest in his grades I inquired why. It seem the new Camero had come out and he wanted one. His dad promised to replace his current car if his grades improved. He performed and got the car, but two weeks later on a Friday I noticed he was driving a Mercedes. Turns out it was dad's car. The Camero was not suitable for a date night, he informed me. It was but one case of a teenager determining their wants and then demanding that mom and dad accomondate them.
Experience tells me that we are doing our children a disservice when we seek to meet their every demand. One of the characteristic of Millennials, those born between 1985 and 2002, is that they are focused on themselves. That has become a characteristic because its something parents have cultivated by fulfilling every dream. We need to teach our children the difference between wants and needs. The best way to model that is through the lifestyle we live.
While I am surprised at the latest trend, nothing shocks me anymore. When I was a high school counselor there was a male student who drove a two year old Chevy Malibu. He was hardly a scholar, so when he showed a sudden interest in his grades I inquired why. It seem the new Camero had come out and he wanted one. His dad promised to replace his current car if his grades improved. He performed and got the car, but two weeks later on a Friday I noticed he was driving a Mercedes. Turns out it was dad's car. The Camero was not suitable for a date night, he informed me. It was but one case of a teenager determining their wants and then demanding that mom and dad accomondate them.
Experience tells me that we are doing our children a disservice when we seek to meet their every demand. One of the characteristic of Millennials, those born between 1985 and 2002, is that they are focused on themselves. That has become a characteristic because its something parents have cultivated by fulfilling every dream. We need to teach our children the difference between wants and needs. The best way to model that is through the lifestyle we live.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Not Goodbye... Just See You Later
Changes are part of life. Some changes make us uncomfortable, others challenge us and still others cause us grief. We might experience the loss of a job, a major relocation or the loss of a loved one. As I write this, Barb and I are in the middle of a major change. For the last fifteen years she has been the music director at Crown of Life Lutheran Church in Colleyville, Texas. I said my goodbyes last Sunday and today is her last official day in the office. We've done this before. It's a reality of being in ministry. Crown of Life is our fifth church in forty-three years of marriage. A blessing is that we have friends all over the country.
I only know this parting feels different. Some it is due to Barb's length of tenure, but for me a greater factor is what we have been through as a church and as a family. Crown of Life is a growing church with lots of great ministries. As is often the case such churches are susceptible to attacks from Satan. We have weather two of those in the last few years. On a family level: During our time at Crown of Life, Barb has lost both of her parents and my dad died from cancer. Barb has had two surgeries for cancer and it's something she still lives with. Five years ago, at age 61, I found myself unemployed and had to make career adjustments. There have been family blessing as well. All three of our children have married during our years at the church and we've added three grandsons. Through it all our church family has been a stable factor in our lives. They have shared both our grief and our joys.
I look to the future with full confidence that God has some new adventures in store for us. In time we will find a new church family. In the same way, I am filled with anticipation because I know God has some awesome things in store for Barb. By the way: She has made it clear she is not retiring.
My message to you is that you can be surrounded by friends and family, but there is no more caring group than a worshipping community. If you are a member of one, celebrate that. If you don't, find one. The people of God have a marvelous way of caring for each other. The church is also vital for parents because it is through that community that the heritage of faith is passed on.
I received a lot of hugs last Sunday, along with promises to "stay in touch." Experience tells me that even if we do get together it's never quite the same, but the other beautiful aspect of the Body of Believers is that we never really do say, "goodbye." Rather we say, "see you later," in anticipation of the joyful reunion in heaven.
I only know this parting feels different. Some it is due to Barb's length of tenure, but for me a greater factor is what we have been through as a church and as a family. Crown of Life is a growing church with lots of great ministries. As is often the case such churches are susceptible to attacks from Satan. We have weather two of those in the last few years. On a family level: During our time at Crown of Life, Barb has lost both of her parents and my dad died from cancer. Barb has had two surgeries for cancer and it's something she still lives with. Five years ago, at age 61, I found myself unemployed and had to make career adjustments. There have been family blessing as well. All three of our children have married during our years at the church and we've added three grandsons. Through it all our church family has been a stable factor in our lives. They have shared both our grief and our joys.
I look to the future with full confidence that God has some new adventures in store for us. In time we will find a new church family. In the same way, I am filled with anticipation because I know God has some awesome things in store for Barb. By the way: She has made it clear she is not retiring.
My message to you is that you can be surrounded by friends and family, but there is no more caring group than a worshipping community. If you are a member of one, celebrate that. If you don't, find one. The people of God have a marvelous way of caring for each other. The church is also vital for parents because it is through that community that the heritage of faith is passed on.
I received a lot of hugs last Sunday, along with promises to "stay in touch." Experience tells me that even if we do get together it's never quite the same, but the other beautiful aspect of the Body of Believers is that we never really do say, "goodbye." Rather we say, "see you later," in anticipation of the joyful reunion in heaven.
