I Still Want to go to School

This marks the sixth school year that will begin without me.  I still miss it.  I guess I am realistic enough to know that at my age I probably could not handle the daily grind.  So I cherish the memories.  I spent Twenty-five years in church youth ministry before moving to a school setting.  There is no question in my mind that my most effective ministry came during my eleven years at Lutheran High School of Dallas.  I had the best of both worlds.  I was in the classroom two or three periods a day and in the counseling office the balance of the time.

What is it I miss?  The daily contact with students would have to be #1.  There were new challenges every day, but I never grew tired of helping students work through the issues.  What a blessing to be able to track many of those former students through social media.  I get particular satisfaction from hearing the success stories of those kids who faced challenges and struggled with issues. 

I also miss the challenges that came with being in a high school setting.   I had to be spiritually equipped to survive.  I couldn't allow myself to become spiritually stagnant.  I grew in my walk of discipleship during those years.  A good part of that was because I was surrounded by colleagues who modeled Jesus.  I miss them.

I miss teaching advance placement psychology.  I am grieved that the school chose to drop that course from the curriculum.  What a joy it was to see students begin to understand themselves and their own feelings and behavior.  I am still amazed at the number of students who chose to study human behavior at the college level.

I am excited that God has opened a door for me this fall, allowing me to get back into the classroom on a limited basis.  I am about to begin an adventure as a SALI  teacher as part of the ministry of LINC North Texas.  I will be working close to home in the Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district.  I am looking forward to helping students grow in their leadership and personal skills twice a month. 

I can't understand why so few older adults seek ways to relate to teenagers.  Today's students are searching for a sense of identity.  Many struggle to find a sense of values as well.  It's all too easy to sit on the sidelines and moan and groan about how bad things are.  What we need to be doing is investing in the lives of students. 

Where Do Bullies Come From?

With the new school year almost upon us, I thought it would be good to again address the topic of bullying.  It's an issue that I became familiar with during my years as a school counselor.  We tend to think of bullying as a elementary and middle school issue, but my experience is that it extends across all generations.  I have even met a few seniors, that senior citizens as opposed to the high school variety, who fit the mold. 

In her book The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander, Barbara Conloros describes bullying as "arrogance in action, and contempt for another person."  I have always believed that bullying is a learned behavior.  According to the National Association of School Psychologist my assumption is correct.  Children who are bullies have learned the behavior at home, in school, or elsewhere in their social environment.  Like other learned behaviors, it can be unlearned, however the older the aggressor, the more difficult it is to change.  In other words we need to attack the issue in the pre-school and elementary school classroom.  

I met my share of adult bullies during my youth ministry and school counselor years.  Most of the time the bully was a parent.  I don't recall any incidents when it was physical power, but I sure remember times when angry words and threats were used to try to intimidate or belittle me.  Experts suggest that many young bullies are the products of home where an authoritarian parent holds the upper hand. 

All adults, but especially parents, need to consider what type of behavior they are modeling.  Discipline is vital, but when we only use power or threats to change the behavior we run the risk of raising a bully.  When we resort to that, we give our kids the permission to do the same.  Today they might be bullying their peers, but in the future we might become the victims.

Would Jesus Eat More Chicken?

It's being labeled as a campaign of hate.  I am referring to the statement by Chick-Fil-A president, Dan Cathy, supporting the biblical definition of marriage.  I personally didn't see any hate in his statement.  He was simply stating his belief in marriage as defined by God in Genesis 2:24-25.  The fast food chain has always operated on faith-based principles.  Chick-Fil-A restaurants still remain closed on Sundays in deference to God's command to "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy" (Exodus 20:8).

The escalation of feelings in this case comes from the over-reaction from both sides of the gay marriage debate.  Christian conservatives seized the moment to reiterate their disdain for those who live in a gay lifestyle, while from the other those from the gay-lesbian community fire back.  In the end we've done nothing to bridge the gap that exists between the church and contemporary culture.

