Frazzled Families

 You are in the middle of two years of your life you will not remember.”  There are certain comments that you not only remember, but where you can actually recall the exact location and circumstance.  In this case the words came from our good friend, Jean Heyse, as we stood in the driveway of the house, she shared with her husband Bob.  They were more than just friends.  Being a ministry family that was separated from the usually generational support system, we relied on church friends to come along side us and provide childcare, so we got a little break.  During our time in Dundee, Illinois Bob and Jean Heyse were our kids “surrogate grandparents.”

We were a somewhat unique family in that there is nine years difference between our oldest, Peter, and the next in line.  That meant at that point in time we had two children under the age of three and another who was on the verge of being a teenager.  Bob and Jean had stepped up to watch the youngest two while Barb and I enjoyed some time with Peter.  Now it was back to reality and Jean was offering both words of encouragement and truth.  Barb and I were both working full-time, she as a pre-school teacher and church musician and I as a DCE.  It was a “crazy time.” 

I thought of those hectic times in the last week as I read about the struggles that parents have been going through in the last year.  The pandemic has greatly impacted the members of the Millennial generation who are now parents.  They have had to pivot, from life as they knew it prior to COVID-19 to being sheltered at home.  No school or daycare for the kids.  The commute to the office has become the journey from kitchen to the dining room table where they try to get work done on their laptop, while also overseeing their kids.  They are balancing careers, while also overseeing their children’s education. 

New research from The Barna Group is even greater proof of not only how frazzled young parent are, but also their level of concern.  Nine out of ten parents report that they are concerned about their child’s academic and social growth.  In addition, anxiety and depression are at an all-time high among children and teens.  The same study also indicates that Christian parents have the same concern about the spiritual development of their children. 

I guess it is my “glass half-full” perspective that has caused me to see this as a rare opportunity for the church.  Those who minister to children and their parents have never had a more open opportunity.  Parents are hurting and they are begging for someone to listen to their cry and come along side them.  The challenge for the church is that the current circumstance calls for a different approach to ministry.  The big, flashy, “Sunday Morning Experience” approach no longer works.  This is a time when we need to take our ministry to them via social media and one-on-one contacts where they live. 

Millennial parents do not want “canned program” or lots of activities to entertain their kids.  They are crying for people who will listen to them, and them come along side them to help them navigate this difficult world.  The window of opportunity is quickly closing.  While we want to celebrate the re-opening of worship centers and enjoy fellowship with those we have missed, the real ministry is waiting for us in our neighborhoods. 

A Dose of Millennial Reality

 

After having gone through almost a year and a half of living under the threat of a pandemic, it is not surprising that my personal priorities and concerns are vastly different than they were two years ago.  I have commented to my family that I feel as if I have aged ten years since March of 2020.  As the death toll rose, I began to realize the possible impact and the issue of my own mortality became genuine.  In recent months both Barb and I have had to deal with health issues that brought that actuality into clearer focus.  Ensuring the financial future of our family, revisiting our will and even pre-planning our funerals have become higher priorities.  I have also become more focused on staying healthy, both physically and emotionally.  I have had to watch my diet much more than I did in the past.

I recently read an article that caused me to think about how different my priorities and concerns are different from those under the age of forty.  The information came from a recent study done by YPulse, a research company that tracks trends among Millennials and Gen Z’s.  It compared the top issues and concerns among those generations in 2020, verses 2019.  It is not surprising that COVID-19 replaced climate change/global warming as the top concern.  As expected, race/discrimination was listed second among their concerns.  What was shocking is what followed; Technology addiction, debt and personal finances and job security were the next highest concerns. 

While those of us over sixty-five are concerned about our health, and quality of life, those under forty are struggling with very practical issues.  As we consider our own mortality, they are wondering what their lives will be like in twenty to thirty years.  In the world where technology is advancing at an alarming rate, it is hard to comprehend what the future holds. 

