Not Every Christmas is Bright

I commmented on the topic of peace this Christmas in my last entry. I had a reminder on Christmas Eve. I attended four services that night, a reality when both your wife and daughter are church musicians. It was in the 6:00 PM service at our home church that I observed someone who was seeking Christmas peace. The church was packed. I was standing in the sound booth at the rear, observing how to operate the video system - my responsibility the following morning. I noticed a middle age couple enter well after the first hymn. They found two of the few remaining seats in the last row. I did not recognize them and they gave all the signs of being visitors. The demeanor and appearance led me to believe they were successful professional people. They were good looking and well dressed. I thought nothing of it. Lots of guests on Christmas Eve.

It was during the message that I first heard the wimpering. I looked down to see the man with his head in his hands. The wife reached over and rubbed the back of his neck, comforting him. Ben Sheck, who was preaching that evening, used a video clip from A Charlie Brown Christmas. He talked of how we are all like the Christmas tree that Charlie Brown claimed as his own. We've been rejected by everyone else but God claims us, ugly as we are. Ben also asked us to focus on Linus, as he recited the Christmas Story. As Linus spoke the words of the angel, "Fear not I bring you tidings of great joy," he dropped his security blanket. Ben spoke of how we need to let go of the earthly things that we cling to and trust only in The Christ Child. That is where true peace is found.

As Ben talked, the sobbing continued. Before me was someone who was experiencing brokeness this Christmas. No amount of comfort from his wife could stem the tears. I wanted to go and hug the man, let him know I heard his cry.

The couple stayed for the prayers but they snuck out during the lighting on the candles in preparation for Silent Night. I only hope the Holy Spirit touched the man; That somewhere in the message he found the peace he was seeking.

All you, beneath your heavy load, by care and guilt bent low,
Who toil along a dreary way with painful steps and slow;
Look up, for golden is the hour, come swiftly on the wing,
The Prince was born to bring you peace; Of Him the angels sing.

The image of that one individual has stayed with me this holiday. I have counted my blessing as we celebrated Christ's Birth as a family. There was a lot of joy in our home, but I am blessed. Not everyone had peace this Christmas.

A Christmas Gift for Your Teen: A Legacy of Peace

"Peace of earth, good will toward men." (Luke 2:14b)

I've had reason to reflect on those words and their implication in recent days.

I thought of it on Tuesday as I was out Christmas shopping. I was driving the speed limit on I-635 (The beltway around Dallas). I was in the outside lane, and as I approached an entrance ramp I noticed a slow moving car preparing to merge. Traffic was heavy, so switching lanes was not an option. I slowed slightly, allowing them to settle into the spot in front of me. Settle in they did, literally. I expected them to speed up, but they went slower. I could see the frustration in the driver behind me, as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. I was seething as well. My joyful Christmas spirit disappeared, as I was stuck behind a poky driver for the next three miles till I reached my exit.

"There is no peace on earth, he said."

Yesterday morning it happened again when I stopped at the local Kroger. I avoid the scan-it-yourself lanes. I like talking to people. This time I got my wish. I had plenty of time for conversation with the couple behind me. The woman in front of us was engaged in a heated debate with the cashier, manager and anyone else who would listen. As the second past, I grew more frustrated. This drama was disrupting my schedule.

"There is no peace on earth, he said."

So this morning I decided to slow down, not just to pause and contemplate the meaning of the Christmas season, but the implications of having a Savior. Jesus came to bring me peace, not peace from the inconveniences of life, but eternal peace. I know my eternal future is secure. I have a Savior who has given me eternal life as a Christmas gift. That is the Good News of Christmas.

I truly believe that is what we need to focus on, not just on Christmas Day but on each day following as well. The peace of Christmas should permeate every aspect of our lives, enabling us to live peaceably with all people, in all situations.

I don't think we've taken Jesus' words, "Blessed are the peacemakers," to heart. Perhaps that is why we are so despised by the world, and labeled as hypocrites by so many under the age of thirty.

Be a peacemaker this Christmas. In fact, be a peacemaker in the days and weeks and months after Christmas. That is the gift we need to give our children this Christmas. That is the legacy we need to pass on to them, and to their children and to the generations to come.

Your eternal future is secure... Be at peace.

Holiday Humor

Last year during the holiday season, Dallas had the honor of hosting the National Chess Masters annual tournament. One of the major downtown hotels served as the headquarters and all the matches were held in the main ballroom. The competition was intense with champions being crowned for various levels of play. The organizers had promised to conclude their competition on the evening of December 23 enabling the hotel staff sufficient time to clean the facilities and still be able to be at home to celebrate Christmas Eve. When the manager of the hotel past through the lobby on the next morning he found the winners still discussing the events of the night before. He thought nothing of it until about 11:00 AM when the housekeeping staff complained that none of the chess masters had checked out of their rooms. The manager warned them that they needed to conclude their discussion and check-out, lest they be charged for an extra night. They barely noticed and went on comparing moves, obviously taking great pride in their skills. When he still found them in the lobby at 1:00 PM he called the police who came and arrested them. With what were they charged?

During the holidays in Dallas it is illegal for Chess nuts to be boasting in an open foyer.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year

America Needs to be Tebowed

Denver Bronco quarterback, Tim Tebow, has gotten a lot of press lately. A professed Christian, Tebow has led The Broncos to a series come from behind victories. When the Denver Defense is on the field as the seconds wind down, the cameras like to focus on Tim Tebow on the sidelines in prayer. We should not be surprised. Going back to his college days, Tim Tebow was always quick to publicly confess his faith in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Likewise, we should not be surprised that Tim Tebow is being criticised and even mocked for his blatant Christian witness.

When I think about Tim Tebow I can't help but recall the question: If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you? In the case of Tim Tebow, the jury seems to have already rendered their verdict. "Yes." I am not so sure the decision would be as clear for myself, and many others who like me who confess to be followers of Christ.

When I listen to his teammates reflect on what Tim Tebow means to them I hear words like: confidence, leadership and commitment. Even if the cameras didn't focus on his sideline prayer routine, Tim Tebow's actions would serve as testimony to the role Jesus plays in his life.

What better time of year for all of us to model Tim Tebow, and the example of Jesus as well? Through our actions we need to reflect the love and the hope that we have found in Jesus, the Infant King. While the world is expressing words of holiday greeting, "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc." we need to be living out the spirit of the Christ Child. We need to be people of peace, joy and hope.

Holiday Reality Check

Growing up, Christmas was always a joyous time. Lot's of memories. What's not to enjoy about the holiday season and the celebration of the birth of Our Savior. I learned to appreciate the Celebration of Christmas even more once I left home. The anticipation of celebrating Jesus' coming and being back home with family made the time even more special. During my first few years in ministry I came to realize there was some added stress: arranging Christmas caroling for the youth group, planning the youth-led Christmas Eve service and extra parties to plan and attend.

When I moved on to my second church, it was my teammate, Pastor Bill Huener, who brought to my attention another dose of holiday reality. There is an increased need for counseling and ministries of reconciliation. Why would such a joyous season create such angst in the lives of people who were celebrating the birth of their Savior-King? Consider the following:

Christmas present might not match up to the memories of Christmas past. We all have expectations in terms of what Christmas is to be like. When reality doesn't match our expectations we feel let down and cheated.

Memories We might also have episodes of grief as we remember those who are not present. It becomes magnified if they have died. It' natural to miss them more during the holidays.

Reality: We don't all get along. Nothing can dampen the holiday spirit like having to be with a relative that don't like. Tensions rise as we have to spend time with people who the rest of the year annoy and frustrate us.

So how do we prevent a Christmas Blow-up? I think it begins by focusing on the real reason for the season. We are commemorating the birth of our Savior. That Savior delivers both grace and hope. What a better time to apply that grace? After all, isn't one name for the Christ Child, The Prince of Peace. That peace has to begin with me. As for those Christmas Blues: Remember that the Christ Child brings the ultimate gift of hope. The greatest celebration of Christmas is yet to come. That will happend when we are all together in heaven. Finally, Putting aside our feelings and expectations might be the greatest gift that we give to our children this Christmas.

Penn State and The Bubble Theory

It's been a few weeks since the news of the scandal at Penn State University broke. Since then many school official, including legendary Coach Joe Paterno, have been forced to step down. Authorities are still sorting through the evidence, but this much we know: A lot of people were made aware that assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, was sexually abusing young boys and chose to do nothing about it. From my perspective this is an example of the insulated bubble theory.

Within an athletic program it is so easy to get caught up with success. Over time the focus becomes wins and trophies. Those who are viewed as responsible for the success are revered. The institution begins to focus on the success as well. It becomes a source of pride, and that's when the bubble starts to form. The program becomes insulated. Administrator do all they can to cultivate the success, and in the process might even ignore some of the flaws. Inside the bubble the emphasis is on victories. As a result the vices are overlooked. Misconduct is tolerated. The core values that the program was based on become vague. Those inside the bubble might even consider themselves to be above the law because of who they are and what they supposedly mean to the institution.

I have experienced the bubble. I coached high school basketball, including two years heading up a varsity boys program. The season itself was a grind. From October to February, twelve to fourteen hour days are the rule, rather than the exception. Add to that the pressure to win and the demands to meet the expectations of parents and fans. It's easy to become insulated. The team and the responsibilities that go with it become your world. Yes, I faced situations where players broke rules. In such cases I had to decide whether to discipline or not. Sometimes, sitting a player meant the difference between a win or a loss. I was blessed with an athletic director and principal who held me accountable. It still hurt because we played against teams that did not always keep those same standards.

