A Pronounced Change

I am a Thomas. I am the son of a Thomas, who was the son of a Thomas. It caused a dilemma when our first son was born.  Growing up I was known as Tommy.  I was determined my son would not go through his grade school years bearing that name.  The solution: both of our sons have Thomas as their middle name.  We also gave our children names that intentionally could not be shortened.  Katie is Katie, not Kathryn.  I guess there are some folks who call our oldest son Pete, but no one in the family would think of that.  I try to be respectful of other people’s names.  I want to make sure it is pronounced correctly.  I my case, there is another reason.  Thomas is my “Jesus” name.  It was the name given me at Baptism.  It is what Jesus will call me when we finally meet face to face.

I know there are times people use a pronoun in referencing me.  He (Tom) did this or I heard him (Tom) say that.  I did spend a couple of years teaching grammar, so I know that in certain instances it is okay to use a pronoun.  There are gender appropriate pronouns, “he” and “She” as an example.  There also gender-neutral pronouns like “they” and “them.”  Traditionally gender-neutral pronouns were plural, referencing more than one individual.

 

Now I understand there is a change in the wind.  According to a new Pew Research survey, about one-in-five (18%) U.S. adults know someone who uses gender-neutral pronoun.  Granted, over four in ten (42%) do not know someone and another 39% are clueless, having heard nothing at all about gender neutral pronouns.  Not surprisingly, the use of gender-neutral pronouns is most common among young adults age 18-29.  Seventy-three percent (73%) of young adults have heard “a lot” (36%) or “a little” (37%) about people using gender-neutral pronouns.  The awareness of gender-neutral pronouns greatly diminishes by age with only a little more than one in ten (11%) hearing “a lot” and 35% a little about gender-neutral pronouns. 

I guess I could have anticipated this change.  Our moral compass has gradually changed directions over the last two decades.  In the minds of some the lines between male and female have become blurred.  Still, it does not change my perspective as a Christian.  God is still the creator and the one who sustains of all things.  He created us male and female.  He is the one who wants to call us by our name.  The Trinity might be three distinct persons but He is still King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 

Pro Life and Pro Jesus

I have always been Pro-Life.  I was in my early years in youth ministry in 1973 when Roe vs. Wade made abortions legal, forever changing our cultural landscape.  Even back then I tried to stay current in terms of helping teens grapple with the issues to the day.  The abortion issue was no different.  We had a Sunday morning youth Bible class that was taught by a young couple.  We also had a Monday night youth forum.  On that evening I would lead a discussion on a current topic.  Our discussion on the abortion issue surprised me.  We were a very conservative church that reflected the middle class suburb where we were located. I knew which side of the issue most the members, including the parents, were on.  But there was a very vocal minority within the group.  Those teens could think of a variety of scenarios where abortion might be a good choice, if not the only option. 

I reflected on those nights of heated discussion as I read the latest data on the issue of abortion published by Pew Research.  To put it bluntly; we are a divided nation.  Unfortunately, those of us who are Pro-Life are in a dwindling minority.  Support to keep abortion legal in all/most cases is at an all-time high 61%.  When Pew Research first started tracking public opinion on the issue in 1995 a similar 60% favored legal abortion.  Sometime around 2007-2008 public opinion was split almost 50%/50%.  Since then the support to keep abortion legal has grown.  When it comes to “completely overturning Roe vs. Wade” opposition has never been higher.  Seventy percent (70%) of Americans say “No do not overturn,” up from 60% in 1992.  If you think that support to keep abortions legal is driven by Millennials who tend to take a more moderate stance on oral issues, you might be surprised.   Fifty-five percent (55%) of older adults (65+) favor keeping abortion legal. 

I can report that our youth group survived the abortion debate in the 70’s.  There were times when the discussion got heated, as many kids mirrored the opinion of their parents.  I usually tried to listen and make sure both sides heard each other.  That continued to be my approach as I counseled teens both as a youth leader and school counselor.  I still maintain that is the best course when we encounter those who disagree with us on all social or moral issues.  I listen, and when I do “speak the truth” I make sure it is done with love.  I want people to see Jesus in me. 

“God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.”  (John 3:17 ESV)

Smartphones and Our Culture

Smartphones have become a part of our culture.  No generation has been impacted more than Gen Z’s, those born since 1995.  That year is considered a generational marker since that is when the internet became available to everyone.  Gen Z’s are also the first generation to have grown up with the smartphone.  The first i-phone was introduced in 2007, right about the time when Gen Z the first Gen Z’s were in middle school. While it is doubtful every middle school student had a smartphone back then, like they do today, you get the picture.  Today’s teens and young adults have pretty much grown up with a cell phone in their hand.

Pew Research recently released the latest data on smartphone and today’s teens. It is estimated that 95% of high school teens have a personal cellphone.  The survey identified the way those 13-17 year olds use their phones.  A vast majority of cellphone-using teens say their phone is just a way to pass time, with 90% saying they use the phone that way.  A similar large percentage (84%) report they use their phones to connect with other people or to learn new things (83%).  It is not all positive, however.

