Instant gratification: It's an expression I occasionally hear, but more often it is just implied. Many advertisers have caught on to the fact that the term itself carries with it negative implications. After all, who wants to be labled self indulgent or self absorbed. So instead of the term, instant gratificaton, we hear tempting cues like "no interest or payment for six months," or "no money down." No matter how it is delivered the message is the same, you can have whatever you want right now. The latest in entertainment centers... no problem. Remodel that kitchen to include applicances with the latest in style and technology... go for it.
No work, just play. That is the message that we are sending to our children. Whatever the latest is in style or technology, you can have it to enjoy now. Why wait, and let other people get ahead of you. You don't need to work for it, just sign on the dotted line and it's yours now. You will find a way to pay for it later. The problem is, usually we don't. That is why the average family owes credit card companies thousand of dollars, and why our national debt is measured in trillions of dollars. We have mortgaged the future, so that we can have fun now.
The illusion is that this is an upward spiral leading to a better lifestyle. The reality is it downward spiral that will lead our families and our nation to destruction. If the trend is to stop, and begin to reverse itself it is our responsibility to take the first step. Each household, each family, each parent must make the conscious decision to stop the craving for instant gratification.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Commercial Catch Phrases that Annoy Me, #1
The commercial we hear or the radio, or see in magazines and on TV, say a lot about our society and it's priorities. One such phrase I repeatedly hear is, "Get what you deserve." It might be a car, "Surround yourself with the luxtury you deserve," or something as basic as a mattress, "Get the good nights sleep you deserve." In this statement, I believe we have the root cause of the problem of entitlement. Because of who I am, or where I live, I am entitled to certain things. One difficulty that I have with this concept is that in reality we are entitled to nothing. As a Christian, I truly believe that all things are a gift from God. As an American, I know the high cost that was paid to provide for my freedom.
Unfortunaterly we are raising up a generation of children who feel a sense of entitlement. We have teenagers who believe they are entitled to the newest cell phone, or other electronic gadgets. They feel they are entitled to have the latest in clothes. They are entitled to get their drivers license, as well as their own vehicle, once they turn sixteen.
I recall when one of our sons was in 6th grade. He really wanted an Apple computer. He was using an old Commodore computer, but Apple had the latest technology and that is what he used at school. I priced them but quickly determined they we could not afford one. He would not give up, and discovered that their was another brand that was comparable and ran Apple software. It was half the cost. We struck a deal. If he would earn half the money needed, we would pay the balance. It was summer and he found a couple of neighbors who needed someone to cut their lawns. It took him a couple of months, but in time he got his computer. Unfortunately he's had a certain disdain for lawn mowers since then, but that's another story.
What are we teaching our children when we provide them with so much? Are we reinforcing the concept that because of who they are and where they live they too deserve something?
Unfortunaterly we are raising up a generation of children who feel a sense of entitlement. We have teenagers who believe they are entitled to the newest cell phone, or other electronic gadgets. They feel they are entitled to have the latest in clothes. They are entitled to get their drivers license, as well as their own vehicle, once they turn sixteen.
I recall when one of our sons was in 6th grade. He really wanted an Apple computer. He was using an old Commodore computer, but Apple had the latest technology and that is what he used at school. I priced them but quickly determined they we could not afford one. He would not give up, and discovered that their was another brand that was comparable and ran Apple software. It was half the cost. We struck a deal. If he would earn half the money needed, we would pay the balance. It was summer and he found a couple of neighbors who needed someone to cut their lawns. It took him a couple of months, but in time he got his computer. Unfortunately he's had a certain disdain for lawn mowers since then, but that's another story.
What are we teaching our children when we provide them with so much? Are we reinforcing the concept that because of who they are and where they live they too deserve something?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Temper Tantrums
An article in the most recent issue of Time Magazine caught my attention. It reported on a study of 1,000 children who were evaluated from birth through age 32. The study found that those that had self control issues as youth had more health issues, less financial stability and more incidents of anti-social behavior as adults. The good news is that self control can be learned. The message is clear. Parents, teachers and school administrators need to take the lead in teaching kids self control. Every kid throws a temper tantrum at some point. It's up to the adults in their lives to send the message that it isn't acceptable, and will never lead to them getting their way. Unfortunately while teachers and school administrators can be good at this, it's parents that often cave in.