Families are not immune to the bubble theory. Parents can get caught up in meeting the needs of their kids. We want the best and take pride in their academic, artistic and athletic success. When our focus is on our kids and their achievments, it's easy to lose perspective. As a result, we might be reluctant to upset the status quo, or to confront an issue. In some cases, we become so enamored with our kids that we feel they can do no wrong. As a school counselor, one of the most difficult situations I faced was having to inform a parent of their child's misdeed. Often I was met with anger because I had tried to penetrate that bubble.

When it comes to our kids, we need to keep things in perspective. We all have flaws. No family is immune to problems. Don't allow there to be a bubble around your family.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I can expect a Thanksgiving "wake-up call" every year. This time it happened Monday morning. The setting on the toaster got switched and my English muffin wasn't as crisp as I like it. You have to understand, I am creature of habit when it comes to breakfast: Oatmeal with a touch of brown sugar, a banana, an 8 oz. glass of milk and a well-toasted English muffin. That morning I was the one who was well-toasted. My muffin was soft and soggy. Where were the crispy nooks and crannies I treasure?

Then came the wake-up call. There was no mother there to remind me of the starving kids in Africa that are going hungry, but I still heard the voice. I guess it was God's way of reminding me how blessed I am. Nothing like a heavy dose of "keeping things in perspective."

I was re-visiting one of Max Lucado's books last night in trying to get my heart ready for Thanksgiving. In chapter 9 of The Great House of God, Max focuses on The Kitchen. He recalls a wall hanging with the fourth petition of the Lord's Prayer. "Give us this day our daily bread." In our self-serving, "Give Me" world it's easy to look at our blessings as something we deserve. Max reminded me that those words need to be kept in the context of the first three petitions. We have an awesome and powerful God who has met our greatest need. We have a Savior and can pray for the coming of his kingdom. Why wouldn't the God who has met our greatest and most eternal need not meet our daily needs as well? For that he deserves our thanks and praise not just this day, but every day.

As adults that is the message we need to share through our actions. It is so easy for our kids to get caught up in the self absorbed culture of our current world. We want and expect the best and the newest. When the world doesn't meet our needs the way we would like, we sulk. That's the wrong message to send this day especially. I am, of all people, especially blessed. I live in a great country, have an loving family and great friends. Most of all I have an awesome Savior. The frosting on the cake is the turkey on the table.

Bullying and The Golden Rule

I heard on the news this morning of another child who killed themselves as a result of bullying at school. In this case it was a ten year old girl in North Carolina. She was the victim of intense bullying at school and on-line. The mom opened the door to her daughter's bedroom to discover her hanging by her neck. The girl took her last breath in her mother's arms. The evidence was on the Facebook page on her computer.

Bullying has become such an epidemic that the national Center for Disease Control has become involved. In a 2009 survey, 20% of high school students reported being bullied on school property in the preceding twelve months.

It is especially disturbing when bullying takes place in a Christian environment, but I can't deny that it happened during my years in youth ministry. In one case, the parents of the bully responded in a hostile manner when I tried to intervene. In their mind, "It was just boys being boys, and the victim just needed to get over it." When words or actions hurt, it's never ok.

Maybe we need to do a better job of applying the Golden Rule: "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you." I know it sound a little like work righteousness, but it's a principal Christians should live by. It's also a principle that is best caught, rather than taught. In other words we, as adults, must model it. In addition, when we witness a child bullying another child, we need to confront it with a reminder of The Golden Rule.

In addition, we owe it to our kids to know what's going on in their lives. If we sense any bullying, we need to follow the trail. That means constantly monitor the content on their computers and smart phones.

If bullying is an epidemic, we need to shift into a prevention mode.

When is Spanking not OK

A South Texas judge made national news last week when a video of him spanking his sixteen year old daughter showed up on You Tube. The girl, who is now twenty-two years old, was being punished for illegally downloading videos from the internet. The video is hard to watch. While the offense deserved punishment, the method in this case is wrong.

It does raise the question; Is spanking ever appropriate? I do see some value in spanking younger children as a deterrent. There comes a point, however, when it can become counter-productive. In case in question, the spanking was highly inappropriate. We're talking about a sixteen year old girl. How demeaning for a sixteen year old girl who is in the process of seeking her own identity to be told by her own father to, "bend over so I can paddle you." It had to have been a blow to her self image.

The other issue in this case is the father's anger. That is the danger when spanking is used as punishment. Do our kids do things that make us angry? You bet they do, but we also do things that exasperate them. (Ephesian 6:4) The challenge is to keep our feelings separated from the child's behavior. That's why it's usually best to delay any discussion or punishment until cooler heads prevail.

The bottom line is physical punishment is not appropriate when the offender is a teenager. Parent who resort to such methods run the risk of having the victim eventually becoming the aggressor. In this case the retaliation came in the releasing of a six year old video.

NASCAR and My Grandsons

Next to the holidays, this coming weekend is one of my favorite times of the year. It's a NASCAR weekend at Texas Motor Speedway. Three straight days at the track. I always joke that NASCAR is the one sport that is truly Lutheran. They begin with an invocation and let you carry in your own beverage of choice, including beer. Hey, the parking is free too, and some of the best fellowship around is found at the track. NASCAR fans are a unique fraternity. No strangers here.

None of these are the primary reason I enjoy NASCAR weekends at TMS. It comes down to the quality time that I get to spend with my grandsons. Weekends at the speedway are the one experience that only I share with them. While our time at the track is fun and entertaining, that's not where I find the most satisfaction. The race itself is loud and extremely intense. Not much time for conversation. I enjoy the trips to and from the track almost as much as the race itself. Great time for conversation. And then there's the tailgating in the parking lot and walking the midway, looking at the show cars and searching for autographs.

I sincerely hope this is a tradition that continues. Every grandparent needs one activity that they uniquely share with their grand kids. It's not the activity, as much as it is the time together and the opportunity to pass on the values and faith that are so much a part of who I am.

Kids Who Walk on the Wild Side

Reflecting back on our high school years, we probably all knew kids who tended to walk on the wild side. Within my circle of friends it was Bobby. His dad worked for an auto dealership, so the family alway had access to new cars. They were almost always the slickest and fastest. He drove those cars with reckless abandon. Bobby loved speed. His parents bought him a motorcycle. I recall the day he stopped by to show it off. Fortunately when he offered me a ride my mom was standing close by. "No," she said firmly. My parent were on to Bobby. They made it clear. I was not to get into a car when he was behind the wheel, and they definitely didn't want me riding a motorcycle with him.

I thought of Bobby last weekend. There was another tragic story on the news; another accident where a teen was killed while a passenger in a car. In this case the seventeen year old driver was driving at a high rate of speed. To me the most revealing comment came from a classmate. "Some kids just are not mature enough to have a license," he noted.

None of us want to be accused of sitting on the judgement seat when it comes to our teen's friends. Yet we can sense when one of their peers might be capable of putting themselves and others at risk. It behooves us to have a conversation with our teen. Ask for their impression of their peers. Which ones tend to make poor choices> Which ones tend to take risks that even scare their peers? We can't force our kids to not associate with those teens who tend to live dangerously. The fact is, those kids need friends who are a positive influence. But when it comes to putting their lives in the hands of those teens, they better consider the possible consequences.

Somewhere today there is a parent who wishes that they had had that conversation.

Drivers License: Just Another Right of Passage

Few events stir-up more fear and anticipation than having your teen get their first drivers license. I was reminded of this while at DFW Airport this morning. I spend one morning a week serving as a DFW Airport Ambassador. Sitting at an information booth puts me in constant contact with the traveling public. In this case it was a dad traveling with his two teenager daughters. He inquired on how to get to the Rental Car Center. While I explained, the two girls discussed what kind of car they were going to be touring Dallas in. Referring to the oldest daughter he remarked, "She just finished drivers education and is anxious to get her license. I am not sure I am ready for that." "Been there - Done that," I thought.

Getting a license and being behind the wheel for alone for the first time is a big deal for a teenager. For parent there are a lot of mixed feelings. No more chauffeuring - balanced against the increased cost for insurance. As our teens gain more freedom, our anxiety usually rises. Barb and I negotiated our way through that period with a few scary moments and some funny stories to tell. In the end we survived. In the process helped our kids achieve the freedom they cherished and we desired.

AAA offers some recommendations to make the transition easier and safer. Ironically, many of the tips focus on parents. It begins with being a positive and responsible role model. If you are a safe and law-abiding driver, your kids probably will be too. Secondly,know and understand your teen. The reality is some kids are responsible enough to drive before they turn sixteen, others still can't handle the responsibility at age twenty-one. Another tip: Designate your car a "cell-free zone." Make it a family rule that the driver has their phone turned off. Identify one passenger as the "designated texter." That individual can monitor the GPS and stay alert for any messages.

Getting your drivers license, like graduating from high school and heading off to college, is just another right of passage.

Occupy Dallas: Is There a Better Way?

I heard on the news this morning that hundreds of people camp out overnight outside of area Apple Stores waiting to be the first to purchase a new version of the i-phone. I am sure somewhere Steve Jobs is smiling. My question is: What is it that compels us to want the biggest, best and newest of everything.

The other news story that caught my attention today was word that the Occupy Dallas protesters have reached an agreement with the city on relocating their tent city. As I understand it, the Occupy Dallas folks were inspired by the group currently protesting on Wall Street. Their angst is directed at corporate America and the greed that seems to drive it. They are calling for people to again take control of our country.

