I find myself watching local TV newscast less these days. Part of it is the 24/7 availability of news on th internet. There are certain websites that I visit several times a day. I also subscribe to a couple of daily newspapers that provide me with an, albiet biased at times, overview. My disenchantment with local newscasts is rooted in the stations decisions as to what is major news. Often the lead story fall into one of two categories: An event that tugs at our emotional heartstings, a cancer patient who is miraculously cured, or an account of some form of social injustice, elderly widow is evicted from only home she has ever lived in.
The later was the case last Friday night. The lead story was about three Mesquite, Texas high school students who were denied entry to the school sponsored senior breakfast because they were not dressed appropriately. The three girls appreared smiling on camera. They seemed to be normally good kids, certainly not rebellious troublemakers. In my opinion, they were dressed appropriately. "We were told to wear our "Sunday best," they noted. One girl reported that she had even worn the same dress to school once before with no problem. The school district had used the term "Sunday best" in March when the event was announced. That was clarified in April when, low-cut or bare shoulder dresses were banned. Then Thursday, the day before the event, students were told sundresses, even with a sweater or jacket, were inappropriate. You can probably guess, the girls who were turned away were wearing sundresses.
Having spent years as a school counselor, I am familiar with the tension created by a school dress code. The school where I worked had a student handbook. Inappropriated dress and hairstyles were clearly defined. That did not stop some students from "pressing the envelope." When they complained to me, I could always direct them to the school guidelines. I should add that the handbook was included in the agenda books students were required to carry with them at all times. Parents almost always supported the school, especially since they had attended an orientation meeting before their child ever attended class.
With the current incident; I have to side with the students, only because it seems like the school district did not do a sufficient job of communicating. Verbally amending the rules the day before, especially with seniors whose minds are probably in "La La Land" to begin with, is not acceptable. The students had heard "Sunday best" and that is what they wore. I noted a number of female teens wearing sundresses at our church yesterday, and I consider all of them to have been dressed appropriately.
Where does this leave parents? They have the responsibility to know the school dress code, and make sure their students understand and respect it. Even if they don't agree, the school administration deserves their support. We also need to hold our schools accountable for communicating clearly and punctually.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Who Is Texting Your Kids at School?
I don't usually read the articles in those magazine the airlines place in the seat back pocket. I will admit to doing the sudoku puzzles found in the back, usually as a way to pass the time during take-off and landing. We were returning from my mother's birthday in Detroit yesterday when an article in the May Southwest Airlines magazine perked my interest. "66% of Parents Text Kids at School" the heading announced.
My experience in a school setting reminds me that cell phones have been an issue in schools. Five years ago the problem was phones that went off during class. Our school had a zero tolerance policy and students were required to keep their phone in the off position and out of sight during the school day. At the close of school every Friday there would be a line of students in the office waiting to retrieve their confiscated phones. That could only happen once. A second offense meant the principal kept their phone until the end of the semester.
How times have changed! Kids don't talk on their phones anymore, they text. If you've observed any group of teens you know what I am talking about. Texting is the kids way kids stay in touch, but it's not limited to communicating with peers. According to the article, 66% of students admit that their parents have sent them texts while they were in class. Most often the purpose of the text is to communicate logistics, "Will pick you up at 3:30 PM," but often it's to inquire about a personal issue, "Is he still bullying you?" or "Did the teacher like your report?"
No matter what the issue, texting a student during the school day is sending the wrong message. 75% or more of students admit that use of a cell phone during the school day is wrong. Still, a majority of them do it. That means they consciously break the rules. Now we find out that parents are encouraging this negative behavior.
What we need are more personal boundaries. Discuss with your student the cell phone rules that are in effect at their school. Then talk about their responsibility to follow those rules, in spite of what their peers are doing. Tell them if you need to text them, you will confine it to the last half hour of the school day. Subsequently, they need to check their phones after school for any messages. It might be helpful to establish other ground rules as well. No texting during meals or during other family time.
