I am a baseball fan. I grew up in Detroit watching the Tigers. They are still my home team, but I followed The Cubs during my days in Chicago and now I enjoy watching the Rangers play. I guess I am drawn to baseball because it's a family game. You can enjoy quality time together, actually carry on a conversation. You can't do that at a basketball or football game. The action is too intense, unless it's half-time. Baseball also has more traditions than do any other sports.
I must confess the current Rangers have me hooked, and it's not because they are going to the World Series. They might be the ultimate "feel good" story. They also are an example of unconditional love.
Most people are familar with Josh Hamilton's story. If you aren't, read his book. In short he was the #1 Draft Choice who was signed for millions. He ended up injured and during that time he fell in with the wrong crowd. As a result he became a drug addict. He did hit bottom, but God rescued him (Josh's words) and he turned his life around. He found his way to the Rangers and now is their MVP. He did fall off the wagon once in spring, 2009. At the press conference where he shared the story of his relapse, he happened to see several of his team-mates standing in the back. At first he was scared, thinking they had lost trust in him, but then he realized from their expressions that they were there to support him. They, like all of us, had made mistakes too. Forgiveness was a given.
Ron Washington, the manager, has is own story to tell. Ron is from New Orleans. He grew up a tough kid. New Orleans tends to do that to you. His home was destroyed by Katrina, but he is slowly rebuilding it in the off-season. Before this season started Ron confessed that he had tested positive for cocaine during last season. This time it was Team President, Nolan Ryan, and General Manager, Jon Daniels, who had dispensed the forgiveness. That's quite a statement. In a day when the press is quick to condemn and call a person's head, the team leadership gave Washington a second chance. So did his players, who to the man, stood up with Washington as he shared his story.
The Rangers are a team that cover each other's backs. They love and support each other in a way few teams do. Not a bad example for a family. Unconditional love allows you to play the game fearlessly, knowing you will be forgiven for mistakes.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Teens and Alcohol: Where are The Parent?
An article on the front page of Sunday's Dallas Morning News caught my eye. The piece was titled,"Battling Underage Drinking gets an Older Look." A follow-up article on Monday also dealt with the issue of parents, and other adults, facilitating or ignoring teen drinking. Alcohol, much more so than drugs, was an issue during my years as a high school counselor. The athletic department had an in-season zero tolerance policy. Out of season it meant a four game suspension, minimum, even if you were just in the presence of. We also intervened when we became aware of incidents involving other members of the student body. As a private school we probably had more leverage and parental support than do public institutions. Many parents also signed a pledge that there would be no alcohol present if they hosted teens in their home. Those safe home were duly noted in the school directory.
As I have shared in the past, I made some poor choices during my high school years. I wasn't a bad kid, just one who let my peers make decisions for me. The one thing I did not do during those years was consume alcohol. There was a reason. My parents would have known almost immediately. At least one of them was up to greet me when I came home. It's hard to slip by mom and dad when you are tipsy, or even smell of alcohol.
Just an observation, but I suspect many parents are not as present in their kids lives today. I am sure there are still some families where the parents leave on the light for their kids, and even wait for them to walk in. But I am afraid there are too many more parents who are too caught up in their own self-absorbed lifestyle to even care about what their kids are doing and who they are with.
My parents had three rules. We need to know where you are. We need to know who you are with. We need to know what you are doing. They also required me to check in via phone. That was no easy task in the days before cell phones. Those are still great rules.
It doesn't hurt to wait up for them occasionally too. Even if you come in after them, check on them. You can usually tell when you open the door to a room where someone is resting, if that person is sleeping off a drunk.
Unfortunately we live in a society where we can't depend on other adults to watch out for our kids. That is still formost our responsibility.
As I have shared in the past, I made some poor choices during my high school years. I wasn't a bad kid, just one who let my peers make decisions for me. The one thing I did not do during those years was consume alcohol. There was a reason. My parents would have known almost immediately. At least one of them was up to greet me when I came home. It's hard to slip by mom and dad when you are tipsy, or even smell of alcohol.
Just an observation, but I suspect many parents are not as present in their kids lives today. I am sure there are still some families where the parents leave on the light for their kids, and even wait for them to walk in. But I am afraid there are too many more parents who are too caught up in their own self-absorbed lifestyle to even care about what their kids are doing and who they are with.
My parents had three rules. We need to know where you are. We need to know who you are with. We need to know what you are doing. They also required me to check in via phone. That was no easy task in the days before cell phones. Those are still great rules.
It doesn't hurt to wait up for them occasionally too. Even if you come in after them, check on them. You can usually tell when you open the door to a room where someone is resting, if that person is sleeping off a drunk.