This has drastic implications for a church that as struggled to stay relevant.  With most members over the age of sixty, it is not surprising that the conversation around the coffee pot on Sunday morning usually focuses on two things; our personal aches and pains and how the values have shifted to the point where the once forbidden has now become commonplace.  In the process, we expect the church to minister to us and our needs.  As a result, we can give little thought on how to reach and minister to those under forty.  We recognized that there is a void in congregational membership when it comes to young adults, but struggle to know how to overcome that.

It will only begin to change when we focus on seeking to understand the needs of those around us, especially those who belong to the younger generations.  We also need to remember that Millennials in particular are not looking for advice, as much as they are for individuals to come along side them and partner with them.  We must not only be messengers of hope but seek ways to help them address the issues facing them and their families. 

Be Strong and Courageous

 

Our son, Mark, gave me a copy of New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp for my birthday.  It contains 365 daily devotions, one for each day of the year.  Since my birthday falls on March 6, I began my one-year journey there.  I quickly discovered that the author seemed to be in tune not only with my spiritual needs but with the realities of being a disciple in a challenging world.

I found today’s message to be especially insightful.  He referenced the story of Joshua that begins in Joshua 1.  The leader of the Children of Israel faced a daunting task.  He was called to lead them across the Jordan River into the land promised them by God.  There were two distinct problems; 1) The land was already occupied. 2) The people were reluctant to move forward.  In the midst of that God’s command was clear and concise.  He must have wanted Joshua to get it straight because He repeated it three time; “Be strong and courageous.”

Like Joshua, we as disciples of Jesus are being called into a foreign and often antagonistic culture.  It is a world where the church is not only being viewed as “out of touch” but judgmental.  It is a much different world than the one we lived in even twenty years ago.  Still the command is clear.  As we go on our way we are to “make disciples,” sharing the good news of Jesus. 

The words from God to Joshua should be ringing in our ears, “have I not commanded you, only be strong and courageous.”  God promises not only to protect us but provide us with exactly what we need.   Our success does not depend on us or our words and actions.  We need to be persistent agents of grace and mercy.  This does not mean the task will be easy, but whatever the outcome, we live under the hope and promise of the Risen Savior. 

What Does Church Attendance Really Mean?

 

Weekly church attendance has long been one of the metrics we have used to measure the health of a local congregation.  If the number of people in the pews is consistent, or even showing grow, we have considered the church healthy.  In such cases the leadership is happy and the staff is commended.  Pastors and other church staff can easily fall into the “numbers trap,” feeling all is well. I also must admit it is not just a trap for the clergy.  I recall my days in parish ministry when one of the first questions asked by the Pastor on Monday morning was “how many kids showed up for youth group last night?”  I tended to gauge my success on numbers. 

In actuality, attendance has always been an inaccurate way to gage the health of a church.  Even consistent or growing numbers can be deceiving if people are there for the wrong reason.  I have often wondered; how many folks are in church to be spiritually fed and equipped for discipleship, versus how many are present simply for social reasons?  I have always felt that Bible class attendance is a better measuring stick when it comes to determining the spiritual health of a worship community. 

The truth is; none of this means diddly-squat in the post-pandemic world.  COVID-19 changed everything.  Suddenly churches were forced to pivot and switch to online worship.  As we emerge from the pandemic and people return, the new reality is hybrid worship.  Measuring online attendance is tricky.  Looking at the total number of views can be deceiving because you do not know how much people have actually watched.  Did they log on to check us out and quickly decided it was “not what they wanted” or did they just focus on the pastor’s message? 

There is an additional reality here: Church membership and even attendance does not mean what it once did.  Many of those under forty are simply not in the market to join a church.  It is more about having their personal needs and interests catered to.  They will jump from one church, and even denomination, to another simply because it is where their friends are at, or the pastor is a dynamic speaker. 

We need to ask ourselves the question: are we in the numbers game or are we interested in discipleship?  The paradigm has shifted away from filling the pews on Sunday morning to being in ministry where we are at.  The future of the church is dependent on our ability to reach people in the places where they live, work and play. 

