Kids Who Walk on the Wild Side

Reflecting back on our high school years, we probably all knew kids who tended to walk on the wild side. Within my circle of friends it was Bobby. His dad worked for an auto dealership, so the family alway had access to new cars. They were almost always the slickest and fastest. He drove those cars with reckless abandon. Bobby loved speed. His parents bought him a motorcycle. I recall the day he stopped by to show it off. Fortunately when he offered me a ride my mom was standing close by. "No," she said firmly. My parent were on to Bobby. They made it clear. I was not to get into a car when he was behind the wheel, and they definitely didn't want me riding a motorcycle with him.

I thought of Bobby last weekend. There was another tragic story on the news; another accident where a teen was killed while a passenger in a car. In this case the seventeen year old driver was driving at a high rate of speed. To me the most revealing comment came from a classmate. "Some kids just are not mature enough to have a license," he noted.

None of us want to be accused of sitting on the judgement seat when it comes to our teen's friends. Yet we can sense when one of their peers might be capable of putting themselves and others at risk. It behooves us to have a conversation with our teen. Ask for their impression of their peers. Which ones tend to make poor choices> Which ones tend to take risks that even scare their peers? We can't force our kids to not associate with those teens who tend to live dangerously. The fact is, those kids need friends who are a positive influence. But when it comes to putting their lives in the hands of those teens, they better consider the possible consequences.

Somewhere today there is a parent who wishes that they had had that conversation.

Drivers License: Just Another Right of Passage

Few events stir-up more fear and anticipation than having your teen get their first drivers license. I was reminded of this while at DFW Airport this morning. I spend one morning a week serving as a DFW Airport Ambassador. Sitting at an information booth puts me in constant contact with the traveling public. In this case it was a dad traveling with his two teenager daughters. He inquired on how to get to the Rental Car Center. While I explained, the two girls discussed what kind of car they were going to be touring Dallas in. Referring to the oldest daughter he remarked, "She just finished drivers education and is anxious to get her license. I am not sure I am ready for that." "Been there - Done that," I thought.

Getting a license and being behind the wheel for alone for the first time is a big deal for a teenager. For parent there are a lot of mixed feelings. No more chauffeuring - balanced against the increased cost for insurance. As our teens gain more freedom, our anxiety usually rises. Barb and I negotiated our way through that period with a few scary moments and some funny stories to tell. In the end we survived. In the process helped our kids achieve the freedom they cherished and we desired.

AAA offers some recommendations to make the transition easier and safer. Ironically, many of the tips focus on parents. It begins with being a positive and responsible role model. If you are a safe and law-abiding driver, your kids probably will be too. Secondly,know and understand your teen. The reality is some kids are responsible enough to drive before they turn sixteen, others still can't handle the responsibility at age twenty-one. Another tip: Designate your car a "cell-free zone." Make it a family rule that the driver has their phone turned off. Identify one passenger as the "designated texter." That individual can monitor the GPS and stay alert for any messages.

Getting your drivers license, like graduating from high school and heading off to college, is just another right of passage.

Occupy Dallas: Is There a Better Way?

I heard on the news this morning that hundreds of people camp out overnight outside of area Apple Stores waiting to be the first to purchase a new version of the i-phone. I am sure somewhere Steve Jobs is smiling. My question is: What is it that compels us to want the biggest, best and newest of everything.

The other news story that caught my attention today was word that the Occupy Dallas protesters have reached an agreement with the city on relocating their tent city. As I understand it, the Occupy Dallas folks were inspired by the group currently protesting on Wall Street. Their angst is directed at corporate America and the greed that seems to drive it. They are calling for people to again take control of our country.

I see a connection between these two stories. In my mind there is no difference between corporate greed and personal greed. We have reached the point where greed, rather than survival drives our economy. As a nation we have gotten the difference wants and needs confused. If they want to send a message I would suggest that they move their tent city to North Park Mall, or Southlake Town Center.

I visited the auto show at the State Fair of Texas last week. I enjoy looking at the new cars, and yes I would like one of them. Reality is, what I need is transportation and my ten year old Saturn with 195,000 miles provides that. I see that as doing my part.

As parents and adults we need to be setting a better example for our kids. If some of us learned to live with a little less, maybe those that don't have enough right now would be better off.

What the Decline in the Daily Newspaper Says About Us

I have always been a dedicated newspaper reader. That is probably rooted in the fact that as a high school student I delivered almost 200 copies of the Detroit Free Press each morning. Being up at 5:00 AM and delivering those papers rain or shine probably breeds either a sense of commitment or insanity. Truth is, I still anticipate opening the Dallas Morning News each day. I have my first cup of coffee as I peruse the sports section. After reading the sports section I move on the metro and front sections. I try to devour it all. Even though, thanks to television and the Internet, I might know the results from games the previous evening, there is always a new insight. Seeing it in print sort of makes it official.

I am aware that our world is changing and that printed newspapers might soon be a thing of the past. Yes, I can find the same material on a website. In fact, I can expect instant updates from the newspaper on my computer during the day should a major story break. The Internet is a great resource.