I can only remember our oldest son, Peter, having one serious temper tantrum. He was in pre-school, probably three or four, and Barb and I went to pick him up. The plan was to stop at a Walgreens and then head home for lunch. When we told our son the plan, he immediately associated Walgreen with a Toy-R-Us located in the same strip mall. "I want to go to Toys-R-Us," he announced. "We don't have time to go to Toys-R-Us," I responded. What followed was a full-scale temper tantrum. As Peter screamed and pounded the seat with his fists, I continued to explain that we did not have time for Toys-R-Us. I had to get back to the office for an appointment. One stop, home for lunch, and back to work. I think I must have drawn the "short straw" because Barb went into Walgreens and I stayed in the car with the "screaming kid." The tantrum aburptly stopped when we pulled in the drive at home. "Maybe we go to Toy-R-Us some other day," Peter proclaimed as he marched into the house.
I am sure there were other incidents after that, I just don't recall them. I do know they seldom occured once Peter entered kindergaraten. Probably because the message had been sent. You can carry on, but don't expect to always get your way.
Unfortunately the older the child, the more difficult it is to constrain the tantrum. One lesson I learned as a school counselor. If they happened at school, don't get the parents involved. In almost every case they would side with the kid and insist that you give in. The lesson had been delivered: If you carry on long enough you will get your way.
In the case of the current study, children who learned self control reported fewer problem with as adults than those who continued to be impulsive. Standing up to temper tantrums is worth the effort.
I can only remember our oldest son, Peter, having one serious temper tantrum. He was in pre-school, probably three or four, and Barb and I went to pick him up. The plan was to stop at a Walgreens and then head home for lunch. When we told our son the plan, he immediately associated Walgreen with a Toy-R-Us located in the same strip mall. "I want to go to Toys-R-Us," he announced. "We don't have time to go to Toys-R-Us," I responded. What followed was a full-scale temper tantrum. As Peter screamed and pounded the seat with his fists, I continued to explain that we did not have time for Toys-R-Us. I had to get back to the office for an appointment. One stop, home for lunch, and back to work. I think I must have drawn the "short straw" because Barb went into Walgreens and I stayed in the car with the "screaming kid." The tantrum aburptly stopped when we pulled in the drive at home. "Maybe we go to Toy-R-Us some other day," Peter proclaimed as he marched into the house.
I am sure there were other incidents after that, I just don't recall them. I do know they seldom occured once Peter entered kindergaraten. Probably because the message had been sent. You can carry on, but don't expect to always get your way.
Unfortunately the older the child, the more difficult it is to constrain the tantrum. One lesson I learned as a school counselor. If they happened at school, don't get the parents involved. In almost every case they would side with the kid and insist that you give in. The lesson had been delivered: If you carry on long enough you will get your way.
In the case of the current study, children who learned self control reported fewer problem with as adults than those who continued to be impulsive. Standing up to temper tantrums is worth the effort.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Why I Don't Like to Watch the NFL
Like many American sports fans I watched the two NFL playoff games yesterday. I don't normally watch much pro football. Part of it is the season runs concurrent with NASCAR's Chase for the Cup. Aside from baseball, I probably follow racing more than any other sport. There was a time when I closely followed pro football but two factors have turned my off. The first is living in the DFW area, and having Jerry Jones as the owner of the local franchise. You have to look far to find a more self-serving, egotistical character.
The second reason is the same fault that I have with the NBA. It's too much about glorifying self. I can't stand it when a player feels the need to celebrate themselves on the field. A defensive player makes a great tackle or sack and then celebrates their conquest. That is exactly why I like the "excessive celebration" penalty in college football. You cross the goal line, toss the ball to the referee and then celebrate with your teammates on the way to the bench. You don't dance, jive or dive into the stands. The same attitudes have turned me off to pro basketball. A player makes a spectacular slam dunk and then celebrates while his teammates run down the floor to play defense without him. I have other issues with the NBA, but I don't have enough time to go into that.
I guess the reasons I like baseball and stock car racing is the there is so little glorification of self. The few "Mannys" who do have egos are looked on more with disdain than admiration. Listen to a driver interviewed after a race, and you will hear repeated references to all the people who supported him and made the victory possible.