Texting is a wonderful tool. As a family we used it to communicate updates on our travel this weekend. As adults we do have the responsibilty to set good examples when it comes to cell phone use. I thought about this as we prepared to land in Dallas yesterday. The command was made to "turn off all electronic devices." Over a minute passed and I noticed a woman across the aisle still texting on her cell phone. She continued to use her phone throughout the landing. From her age and the ring on her finger, I would guess that she was a parent herself. And then we wonder where the negative behavior comes from.
My experience in a school setting reminds me that cell phones have been an issue in schools. Five years ago the problem was phones that went off during class. Our school had a zero tolerance policy and students were required to keep their phone in the off position and out of sight during the school day. At the close of school every Friday there would be a line of students in the office waiting to retrieve their confiscated phones. That could only happen once. A second offense meant the principal kept their phone until the end of the semester.
How times have changed! Kids don't talk on their phones anymore, they text. If you've observed any group of teens you know what I am talking about. Texting is the kids way kids stay in touch, but it's not limited to communicating with peers. According to the article, 66% of students admit that their parents have sent them texts while they were in class. Most often the purpose of the text is to communicate logistics, "Will pick you up at 3:30 PM," but often it's to inquire about a personal issue, "Is he still bullying you?" or "Did the teacher like your report?"
No matter what the issue, texting a student during the school day is sending the wrong message. 75% or more of students admit that use of a cell phone during the school day is wrong. Still, a majority of them do it. That means they consciously break the rules. Now we find out that parents are encouraging this negative behavior.
What we need are more personal boundaries. Discuss with your student the cell phone rules that are in effect at their school. Then talk about their responsibility to follow those rules, in spite of what their peers are doing. Tell them if you need to text them, you will confine it to the last half hour of the school day. Subsequently, they need to check their phones after school for any messages. It might be helpful to establish other ground rules as well. No texting during meals or during other family time.
Texting is a wonderful tool. As a family we used it to communicate updates on our travel this weekend. As adults we do have the responsibilty to set good examples when it comes to cell phone use. I thought about this as we prepared to land in Dallas yesterday. The command was made to "turn off all electronic devices." Over a minute passed and I noticed a woman across the aisle still texting on her cell phone. She continued to use her phone throughout the landing. From her age and the ring on her finger, I would guess that she was a parent herself. And then we wonder where the negative behavior comes from.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Being an Easter Christian
We lived in Dundee, Illinois prior to moving to Dallas twentry-three years ago. Our neighbors across the street were Dan and Wanda. Dan and I connected immediately because we had many things in common. He was the son of a Lutheran pastor and a serious sports fan. He was very active in his church, teaching a Bible class and serving as the church trumpter for all festivals. Dan had a very gregarious personality, allowing him to instantly connect with strangers. Dundee still had a small town atmosphere and everyone knew Dan. Dan worked out of his house and it wasn't uncommon to see a police car parked out front. The officers knew Dan always had the coffee pot on and everyone was welcome to stop by. Wanda had MS and, while it was in remission, she and Dan decided not to have children. But Dan loved kids, especially teenagers. He was an avid Chicago Bears fan and Sundays in the fall he would host the neighborhood boys. They would snack and watch the game together.
Dan celebrated life. He was also open about his faith. His pastor told me that on his first Easter as the church he was shocked to find a colored Easter Egg in the pulpit when he got ready to preach his sermon. As he scanned the congregation Dan's giggling gave his secret away. It was a tradition that continued every year.
Dan was a successful business man. He worked for non-profits, helping them generate funds. His outgoing nature made him a natural at hosting golf outings, auctions and other events. Dan was friends with many pro athletes and local celebrities. He lived a fast lifestyle, but those of us who knew him accepted it as part of his job.