I only wish those within the church would seek to model Jesus.  When Jesus came across those whose behavior was labeled "offensive" by society, he sought to love them first.  John 8:1-11 contains a great example.  The religious authorities brought a women who had been caught in adultery to Jesus.  Their desire was to stone the woman.  Jesus' response was to love her.  He also challenged her to "leave your life of sin."

One of the criticisms that young people have of the church is that it's intolerant.  You are not allowed to bring alternative views to the surface.  In other words it's, "God's way or the highway."  As a result we establish a list of criteria that must be met before we will even consider admitting someone into the fellowship of believers.  That runs into the face of everything Jesus taught or did.  All were welcome.  Jesus' actions demonstrate that it's impossible to impart faith unless there is first a relationship.  Jesus hated sin, but loved the sinner.  Reality check: Jesus loves gay and lesbian people and he expects us to love them as well.

As parents and older adults we should be doing two things: Point people to Jesus as our only hope for salvation, and help them understand God's plan for his people.  Standing on one side of the battle line and firing salvos accomplishes nothing.  Buying them a chicken sandwich and having a conversation with them does.

Keeping the Colorado Tragedy in Perspective

One of the more interesting people that I have encountered in my years of ministry was Otto the silversmith.  Otto had his studio in Cape Girardeau, Missouri where Barb and I began our ministry.  We normally think of silversmiths as designers of jewelry, but Otto often worked on a much larger scale.  Some of Otto's projects were huge sculptures.  When you walked through Otto's studio sometimes it was difficult to discern what went where.  Thing often looked disjointed.  "Don't judge my work until it is finished," he commented one time when I made a critical comment about one of his projects. 

I thought of Otto over the weekend as I contemplated the horrific events that transpired in Colorado.   Once again I heard people ask "Why?" or "How could God allow this to happen?" First-off: We live in a sinful and evil world.  "In this world you will have trouble," Jesus told his disciples , but in his next breath he comforts them by say, "Take heart.  I have over come the world." (John 16:33).  When we view the isolated events like the tragedies of Columbine or Aurora it's easy to get discouraged and fearful.  Things seem mixed-up and confusing, just like Otto's art.  We are only see the disjointed parts.  Only God can see the "big picture."

I don't want to trivialize the pain of the families who lost loved one in that tragic shooting.  The pains of this world are very real to them, but so should be the love of our God.  God is the comforter and the Conqueror.  Satan may have his way and at times if might seem as if evil is winning, but those of us who know Jesus also know the final results are going to be an awesome work of art.

For us as parents and grandparents, that mean being people of hope, even in the midst of tragedy.  Mourn with those who mourn, but stay confident and faithful.  Moving forward as people of faith is the strongest testimony that we can give as Christian. 

Branding Your Teen

Establishing a brand in the eye of the consumer is the goal of every marketing professional.  Branding is the name, design or logo that identifies a company, business or service.  If branding is effective just hearing a name or seeing a logo provides immediate recognition.  McDonald's golden arches are a brand that is easily recognized world-wide.  Sometimes just a simple color is used in branding.  There is a certain shade of brown that causes people to immediately think UPS.

According to marketing expert, Nick Fuller, today's teenagers are very much into personal branding.  They want to project a very specific image to their peers and to the world in general.  According to Fuller, "They have hand-selected every photo, wall post, tweet and 'like.'  Each is tied to their digital persona."  In other words, teens are very savvy when it comes to projecting an image on social media. 

Marketing professionals are very aware of the teen market.  They are constantly monitoring their behavior hoping to gain insights by observing teen trends.  They view teens as being consumers with almost unlimited financial resources.  Hint!  Hint!  There is a red flag.