Unfortunately we live in a society where we can't depend on other adults to watch out for our kids. That is still formost our responsibility.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Right to Monitor
I drive the speed limit. Sixty means sixty. Thiry is thirty. You get the picture. It always amazes me the number of people I observed driving over the legal limit. Sunday morning is the exception. My wife and I drive to church on Interstate 635. Most people who drive that route on weekend know the police are out on Sundays, so they drive the speed limit. It's interesting to watch those who are speeding. They breeze past and pretty soon the brake lights come on. Why? They see a policeman beside the road with a radar gun. Sometimes they avoid a ticket, other times they get nabbed by the law.
There is a reason fewer people are driving over the speed limit on weekends. It's the threat of getting busted. For speeders: the presence of a police car is a great deterent.
I think there is a lesson here for the parent of teenagers. Cell phone and internet issues are a major complaint these days. We worry about what they are saying to each other. We are concerned about sexting and bullying.
Simple solution, tell them you will ask for their phone from time to time to check it. Like the police at the side of the road, the threat of presence will keep them in line. If they complain, remind them whose phone it is... hint if your name is on the bill it's your phone.
Even if you trust your kids, it's not a bad idea to check that phone every so often. The first couple of times you might even warn them. "Just a heads up, but I plan on checking your cell phone tomorrow." In doing so, you've given them the opportunity to eliminate anything personal, but you've also conveyed you are not afraid to do it. Let them know, "Next time I might not warn you," to keep them on their toes.
Let them know too, that you, like the police, are just concerned about their safety. It has nothing to do with trusting them. When you send them out the door each morning you are already doing that.
There is a reason fewer people are driving over the speed limit on weekends. It's the threat of getting busted. For speeders: the presence of a police car is a great deterent.
I think there is a lesson here for the parent of teenagers. Cell phone and internet issues are a major complaint these days. We worry about what they are saying to each other. We are concerned about sexting and bullying.
Simple solution, tell them you will ask for their phone from time to time to check it. Like the police at the side of the road, the threat of presence will keep them in line. If they complain, remind them whose phone it is... hint if your name is on the bill it's your phone.
Even if you trust your kids, it's not a bad idea to check that phone every so often. The first couple of times you might even warn them. "Just a heads up, but I plan on checking your cell phone tomorrow." In doing so, you've given them the opportunity to eliminate anything personal, but you've also conveyed you are not afraid to do it. Let them know, "Next time I might not warn you," to keep them on their toes.
Let them know too, that you, like the police, are just concerned about their safety. It has nothing to do with trusting them. When you send them out the door each morning you are already doing that.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Raising Our Kids to Let Them Go
Barb and I had the honor of attending a farewell celebration for our son, Mark, on Sunday. Mark has concluded his ministry with LINC North Texas. For the last seven years he has been an urban missionary. He has worked out of New Hope Community Church in East Dallas. I think even Mark was surprised at the number of community people who attended. A couple of the kids who were part of the after school program spoke of how Mark had impacted their lives. Mark has accepted a new position as a church planter with Waters Edge Lutheran Church in Frisco. He and our other son, Peter, will both be ordained in January, 2011.
It's easy to be proud of all three of our kids. Our daughter, Katie, is also in full-time ministry as a worship director, but both my wife and I acknowledge that it is more a gift from God than anything we have done. One thing we agree on is that we've raised our kids to let them go. We've sent all three of them off to college and given them the opportunity to pursue their dreams.
In the case of Mark we can point to two specific turning points in his life. In both it involved putting him in God's hands. Mark wanted to study in Europe in the second semester of his sophmore year. He was scheduled to leave in January, 2002, just months after 9/11. We took a deep breath and let him go. Many prayers of thanks were lifted up when he was finally back on US soil. Those four months changed Mark. It was during that time that he learned to communicate with, and appreciate, different culture. It was great preparation for urban ministry. The second leap-of-faith was supporting his decision to move in the building at New Hope. There was no apartment. He moved a bed into the church library, but in relocating in that community he proved his commitment to the people. Yes, it was scary. In those days crime was rampant in that area of east Dallas. There were break-ins and there was vandalism, but Mark stayed for a year. By that time he had established his root in that community. He built a ministry on those relationships.
My message to all parents is to love your kids while you have them, but ultimately you have to raise them to let them go. That means giving them the freedom to try and to fail. It also requires placing them in God's hands.
It's easy to be proud of all three of our kids. Our daughter, Katie, is also in full-time ministry as a worship director, but both my wife and I acknowledge that it is more a gift from God than anything we have done. One thing we agree on is that we've raised our kids to let them go. We've sent all three of them off to college and given them the opportunity to pursue their dreams.
