Reflections on Entering a New Year

There is something about the week between Christmas and New Years Day that puts me in a  contemplative mood. It is probably enhanced by the fact that the house is quite again, after the Christmas Celebration earlier this week.  We had all the kids and grand kids here for twenty-four hours.  What a delight! 

Perhaps it is because I am growing old, and slowing down too I might add, I probably spent more time watching and listening this Christmas than in years past.  I still find it hard to believe that I am closer to seventy, than I am sixty.  Where has the time gone?  Forty-three years of marriage, three married children and three grandsons.  I guess I really am old, but then I talk to my mom who is ninety-one (something I do every Sunday) and she puts things in perspective.  Mom has always had trouble hearing and now her eyes are failing as well, but she still finds reasons to celebrate life.  There is little complaining.  She is more concerned about my welfare and that of my family than anything else.

So what does all this mean, as we stand on the brink of 2013?  I don't know what the year will hold.  I am sure there there will changes - especially if our leaders can't get together and find a solution to this fiscal crisis our nation is in.  Getting older does open up the possibility of health issues.  My wife, Barb, is still going through the transition into retirement.  Through it all I can honestly say that God is good and faithful.  Our future here on this earth is always in a state of flux, but our future is secure.  The Christ Child took care of that.  2013,  like 2012, will be another year to rest in the arms of His Peace. 

As one year rolls into the next, this is the message we must convey to our children and grandchildren.  Jesus told his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble, but fear not: I have overcome the world." (John 16:33b).

In Search of Christmas Peace

I sense that many of those around me are having a difficult time finding peace this Christmas.  We are still struggling with the murders of the children in Newtown, Connecticut and then there is the threat of the "fiscal cliff."  This is not the first Christmas where I have experienced this.  I recall the past holiday seasons where there has been a sense of unrest.  1963 in particular comes to mind.  President Kennedy was assassinated only days before Thanksgiving and as a result there seemed to be a pall over the entire holiday season. 

Tragedy and unrest are nothing new in this world.  Consider the world into which the Christ Child was born.  The Jews were an oppressed people.  Even the lives of the holy family had been disrupted because Caesar had decided he need to make sure he was getting his fair share.  On arrival in Bethlehem they found themselves "street people," their only shelter being a stable.  The tragedy came later when Herod, out of jealousy, ordered the murder of innocent children.

Very few people caught the vision of "Peace on Earth" in those days.  I believe that Mary and Joseph sensed it, as did the shepherds.  Simeon and Anna sensed it (see Luke 2:21-38).  I pray that you will sense it too during this Christmas Season.  Remember Jesus' words to his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).

Celebrate well this Christmas.  In the midst of tragedy and uncertainty we have peace... the peace found in a manger. 

Every Gunman has a Parent

I was left numb today by another mass shooting.  This time it is an elementary school and children are among the victims.  This follows another shooting earlier this week in a shopping mall in suburban Portland, Oregon.  It's at the point where nothing shocks me anymore.  Schools, factories, offices and even churches have been the scenes for mass killings.  Once again we are hearing cries for stronger gun control.  I have never owned, or even fired, a gun, but I have many friends who do.  All of them seem to be normal, emotionally stable individuals.  I don't think outlawing guns, other than for hunting purposes, is the solution.

What I do think we need to be doing a better job at is identifying those who could potentially become involved in anti-social behavior.  Like cancer, early detection means a better possibility of effectively treating.   During my years of working with teens I can recall numerous times when I saw the beginnings of behavioral patterns that I saw as troubling.  I usually sought out a colleague who also knew the teen, seeking their opinion.  If they saw the same pattern and shared the same concern; The individual was on my radar.  I usually attempted to get close to the teen, when possible within their peer group.  If I sensed their friends shared a similar concern, it was time to get parents involved.  This is usually when things got complicated.  You see, in most cases parents "wear rose colored glasses" when it comes to the behavior of their child.  Seldom did parents share my perspective.  Even if they did they were reluctant to act, usually taking a "they will grow out of it," stance.  Rarely did they ask me to refer them to someone for professional help. 