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Cell phone use is often a “bone of contention” when it comes to teens and the adults in their lives.  There is an ongoing tension when it comes to cell phone use.  Some parents have made their homes cell phone-free zones, while others restrict their usage to certain times; no phones allowed at meal time or during the evening study time.  It is not uncommon for a teen to sleep with their phone next to them, and for them to check their phones during the night. 

As I thought about this I came to the realization that this tension is really nothing new.  During my high school years our home had one telephone line.  When we moved to a new house prior to my junior year my parents decided I needed my own bedroom equipped with an extension phone.  I suspect they probably sometimes regretted that, considering the tension it created: “How can you spend all day at school with them and then come home and talk for hours at night?” I recall my mother saying. 

There was another disturbing trend that came out of the Pew Research study.  Many teens (43%) admit to using their cellphone to avoid social contact.  While a smartphone is a great way to connect with people, it is also a way to avoid “face to face” interaction.  Avoiding social interaction was much more common among girls (54%), than boys (31%).  A sad reality is that while many teenage girls want to accumulate a long list of friends on social media they often avoid the intimate relationships that can truly be long-term and life-changing.

Reflections on El Paso

It was almost ten years ago that I came back from a mission trip with a challenge that God had put on my heart.  I had spent five days in the town of Booneville, Arkansas.  One of the local pastors asked us to spend time walking the streets of that economically challenged community praying for the town and its people.  I came back determined to prayer-walk our entire city of 25,000.  It took me about eight months but I accomplished my goal.  I met some interesting people and came away captivated by the diversity of Farmers Branch, Texas.  There is one impression that remains with me to this day.

Some nights I would walk blocks past manicured lawns and fine homes.  On those evenings the only sounds were an occasional mower or the whirring of a sprinkler head.  Other evenings I passed homes where neighbors were on the porches or standing in their driveways.  On those evenings I often struggled to walk a few blocks before the sun started to set.  People were curious.  They wanted to engage in conversation.  My only regret was my Spanish was limited to a few words.  Most of the time, I had to rely on someone to be my translator.  My conclusion: Anglos are content spending their evening inside the comfort of their homes, while Hispanics enjoy a sense of community.  In the Hispanic neighborhoods, families were often eating outside, sharing food and fellowship with their neighbors.  Neighbors were helping each other with projects, like putting new brakes on a truck or making repairs on their homes. 

I thought of my experience last week as I watched the residents of El Paso, Texas mourn together after the tragic events in their town.  My only time in El Paso was spent in the airport making a connection on Southwest Airlines.  I have spent extended time in other border towns.  I have been on mission trips to McAllen, Brownsville and Del Rio.  On my trips into interior Mexico our passage point was always Laredo, Texas.  The impression stays with me.  There is a real sense of community in each of those cities.  People want to engage in conversation.  They want to extend hospitality and are ready to help in any way possible.  They also know how to cook and their entire celebrations center around food and friends.  They also watch out for and protect each other.  If there is crime, it usually comes from outside the neighborhood. 

In the most recent case, the people of El Paso also know how to grieve together.  The population of El Paso might surpass 650,000 but in actuality it is a community of neighborhoods.  People work and worship together.  They support and watch out for each other.  While I sensed a lot of grief, I did not hear a lot of anger.  I heard little discussion about gun control, rather the focus was on healing and sending a message that “we will get through this together.” 

“In this world, you will have trouble. 

But take heart, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

While politicians and lobbyist argue about gun control and security from domestic violence, I believe God has called us to be people of hope in a broken and hurting world.

Family

I have experienced a lot of quality family time over the last two weeks. Since all our kids and grand-kids live in the DFW area, people assume we see each other regularly.  The reality of having so many of us involved in ministry means we have busy lives.  The occasions when we are all together in the same spot for an extended period of time is rare.  This summer has been special because Barb and I celebrated fifty years of marriage.  In June we had an extended family reunion to celebrate.

As part of the celebration, two weeks ago we were all together on Galveston Island for five days.  We created a lot of happy memories.  As the patriarch, I was content sitting in a chair watching the young folks frolic in the gulf surf.   Our family loves to play games.   Pinochle is part the Couser family tradition.   I always travel with a deck of pinochle cards in my suitcase.  Galveston was no exception.  While I did find much success at the card table, I achieve my first victory in the board game Ticket to Ride.  A more recent family past-time is playing Settlers of Cattan.  While I enjoy the game, I have yet to figure out the strategy on that game.  Our time sharing two condos on Galveston Island was a memorable in a positive way.