In the case of Mark we can point to two specific turning points in his life. In both it involved putting him in God's hands. Mark wanted to study in Europe in the second semester of his sophmore year. He was scheduled to leave in January, 2002, just months after 9/11. We took a deep breath and let him go. Many prayers of thanks were lifted up when he was finally back on US soil. Those four months changed Mark. It was during that time that he learned to communicate with, and appreciate, different culture. It was great preparation for urban ministry. The second leap-of-faith was supporting his decision to move in the building at New Hope. There was no apartment. He moved a bed into the church library, but in relocating in that community he proved his commitment to the people. Yes, it was scary. In those days crime was rampant in that area of east Dallas. There were break-ins and there was vandalism, but Mark stayed for a year. By that time he had established his root in that community. He built a ministry on those relationships.
My message to all parents is to love your kids while you have them, but ultimately you have to raise them to let them go. That means giving them the freedom to try and to fail. It also requires placing them in God's hands.
Monday, September 27, 2010
It's Testing Season Again
The month of October marks the first full month of fall and the beginning of the baseball playoffs. October also brings the beginning of the college testing season. The first date for the SAT Reasoning Test (Formerly known as the Scholastic Apptitude Test) is October 9 and the ACT, American College Test follows a couple of weeks later. Each test is offered multiple times and various sights, always on Saturdays.
I am familar with the test and the testing process, having spent time as a high school counselor. I must admit I had a certain amount of disdain when it came to the test because I saw the pressure it put on certain students. In reality, the standardized college addmission tests are a necessity. They give colleges and universities a way to evaluate all students. Fortunately, most schools have also learned that doing well on a standardized test does not guarantee a student will be successful in college. For that reason schools look at a variety of factors: High school courses taken and the grades achieved, extracurricular activities, letters of recommendation, potential for leadership and the entrance essay.
If the SAT and ACT are a reality, what can parents be doing to help their students do well and succeed?
1. Encourage your teen to take the test early in the cycle. If they don't get the score they desire they can take the test again. Most school will always take the higher score.
2. Encourage them to take both. The SAT and ACT are very different. One is a reasoning test, the other is an apptitude test.
3. Don't add pressure by telling them you are counting on them scoring high enough to get into a particular school, even if it is your alma mater. There are lots of great schools out there and even communiy college is a great option for many students.
4. Make sure they are prepared. Teens need to be well rested and in a good frame of mind when then enter the testing facility.
5. Realize the college is not for everyone. Some students are better suited for trade schools or the military. Others might move right into the job market and do quite well.
6. Be a consultant and not a manager. You can offer advice on the college admissions process, but ultimately it's their decision and their life.
I am familar with the test and the testing process, having spent time as a high school counselor. I must admit I had a certain amount of disdain when it came to the test because I saw the pressure it put on certain students. In reality, the standardized college addmission tests are a necessity. They give colleges and universities a way to evaluate all students. Fortunately, most schools have also learned that doing well on a standardized test does not guarantee a student will be successful in college. For that reason schools look at a variety of factors: High school courses taken and the grades achieved, extracurricular activities, letters of recommendation, potential for leadership and the entrance essay.
If the SAT and ACT are a reality, what can parents be doing to help their students do well and succeed?
1. Encourage your teen to take the test early in the cycle. If they don't get the score they desire they can take the test again. Most school will always take the higher score.
2. Encourage them to take both. The SAT and ACT are very different. One is a reasoning test, the other is an apptitude test.
3. Don't add pressure by telling them you are counting on them scoring high enough to get into a particular school, even if it is your alma mater. There are lots of great schools out there and even communiy college is a great option for many students.
4. Make sure they are prepared. Teens need to be well rested and in a good frame of mind when then enter the testing facility.
5. Realize the college is not for everyone. Some students are better suited for trade schools or the military. Others might move right into the job market and do quite well.
6. Be a consultant and not a manager. You can offer advice on the college admissions process, but ultimately it's their decision and their life.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Why Do Older Teens Shun the Church Youth Group?
My background is church youth ministry. I spent twenty-five years ministering to kids and their families at four different churches. I still stay in touch with youth ministry folks. Youth ministry has changed a lot over the years. Telephone trees have given way to texting and on-line chats. DVD's shown on big screens have replaced the old 16 mm projectors. Yes, I really did have a class in college where they taught us how to properly thread a projector and maintain a record turntable.
While the ministry is very different, one problem has remained. I still hear my young colleagues complain about the fall-off in participation among olders teens. "We spend two years training leaders only to have us desert us when we need them," one area DCE complained.