I see a connection between these two stories. In my mind there is no difference between corporate greed and personal greed. We have reached the point where greed, rather than survival drives our economy. As a nation we have gotten the difference wants and needs confused. If they want to send a message I would suggest that they move their tent city to North Park Mall, or Southlake Town Center.

I visited the auto show at the State Fair of Texas last week. I enjoy looking at the new cars, and yes I would like one of them. Reality is, what I need is transportation and my ten year old Saturn with 195,000 miles provides that. I see that as doing my part.

As parents and adults we need to be setting a better example for our kids. If some of us learned to live with a little less, maybe those that don't have enough right now would be better off.

What the Decline in the Daily Newspaper Says About Us

I have always been a dedicated newspaper reader. That is probably rooted in the fact that as a high school student I delivered almost 200 copies of the Detroit Free Press each morning. Being up at 5:00 AM and delivering those papers rain or shine probably breeds either a sense of commitment or insanity. Truth is, I still anticipate opening the Dallas Morning News each day. I have my first cup of coffee as I peruse the sports section. After reading the sports section I move on the metro and front sections. I try to devour it all. Even though, thanks to television and the Internet, I might know the results from games the previous evening, there is always a new insight. Seeing it in print sort of makes it official.

I am aware that our world is changing and that printed newspapers might soon be a thing of the past. Yes, I can find the same material on a website. In fact, I can expect instant updates from the newspaper on my computer during the day should a major story break. The Internet is a great resource.

The fact that our dependence on print media is declining was underscored by the results of a recent survey conducted by the Pew Research Center. When people were asked to name the source they relied on most to gain information on their community, the results were vastly different for those over the age of forty, as opposed to those in the 18-39 group. When it came to the local newspaper, only 15% of those under forty named it as their favorite source, as opposed to 32% of older adults. The percentage naming television as their favorite source was almost equal, 12% vs.14%. The favorite source of information for those between the ages of 18-39 was the Internet, with 22%, compared to 13% of older Americans who relied on their computers for information.

While this study did not include teenagers, I suspect we would see a similar trend. During my years on the faculty at Lutheran High School of Dallas, copies of both the local newspaper and USA Today were made available in the school library. Most of the time they would go untouched. If I referred to a newspaper article in a classroom setting, I usually got a puzzled look from my students.

Probably the most disturbing aspect of the Pew Research Study was the fact that 30% of those between the ages of 18-39 did not name a source for their information. Experience tells me that teens mirror that. Most are clueless when it comes to national and world news, unless it invades their personal world. In my mind, a daily newspaper should be required reading for all young people. Whether they view it at the breakfast table or on their i-phones doesn't matter. The fact that we are so focused on ourselves does bother me.

A SPECIAL GAME FOR SPECIAL KIDS

I spent Wednesday night watching my grandsons play baseball. The schedule made it possible for me to see all three boys play in one evening. I did not expect the most memorable part of my evening would happen on the walk between the two games. The University Little League plays at a beautiful complex in south Fort Worth. There must be at least ten well manicured fields where kids age four to twelve can complete. Caleb and Jonathan were playing a pee wee game at one end of the park. Andrew's game followed at the opposite end of the complex.

There was a fifteen minute period between the two games. As I made my way I was drawn to a game taking place on another field. What caught my attention was that the number of adults on the field outnumbered the kids. It's not unusual to see a parent video taping a game, but these folks stood in the middle of the action. The bleacher were filled with fans who seemed even more vocal than usual. I was intrigued. As I ventured over to the fence I began to understand why all the attention. The players in this case were special needs kids. Some wore braces, and one was in a wheelchair. The scoreboard was operating but I don't think anyone noticed the score. I watch for a few minutes and then continued on.

Later I noticed that the game had concluded. All the fans had exited the bleachers and had joined those who had been on the field. They formed two lines at the gate where the players would leave the field. As each player exited they were greeted with cheers and high-fives. It's hard for me to remember a time when I had seen more smiling faces after a game. There were no losers this time.

Athletic competition is part of our culture. Most of the time with kids, we put too much emphasis on winning. It was nice to be reminded that when it comes to kids, making sure they have the opportunity to participate and have a positive experience is most important. I wish every child had the opportunity to leave the playing field as happy and affirmed as did those special needs kids.

Is Texting at School at School OK?

I have not update my blog over the last few weeks. I've been a little preoccupied with our daughter's wedding. It was quite an event and in the process I learned again the value of family. Having so many folks traveling to DFW from all over the country, made for a special celebration.

There were a couple of news events that have happened over the last few of weeks that deserve to be commented on, but one at a time. A few weeks back the Plano, Texas Independent School District decided it was OK for students to use their cell phone outside of the classroom during the school day. That means students are free to text in the school hallways and lunchroom. When I posted this news on Facebook I got an immediate response from adults, many of whom are teachers. To sum it up: adult sided in against the change, seeing it as giving in to kids.

I have taken a random poll of teens and most don't see it as being a big deal. Many admitted that they were already texting at school, even if it was against the rules. Most felt making it legal would allow them to come out of their lockers. In this case I feel a tendency to side with the kids. While I am among those who grieve the loss of meaningful eye contact, I find some comfort in knowing that texting probably saves a few trees in Oregon every day. The reality is texting is part of our culture. Let's embrace it and help kids learn how to use it effectively. A great topic for conversation might be: What messages should always be delivered face to face rather than via text?

Staying Grounded at Ground Zero

As the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy approaches, we all have memories of that day. I was at work as a school counselor that day. As the day began I was meeting with two students who had chosen to go AWOL the previous day. Their motive was good, a friend was in trouble and they skipped school to drive to Arkansas to help them. But both students had a history of struggling academically and could ill afford to have missed a day of class. I was trying to walk them through the decision making process when our principal interrupted. Pat respect my office and my responsiblity to students. In this case, the look on her face told me something was seriously wrong. "I need you now," she stated. Once in her office she informed me as to what had taken place on the east coast. "We need to do something to let the kids know God is still in charge," she concluded. While I had been in my "counselor bubble" most of the students had watched the events transpire on classroom televisions.

We decided to switch to a chapel schedule, which called for worship after second hour. I was the logical one to serve as leader.

Our family was already in turmoil that day. My wife, Barb, had been diagnosed with breast cancer the previous afternoon. The first of her multiple surgeries was scheduled for September 13. Now,in comparison to the crumbling towers, our tragedy seemed insignificant. Still, there was a big question mark over our future and now our nation's security.

My words to the student body that day were based on one of my favorite scripture passages. "I look to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber." (Psalm 121:1-3)

Jesus tells us, and the realities of this world constantly remind us, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Those are words we need to repeat as we commemorate the tragedy that was 9/11. This side of heaven, there are going to be more tragedies. We all are one breath away from eternity. So, we live fearlessly and confidently. That is a message we need to say loud and clear to our children in both words and actions.

Wealthy People Behaving Badly

This is a summer of extreme weather for those of us who live in Texas. We are approaching the all-time record for days with a temperature of 100 degrees or more. We also are in an extreme draught situation. As a result, all citizen are being asked to make voluntary adjustments. I have not watered the lawn in two weeks. The only outside watering I do is the soaker hoses around the foundation to prevent damage. We also are adjusting our thermostat up a few degrees in the afternoon and not using any appliances until evening. Most people I know are making similar accommodations in order to conserve both electricity and water. No rolling blackouts yet.

Not all people are cooperating, however. According to news reports over the weekend, on the estates of some of the wealthiest folks in Dallas, the lawns are as lush and green as ever. Their sprinkler systems and fountains continue to run like normal. In addition, all the special lighting that does nothing but enhance the beauty of there palatial estates continue to burn late into the night. On the Fort Worth side, one of the most exclusive country clubs has expanded its watering in order to keep the golf course green in these extreme times.

It's not surprising to see this kind of behavior. We live in a self-absorbed society. If the rules don't fit, I will adjust them to suit my needs. We see it daily on the roadways. If the speed limit doesn't fit my driving style, I will adjust them rather than conform. If the lines at the grocery store are too long, I expect them to allow me in the express lane, or to open up another lane just for me.

Extreme times offer us the opportunity to set an example for our children. If we behave in a self-absorbed manner, we are giving them permission to do the same. I have to wonder where our world is headed.

A Concern over Teen Spirituality

I sing with the worship team at our church. Over the last couple of years I have noticed an increase in the number of teenagers attending the 11:00 AM worship service. Since that service is in a contemporary style and follows the Bible class hour, it's convenient for teens to attend. A cluster of them sit together near the front of the worship center, others are scattered throughout the sanctuary sitting with their families. On the surface it seem that the level of teen spirituality is healthy. Nationwide, experts tell us that 60% of teens are engaged in some form of spiritual activity. However, a recent report from the respected Barna Group raises a red flag when it comes to teen spirituality.

Sociologist have labeled this generation (roughly those under the age of 21) as mosaics. You have probably heard of the terms: Baby Boomer and Gen. X, but the term mosaic might be new to you. Mosaics have a very eclectic lifestyle. While they value relationships, those tend to be more fluid - they relate to people according the their needs. They are also much more tolerant and open-minded. While they consider themselves spiritual, it's a "cut and paste" spirituality that might draw from a variety of sources. It's the last two characteristic that probably should arouse the greatest concern.