It all came crashing down one January afternoon. One of the organizations Dan worked for discovered he had been embessling funds. Dan caught wind of it so instead of attending the meeting where he would be confront, Dan killed himself. Prior to that he stopped by Wanda's office with a dozen roses and a love letter. Our dinner that evening was interrupted by a pounding at the door. Wanda was hysterical. She had found his body in the garage next to his favorite shotgun.
Yesterday was Easter and I once again thought of Dan. In many ways he was the antithesis of the Christmas and Easter Christians we professional church workers talk about. They surfaced again yesterday. A quick poll around the dinner table revealed all three church represented had seen attendance double what is normal. Dan, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was visible around his church every Sunday, but something had gone wrong. When faced with his sin, he chose to bail out. Jesus words from the cross, "Father forgive them..." (Luke 23:34) were forgotten. The Good News of the empty tomb did not apply.
We are Easter people. You most likely attended worship yesterday as a family, but today is when "the rubber meets the road." Jesus' victory rings hallow if we don't live everyday fearlessly for him. We are still sinners, but the barrier between our sins and Our God has been destroyed. No sin is greater than Jesus' love for us. That's a lesson we need to pass on to our children, and the best way to do that is to live it. Everyday.
Dan celebrated life. He was also open about his faith. His pastor told me that on his first Easter as the church he was shocked to find a colored Easter Egg in the pulpit when he got ready to preach his sermon. As he scanned the congregation Dan's giggling gave his secret away. It was a tradition that continued every year.
Dan was a successful business man. He worked for non-profits, helping them generate funds. His outgoing nature made him a natural at hosting golf outings, auctions and other events. Dan was friends with many pro athletes and local celebrities. He lived a fast lifestyle, but those of us who knew him accepted it as part of his job.
It all came crashing down one January afternoon. One of the organizations Dan worked for discovered he had been embessling funds. Dan caught wind of it so instead of attending the meeting where he would be confront, Dan killed himself. Prior to that he stopped by Wanda's office with a dozen roses and a love letter. Our dinner that evening was interrupted by a pounding at the door. Wanda was hysterical. She had found his body in the garage next to his favorite shotgun.
Yesterday was Easter and I once again thought of Dan. In many ways he was the antithesis of the Christmas and Easter Christians we professional church workers talk about. They surfaced again yesterday. A quick poll around the dinner table revealed all three church represented had seen attendance double what is normal. Dan, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was visible around his church every Sunday, but something had gone wrong. When faced with his sin, he chose to bail out. Jesus words from the cross, "Father forgive them..." (Luke 23:34) were forgotten. The Good News of the empty tomb did not apply.
We are Easter people. You most likely attended worship yesterday as a family, but today is when "the rubber meets the road." Jesus' victory rings hallow if we don't live everyday fearlessly for him. We are still sinners, but the barrier between our sins and Our God has been destroyed. No sin is greater than Jesus' love for us. That's a lesson we need to pass on to our children, and the best way to do that is to live it. Everyday.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Some Thoughts on Rob Bell and Hell
Pastor Rob Bell is in the news these days. This week's Time Magazine bears the cover, "What if There is No Hell?" That is an issue raised because of some things Rob Bell says in his new book, Love Wins. For those who are not familiar with Rob Bell, he is pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He is best known for his provocative Nooma video series.
Let me say upfront that I have not read Love Wins. It is on my "must read" list, but I have done enough digging to think I know where Rob Bell is coming from. I am not so sure that he is questioning the existence of hell, as he is theological rigidity, and a faith that excludes anyone. In the words of St. Paul in Colossians 1:20, "an through him (Jesus) to reconcile to himself all things, things on earth and things in heaven, by making peace through the cross." If there is a hell, and I do believe that there is, it is up to God to determine who is condemned to punishment. For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ as our hope, the focus needs to be on heaven and the eternal victory.
I do a lot of reading, and some of my reading is of a spiritual nature. When I want to be challenged in my faith I usually read Philip Yancey or Mark Buchanan. I don't agree with everything they write, but then that true of most non-fiction authors. Faith is a very personal thing. I am a Lutheran because it comes closest to what I personally believe. I hope that I have passed on my faith to my children. I truly believe that each of them in their own way has established their own personal faith.