The assumption has always been that when teens turn sixteen and begin to drive they have more freedom. The freedom allows more options and often church youth group moves down the list of priorities. We have also blamed the increased academic and athletic demands as a possible cause.
I would like to focus on the issue to needs. High school juniors and seniors have very different needs than younger teens. During the last two years of high school teens begin to focus on the future. They begin to make plans on college and career. Many pick-up part-time jobs in order to not to just gain extra cash but work experience. They also are entering a new stage in their faith development. Young teens still have a synthetic faith, clinging to the beliefs they learned in Sunday school and confirmation class. Older teens are moving into a time of individual - reflective faith. They are molding and shaping their beliefs into a relationship with God that is more personal.
Parents, pastors and youth ministry professionals need to be aware of these changing needs and adjust their expectations and
While the ministry is very different, one problem has remained. I still hear my young colleagues complain about the fall-off in participation among olders teens. "We spend two years training leaders only to have us desert us when we need them," one area DCE complained.
The assumption has always been that when teens turn sixteen and begin to drive they have more freedom. The freedom allows more options and often church youth group moves down the list of priorities. We have also blamed the increased academic and athletic demands as a possible cause.
I would like to focus on the issue to needs. High school juniors and seniors have very different needs than younger teens. During the last two years of high school teens begin to focus on the future. They begin to make plans on college and career. Many pick-up part-time jobs in order to not to just gain extra cash but work experience. They also are entering a new stage in their faith development. Young teens still have a synthetic faith, clinging to the beliefs they learned in Sunday school and confirmation class. Older teens are moving into a time of individual - reflective faith. They are molding and shaping their beliefs into a relationship with God that is more personal.
Parents, pastors and youth ministry professionals need to be aware of these changing needs and adjust their expectations and
Monday, September 13, 2010
To Burn or Not burn the Quran?
I was saddened, but not surprised, that the media focused on Florida pastor, Terry Jones, last week. In case you missed it, he is the man who threatened to burn copies of the Quran on the anniversary of 9/11.
As I have previously shared, I learned a lot about tolerance from my dad. The reason my parents were able to live in the same neighborhood in Detroit for over forty years was because my dad built bridges and not walls. Dad tried to be friends with all people. He greeted everyone with a "Hi" and was willing to talk to anyone about anything. He didn't talk about it much, but I know his motivation was to treat people like Jesus would. Jesus loved people where they were at and gently guided them to where he wanted them to be. The only thing that Jesus could not tolerate was hypocrisy. I don't see that in Muslims, Hindus or any other of the world's religions.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that he died for my sins and those of the whole world. He is the only hope for the world. He is Our Savior.
I work part-time for a hospital chaplancy service. As I make my round I encounter individuals of all different faiths. What I have discovered is that when someone tells me that they are a Jew, Muslim or Hindu, they expect me to turn my back and flee. Instead, I listen. I asked them about their faith and source of hope. Sometimes they ask about my faith, but most times they don't. Either way, I am conveying love. In some small way I am building a bridge, rather than a wall.
I grieve the fact that most of the world hates us. When I see people burn the American Flag it troubles me. I can, however, understand why. We don't practice our faith. When we hate, or show no respect for those whose belief system is different than our, we are building walls, not bridges.
As parents, we are in an important position. When we model our faith through our tolerance, we are encouraging our kids to do the same. Maybe we can be people of hope.
As I have previously shared, I learned a lot about tolerance from my dad. The reason my parents were able to live in the same neighborhood in Detroit for over forty years was because my dad built bridges and not walls. Dad tried to be friends with all people. He greeted everyone with a "Hi" and was willing to talk to anyone about anything. He didn't talk about it much, but I know his motivation was to treat people like Jesus would. Jesus loved people where they were at and gently guided them to where he wanted them to be. The only thing that Jesus could not tolerate was hypocrisy. I don't see that in Muslims, Hindus or any other of the world's religions.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that he died for my sins and those of the whole world. He is the only hope for the world. He is Our Savior.
I work part-time for a hospital chaplancy service. As I make my round I encounter individuals of all different faiths. What I have discovered is that when someone tells me that they are a Jew, Muslim or Hindu, they expect me to turn my back and flee. Instead, I listen. I asked them about their faith and source of hope. Sometimes they ask about my faith, but most times they don't. Either way, I am conveying love. In some small way I am building a bridge, rather than a wall.
I grieve the fact that most of the world hates us. When I see people burn the American Flag it troubles me. I can, however, understand why. We don't practice our faith. When we hate, or show no respect for those whose belief system is different than our, we are building walls, not bridges.
As parents, we are in an important position. When we model our faith through our tolerance, we are encouraging our kids to do the same. Maybe we can be people of hope.
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