The Barna Group tracks teen's religious behavior by assessing nine areas of involvement. Participation in worship and attending youth group activities are two areas that have remained constant. Unfortunately, over the last dozen years there has been a significant drop in six of the other seven behaviors. There has been a decline in prayer life (praying to God), reading sacred books other than the Bible (devotional materials), and monetary contributions to a church. For the most part the former have dropped about ten percent. The most disturbing is the almost twenty percent decline in evangelistic behavior. Fewer teens are explaining their belief in Jesus to non-believers.

As in other areas in their lifestyle, teens are much more tolerant when it comes to religion. They are open-minded when it comes to other belief systems, and are far less likely to share their faith. From their perspective it's wrong to force a belief system on someone.

Parents and those who work with teens need to be cognizant of this trend and address it. One way is to study other faith systems (Mormon, Scientology, Etc.) and help teens see the uniqueness of the Christian Faith. Another way is to address current issues and trends. The popularity of the Harry Potter series is a good example. Over 75% of teens reported having seen at least one or more of the Harry Potter movies, but only 20% of teens noted that they had discussed the films in a Christian context. The final way is to expose our teens to mature adults who have a vibrant and active faith. When they enter into such relationships they begin t see the value of an active faith life.

The Silent Killer of Teens

The flashing school zone signs yesterday reminded me that the students in our community are heading back to the classroom. It's a time of transition for parents and their students. There are also challenges: clothes to be bought, school supplies to be purchased and backpacks to be replaced. Now parents have a new concern as health officials warn about the dangers lurking in the school lunchbox. For parents of many teenagers there is another issue. How do we get them out of bed in the morning?

We may want to label some teens as lazy or unmotivated, but the reality is the issue could be a lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation is the silent killer. Nation-wide 500,000auto accidents each year are blamed on drowsy driving. The greatest percentage of those involve teens. In addition, lack of sleep leads to poor concentration and low performance in school. Some educators even point to lack of sleep as the root cause of many discipline issues.

Doctors tell us teenager need 9.2 hours of sleep each night to function normally. The average teen gets only 7.5 hours. That's a deficit of almost two hours each night. No amount of extra sleep on the weekend is going to make-up for that deficit. Research on the circadian cycle of teens indicates how the issue is compounded. A teen's energy level is sustained longer in the evening, meaning their bodies want to stay up longer. Their reliance on coffee and energy drinks only exacerbates the problem.

The ideal solution would be to change their school day, delaying the start until 10:00 AM. I noted in this morning's paper that the high schools in the Dallas Independent School District (DISD) are beginning their school day at 9:00 AM. That's a step in the right direction.

What is a parent to do when facing this dilemma? For starters, discuss the concern with your teen. By providing them with the information you are giving them the opportunity to make the adjustments. You might also discuss ways that they might become more organized. A final option is to take the steps to structure their lives, enforcing a set time for them to be in bed with the lights out. As always, it's better to give them the information and to allow them to come up with their own plan. Remember, we're preparing them for that time when they will be on their own.

Raising Responsible Teens

I recently overheard a conversation between a father and his teenage daughter. The issue was an empty gas tank that required dad to make an emergency run. It brought to mind an issue I got involved in several years ago. In that case mom and daughter shared a car. The friction arose because daughter often parked the car in the driveway with the gas gauge on empty. The daughter pleaded her case to me. "I've never felt comfortable pumping gas."

There are two issues here, both of which must be dealt with. To begin with, it's really inconsiderate to expect others to take care of us. Still, many parents continue to pamper and coddle their kids. The second issue is that of responsibility. There are some simple tasks that we need to learn so that we are able to take care of ourselves. The solution in this case is easy: A trip to the gas station and tutorial session on how to pump your own gas. We need to raise teens to be responsible for themselves.

Unfortunately, parents often facilitate dependence by continuing to provide for teens in the same manner they did when they were younger. Take the issue of laundry. Junior year in high school is a good time to begin to hand of that responsibility to them. It begins with instruction and then helping them schedule a time when they can have access to the laundry room. If they balk, remind them that it is part of the process of getting them ready to live on their own.

With regards to the issue of behaviors that are inconsiderate; We need to identify those when they happen, along with a reminder of how their actions affect us. We often shy away from confronting them because we don't want to harm an already fragile relationship. Reality is coddling them will do more harm than that.

Remember, we are raising kids to let them go. There is no greater joy than seeing our children grow into responsible and successful adults. That won't just happen, however. The time to start is now.

Kortni's Last Request

The realities of our sinful world have hit me hard over the last week. On Friday night my brother, Jim, called me to tell me of the death of his wife's nephew. Jason was only thirty, but had a hard life. His mother deserted their family, and he struggled with a bi-polar like disorder. Jason also battled he demons of addiction. He had spent time in prison, but was finally putting things back together. He was in a halfway house and had even reconnected with his family. They found him dead Friday afternoon.

On Saturday I got news of the sudden death of one of my former Lutheran High students, Kortni Marshall. Kortni and her twin sister, Kimberly, were in our daughter Katie's class. My memories are of a smiling, pixie-like face. Kortni was too innocent, almost naive, but always full of life. There was another side to Kortni. Like Jason, she fought the demons of addiction. Her last request is posted on the Dallas Lutheran Alumni page on Facebook. Tell everyone, "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you."

Drugs and alcohol are a reality in the teenage world. The choices kids make can lead to tragedy and heartbreak later on.

Two realities:

The average teenager has their first experience with alcohol during the middle school years. Most of the time it takes place in an unchaperoned home environment.

While drugs have been an issue since I was in college, the culture is much different today. The marijuana available today is twenty times stronger than the stuff smoked in the sixties and seventies. It's usually laced with other drugs that are designed to create dependence.

Kortni was a baptized and redeemed child of God. She now rests in Jesus' strong arms. The demons can harm her no more. Just remember her last request. Please talk about this issue with your teens. "Addiction is real, and it is a disease that can kill you." I only wish Kortni was still here to deliver that message personally.

Cheerleading Suit: Keeping Things in Perspective

We can all breath a little easier. The long-standing suit filed by a cheerleader and her mom against the Carrollton-Farmers Branch, Texas Independent School District is finally dead. A judge from the Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals basically threw out the case two weeks ago. In doing so he labelled the suit, "nothing more than a dispute by a disgruntled cheerleader mom over whether her daughter should have made the squad." The case dates back to April, 2008. Think of the court cost and legal fees accumulated over that time.

I am not saying that a girl's feelings were not hurt, or that her self esteem didn't take a blow when she didn't make the squad. Was she treated fairly? I don't know, but I do know that life is not fair. The best team does not always win. The most qualified individual does not always get the job. That's life.

I recall an incident when our son, Mark, was in middle school. He was the only 8th grade boy cut from the middle school basketball team. My experience working with teenagers told me that was wrong. At that age all students need to be given the opportunity to participate. The primary reason: It's hard to judge long-term talent during the middle school years. The awkward middle school student could develop into a superb athlete. As a coach myself, I recall one student who was slow and awkward as a freshmen, but went on to make first team all district as a senior.

In this case, the school claimed they did not have the staff or facilities to field a B-Team. Mark and a half dozen 7th graders were the "odd men out."

I met with the school administrators and finally a compromise was reached. The school agreed to pay for a team in a local recreational league. A dad came forward to coach and I assisted him when I was available. Mark, by the way, did come back to play two more years of junior varsity basketball, but was cut again his junior year. He found his niche shortly after that when he was offered the position of announcer for the basketball teams. He discovered a whole new world. He went on to be the arena voice for both the volleyball team and women's basketball team at Valparaiso University.

It's easy to get emotionally involved when we feel our children have been treated unfairly. That does not give us the right to bully those in authority or threaten lawsuits to get our way. The best approach is to get all the information, and if needed communicate our concern to those in authority. After that, we just need to let things go. When our children face the disappointment of not getting a part in the school play, or they lose an election to a more popular student, view it as a way of preparing them for the rest of life's disappointments. Believe me, there will be plenty of those. Remember, life is not always fair, but God has a way of using all of life's experiences to mold us into what he wants us to be.

Passing the Torch

My primary project this summer has been working on a new book. I've tentatively titled the book Passing the Torch: Conveying our heritage of faith and values to the next generation. My original target audience was grandparents, but I've expanded it to all those over the age of fifty.

Grandparenting is still very much on my mind. That's especially the case as I write this. Barb and I are coming off three days of watching our grandsons while our son, Peter, and his wife had much needed break from parenting. Something about watching three little boys, ages 7, 5 and 3, that tends to make you feel exhausted. Still, we were staying on their home turf so their routine was not disrupted. It does require a different approach to grandparenting, however. Under normal circumstance we just try to love the boys but without mom and dad around we had to handle the discipline issues too. We weren't up thirty minutes on our second morning before the first incident occured. Three year old Jonathan's scream caught my attention. As I rushed to check on him, Caleb,the five year old brushed past me. Jonathan would not tell me what happened, but I was sure it involved one of his brothers. No blood or visible bruises, so I moved on. As I made my way to the kitchen to refil my coffee mug I noticed Caleb sitting on the "timeout chair" in the front hallway. When I inquired as to why, he informed me that he had pinched his brother. "Let me get this straight. You put yourself in timeout?" I asked. He then went on to tell me what happened, and admitted making a "poor choice." Be assured, we did have our moments and we did have to apply some discipline, but I came away with an appreciation for the routine that Peter and Amy have established.