My own pastor, Micah Miller, reminded the people at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church a few weeks back that Sunday morning is really practice for what happens in the real world.  People who worship on Sunday are the “core group of disciples.”  They must leave the building equipped and motivated to be the hands, feet and ears of Jesus.  I intentionally did not say “the voice” of Jesus.  In the past we have put a lot of emphasis on sharing the good news verbally.  In the current culture, we must earn the right to share our message.  We need to first have a relationship, and that happens when we serve and listen. 

In the future, we need to focus less on Sunday morning and more on being Jesus 24/7/365.  When we do share the Gospel message, we need to focus less on getting people to join our church and more on getting them to know and walk with Jesus. 

 

 

 

What to do About Pride Month

 June is Pride Month, and I am not sure what to do with that.  It is a thirty-day celebration marked by a variety of activities, including a Pride Parade.  It seems that there are rainbows everywhere.  Most major league baseball teams are participating by having a Gay Pride Day.  The major television networks are not only recognizing Gay Pride but doing feature stories on how far we have come as a society when it comes to recognizing our difference.

The "Gay Pride" movement traces its roots back to 1969.  Thom Higgins, a gay rights activist from Minnesota, and Brenda Howard, known as the “Mother of Pride” coordinated the first Pride march in New York City.  It has continued to grow and now is celebrated world-wide.  Contemporary culture has only fortified the movement as Millennials and Gen Z’s work to promote principles of tolerance and acceptance.  Even major Christian denominations have stepped on board, with rainbow flags and signs appearing on church property.  Even so, it is a struggle for me.  It is difficult for me to recognize, much less celebrate, a lifestyle I view as totally against God’s plan for us. 

I was challenged in my perspective on the LGBT movement many years ago.  The house next store to us went through a foreclosure and months of being vacant, falling into disrepair.  We rejoiced when a young woman bought the house.  Her parents soon showed up to help her do repairs and redecorate.  Then, shortly after she moved in, her female partner moved in as well.  Still, I extended the hand of friendship.  I got to know them.  I discovered that they both had great jobs at a major accounting firm.  They asked what I did, and I sensed a level of discomfort when I told them I was in full-time youth ministry.  My faith was now out in the open.

I still did my best to be a good neighbor.  When a lightning strike caused major damage and disrupted our routine, we joined forces and shared a generator to keep things running.  I recall helping them jump-start their car.  I tried to be friendly, always extended a greeting when we crossed path.  Still, it was a little uncomfortable.  I recall Mark and Katie, who were in grade school at the time, inquiring why when they had a pool party, all their friends were women. 

The day finally came when I saw them carrying out boxes.  Soon a van showed up and it was obvious they were moving out.  I inquired and found out they had bought another house in up-town Dallas, closer to where they worked.  In the process, I received an unexpected surprise.  The homeowner thanked me for a being a great neighbor.  She went on to say she recognized our differences but that was never a barrier.

My hope is that somehow, our brief friendship left a positive impression that as a Christian, I accepted her for who she was.  Taking it a step further, we need to remember that we are called to be Jesus, who always accepted people where they were at.  Without a relationship, He could never move them to where He wanted them to be.  Paraphrasing John 3:17, “We are not called to judge or condemn others but rather to love them and be Jesus in their lives.” 

So, while I will not celebrate Pride Month, I will view it as a reminder that Jesus came to save the lost.  He loves us, with all of our flaws and calls us into a relationship.  Only in that relationship can we discover his grace, love and the eternal plan He has for each of us.

 

 

 

On Being a Patriarch

 

We just returned from a quick weekend trip to Detroit.  It was the first time I had been on an airplane in over a year.  The plane was full and the airport seemed busy, but felt very safe.  There was a dual purpose for the trip.  Our Uncle Don died from COVID over a year ago and it was not until Saturday that we were able to celebrate his life with his church family.  On Sunday we celebrated our mom’s 100^th birthday.  Mom had not been out of the nursing home in over a year.  It took about an hour but once she got warmed up, she was sharing stories and had us laughing.  Mom can barely see and has always been hard of hearing, but there is no doubt her mind is sharp.

