The term "Tiger Mom" has received a lot of press lately. Amy Chau introduced us to this approach to parenting in her best selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom. For those not familiar, Tiger Moms use a strict Chinese approach to parenting. Need an example? When Chau's young daughter presented her with a hand-made birthday card she threw it back at her because it wasn't, in her opinion, the daughter's best effort. "I deserve better than this. So I reject it." she responded. Tiger Moms always demand the best effort. Among other things not allowed under the Tiger Mom rules:
No grade lower than an A,
No participation in school plays
No sleepovers,
No TV or video games
Not playing either the piano or violin
For obvious reasons, the concept of Tiger Moms has polarized parents. Meredith Viera, the usually sunny co-host of NBC's Today Show, expressed nothing but contempt for Chau during a January interview. Many have labed Amy Chau a monster. Others have used even stronger language.
In my book, Parenting Without Guilt: Avoiding the 7 Things Parents do to Screw-Up their Kids, I address the issue of being a manager, versus being a consultant to your kids. I use the example of dressing your child. When they are infants you buy their clothes and dress them. Over time they learn to dress themselves, even gaining skill at selecting what they will wear. By the time they reach high school they might even be buying their own clothes. There comes a point when we can express our opinion, but ultimately they are going to make the choice. If we observe them making what in our opinion is a poor choice, we can communicate that, hopefully along with an explanation. Ultimately, it still their decision. Will they make mistakes? You bet, but they will learn from them.
Tiger Woods is an example of how Tiger Parenting (note the irony) can backfire. In his case it was a "Tiger Dad." Earl Woods was a demanding, military style, father. He demanded excellence. He would accept nothing but the best from his son, and in time it paid off. Tiger Woods became the most successful golfer of all time and is credited with changing the game. But Earl Woods died in 2006. At first the changes were subtle, but over time Tiger's life was out of control. Now he is more pitied than admired.
In the case of Tiger Woods, his fall was very public, but I have witnessed numerous other examples. Kids, raised in a stict environment who excelled in high school,who go off to college and fall off the "deep end." Without the ever-present supervision of a Tiger Parent, they lacked the skills to make good choices on their own, or worse yet they act out their anger over their repressive home up-bringing.
Tiger Parenting can never be a good thing.
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