I sincerely believe we need to address this issue within the family structure.  When parents see their children having anger control issues, exhibiting violent tendencies or the beginning of anti-social behavior, they need to address the issue and not ignore it.  Secondly, we need to move past the stigma of asking for professional counseling and help.  The reality is we all need some professional help somewhere along the line.  When it comes to our teens, we might just be saving their future, as well as the lives of others who they might potentially harm along the way.

Putting an end to violence begins at home.

Young Souls at Risk

I just finished reading the book Sticky Faith by Kara Powell and Chap Clark.  At a time when so many youth and young adults are turning their backs on the institutional church this book is must read book for parents and all Christians who have a relationship with a teenager.  If you are a member of a church, this includes you.  The nurture and caring of children and young people is a responsibility we share. 

A Sticky Faith is:

Both internal and external,
Both personal and communal, and,
Both mature and maturing. 

Such a faith continues to grow and flourish during the college and young adult years; the exact time when so many formerly "strong and committed" Christian youth are walking out the door.

One key component is a "Sticky web of Relationships" (chapter 5 in the book).  One concept Kara a and Chap introduce is the 1/5 ratio.  As an educator I thought I understood the concept, but the authors are not talking about one adult for every five students in a youth group or Bible class.  They are suggesting that every Christian young person should have five adults in their lives who are having a significant impact on the spiritual development of that teenager. 

I suggested similar relationships in my book Parenting Without Guilt.  One mistake parents make is not providing a support system for their teens.  It's important that the adults who make up that support system share a similar faith and values perspective with mom and dad.  Youth leaders, scout leaders and coaches all are in a position to impact the lives of your kids.   Kara and Chap go a step further in being more intentional.  They suggest maintaining an open line of communication with those folks.  They encourage parents to talk about those relationship with their teen and including those adults in their daily prayers. 

If the teens in our worship community are to have a Sticky Faith that grows and matures during their college years and beyond, it is a shared responsibility to make that happen.  More than the future of the church is at stake.  We are talking about young souls that are at risk.

 

Thanksgiving 2012: Learning Flexability

We celebrated our National Day of Thanksgiving last week.  Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday.  My wife might differ since she is the one who does the cooking, but for me it's a relaxing time with family.  There are not a lot of decorations to put up, and no gifts to be bought.  I don't recall ever sending out Thanksgiving cards.  My tasks are simple: get the house cleaned, make sure all the leaves are in the dinning room table and then carve up the turkey once the family arrives.  Our family celebration of Thanksgiving has become a twenty-four hour event.  We spend time playing board games with the kids, playing football in the backyard and those who wish to participate in some Black Friday shopping.

We faced a dilemma this year, however.  This was the first Thanksgiving that all our our children are married.  We learned early on that our daughter, Katie, and husband John were going to be in Houston with his family Thanksgiving Day.  Our youngest son, Mark and his new bride, Kristen, were going to Georgetown, Texas to be with her parents.  With the two youngest siblings gone, our oldest son, Peter, and his family decided they would spend the day with Amy's family in Whitesboro, Texas.  As a result we were faced with having to spend Thanksgiving Day in our empty nest.

There was some despair once we realized our traditional schedule was in jeopardy, but I was confident that our kids would work in time with mom and dad.   First-off my wife might put on the the best Thanksgiving Feast in  the south and no one wants to miss out.  Secondly, they enjoy time together.  Instead of fretting, I waited until they worked out the schedule between themselves, and indeed they did.  The kids started drifting in Friday afternoon and Barb had the traditional dinner ready for 5:00 PM.  It even extended into Saturday.  Everyone was here for breakfast and more fellowship.  They even took time to help me with chores: raking leaves, hanging the Christmas light and cleaning out the chimney.

One of the things that I am learning in my old age is flexibility.  There are no longer any "givens" and all things are in a state of change.  Secondly, if you love your kids unconditionally and provide a place of refuge and relaxation they will always find their way back home.  

By the way, they even watch out for us: Our daughter-in-law Amy invited us to join her family 's Thanksgiving celebration in Whitesboro.  In the process we discovered another family that shares the same faith and values. 