It was quite a gathering with over thirty of us traveling from Baltimore, Columbus, Ohio and Dallas to join the family that live in Michigan.  In the midst of the celebration, I became aware of a reality; I am the patriarch of the family.  Uncle Don was 97 years-old and never married.  He was always like a second dad.  When our dad died in 2004 it just seemed natural to consider my Uncle as the male head of the family.  Even though he has been dead for a year, this weekend just felt different. 

Then I got to pondering on what being the patriarch of a family actually means.  In my mind, the primary thing a patriarch is to do is make sure the family legacy is maintained.  That requires not just modeling and leading by example but encouraging those who follow to walk as disciples as well.   As I reflected on that thought, it occurred to me that that is what I have always tried to do. 

I truly believe that is what all of us are called to do as members of the Body of Christ.  Passing on the legacy of faith is vital.  I sincerely believe the reason the church has struggled over the last few decades is because adults, especially Baby Boomers, have focused on themselves and neglected passing on the heritage of faith.  We’ve done a good job of kingdom building and failed at building God’s Kingdom.  Personal wealth and success have become a higher priority than passing on the Gospel message of grace and hope.

Now I want to do my best to stay healthy so that my tenure as patriarch is long and productive. 

 

Youth Ministry in a Post-COVID World

 

I spent much of my professional career in youth ministry.  Over the last year I was very grateful to be retired.  I honestly could not imagine what youth ministry would be like in the midst of a pandemic.  Having spent time with some of my youth ministry friends last week convinced me that even post COVID-19 the way the church minister to teenagers and their families is going to look very different.  The days of pizza and Bible study in the youth room might be in the past.  According to my director of Christian education (DCE) friends, just because churches and youth rooms are again open does not mean the kids are coming back. 

One of the unfortunate results of the pandemic for teens is that anxiety and depression have become a major issue.  Traditionally, teens are social creatures and the period of isolation has taken its toll.  In many cases they have lost their support system, and at a time when the church youth ministry staff could provide encouragement face-to-face contact is not possible.  During this time the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found symptoms of anxiety and depression up sharply from the previous year.  Almost 11 percent of all respondents to that survey said they had "seriously considered" suicide in the past 30 days. For those ages 18 to 24, the number was 1 in 4, more than twice as high.

Three things that church leaders, especially those working with teens, need to keep in mind moving forward;

Relationships matter.  One-on-one relationships with teens is vital during this time.  After spending hours online going to class, the idea of spending time on Zoom with the group from church is not as enticing as it was early in the pandemic.  What they really need is the intimacy of a relationship where they can talk about the issues that are troubling them.  The best approach for the church youth ministry teams might be to “divide and conquer.”  Divide the list of teens among the various members of the team, with the youth ministry professional taking those who might need the most attention.  Texts and phone are a good way to connect. 

Encourage spiritual disciplines.  Daily devotional thoughts sent via group text are a great way to start.  Sending them out early each morning might encourage them to begin their days in God’s Word.  When you do gather as a group, provide some models of how to find peace and solitude.  Prayer walks or similar activities help provide structure.  Through it all, we must be messengers of hope, modeling what we preach.

Parents are vital.  The new model for ministry puts less emphasis on what happens at church through children’s and youth ministry and more emphasis on the home.  Some churches were already moving toward this paradigm but the pandemic has greatly accelerated the process.  Millennial parents, more than past generations, want to be responsible for the spiritual formation of their children.  We need to be mindful that this really is the biblical model, and that the church community is really only there to provide encourage and support.

 

Some other things that church leaders need to keep in mind going forward.  The church youth room, like some of the rest of our facilities, might be devalued.  Just because the youth facilities are less used does not mean ministry is not happening.  Secondly, stop playing the numbers game.  In the post-pandemic world relationships are vital.  Some of the best ministry is going to be happening one-on-one way from the church building.