That is what I would encourage all parents to do. Develop a personal relationship with God. In the process, come to know yourself as his child. Share your faith story with your kids. Then, place them in the right environment and give them the tools to develop their own personal faith.
This is what I do know. Jesus died for me and in the process defeated sin, death and the devil. His Resurrection Victory is my victory, and I can't wait to get to heaven to celebrate that victory with him.
Let me say upfront that I have not read Love Wins. It is on my "must read" list, but I have done enough digging to think I know where Rob Bell is coming from. I am not so sure that he is questioning the existence of hell, as he is theological rigidity, and a faith that excludes anyone. In the words of St. Paul in Colossians 1:20, "an through him (Jesus) to reconcile to himself all things, things on earth and things in heaven, by making peace through the cross." If there is a hell, and I do believe that there is, it is up to God to determine who is condemned to punishment. For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ as our hope, the focus needs to be on heaven and the eternal victory.
I do a lot of reading, and some of my reading is of a spiritual nature. When I want to be challenged in my faith I usually read Philip Yancey or Mark Buchanan. I don't agree with everything they write, but then that true of most non-fiction authors. Faith is a very personal thing. I am a Lutheran because it comes closest to what I personally believe. I hope that I have passed on my faith to my children. I truly believe that each of them in their own way has established their own personal faith.
That is what I would encourage all parents to do. Develop a personal relationship with God. In the process, come to know yourself as his child. Share your faith story with your kids. Then, place them in the right environment and give them the tools to develop their own personal faith.
This is what I do know. Jesus died for me and in the process defeated sin, death and the devil. His Resurrection Victory is my victory, and I can't wait to get to heaven to celebrate that victory with him.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Alcohol and Parental Responsibility
I became familiar with the routine during my years as a high school counselor. Our school had a zero tolerance policy when it came to drugs and alcohol, both on and off campus. First offense: there would be consequences, but we would work to help the student. Second time offenders were told they had to withdraw as students. Still students regularly flirted with the policy. This time of year it was especially rampant. Seniors, anticipating the end of their high school career, were especially susceptible. Kids and alcohol: It's always been a dance with death.
A recent report by the Parentship at Drugfree.org (www.drugfree.org)confirms that teens continue to show a casual,even carefree, attitude when it comes to alcohol. Researchers surveyed 2,544 random teens nation-wide. When questioned about the risk of drinking, 45% said they, "didn't see it to be a big deal." 68% of teens polled reported that they had consumed alcohol. The average age for the first experience was 14. Furthermore, 25% admitted that they had smoked marijuana within the last month, indicating that use of that illegal substance is common as well. Parents who think it's not a problem and that their kids are not vulnerable are naive. It's a sure bet, your kids are going to be exposed to marijuana and drinking among their peers before they graduate from high school.
Alcohol and marijuana are both gateway drugs. Gateway drugs are habit forming substances whose use could lead to abuse of drugs that are more addictive and dangerous. My experience is that kids who consume alcohol are susceptible to making poor decisions. Coupled with the fact that the adolescent brain is poorly equipped to make good decisions and you can see the potential risk. When it comes to marijuana, it exposes kids to a culture whose singular goal is to get them addicted. Remember, marijuana is still illegal and the people who want to sell them marijuana will be happy to sell them something that will provide "just a little bigger high,"
Parents play a significant role when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Mom and dad are both consultants and role models. They are consultants when they discuss the issue with their teens and help them establish ground rules. The importance of being a role model is just as vital. Kids are watching. That means monitoring your own alcohol consumption and making sure that if alcohol is involved there is a designated driver.
During my time at Lutheran High School of Dallas I often used Jerry Rhoades, a Dallas Police narcotics detective, as a resource. Jerry was especially good at challenging kids to "step up to the plate" when it came to their parent's drinking. He would pointedly tell them, "If you are out to dinner with your parents and they consume alcohol, ask for the car keys." If they are telling you to not get into a car with someone who has been drinking, that should include mom and dad.