Some Thoughts on our Divided Country

The recent national election provided another example of how divided our country is.  The margin of victory for President Obama over the Republican candidate, Mitt Romney was only 3 million votes.  Even though the election was lost, 48% of Americans voted for Mr. Romney, in effect voting against the present administration.  Looking at a map of our country, the divide is obvious.  The President gained his support from the northeast and the west coast, while the Republicans remained strong in the south. 

Currently, one of the most divisive issues is that of gay marriage.  Our president supports gay rights.  That stance mirrors almost exactly the election results.  Support for gay marriage is strongest in New England (62%) and the Mid-Atlantic (57%) regions and lowest in the South Central region (35%).  Opposition is the strongest in the south; 56% in the South Central and 48% in the South Atlantic regions.  Public opinion on the president's health care reform package is similar.  The ultimate example of the chasm might be the votes cast by evangelicals.  72% of evangelical Christians voted for the Republican candidate, while only 23% voted Democratic. 

I have heard a lot of "Whoa is us" comments in these post-election days.  There is even a campaign to have The State of Texas, where we live, secede from the union.  I prefer to view our present situation as a challenge.  I would encourage those who share my perspective to do the same.  This is especially important for parents of teens.  If our traditional faith and values are to be past on to the next generation the responsibility lies with us.  We certainly cannot look to the government,or the education system to impart our biblical value system. 

There has never been a more critical time for Christian parents.  We need to not only be teaching faith and values, but living them out.  More importantly, we must be pointing to The Scriptures and helping young people understand what God''s desire is for his people.  And while we are doing that, we need to be praying for our leaders, especially our president and the member of  the congress.  The future of our nation and the souls of our children are at stake.

Schools and the Private Lives of Their Students

Highland Park High School is in the news for all the wrong reasons.  For those not familiar  with DFW Metroplex, Highland Park is a very affluent community within the city of Dallas.  Locals often refer to the "Highland Park Bubble."  The cities of Highland Park, and adjacent University Park, seem to exist in a world and culture of their own.  As expected, Highland Park High School is one of the top schools in the state of Texas both in academics and athletics.  Yesterday it was reported that HPHS had suspended over thirty students from extra-curricular activities.  The discipline was not the result of anything that took place on campus, rather a response to something that took place off campus, after school hours.  The students attended a concert at a local club where there were reports of illegal behavior by teens.  Both alcohol and drugs were present, and witnesses reported seeing many teens involved.  This follows, by a week, the arrest of a HPHS athlete on a rape charge.  The varsity baseball player had attended the same concert and met the victim, and other HPHS student, at the event.

This raises the question: Can a school punish students for behavior that takes place off-campus outside the context of a school activity?  In other words: Do schools have the authority to discipline students for the things they do on their own time?  I had to face this issue personally during my years as a high school counselor.  My response was always "Yes."  Our school had a zero tolerance policy when it came to drugs and alcohol.  Our student handbook (as does the one for HPHS) noted that it was against school policy to even be in the presence of drugs and alcohol.  A student was disciplined after the first offense.  It was usually my responsibility to follow-up with the student to help them make better choices in the future.  Sometimes it involved alcohol and drug related counseling, but most of the time it meant sensitizing them to the dangers of under-age drinking.  If there was a second offense the students was asked to withdraw from the school.

I seldom encountered any resistance from parents.  In some cases they were not aware of the at-risk behavior.  I always tried to work in concert with parents, providing both resources and support.  If there was an objection it came from the student.  We were sometimes accused of running a "police state."  In the minds  of the kids; We, as a school, should have had no control over what they did on their own time.

One of the critical components for parents is a support system.  It's important to have adults who share our values, and concern for our kid's welfare, involved in their lives.  Teachers, counselors, coaches and administrators should be viewed as advocates for what we as parents are trying to accomplish.  I am not saying that every person in the education system makes our kids their top priority.  Like in every profession, their are some misfits, but until they violate our trust they need our support and encouragement.  It's a tough world and we, and our children, need all the help we can muster.