Entitlement

I saw it countless times during my years as a high school counselor. A student would turn sixteen and get their drivers license. Shortly thereafter they would be driving to school in a new or "gently used" car or suv that fit their image. A few weeks later I would see that same vehicle in the school parking lot with one or more damaged fenders or bumpers. A month or so later I would be at a school function and hear the student's parents complaining about how their car insurance had gone "through the roof because of a ticket their child had received."

The above is but one example of entitlement. A teenager turns sixteen and they feel they are entitled to a drivers license. Then they are entitled to a car of their own, one that fits their image. The reality is, not all sixteen year olds should be driving a motor vehicle. A drivers license is not something you are "entitled" to. It's a privilege that should be earned.

Barb and I have gone through it. All three of our kids went through driving school, and got their licenses. We had two "kid cars" over the years. The first one was a brown Ford Granada that the kids called the "Turbo Turd." As I recall it had about 75,000 miles when we bought it and lasted until well past 150,000. Aside from a minor fender bender, I don't recall any other incidents, or tickets. Our kids were allowed to drive because we felt they were mature enough and could handle the responsibility.

Entitlement is a real issue today, not just with teens but with adults too. We feel we are owed something just because of who we are. In the case of any sixteen year old who longs for that license and first car: That should be mom and dad's decision based on their son's/daughter's level of maturity. Unfortunately the same child who wins the table over the $1.00 candy bar in the store check-out line often wins the battle in the car showroom too.

The Blame Game

Golf's U. S. Open was played this past weekend at the Pebble Beach Golf Links in California. While neither of them won, much of the focus was on the world's two top professional golfers; Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. Both men putted poorly during the first round on Thursday and their scores reflected it. Their reactions to the their on-course stuggles provide an example of the difference between the two men. Tiger blamed the greens, stating they were "awful." Phil used the world "awful" in reaction to his round as well, but it was in reference to the way he putted.

From my perspective Tiger Woods represents much of what is wrong with our culture. When things don't work out we want to blame others. When we find ourselves in trouble our first response is to look for someone else on whom we can place the blame on.

I saw it time and again during my years as a school counselor. When a student got in trouble, it was always someone elses fault. It was rare when they immediately assumed responsibility for their actions. The teachers were against them. The school had to many "stupid" rules. Their friends were doing the same thing and didn't get caught. Unfortunately parents often fell into the same trap. Attempts to discipline their child was met with resistence because it wasn't their fault.

All of us need to take ownership for our own actions. When we screw-up we need to admit it, and not blame others. As a parent, you need to get all the facts before jumping to a conclusion when your kids are accused of something. It's time to turn things around and stop the "American Blame Game."

Who Are We Doing This For?

I recently got an e-mail from a friend who is an early childhood administrator. She expressed her indignation over the celebration of kindergarten graduations. She had inherited a situation where it was a formal event with the kids wearing caps and gowns. Any attempt to change the tradition was met with resistance by, you guessed it, the parents. Granted, completing kindgarten is a bit of a "right of passage" but I think it's lost some of its significance due to the fact that so many schools offer full-day kindergarten. With the emphasis on early-childhood education, a lot of formal learning has already taken place. Unlike other transitions, grade school to middle school and middle school to high school for example, most kindergarteners will continue their education on the same campus.

I could not help but think about the tradition of youth confirmation. I am a Lutheran and one of the traditions of our denominations is confirmation. Most churches confirm young people sometime during their middle school years, usually 8th grade. Every study that's ever been done on the issue of youth confirmation has shown that it is the worst possible time for young people to be making such a statement of faith. Instruction, yes. Allowing them to receive the Lord's Supper, yes. Confession of faith, maybe. Few middle school students lack the maturity. But almost every attempt to alter the tradition has been met with resistence, not from clergy and church educators but from parents. Youth confirmation is a tradition. They went through it. Their parents had a party for them and they want to provide the same for their kids. That is the bottom line - it's an opportunity to host a party. No matter that the timing is wrong. Nobody is going to "rain on their parade."

It causes me to ask the question: Who are we doing this for? Is the celebration for the kids or for the parents? If it's for the parents, then perhaps it's doing more harm than good.