A recent report by the Parentship at Drugfree.org (www.drugfree.org)confirms that teens continue to show a casual,even carefree, attitude when it comes to alcohol. Researchers surveyed 2,544 random teens nation-wide. When questioned about the risk of drinking, 45% said they, "didn't see it to be a big deal." 68% of teens polled reported that they had consumed alcohol. The average age for the first experience was 14. Furthermore, 25% admitted that they had smoked marijuana within the last month, indicating that use of that illegal substance is common as well. Parents who think it's not a problem and that their kids are not vulnerable are naive. It's a sure bet, your kids are going to be exposed to marijuana and drinking among their peers before they graduate from high school.
Alcohol and marijuana are both gateway drugs. Gateway drugs are habit forming substances whose use could lead to abuse of drugs that are more addictive and dangerous. My experience is that kids who consume alcohol are susceptible to making poor decisions. Coupled with the fact that the adolescent brain is poorly equipped to make good decisions and you can see the potential risk. When it comes to marijuana, it exposes kids to a culture whose singular goal is to get them addicted. Remember, marijuana is still illegal and the people who want to sell them marijuana will be happy to sell them something that will provide "just a little bigger high,"
Parents play a significant role when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Mom and dad are both consultants and role models. They are consultants when they discuss the issue with their teens and help them establish ground rules. The importance of being a role model is just as vital. Kids are watching. That means monitoring your own alcohol consumption and making sure that if alcohol is involved there is a designated driver.
During my time at Lutheran High School of Dallas I often used Jerry Rhoades, a Dallas Police narcotics detective, as a resource. Jerry was especially good at challenging kids to "step up to the plate" when it came to their parent's drinking. He would pointedly tell them, "If you are out to dinner with your parents and they consume alcohol, ask for the car keys." If they are telling you to not get into a car with someone who has been drinking, that should include mom and dad.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Taking the i Out of My Phone
About a month ago I got my first i-Phone. Barb has had her for over a year. Mark and Katie have Apple smart phones as well. My old phone broke; Coming from a counseling background, it's really frustrating when I have a phone where people can hear me but I can't hear them. It would have cost almost $100 to replace my old phone. When I asked for other options I was shown an i-Phone which was half of the cost. I am learning to use it, although for the first few weeks I wondered how a smart phone could make a person feel so dumb.
It is really a useful tool. I was at a conference last week and took my notes on my phone and then e-mailed them to myself so I could print them when I got home. I appreciate being able to access e-mails on the road, and map/GPS feature is helpful.
While I am becoming more comfortable with the phone, I am still struggling with the name. I recognize Apple intent in marketing product with the name "i". But really, does our self absorbed culture does not need another product that focuses on the individual. Personally,I don't want my phone to be about me. I want it to be a vehicle that allows me access to others and their worlds. If there is a convenience, it should come from my ability to be more organized and accessible.
Today's technology is amazing. I can't comprehend where we might be ten years from now, considering how different our world is today from even five years ago. When I reflect on how different our world is today from when our kids were teens I marvel at the great communication system God has given us. Texting gives you instant access into your teen's world. Even if they don't respond, they will still see your message to "Be careful" and "Stay safe." They will take your parental conscience with them wherever they go. Imagine that: Your kids will always have a link to you in their pocket or purse.
It is really a useful tool. I was at a conference last week and took my notes on my phone and then e-mailed them to myself so I could print them when I got home. I appreciate being able to access e-mails on the road, and map/GPS feature is helpful.
While I am becoming more comfortable with the phone, I am still struggling with the name. I recognize Apple intent in marketing product with the name "i". But really, does our self absorbed culture does not need another product that focuses on the individual. Personally,I don't want my phone to be about me. I want it to be a vehicle that allows me access to others and their worlds. If there is a convenience, it should come from my ability to be more organized and accessible.