We are hosting the Super Bowl in North Texas this year. And yes, I am serving as a volunteer. It is not because of my desire to support The NFL, or Jerry Jones. It's because I want to be a good host. The game and the events that accompany it are great for our local economy.
Fortunately the new NASCAR season starts the following weekend. Baseball season isn't far behind. I enjoy watching those sports, but also appreciate the values they promote.
The second reason is the same fault that I have with the NBA. It's too much about glorifying self. I can't stand it when a player feels the need to celebrate themselves on the field. A defensive player makes a great tackle or sack and then celebrates their conquest. That is exactly why I like the "excessive celebration" penalty in college football. You cross the goal line, toss the ball to the referee and then celebrate with your teammates on the way to the bench. You don't dance, jive or dive into the stands. The same attitudes have turned me off to pro basketball. A player makes a spectacular slam dunk and then celebrates while his teammates run down the floor to play defense without him. I have other issues with the NBA, but I don't have enough time to go into that.
I guess the reasons I like baseball and stock car racing is the there is so little glorification of self. The few "Mannys" who do have egos are looked on more with disdain than admiration. Listen to a driver interviewed after a race, and you will hear repeated references to all the people who supported him and made the victory possible.
We are hosting the Super Bowl in North Texas this year. And yes, I am serving as a volunteer. It is not because of my desire to support The NFL, or Jerry Jones. It's because I want to be a good host. The game and the events that accompany it are great for our local economy.
Fortunately the new NASCAR season starts the following weekend. Baseball season isn't far behind. I enjoy watching those sports, but also appreciate the values they promote.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Broken Arm / Broken Mind
Last weekend's events in Tucson have again brought the issue of bizarre behavior and mental illness among young people to the surface. Having worked with teenagers for many years I can recall numerous teens whose behavior caused me concern. It would always makes me uncomfortable when I had to sit down with a parent and discuss disturbing behavior that I or their teachers had observed. Sometimes the parents were able to shed light on the issue. Other times they were grateful that someone shared their concern. In such cases I was able to recommend where to go for help. Yes, there were times when I faced denial on the part of the teens family. It was a risk, because in such cases I could face an angry mom or dad.
The reality is that teens, more than any other age group, are susceptible to mental health issue. Most schizophrenics are diagnosed during the late teen and early adult years. The developing brain leaves teens and young adults especially vulnerable to delusionary behavior and obcessive disorders. Advances in media and in video gaming can only exacerbate the issue. Unfortunately, because the changes happen over a period of time, many parents miss it, or don't recognize it until it's too late. Most mental disorders can be treated in diagnosed early.
There is a stigma attached to mental illness, and that often prevents parents from seeking help even if it's observed. The reality is, if your child is running a 105 degree fever for three or more days you will seek medical help. If your child breaks a bone, you take them to the doctor to have it treated and set. Why not the same thing when the issue invovlves an illness of the mind?
What are the warning signs? Some initial ones might include:
Changes in behavior, especially withdrawal,
Sudden mood swings,
Failure to make eye contact when speaking to you or someone else,
Fits of violence or anger.
The reality is that teens, more than any other age group, are susceptible to mental health issue. Most schizophrenics are diagnosed during the late teen and early adult years. The developing brain leaves teens and young adults especially vulnerable to delusionary behavior and obcessive disorders. Advances in media and in video gaming can only exacerbate the issue. Unfortunately, because the changes happen over a period of time, many parents miss it, or don't recognize it until it's too late. Most mental disorders can be treated in diagnosed early.
There is a stigma attached to mental illness, and that often prevents parents from seeking help even if it's observed. The reality is, if your child is running a 105 degree fever for three or more days you will seek medical help. If your child breaks a bone, you take them to the doctor to have it treated and set. Why not the same thing when the issue invovlves an illness of the mind?
What are the warning signs? Some initial ones might include:
Changes in behavior, especially withdrawal,
Sudden mood swings,
Failure to make eye contact when speaking to you or someone else,
Fits of violence or anger.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
It's a God Thing
Both of our sons, Peter and Mark, will be ordained into the pastoral ministry of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod this coming Sunday. It's hard for me to imagine a time will I will be more proud. It will be a family affair as our daugther is singing a solo, accompanied by my wife.
Peter serves on the staff of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Fort Worth. He heads their multi-site, The Summit in Aledo. Mark recently completed his ministry as a urban missionary with LINC North Texas and now is serving as a church planter with Waters Edge Lutheran Church in Frisco, Texas.