Parents need to be aware of this on two levels.  First and foremost they need to be aware of the image their teens are trying to project.  That might mean being friends with their teens and their peers on Facebook and on Twitter.  If the images do not match the image or values they desire for their children they need to bring that to their teen's attention.  It should be an opportunity to discuss it.  It is also important to set guidelines in terms of spending.  Teenagers need to learn to operate with a budget just like parents and families do.

You can read more from Nick Fuller at http://www.mediapost.com/.

Fifty Shades of Porn

I picked up a copy of this morning's USA Today.  As I read the Life Section I was surprised to find three books by the same author at the top of the nation's best selling books.  The author is E. L. James and the books are part of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.  I had never heard the term "mommy porn" until last week and it was used in referencing this series.

I decided to do some research and came across an article by Karen Yates on www.churchleaders.com.  The article was titled Why Pastors Should Respond to 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'  She notes, "An invasion of this book and its aftermath will soon impact marriages, friendships, communities and business."  In her mind the church cannot and should not avoid this movement thinking it will blow over.

I will confess that I am not an expert when it comes to "mommy porn," or erotic literature in general for that matter, but my interest was perked.  So this afternoon while I was waiting for a prescription at my local Sam's Club, I ventured to the book section to see if the store even carried the books.  They do.  In fact they had two different titles: the original and the most recent Fifty Shades of Dark.  I must admit I felt a little uncomfortable even picking up the book.  As I scanned the back cover the words "Erotic Fiction" jumped out at me.  As I was reading the description I heard a female voice say, "excuse me."  As I turned a middle-age mom, accompanied by her teenager daughter reached for a copy.  Let's just say the look she gave me caused me to quickly move on.  It was obvious I was intruding on "feminine turf."

I guess the word that bothers me most about this fiction is erotic.  Allow me to explain.  The erotic comes from the Greek word eros.  In Greek the word eros identifies sexual, passionate love.  It's one of four words that Greeks use for the word love.  Another one of those words in agape, a sacrificial love as in the kind of love Jesus had for the sinful world.  Eros labels a passionate, sexual act, while agape describes giving up one's self for another.  Agape is a love all Christians should strive for.  Eros, on the other hand, should be confined to the marriage relationship, not displayed on supermarket shelves.

In the end I have to question what kind of example Christian mom's who read such trash are setting for their daughters.  By the way to the lady I encountered in Sam's: I am not a pervert and I am concerned about you and your daughter. 

Is it Our Most Important Election?

I've heard a number of people say that this might be the most important presidential election in our country's history.  Most of them are fellow Christian who are disturbed at the direction our country is taking.  I share their concerns when I comes to the President Obamas' health plan.  What I find  more disconcerting is our national stance on Gay Rights and same-sex marriage.  I am not sure I want to lay the blame at the feet of one particular individual and even point at one political party as being at fault. 

This is not something that began with the Obama administration.  We have been on the skids morally and economically for a long a long time.  When it comes to the moral issues, I compare our nation to the frog in the kettle analogy.  If you increase the temperature slowly the poor frog never notices until they boil to death.  In the case of our moral dilemma the heat has been increasing for some time.   The changes have been gradually happening for many years.  How long has it been since abortions were made legal?

If there is blame to be placed here, I think it needs to fall on Christian parents, fathers in particular.  I've recently been doing a lot of reading in the Old Testament book of Joshua.  The same pattern is followed in the Book of Judges as well.  When the people forget who God is and how he has blessed them in the past, things go down the toilet in a hurry.  There is but One God and he made the rules.  Our only task is to live by them and teach our children to do the same.  It's not the church's responsibility to do that.  It falls on moms and dads.   See Exodus 13:14 for example.  Thankfully we live in the New Testament era, so we live under grace.  Our salvation is secure and we don't need to rely on our obedience.  As God's people we still need to seek to do his will, with the full knowledge that life will be full of trouble if we don't

The solution lies in making sure the heritage of faith is passed on to the next generation.  It also happens when we reflect our faith and values in our personal lives.  It's also glorified when we elect to office those who will make God-pleasing decisions.