I was also reminded of the heritage of faith and values after we went to the theater to watch Cars 2. Following the movie we took the boys of McDonalds for ice cream sundaes. We let them use the playland for a time before we ordered their treats. When we called them, Jonathan was the first to arrived. Much to my surprise, before he took a bite, he bowed his head and recited the same prayer they use before meals. Maybe, there is hope that the torch can be passed. Infact, in this case he taught me a lesson. Whether it's pizza and salad or ice cream, I need to be thanking the God who gave them to me.

Shannon Stone: A Lesson in Courageous Living

"Be strong and courageous." (Joshua 1:6)

It's an appeal that Joshua made repeatedly. "Be strong and courageous." As Children of God and Servant of Jesus Christ, we are called to live our lives courageously. For some it's part of their jobs. Those in the military, along with police and fire fighters have to display courage as part of their jobs. One of those individuals was a fireman named Shannon Stone. He was the man who died after falling over the railing trying to catch a foul ball for his son at last Thursday's Texas Ranger game. Those who knew Shannon spoke of how passionately and courageously he lived each day. He didn't hesitate to put his life on the line to rescue and help others. They talked about his passionate faith, but mostly they talked about the relationship he had with his son, Cooper.

The incident at the ballpark was a tragic accident. I recall a day this spring when
Barb and I were at the Fort Worth Zoo with our three grandsons. It was very windy day and we were wrapping up our visit. We had traveled down a tree-lined path and paused to look at one last exhibit. Suddenly, we heard a crack behind us and I turned to see a large limb fall across the path where we had just past. Twenty - at most thirty seconds and we would have been crushed by that large limb. Is that going to stop us from taking out grandsons back to zoo, or even to the ballpark? Hardly. We have to continue to live life courageously, venturing out and taking chances.

I am convinced that God wants us to enjoy the life we have in this world. The reality is the world is sinful and just stepping outside the front door in the morning takes courage. We can live life courageously because we have a couragous Savior. When tragedies happen, they take our breath away. We grieve, but we are people of hope, because we know things are going to be OK. Shannon Stone lived life courageously, now he rests in the arms of his Courageous Savior.

PATRIOTISM AND TODAY'S YOUTH

Our church celebrated Independence Day on Sunday with a special patriotic service. I had the honor of singing in a special choir assembled for the day. We were blessed to have the Frontier Brigade Band to help lead the worship. A highlight in the service for me was an interview with a World War II veteran. Don Graves was 17 years old when he enlisted in The Marine Corp in 1942. He served in the Pacific, and was one of the Marines who captured the Island of Iwo Jima. He had a powerful story to tell. 80% of those involved in the battle were killed. During the attack he made a commitment to God that he followed through on several years later. When I spoke with him after the service he confirmed to me that he believed he was spared death at Iwo Jima because God had a higher calling for him.

There is more to this story, however. Don's participation in the service was the result of a unique relationship between him and an eleven year old girl from our church. Virginia Kobel will be a 6th grader this fall. She plays guitar and writes music. She entered and won a contest through the Grapevine/Colleyville Independent School District. The district was partnering with Freedom Flights, a program that allows WW II veterans to fly to Washington D. C. to tour the sites commemorating that war. Contest winners were paired with one of the veterans for that trip. Virginia's partner for that day was Don Graves, hence the relationship with her family. During the service, Virginia spoke of how the trip and meeting Mr. Graves made history real for her.

One of the criticisms of today's youth is that they lack patriotism. As with faith, patriotism is better caught, than taught. We can teach all the history from textbooks that we want, but it's not going to be real unless it becomes personal. In the case of WW II, the individuals who can make that real for us are dwindling in number. I have an eighty-eight year old uncle who served in that conflict. Only now is he beginning to open up and talk about that experience. The patriotism that I have can be traced to what I learned from my Uncle Don and from my wife's father, Gilbert Brown, another WW II veteran.

I would encourage all parents to seek out a World War II veteran. Take time to introduce your child to them. If you don't already know one, find a nursing home or senior residence. My guess is that you will find one. Get to know them and the stories they have to tell. We have been blessed as a nation, but our freedom has come with a price. You can't teach that. It can only be caught.

Teen Says Thanks for a Second Chance

Last week Adriana Camarillo's parents got the message no parent want to hear, "your child has been seriously injured in an accident." 18 Year old Adriana was attending summer classes at her Grand Prairie, Texas high school. During a break from class she climbed into the backseat of a male student's Volkswagen Jetta. That driver got into a street race with another student. When the driver lost control, the car overturned and crashed into a tree. Critically injured Adriana had to be extricated from the crushed car.

Yesterday she was able to return to the scene of the accident. She carried with her a large sign saying thanks to those who had saved her life. She also had the opportunity to personally thank one of the men who came to her aid. Adriana, who was wearing a seatbelt, told those gathered, "There were people here supporting me, watching out for me. Not everybody gets a second chance at life when something like this happens." Adriana is still recovering from a severe concussion and broken verrtebrae.

Adriana mom, Elizabeth Camarillo, had words for all parents. "Teens need to be reminded to slow down and remember there are consequences for their actions."

That is a message that needs to be delivered to all teens. A lot of emphasis is put on teenagers who get behind the wheel and drive recklessly. Unfortunately, the victims very often are the innocent kids who made the decision to get into the car with them. Discuss this with your kids. It's a pretty good bet they can tell you which of their friends are responsible drivers and which ones aren't. That's where the line should be drawn. As for getting into a car with anyone that they don't know, the best bet is always to say "no" and find another ride.

Memories of Dad

Last Sunday was Father's Day. For me it was more like a Father's Weekend. Katie and her fiance, John, came over Friday night and fixed dinner for Barb and myself. Mark and his financee, Kristen, stopped by Sunday evening and brought dinner with them. As we were wrapping up our meal I heard from our oldest son, Peter, who had spent the afternoon golfing with our oldest grandson, Andrew. As you can tell I value family time.

One of the highlights of the day was reading an article by Evan Grant in the Dallas Morning News. Evan covers the Texas Rangers for the paper. He is from Atlanta, and as luck would have it the Rangers were playing the Braves this weekend. The trip was made even more special by the fact that his dad was able to attend the game with him on Friday night. This was no normal trip to the ballpark. Evan's dad, Sheldon, is dying of cancer. He's been under the care of a hospice nurse for two months. Sheldon Grant can only see shadows and could barely hear the P.A. announcer, but that did not dull his enthusiasm. In spite of his declining health he wanted a bag of peanuts, and Evan marveled that he could still shell them himself. Evan recalled that forty years earlier his dad had taken him to his first Atlanta Braves Game. That time they stayed to the end, but this time his dad said he was tired in the sixth and asked to leave.

I have similar baseball memories with my dad. Growing up in Detroit we were Tiger fans. Old Briggs Stadium, later renamed Tiger Stadium, was the home ballpark. I remember my first game. The Tiger won 1 - 0, the only run scoring on a Frank House homerun. A rookie named Al Kaline was sick that day and did not play. The last game I watched with my dad was the All Star Game in 2005. My dad was dying of cancer and I went to Detroit to spend a last few days with him. Watching the All Star Game was a family tradition. I knew dad's days were numbered when he couldn't make it past the 3rd inning. One dad rule: You never left a ball game before it was over.

Not all of us are baseball fans, but hopefully all of us have something that links us to those we love. Maybe it's football or camping. Perhaps it's attending movies or concerts together. Whatever it is, celebrate it for all it's worth. Our time on this earth is short, and we never know which Father's Day, or Mother's Day will be our last time to say, "Thanks for the memories."

The Dallas Mavericks: Teachable Moments

Sports fans not just in the DFW community, but across th country, have been captivated by the Dallas Mavericks and their winning the NBA Championship. Those who know me are aware that I have a certain disdain when it comes to professional basketball. As a coach myself, I compare the NBA to the World Wrestling Federation: Way too much drama. It might be called basketball, but it's not the way the game was intended to be played. The twenty-four second clock puts too much emphasis on offense, which is only half the game. Secondly, some of the violations, like traveling and palming the ball, are seldom called. I could go on, but you get the picture.

I am, however, excited for the DFW community. It's nice to go through an entire month and not hear a word from Jerry Jones or the Cowboys, especially since the Rangers seem to have returned to mediocrity. In my opinion, the Mavericks won because they could play defense. I am also happy for Dirk Nowitzki because her seems to be the anti-hero, shy and pretty humble.

For parents: there are some teachable moments in the success that the Mavericks have found. It begins with Team Work. The Miami Heat had the superstars, but the Mavericks had players who could function as a unit. As I watched Game 6 I was amazed at their passing skills and the way they anticipated each others moves. Secondly: They model commitment . Dirk had his opportunities to play elsewhere, but chose to stay in Dallas because he felt he owed it to the fans. Even owner, Mark Cuban, showed a sense of commitment to others. His decision to have former owner, Don Carter, receive the trophy was very classy. Lastly: for the most part the Mavericks let their actions speak for themselves. There was little trash talking and no gloating or celebrating on the court until their mission was accomplished.

In the midst of celebrating the Championship, take time to talk with your teens about what we can learn from the Mavericks.

Rules Without Consequences Make no Sense

The Irving, Texas School District made local headlines last week when they announced they would once again count homework as part of a student's grade. This reverses a decision made a year ago. The rationale: More high school students were receiving failing grades under the new policy. My immediate response was, "Da."

Having spent years working in a high school setting, I have seen the value of homework. I also know that most students view it with a certain degree of disdain. As a teacher, homework usually accounted for 20% of the total grade in my classroom. Students who were poor test takers even benefited from having their daily work graded. Even then, given a choice those students would have avoided taking assignments home. There had to be consequences attached to assigning homework. Assigments reinforced what had happened in the classroom, and in some cases challenged the students to take the principle taught to the next level.