There is much more to this story than two brothers who are going through a seminary program together. Both Peter and Mark started on careers that would have taken them in different directions. At one time or another both of them told me, "I see what your life is like and I don't think I will go into full-time ministry." God had other things in store, and in time both of them decided on a career in the ministry. I guess God does have a sense of humor, "never say never."
If there is a lesson here it's that, as parents, we need to allow our kids to pursue their dream. If they give up that dream, or head in a different direction, it needs to be their decision. At all times, turn them over to the Lord and pray that He accomplishes his plan in their lives. If they are on God's path, nothing we will do or say should interfere.
By the way, our daugther graduated with from TCU with a degree in music education, and then decided on a career in worship leadership. She now is following in her mother's shoes.
It's amazing how God works.
Peter serves on the staff of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Fort Worth. He heads their multi-site, The Summit in Aledo. Mark recently completed his ministry as a urban missionary with LINC North Texas and now is serving as a church planter with Waters Edge Lutheran Church in Frisco, Texas.
There is much more to this story than two brothers who are going through a seminary program together. Both Peter and Mark started on careers that would have taken them in different directions. At one time or another both of them told me, "I see what your life is like and I don't think I will go into full-time ministry." God had other things in store, and in time both of them decided on a career in the ministry. I guess God does have a sense of humor, "never say never."
If there is a lesson here it's that, as parents, we need to allow our kids to pursue their dream. If they give up that dream, or head in a different direction, it needs to be their decision. At all times, turn them over to the Lord and pray that He accomplishes his plan in their lives. If they are on God's path, nothing we will do or say should interfere.
By the way, our daugther graduated with from TCU with a degree in music education, and then decided on a career in worship leadership. She now is following in her mother's shoes.
It's amazing how God works.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Relatives Will Leave, but Jesus Won't
An article that appeared in USA Today one day last week caught me eye. "Jesus takes a backseat to family." was the headline. The article reflected on a recent survey. The statement, "Christmas is a time to ..." was posed to over 2,000 folks. A higher percentage, 45% as opposed to 37%, stated spending time with family was their top priority.
Perhaps that is what I observed on December 26th. I walk for exercise, and that is what I was doing on a path near our house on the day after Christmas. It was a cool, but nice afternoon. Lots of folks were out. I greeted each one with a "Merry Christmas." From some I got a puzzled look, others responded with a smile. Very few returned the greeting. To be honest, most seemed to be pre-occupied, a few others distressed. Not much Christmas cheer, even from those who were accompanied by other people.
My guess is that most of those I met had spent Christmas Day with friends and family. A few might have even spent it in church. But did the Spirit of the Christ Child remain? It sure didn't seem so. Spending time with family is temporary. Having Christ in your life is forever. That is not the way we think or operate, however. We tend to seek those things that offer instant gratification.
Don't get me wrong. I value family time. Barb and I had our whole gang together for eight hours on Christmas Day. After everyone left I was soon craving for more. But the spirit of the Christ Child remained with me. I was reminded of that during my personal devotional time the next day, and again as I worshipped on the 2nd Day of Christmas.
Time with family is temporary, but time with Jesus is forever.
Perhaps that is what I observed on December 26th. I walk for exercise, and that is what I was doing on a path near our house on the day after Christmas. It was a cool, but nice afternoon. Lots of folks were out. I greeted each one with a "Merry Christmas." From some I got a puzzled look, others responded with a smile. Very few returned the greeting. To be honest, most seemed to be pre-occupied, a few others distressed. Not much Christmas cheer, even from those who were accompanied by other people.
My guess is that most of those I met had spent Christmas Day with friends and family. A few might have even spent it in church. But did the Spirit of the Christ Child remain? It sure didn't seem so. Spending time with family is temporary. Having Christ in your life is forever. That is not the way we think or operate, however. We tend to seek those things that offer instant gratification.
Don't get me wrong. I value family time. Barb and I had our whole gang together for eight hours on Christmas Day. After everyone left I was soon craving for more. But the spirit of the Christ Child remained with me. I was reminded of that during my personal devotional time the next day, and again as I worshipped on the 2nd Day of Christmas.
Time with family is temporary, but time with Jesus is forever.
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