My journey since has been less pleasurable.  A week ago today I had hip replacement surgery.  Again, family was part of the journey.  Mark sat with Barb while I was in surgery and Katie was waiting when I arrived in my room after surgery.  Peter called and prayed with me the morning before I went into the operating room.  He stayed in regular contact throughout my hospital stay.  The whole gang was part of the transition home.  Katie picked me up from the hospital and Peter and Mark, along with two of Peter and Amy’s sons, moved a bed from upstairs into the family room.  Mark spent the first night home sleeping on the couch next to me.  It is probably appropriate that my first extended time sitting up was at our dining room table Sunday afternoon playing Ticket to Ride.

My rehab is proving more difficult than I anticipated but my family keeps encouraging me.  All three of our kids, and two of our grandsons have been able to assist me at different times.  Not a day goes when I do not hear a word of encouragement from each of them.  It is not limited to immediate family.  Katie’s in-laws have been there as well.  Kim Seale visited me in the hospital and prayed with me.  Laura Seale sat with me Sunday morning so Barb could play the organ at Prince of Peace. 

We need to cherish the family relationships that we have.  Life within a family can get messy at times but we need each other.  That includes our church family as well.  God did not create us to live our lives on an island.  Relationships are a way to share God’s gifts of love, mercy, compassion and grace.

Hey: I am Cusper

I recently found out that I am a “Cusper.”  I guess I should be somewhat relived that my generation at least has an identity.   In case you are puzzled, Custers are those born on the “cusp” of a generation.  I was born in 1946 and always was labeled as a Baby Boomer but in reality I do not fit the mold.  While most Baby Boomers want to retire and move to Sun City, or some similar “senior adult” community, I have no desire to spend the rest of the life play cards and hanging with other “old” people.  I definitely do not see myself as a member of the “Silent Generation.”  Other than hearing World War II from my Uncle Don, a WW II Veteran, I have no experience with that conflict.  Now I have a hanger on which I can place my generational cap.  I am a “Cusper.”

Okay, I am not a Cusper in the current context.  That is a term that seems to be reserved for those born on the cusp of the Millennial and Gen Z generations.  Loosely, they are those born during the last decade of the 20^th Century.  As a group, they are less self-absorbed and more focused than Millennials but not as driven to change the world as Gen Z’s. They also have vague memories of 9/11 and can recall life before hand-held mobile devices.  Like many Gen Z’s, Cuspers tend to be driven by social and environmental issues.  They desire to affiliate with organizations that are engaged with the world and the community.  They want to make a difference in the world.  Ministries to the homeless or economically challenged are important to them.  They will support efforts to feed starving children whether it is in Africa or inner city America.  They also are environmentally conscious.

It is probably best to remember that all Generational labels are arbitrary.  Not every person born within a period of time is going to be exactly like every other person their age.  God has created us each as a unique individual.  That uniqueness is what makes the world an interesting place but it can also frustrate those who desire to market a product or design a ministry to reach them.  In the case of those born too late to be a “true” Millennial and too old to a genuine member of Generation Z, they now have a generational identity. 

That does not make it easier to minister to the current Cuspers.  Part of that is their transient lifestyle.  Many of them are still in college, meaning they drift in and out of our lives.  Even if they are starting a career, they are probably still struggling to establish an adult identity.  All of which serves as a reminder that we need to not focus on ministering to a generation and more on reaching individuals one on one.

A Culture of Bullying

I do not talk about it much, but I was bullied when I was in grade school.  I distinctly remember being a victim while in 5^th and 6^th grades.  Reflecting back, I can understand why I was an easy target.  I was at the bottom on the food chain academically and unusually tall making my very uncoordinated.  My name did not help; my nick name was “cow brain.”  Then there was our family car.  While other dads drove Ford, Chevrolets or Dodges, my dad drove a 53 Willys.  Fortunately, the taunts stopped when I got to junior high and a couple of the antagonists transferred to other schools.  Still, I carry the memories with me.  As a school counselor had my radar up and watched for any students who might be a victim of bullying.

While bullying is still an issue a school environment, it probably carries more impact today.   While most of my classmates were aware of my plight, thanks to social media it might appear to today’s victims that the whole world knows.  Instagram is the social media site favored my most teens  It is projected that 80% or more of today’s middle and high school students are on Instagram.  The social media site allows individuals to make anonymous comment, and even form groups for the purpose of taunting others.  Coupled with the reality that everyone else seems to have a perfect image online.  After all, who is going to post uncomplimentary pictures of themselves.  Social media is a blessing and a curse.  It is no surprise that recent studies point to the reality that teens who are bullied are twice as likely to attempt suicide. 

Parents and school personnel cannot shoulder the responsibility for stopping bullying.  All of us need to have our eyes open watching for signs of bullying.  One sign is teens who seem to be isolated or by themselves.  It is especially important that we watch for those indicators in teens that are close to us.  Even as older adults we can help by offering encouraging words and by lifting them up in prayer.  We can also combat the issue by not becoming part of the culture of bullying ourselves.  Our words should always convey love, not hate and intimidation.