Most parents are aware of this. If you have a rule, there needs to be consequence if the rule is broken. If a child breaks their curfew they need to forfeit double the time the next weekend: Thirty minutes late means one hour. If they fail to do their chores, it means giving up going out one night the following weekend or loss another privilege.

We all need rule to insure that their is structure in our lives. There also needs to consequences when we break the rules. So, what are the consequences when a parent does not hold up their end of the bargain?

You Can't Hurry Love

It was quite a weekend for our family. On Saturday we helped our daughter Katie move into a new apartment that she and her fiance, John, will share after they are married in September. We were planning on hosting all of the family on Memorial Day. That turned into a special celebration when our youngest son, Mark, called Sunday night to tell us that he and his girl friend, Kristen, were engaged. Two weddings are now on our agenda. We are excited for both Katie and Mark, and feel blessed that like our oldest son, Peter, they have found their soul mates.

To be honest, Barb and I often wondered whether either Katie or Mark would find a life partner. Both went through four years of college without having a serious dating relationship. Mark has been in full-time ministry here in Dallas for over six year. Katie got her masters degree before starting her full-time career. As a parent, it's easy to be concerned that your adult children will never find a mate.

We have learned some things in the process. They are principles I think every parent of a teenager, or young adult need to keep in mind.

You can't hurry love. It's easy to see that as a trivial statement, thanks to the Supremes and Phil Collins, but it's a fact. As much as we would like to program or plan our children's lives, we can't. Parent's should never play the role of matchmaker.

Remember, your role is to be a consultant and not a manager. It's ok to express your opinion, but you cannot run someone else's life. Even if your adult child enters into a relationship that you don't feel good about, it has to be their decision. And don't ever say, "I told you so."

Prayer is vital. We are in constant prayer for all of our children and grandchildren. One of my petitons has been that Katie and Mark would find God-fearing mates. I was persistent in that request. I was also confident that in His own time, God would answer that prayer. Once again God has proven his goodness.

An Example of Entitlement

I spent the last five days serving as a volunteer marshal at the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial. It is the second year that I have been a part of this PGA golf tournament. It is a memorable experience to view a major sporting event close-up. Yesterday I was inside the ropes on 17th fairway and around the green for the final group. I did make a couple of observations. People who associate the consumption of beer with NASCAR races need to attend a golf tournament. I only wish they had established a sobriety checkpoint in the parking lot. Secondly, many of the people attended the event to be seen, rather than to watch golf. This was especially the case for the young females, many of whom were dressed more like hookers than golf fans.

Last year one of the major frustrations was enforcing the PGA's no cell phone policy. Professional golfers are among the most focused athletes I have ever observed. As a result, any sound or movement once they step over the ball can be a major distraction. This year the PGA changed the policy. Cell phones were allowed on the course, as long as they were on silent mode. There were designated cell phone zones where people could go to use their mobile devices. For the most part the policy worked. I never heard a phone go off and saw few people chatting on their homes outside the cell phone areas.

The presence of cell phone did create a whole new issue. The PGA does not allow the taking of pictures or videos during an event. Almost every cell phone is equipped with a camera, hence the problem. As a result, each time a group of golfers approached we were instructed to announced that cell phones could not be used to take pictures or videos. In addition, the electronic signs repeated the message on a regular basis. You would think that people would have gotten the message, but they didn't. On a regular basis I had to remind people, sometimes very firmly. In one case I had to ask a supervisor to intervene. I think you can blame such rude behavior on the sense of entitlement that seem so rampant. In the minds of many people they know the rules, but feel they don't apply to them. As a result they do what they want to do.

I wish I could say that most of the offenders were young people, but that was not the case. Many of them were adults, some cases parents who had their families with them. What kind of a message are we sending to our children when we know the rules, but still bend them? We do have a responsibility to model good behavior and communicate that we not only know the rules but will live by them.

Do Parents Have an Influence?

Last week, One of my youth ministry peers was looking for feedback on a link found on the Lutheran Education Association - Parish Educator Network (PEN) newsletter. The question posed by my peer was, do parent still have an influence? I don't usually respond to such posts, but when four hours past without a response, I felt I needed to respond. Of course parents have an influence. In fact, research continues to indicate that parents exhibit more influence than anyone else.

The article, authored by Lylah Alphonse, was subtitled: Stop Trying so Hard. Her message to parents, "Relax, you probably don't have as much influence as you think." She further stated that any influence is only temporary. How kids turn out is more determined by who they are, as opposed to the environment they are raised in. It's really just a continuation of the on-going "nature vs. nurture" debate.

Ms. Alphonse opinion flies in the face of any research I have ever seen. Need proof? Have you seen the Parents: The Anti Drug campaign? When it comes to substance abuse or sexuality, parents play a very important role.

Unfortunately, we cannot assume the influence a parent plays is always positive. Research by Search Institute, www.search-institute.org, indicates that most (68%)teens feel support from their parents, but a much smaller percentage (28%) report being satisfied with the level of communication they have with their parents.

There is some good news and some bad news here. Yes, parents make a difference, but we cannot assume the impact is always positive. If communications are poor, or the parents are making harmful choices themselves, the influence could be negative. If the parent is making poor choices when it comes to tobacco and alcohol use, are they giving their teenagers permission to do the same?

Some Thoughts on School Dress Codes

I find myself watching local TV newscast less these days. Part of it is the 24/7 availability of news on th internet. There are certain websites that I visit several times a day. I also subscribe to a couple of daily newspapers that provide me with an, albiet biased at times, overview. My disenchantment with local newscasts is rooted in the stations decisions as to what is major news. Often the lead story fall into one of two categories: An event that tugs at our emotional heartstings, a cancer patient who is miraculously cured, or an account of some form of social injustice, elderly widow is evicted from only home she has ever lived in.

The later was the case last Friday night. The lead story was about three Mesquite, Texas high school students who were denied entry to the school sponsored senior breakfast because they were not dressed appropriately. The three girls appreared smiling on camera. They seemed to be normally good kids, certainly not rebellious troublemakers. In my opinion, they were dressed appropriately. "We were told to wear our "Sunday best," they noted. One girl reported that she had even worn the same dress to school once before with no problem. The school district had used the term "Sunday best" in March when the event was announced. That was clarified in April when, low-cut or bare shoulder dresses were banned. Then Thursday, the day before the event, students were told sundresses, even with a sweater or jacket, were inappropriate. You can probably guess, the girls who were turned away were wearing sundresses.

Having spent years as a school counselor, I am familiar with the tension created by a school dress code. The school where I worked had a student handbook. Inappropriated dress and hairstyles were clearly defined. That did not stop some students from "pressing the envelope." When they complained to me, I could always direct them to the school guidelines. I should add that the handbook was included in the agenda books students were required to carry with them at all times. Parents almost always supported the school, especially since they had attended an orientation meeting before their child ever attended class.

With the current incident; I have to side with the students, only because it seems like the school district did not do a sufficient job of communicating. Verbally amending the rules the day before, especially with seniors whose minds are probably in "La La Land" to begin with, is not acceptable. The students had heard "Sunday best" and that is what they wore. I noted a number of female teens wearing sundresses at our church yesterday, and I consider all of them to have been dressed appropriately.

Where does this leave parents? They have the responsibility to know the school dress code, and make sure their students understand and respect it. Even if they don't agree, the school administration deserves their support. We also need to hold our schools accountable for communicating clearly and punctually.

Who Is Texting Your Kids at School?

I don't usually read the articles in those magazine the airlines place in the seat back pocket. I will admit to doing the sudoku puzzles found in the back, usually as a way to pass the time during take-off and landing. We were returning from my mother's birthday in Detroit yesterday when an article in the May Southwest Airlines magazine perked my interest. "66% of Parents Text Kids at School" the heading announced.

My experience in a school setting reminds me that cell phones have been an issue in schools. Five years ago the problem was phones that went off during class. Our school had a zero tolerance policy and students were required to keep their phone in the off position and out of sight during the school day. At the close of school every Friday there would be a line of students in the office waiting to retrieve their confiscated phones. That could only happen once. A second offense meant the principal kept their phone until the end of the semester.

How times have changed! Kids don't talk on their phones anymore, they text. If you've observed any group of teens you know what I am talking about. Texting is the kids way kids stay in touch, but it's not limited to communicating with peers. According to the article, 66% of students admit that their parents have sent them texts while they were in class. Most often the purpose of the text is to communicate logistics, "Will pick you up at 3:30 PM," but often it's to inquire about a personal issue, "Is he still bullying you?" or "Did the teacher like your report?"

No matter what the issue, texting a student during the school day is sending the wrong message. 75% or more of students admit that use of a cell phone during the school day is wrong. Still, a majority of them do it. That means they consciously break the rules. Now we find out that parents are encouraging this negative behavior.

What we need are more personal boundaries. Discuss with your student the cell phone rules that are in effect at their school. Then talk about their responsibility to follow those rules, in spite of what their peers are doing. Tell them if you need to text them, you will confine it to the last half hour of the school day. Subsequently, they need to check their phones after school for any messages. It might be helpful to establish other ground rules as well. No texting during meals or during other family time.

Texting is a wonderful tool. As a family we used it to communicate updates on our travel this weekend. As adults we do have the responsibilty to set good examples when it comes to cell phone use. I thought about this as we prepared to land in Dallas yesterday. The command was made to "turn off all electronic devices." Over a minute passed and I noticed a woman across the aisle still texting on her cell phone. She continued to use her phone throughout the landing. From her age and the ring on her finger, I would guess that she was a parent herself. And then we wonder where the negative behavior comes from.