Today's technology is amazing. I can't comprehend where we might be ten years from now, considering how different our world is today from even five years ago. When I reflect on how different our world is today from when our kids were teens I marvel at the great communication system God has given us. Texting gives you instant access into your teen's world. Even if they don't respond, they will still see your message to "Be careful" and "Stay safe." They will take your parental conscience with them wherever they go. Imagine that: Your kids will always have a link to you in their pocket or purse.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
How Do We Respond to Authority?
I grew up on the eastside of Detroit. I recall a time when a neighbor's house caught fire. As kids we had the opportunity to watch all the action as the firemen battled the flames. We then spent months as "sidewalk superintendents" watching the remodeling. We were just grateful that it wasn't our house. I get the same feeling living in Dallas and not being a Dallas Cowboy fan. It's great entertainment and I am just glad it's not my team.
It's happened again. Two the local heroes were in trouble over the weekend. In the case of wide receiver Dez Bryant, his actions not only made the news but raised some eyebrows. Mr. Bryant was with some associates at North Park Mall when the security folks, who are off-duty Dallas Police, asked them to pull up their shorts because their underwear was showing. Instead of complying, Mr. Bryant cursed at the officers and pointed out that they were not stealing anything or doing something illegal. It seems that this is not the first time North Park security has had to deal with Mr. Bryant. There have been two other incidents where he has gotten into arguments with a shopkeeper and with a female friend.
I guess what is troubling to me is the way this individual responded to authority. The request was simple. "Pull up you pants." I am not sure that a "No Sagging" sign is posted at North Park, but I know I have seen them in other public places where young people gather. When an authority figure, especially a police officer, asks you to do something, your only response should always be "Yes Sir," or "Yes Mam."
I don't know much about Dez Bryant's background. Perhaps he hasn't had the role models in his life who taught him how to respond to those in authority. If that is the case, I hope someone steps in soon to be that figure. What is troubling to me is the number of times I have witnessed similar responses from young people who should know better. Often the source of their antagonistic behvior becomes clear when I meet their parents. The "adults" in this case are quick to defend their "child" while calling into question any adult who would accuse their son/daughter, no matter what position of authority they might have.
Your kids are watching to see how you respond to the authorities in your life. When you show respect, and a willingness to cooperate, you are teaching them a valuable lesson. And before you jump to any conclusions, make sure you have all the information.
It's happened again. Two the local heroes were in trouble over the weekend. In the case of wide receiver Dez Bryant, his actions not only made the news but raised some eyebrows. Mr. Bryant was with some associates at North Park Mall when the security folks, who are off-duty Dallas Police, asked them to pull up their shorts because their underwear was showing. Instead of complying, Mr. Bryant cursed at the officers and pointed out that they were not stealing anything or doing something illegal. It seems that this is not the first time North Park security has had to deal with Mr. Bryant. There have been two other incidents where he has gotten into arguments with a shopkeeper and with a female friend.
I guess what is troubling to me is the way this individual responded to authority. The request was simple. "Pull up you pants." I am not sure that a "No Sagging" sign is posted at North Park, but I know I have seen them in other public places where young people gather. When an authority figure, especially a police officer, asks you to do something, your only response should always be "Yes Sir," or "Yes Mam."
I don't know much about Dez Bryant's background. Perhaps he hasn't had the role models in his life who taught him how to respond to those in authority. If that is the case, I hope someone steps in soon to be that figure. What is troubling to me is the number of times I have witnessed similar responses from young people who should know better. Often the source of their antagonistic behvior becomes clear when I meet their parents. The "adults" in this case are quick to defend their "child" while calling into question any adult who would accuse their son/daughter, no matter what position of authority they might have.
Your kids are watching to see how you respond to the authorities in your life. When you show respect, and a willingness to cooperate, you are teaching them a valuable lesson. And before you jump to any conclusions, make sure you have all the information.
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