Friday, August 24, 2012
What They do Does Not Change Who I am
Being an election year there is a lot of talk not just about the candidates, but about the state of our country in general. For concerned Christians much of the focus seems to be on two particular issues: One is our leader's advocacy for the gay-lesbian community when it comes to marriage. A second issue is what is viewed as an infringement on religious freedom in the implementation of certain aspects of the current administrations health plan. In question is whether religious organizations should be required to fund abortions. These two issues both generate a lot of emotion. I have heard more than one friend express that our nation is doomed if we continue down this path.
I don't want to downplay the importance of these issues. I must admit that I am concerned to. I have very strong feelings, especially when it comes to the right for a gay-lesbian couple to be married. I hold firmly to the biblical perspective that God desires that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman. That plan is made clear in Genesis 2 and reinforced throughout scripture.
In my mind, however, you cannot legislate morality and values. Those will always be personal. In other words, I cannot allow the opinions of other people to change who I am and what I stand for. The author of Romans compels us "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2) To me that means I am to live in this world, but never be like this world. That is a stance that believers have held throughout history. Lot faced it when he chose to live in Gomorrah. Daniel was confronted by it when he was forced to live in Babylon.
As Christians we have the responsibility to vote for those candidates who views best reflect our value system. As parents and older adults we also need to hold firmly to what we believe is "right in God's eyes." Along with that, God holds us accountable to teach those values to our children as well. As with other sins, we called by Jesus to, hate the sin but love the sinner.
I don't want to downplay the importance of these issues. I must admit that I am concerned to. I have very strong feelings, especially when it comes to the right for a gay-lesbian couple to be married. I hold firmly to the biblical perspective that God desires that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman. That plan is made clear in Genesis 2 and reinforced throughout scripture.
In my mind, however, you cannot legislate morality and values. Those will always be personal. In other words, I cannot allow the opinions of other people to change who I am and what I stand for. The author of Romans compels us "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2) To me that means I am to live in this world, but never be like this world. That is a stance that believers have held throughout history. Lot faced it when he chose to live in Gomorrah. Daniel was confronted by it when he was forced to live in Babylon.
As Christians we have the responsibility to vote for those candidates who views best reflect our value system. As parents and older adults we also need to hold firmly to what we believe is "right in God's eyes." Along with that, God holds us accountable to teach those values to our children as well. As with other sins, we called by Jesus to, hate the sin but love the sinner.
Friday, August 17, 2012
I Still Want to go to School
This marks the sixth school year that will begin without me. I still miss it. I guess I am realistic enough to know that at my age I probably could not handle the daily grind. So I cherish the memories. I spent Twenty-five years in church youth ministry before moving to a school setting. There is no question in my mind that my most effective ministry came during my eleven years at Lutheran High School of Dallas. I had the best of both worlds. I was in the classroom two or three periods a day and in the counseling office the balance of the time.
What is it I miss? The daily contact with students would have to be #1. There were new challenges every day, but I never grew tired of helping students work through the issues. What a blessing to be able to track many of those former students through social media. I get particular satisfaction from hearing the success stories of those kids who faced challenges and struggled with issues.
I also miss the challenges that came with being in a high school setting. I had to be spiritually equipped to survive. I couldn't allow myself to become spiritually stagnant. I grew in my walk of discipleship during those years. A good part of that was because I was surrounded by colleagues who modeled Jesus. I miss them.
I miss teaching advance placement psychology. I am grieved that the school chose to drop that course from the curriculum. What a joy it was to see students begin to understand themselves and their own feelings and behavior. I am still amazed at the number of students who chose to study human behavior at the college level.
I am excited that God has opened a door for me this fall, allowing me to get back into the classroom on a limited basis. I am about to begin an adventure as a SALI teacher as part of the ministry of LINC North Texas. I will be working close to home in the Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district. I am looking forward to helping students grow in their leadership and personal skills twice a month.
I can't understand why so few older adults seek ways to relate to teenagers. Today's students are searching for a sense of identity. Many struggle to find a sense of values as well. It's all too easy to sit on the sidelines and moan and groan about how bad things are. What we need to be doing is investing in the lives of students.
What is it I miss? The daily contact with students would have to be #1. There were new challenges every day, but I never grew tired of helping students work through the issues. What a blessing to be able to track many of those former students through social media. I get particular satisfaction from hearing the success stories of those kids who faced challenges and struggled with issues.
I also miss the challenges that came with being in a high school setting. I had to be spiritually equipped to survive. I couldn't allow myself to become spiritually stagnant. I grew in my walk of discipleship during those years. A good part of that was because I was surrounded by colleagues who modeled Jesus. I miss them.
I miss teaching advance placement psychology. I am grieved that the school chose to drop that course from the curriculum. What a joy it was to see students begin to understand themselves and their own feelings and behavior. I am still amazed at the number of students who chose to study human behavior at the college level.
I am excited that God has opened a door for me this fall, allowing me to get back into the classroom on a limited basis. I am about to begin an adventure as a SALI teacher as part of the ministry of LINC North Texas. I will be working close to home in the Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district. I am looking forward to helping students grow in their leadership and personal skills twice a month.
I can't understand why so few older adults seek ways to relate to teenagers. Today's students are searching for a sense of identity. Many struggle to find a sense of values as well. It's all too easy to sit on the sidelines and moan and groan about how bad things are. What we need to be doing is investing in the lives of students.
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