Being an Easter Christian

We lived in Dundee, Illinois prior to moving to Dallas twentry-three years ago. Our neighbors across the street were Dan and Wanda. Dan and I connected immediately because we had many things in common. He was the son of a Lutheran pastor and a serious sports fan. He was very active in his church, teaching a Bible class and serving as the church trumpter for all festivals. Dan had a very gregarious personality, allowing him to instantly connect with strangers. Dundee still had a small town atmosphere and everyone knew Dan. Dan worked out of his house and it wasn't uncommon to see a police car parked out front. The officers knew Dan always had the coffee pot on and everyone was welcome to stop by. Wanda had MS and, while it was in remission, she and Dan decided not to have children. But Dan loved kids, especially teenagers. He was an avid Chicago Bears fan and Sundays in the fall he would host the neighborhood boys. They would snack and watch the game together.

Dan celebrated life. He was also open about his faith. His pastor told me that on his first Easter as the church he was shocked to find a colored Easter Egg in the pulpit when he got ready to preach his sermon. As he scanned the congregation Dan's giggling gave his secret away. It was a tradition that continued every year.

Dan was a successful business man. He worked for non-profits, helping them generate funds. His outgoing nature made him a natural at hosting golf outings, auctions and other events. Dan was friends with many pro athletes and local celebrities. He lived a fast lifestyle, but those of us who knew him accepted it as part of his job.

It all came crashing down one January afternoon. One of the organizations Dan worked for discovered he had been embessling funds. Dan caught wind of it so instead of attending the meeting where he would be confront, Dan killed himself. Prior to that he stopped by Wanda's office with a dozen roses and a love letter. Our dinner that evening was interrupted by a pounding at the door. Wanda was hysterical. She had found his body in the garage next to his favorite shotgun.

Yesterday was Easter and I once again thought of Dan. In many ways he was the antithesis of the Christmas and Easter Christians we professional church workers talk about. They surfaced again yesterday. A quick poll around the dinner table revealed all three church represented had seen attendance double what is normal. Dan, on the other hand, was the opposite. He was visible around his church every Sunday, but something had gone wrong. When faced with his sin, he chose to bail out. Jesus words from the cross, "Father forgive them..." (Luke 23:34) were forgotten. The Good News of the empty tomb did not apply.

We are Easter people. You most likely attended worship yesterday as a family, but today is when "the rubber meets the road." Jesus' victory rings hallow if we don't live everyday fearlessly for him. We are still sinners, but the barrier between our sins and Our God has been destroyed. No sin is greater than Jesus' love for us. That's a lesson we need to pass on to our children, and the best way to do that is to live it. Everyday.

Some Thoughts on Rob Bell and Hell

Pastor Rob Bell is in the news these days. This week's Time Magazine bears the cover, "What if There is No Hell?" That is an issue raised because of some things Rob Bell says in his new book, Love Wins. For those who are not familiar with Rob Bell, he is pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He is best known for his provocative Nooma video series.

Let me say upfront that I have not read Love Wins. It is on my "must read" list, but I have done enough digging to think I know where Rob Bell is coming from. I am not so sure that he is questioning the existence of hell, as he is theological rigidity, and a faith that excludes anyone. In the words of St. Paul in Colossians 1:20, "an through him (Jesus) to reconcile to himself all things, things on earth and things in heaven, by making peace through the cross." If there is a hell, and I do believe that there is, it is up to God to determine who is condemned to punishment. For those of us who believe in Jesus Christ as our hope, the focus needs to be on heaven and the eternal victory.

I do a lot of reading, and some of my reading is of a spiritual nature. When I want to be challenged in my faith I usually read Philip Yancey or Mark Buchanan. I don't agree with everything they write, but then that true of most non-fiction authors. Faith is a very personal thing. I am a Lutheran because it comes closest to what I personally believe. I hope that I have passed on my faith to my children. I truly believe that each of them in their own way has established their own personal faith.

That is what I would encourage all parents to do. Develop a personal relationship with God. In the process, come to know yourself as his child. Share your faith story with your kids. Then, place them in the right environment and give them the tools to develop their own personal faith.

This is what I do know. Jesus died for me and in the process defeated sin, death and the devil. His Resurrection Victory is my victory, and I can't wait to get to heaven to celebrate that victory with him.

Alcohol and Parental Responsibility

I became familiar with the routine during my years as a high school counselor. Our school had a zero tolerance policy when it came to drugs and alcohol, both on and off campus. First offense: there would be consequences, but we would work to help the student. Second time offenders were told they had to withdraw as students. Still students regularly flirted with the policy. This time of year it was especially rampant. Seniors, anticipating the end of their high school career, were especially susceptible. Kids and alcohol: It's always been a dance with death.

A recent report by the Parentship at Drugfree.org (www.drugfree.org)confirms that teens continue to show a casual,even carefree, attitude when it comes to alcohol. Researchers surveyed 2,544 random teens nation-wide. When questioned about the risk of drinking, 45% said they, "didn't see it to be a big deal." 68% of teens polled reported that they had consumed alcohol. The average age for the first experience was 14. Furthermore, 25% admitted that they had smoked marijuana within the last month, indicating that use of that illegal substance is common as well. Parents who think it's not a problem and that their kids are not vulnerable are naive. It's a sure bet, your kids are going to be exposed to marijuana and drinking among their peers before they graduate from high school.

Alcohol and marijuana are both gateway drugs. Gateway drugs are habit forming substances whose use could lead to abuse of drugs that are more addictive and dangerous. My experience is that kids who consume alcohol are susceptible to making poor decisions. Coupled with the fact that the adolescent brain is poorly equipped to make good decisions and you can see the potential risk. When it comes to marijuana, it exposes kids to a culture whose singular goal is to get them addicted. Remember, marijuana is still illegal and the people who want to sell them marijuana will be happy to sell them something that will provide "just a little bigger high,"

Parents play a significant role when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Mom and dad are both consultants and role models. They are consultants when they discuss the issue with their teens and help them establish ground rules. The importance of being a role model is just as vital. Kids are watching. That means monitoring your own alcohol consumption and making sure that if alcohol is involved there is a designated driver.

During my time at Lutheran High School of Dallas I often used Jerry Rhoades, a Dallas Police narcotics detective, as a resource. Jerry was especially good at challenging kids to "step up to the plate" when it came to their parent's drinking. He would pointedly tell them, "If you are out to dinner with your parents and they consume alcohol, ask for the car keys." If they are telling you to not get into a car with someone who has been drinking, that should include mom and dad.

Taking the i Out of My Phone

About a month ago I got my first i-Phone. Barb has had her for over a year. Mark and Katie have Apple smart phones as well. My old phone broke; Coming from a counseling background, it's really frustrating when I have a phone where people can hear me but I can't hear them. It would have cost almost $100 to replace my old phone. When I asked for other options I was shown an i-Phone which was half of the cost. I am learning to use it, although for the first few weeks I wondered how a smart phone could make a person feel so dumb.

It is really a useful tool. I was at a conference last week and took my notes on my phone and then e-mailed them to myself so I could print them when I got home. I appreciate being able to access e-mails on the road, and map/GPS feature is helpful.

While I am becoming more comfortable with the phone, I am still struggling with the name. I recognize Apple intent in marketing product with the name "i". But really, does our self absorbed culture does not need another product that focuses on the individual. Personally,I don't want my phone to be about me. I want it to be a vehicle that allows me access to others and their worlds. If there is a convenience, it should come from my ability to be more organized and accessible.

Today's technology is amazing. I can't comprehend where we might be ten years from now, considering how different our world is today from even five years ago. When I reflect on how different our world is today from when our kids were teens I marvel at the great communication system God has given us. Texting gives you instant access into your teen's world. Even if they don't respond, they will still see your message to "Be careful" and "Stay safe." They will take your parental conscience with them wherever they go. Imagine that: Your kids will always have a link to you in their pocket or purse.

How Do We Respond to Authority?

I grew up on the eastside of Detroit. I recall a time when a neighbor's house caught fire. As kids we had the opportunity to watch all the action as the firemen battled the flames. We then spent months as "sidewalk superintendents" watching the remodeling. We were just grateful that it wasn't our house. I get the same feeling living in Dallas and not being a Dallas Cowboy fan. It's great entertainment and I am just glad it's not my team.

It's happened again. Two the local heroes were in trouble over the weekend. In the case of wide receiver Dez Bryant, his actions not only made the news but raised some eyebrows. Mr. Bryant was with some associates at North Park Mall when the security folks, who are off-duty Dallas Police, asked them to pull up their shorts because their underwear was showing. Instead of complying, Mr. Bryant cursed at the officers and pointed out that they were not stealing anything or doing something illegal. It seems that this is not the first time North Park security has had to deal with Mr. Bryant. There have been two other incidents where he has gotten into arguments with a shopkeeper and with a female friend.

I guess what is troubling to me is the way this individual responded to authority. The request was simple. "Pull up you pants." I am not sure that a "No Sagging" sign is posted at North Park, but I know I have seen them in other public places where young people gather. When an authority figure, especially a police officer, asks you to do something, your only response should always be "Yes Sir," or "Yes Mam."