The fact that our dependence on print media is declining was underscored by the results of a recent survey conducted by the Pew Research Center. When people were asked to name the source they relied on most to gain information on their community, the results were vastly different for those over the age of forty, as opposed to those in the 18-39 group. When it came to the local newspaper, only 15% of those under forty named it as their favorite source, as opposed to 32% of older adults. The percentage naming television as their favorite source was almost equal, 12% vs.14%. The favorite source of information for those between the ages of 18-39 was the Internet, with 22%, compared to 13% of older Americans who relied on their computers for information.

While this study did not include teenagers, I suspect we would see a similar trend. During my years on the faculty at Lutheran High School of Dallas, copies of both the local newspaper and USA Today were made available in the school library. Most of the time they would go untouched. If I referred to a newspaper article in a classroom setting, I usually got a puzzled look from my students.

Probably the most disturbing aspect of the Pew Research Study was the fact that 30% of those between the ages of 18-39 did not name a source for their information. Experience tells me that teens mirror that. Most are clueless when it comes to national and world news, unless it invades their personal world. In my mind, a daily newspaper should be required reading for all young people. Whether they view it at the breakfast table or on their i-phones doesn't matter. The fact that we are so focused on ourselves does bother me.

A SPECIAL GAME FOR SPECIAL KIDS

I spent Wednesday night watching my grandsons play baseball. The schedule made it possible for me to see all three boys play in one evening. I did not expect the most memorable part of my evening would happen on the walk between the two games. The University Little League plays at a beautiful complex in south Fort Worth. There must be at least ten well manicured fields where kids age four to twelve can complete. Caleb and Jonathan were playing a pee wee game at one end of the park. Andrew's game followed at the opposite end of the complex.

There was a fifteen minute period between the two games. As I made my way I was drawn to a game taking place on another field. What caught my attention was that the number of adults on the field outnumbered the kids. It's not unusual to see a parent video taping a game, but these folks stood in the middle of the action. The bleacher were filled with fans who seemed even more vocal than usual. I was intrigued. As I ventured over to the fence I began to understand why all the attention. The players in this case were special needs kids. Some wore braces, and one was in a wheelchair. The scoreboard was operating but I don't think anyone noticed the score. I watch for a few minutes and then continued on.

Later I noticed that the game had concluded. All the fans had exited the bleachers and had joined those who had been on the field. They formed two lines at the gate where the players would leave the field. As each player exited they were greeted with cheers and high-fives. It's hard for me to remember a time when I had seen more smiling faces after a game. There were no losers this time.

Athletic competition is part of our culture. Most of the time with kids, we put too much emphasis on winning. It was nice to be reminded that when it comes to kids, making sure they have the opportunity to participate and have a positive experience is most important. I wish every child had the opportunity to leave the playing field as happy and affirmed as did those special needs kids.

Is Texting at School at School OK?

I have not update my blog over the last few weeks. I've been a little preoccupied with our daughter's wedding. It was quite an event and in the process I learned again the value of family. Having so many folks traveling to DFW from all over the country, made for a special celebration.

There were a couple of news events that have happened over the last few of weeks that deserve to be commented on, but one at a time. A few weeks back the Plano, Texas Independent School District decided it was OK for students to use their cell phone outside of the classroom during the school day. That means students are free to text in the school hallways and lunchroom. When I posted this news on Facebook I got an immediate response from adults, many of whom are teachers. To sum it up: adult sided in against the change, seeing it as giving in to kids.

I have taken a random poll of teens and most don't see it as being a big deal. Many admitted that they were already texting at school, even if it was against the rules. Most felt making it legal would allow them to come out of their lockers. In this case I feel a tendency to side with the kids. While I am among those who grieve the loss of meaningful eye contact, I find some comfort in knowing that texting probably saves a few trees in Oregon every day. The reality is texting is part of our culture. Let's embrace it and help kids learn how to use it effectively. A great topic for conversation might be: What messages should always be delivered face to face rather than via text?

Staying Grounded at Ground Zero

As the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy approaches, we all have memories of that day. I was at work as a school counselor that day. As the day began I was meeting with two students who had chosen to go AWOL the previous day. Their motive was good, a friend was in trouble and they skipped school to drive to Arkansas to help them. But both students had a history of struggling academically and could ill afford to have missed a day of class. I was trying to walk them through the decision making process when our principal interrupted. Pat respect my office and my responsiblity to students. In this case, the look on her face told me something was seriously wrong. "I need you now," she stated. Once in her office she informed me as to what had taken place on the east coast. "We need to do something to let the kids know God is still in charge," she concluded. While I had been in my "counselor bubble" most of the students had watched the events transpire on classroom televisions.

We decided to switch to a chapel schedule, which called for worship after second hour. I was the logical one to serve as leader.

Our family was already in turmoil that day. My wife, Barb, had been diagnosed with breast cancer the previous afternoon. The first of her multiple surgeries was scheduled for September 13. Now,in comparison to the crumbling towers, our tragedy seemed insignificant. Still, there was a big question mark over our future and now our nation's security.

My words to the student body that day were based on one of my favorite scripture passages. "I look to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber." (Psalm 121:1-3)

Jesus tells us, and the realities of this world constantly remind us, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Those are words we need to repeat as we commemorate the tragedy that was 9/11. This side of heaven, there are going to be more tragedies. We all are one breath away from eternity. So, we live fearlessly and confidently. That is a message we need to say loud and clear to our children in both words and actions.