I don't know much about Dez Bryant's background. Perhaps he hasn't had the role models in his life who taught him how to respond to those in authority. If that is the case, I hope someone steps in soon to be that figure. What is troubling to me is the number of times I have witnessed similar responses from young people who should know better. Often the source of their antagonistic behvior becomes clear when I meet their parents. The "adults" in this case are quick to defend their "child" while calling into question any adult who would accuse their son/daughter, no matter what position of authority they might have.

Your kids are watching to see how you respond to the authorities in your life. When you show respect, and a willingness to cooperate, you are teaching them a valuable lesson. And before you jump to any conclusions, make sure you have all the information.

CHEATING: WHERE IS IT ROOTED?

Two news articles that I read last week reminded me that cheating continues to be a growing problem in our schools.

During my years at Lutheran High School of Dallas, I taught advance placement psychology in addition to my responsibilities as a school counselor. My students were required to do a research paper. As part of grading process I would check to make sure the papers were actually the work of the students and not plagiarized. On the average, one paper in five had at least in part been copied from the internet. Often whole papers had been downloaded. I required those who had cheated to re-write the paper. They were docked 10% - 25% on their grade, depending on the degree of the offense.

According to the Josephson Institute on Values, 62% of students admit to having cheated on a test. Over 50% acknowledge copying all or part of a major paper.
80% confessed to copying another student's homework. A recent article in USA Today reported that one-half of all teens admit to storing information on their cell phone that is then used during a test.

Cheating is not limited to students. Teachers at George Washington Carver Academy, a charter school in Highland Park Michigan, are under the watchful eye of state officials. In the past the teachers were caught altering the scores on state proficiency tests. Across the country, thousands of teachers admit to having doctored tests scores. It's no wonder. The pressure is on teachers to perform. Salary incentives and even their jobs might be on the line if performance does not improve.

Before we start judging students and teachers, let me ask you a question. Do you always drive at the speed limit? My experience tells me probably not. I do obey the posted limit. When I drive Interstate 635, the loop that circles Dallas, I often feel like I am a highway cone. It seems like no one is driving the speed limit. I know the excuses because I have heard them. "I need to speed just to keep up with traffic," or "The police won't bother you unless you are going at least
10 MPH over the limit."

The reality is: Cheating is cheating. Sixty MPH means the speed limit is sixty. You exceed that and you are breaking the law. And that is where cheating is rooted.

America, We Have a Problem

America's public education system has been in the news lately for all the wrong reasons. The Wisconsin Teacher's Union has made headlines over their stand-off with the states governor. Here in Texas, our public schools are facing a crisis due to the state budget shortfall. All school district are slashing millions from their budgets as less money will be available from the state. This comes at a time when test scores indicate that less that fifty percent of our countries 8th graders can read proficiently.

In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell dedicates a whole chapter to the crisis in American schools. He focuses on the difference between Asian schools and our U.S. educational system. It's hard to deny that students from far eastern countries have passed U.S. students in terms of achievement. Gladwell points out one basis difference. Asian students do not get an extended break, summer vacation, like most American students do. Gladwell uses statistics to point out how cognitive skills are lost over the long summer break.

A second factor is that in the Asian culture the brightest college students are encouraged to go into careers in education. Teachers are not only fairly compensated but viewed with much esteem. Contrast that to America where our brightest and best often go into high tech or business careers.

Turning around our country's educational system is not going to happen overnight. I am afraid we need to get past our current financial crisis before we can even begin to address long-range changes.

I do have one suggestion for parents. Get involved. In Texas thousands of people pack football stadium on Friday nights, but few people attend school board meetings. Most school PTA programs have died from lack of interest. The average school board election attracts less than 25% of the eligible voters. The key to addressing any crisis is to attack it head-on. It begins with you and the ownership you take in your child's education.

Gay Marriage: A Disturbing Trend

The Pew Research Center tracks and analyses trends in society and culture. I found one item in an update from them last week very disturbing. According to a survey of 6,000 Americans, gay marriages are becoming much more socially acceptable. The study was conducted last year and then compared to statistics from 1996. In 1996 65%of those surveyed opposed gay marriage and 27% viewed it a favorable. In the most recent study 48% opposed and 42% favored same-sex unions. The moral swing becomes even more dramatic when compared to data from just one year earlier (2009). In one year there was a 5% increase in those viewing gay marriage favorably (37% to 42%).

As a Christian, I view same-sex unions as wrong. From the beginning of creation, God ordained the estate of marriage as a union between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). When Paul was writing to the Christians in Rome, he states in the opening chapter that, "...men also abandoned natural relationships with women and were inflamed with lust for one another," (Romans 1:27). Paul traces their depraved conduct (Romans 1:28) to the fact that they had failed to retain the "knowledge of God." We need look no further than the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to see the consequence when people abandon God ordained sexual relationships. If you have doubts I would encourage you to read Genesis 19. Scary stuff!

Passing on the heritage of faith to our children is vital. When it comes to practicing that faith and the walk of discipleship, the sanctity of marriage as the union between one man and one woman is imperative.

For five years in the mid-nineties we had a lesbian couple as next door neighbors. They were very open about their relationship, and knew from early on that I did not approve. Still, I attempted to be cordial. We lent each other garden tools and helped each other out when a lightening strike damaged both of our homes. The day they moved out they made a point of coming over and thanking me for being a good neighbor.

That needs to be our attitude toward those who support or are involved in same-sex unions. Like Jesus we need to hate the sin, but love the sinner. But when it comes to our own children we need to teach them that the union between one man and one woman is the only acceptable form of marriage in God's eyes.

Tiger Mom, Meet Tiger Woods

The term "Tiger Mom" has received a lot of press lately. Amy Chau introduced us to this approach to parenting in her best selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom. For those not familiar, Tiger Moms use a strict Chinese approach to parenting. Need an example? When Chau's young daughter presented her with a hand-made birthday card she threw it back at her because it wasn't, in her opinion, the daughter's best effort. "I deserve better than this. So I reject it." she responded. Tiger Moms always demand the best effort. Among other things not allowed under the Tiger Mom rules:

No grade lower than an A,
No participation in school plays
No sleepovers,
No TV or video games
Not playing either the piano or violin

For obvious reasons, the concept of Tiger Moms has polarized parents. Meredith Viera, the usually sunny co-host of NBC's Today Show, expressed nothing but contempt for Chau during a January interview. Many have labed Amy Chau a monster. Others have used even stronger language.

In my book, Parenting Without Guilt: Avoiding the 7 Things Parents do to Screw-Up their Kids, I address the issue of being a manager, versus being a consultant to your kids. I use the example of dressing your child. When they are infants you buy their clothes and dress them. Over time they learn to dress themselves, even gaining skill at selecting what they will wear. By the time they reach high school they might even be buying their own clothes. There comes a point when we can express our opinion, but ultimately they are going to make the choice. If we observe them making what in our opinion is a poor choice, we can communicate that, hopefully along with an explanation. Ultimately, it still their decision. Will they make mistakes? You bet, but they will learn from them.

Tiger Woods is an example of how Tiger Parenting (note the irony) can backfire. In his case it was a "Tiger Dad." Earl Woods was a demanding, military style, father. He demanded excellence. He would accept nothing but the best from his son, and in time it paid off. Tiger Woods became the most successful golfer of all time and is credited with changing the game. But Earl Woods died in 2006. At first the changes were subtle, but over time Tiger's life was out of control. Now he is more pitied than admired.

In the case of Tiger Woods, his fall was very public, but I have witnessed numerous other examples. Kids, raised in a stict environment who excelled in high school,who go off to college and fall off the "deep end." Without the ever-present supervision of a Tiger Parent, they lacked the skills to make good choices on their own, or worse yet they act out their anger over their repressive home up-bringing.

Tiger Parenting can never be a good thing.

She Broke Her Daddy's Achy Breaky Heart

In an interview released to the public yesterday, singer Billy Ray Cyrus is quoted as saying the Disney show "Hannah Montana" destroyed his family. His daughter Miley Cyrus became a teen idol portraying the character. Now Cyrus is saying, "I wish the show had never happened." He now believes that his daughter is spinning out of control. This comes after she celebrated her 18th birthday at a private party held in a bar. To hear the parent of a teen idol use the term "spinning out of control" immediately causes me to think of Lindsay Lohan. While Cyrus does not mention Ms. Lohan he does compare Miley's path to that taken by Anna Nicole Smith and Kurt Cobain, two celebrities whose lives came to tragic ends.

Am I surpised by this turn of events? No. Miley Cyrus has given plenty of indications that she wanted to leave the Hannah Montana character behind and move on to more adult roles. Reality is, this is a risk that any parent takes when they allow their teen to function in an adult environment. In this case, Billy Ray was a contributor since he appeared in the show. Now he also states, "He tried to hard to be a friend instead of a parent to his daughter."

Teens are not equipped to handle adult situations. When the feelings and temptations of adulthood arise, they are not capable of making wise choices. Literally, it's the way they are not wired. The pre-frontal cortex, that part of the brain where decisions are made, is still in development. That portion of the brain isn't fully functioning until the mid-twenties. Without it, there is no link between emotions and long-term memory. Teen are much more susceptible to impulsive behavior. They have feeling and emtion, and no concept in terms of what to do with them.

Parents need to keep this in mind when allowing their teens to hangout with, or even date friends who are more than a year or two older. Such behavior could put them at risk. The feelings, and yes even the passion, will increase with age. So can the temptations, and if you think your "good kid" is immune I just pray you are not mistaken. Just ask Billy Ray Cyrus. I think he is asking for a "do-over" and real life does not allow that.