Thursday, August 30, 2012

Not Goodbye... Just See You Later

Changes are part of life.  Some changes make us uncomfortable, others challenge us and still others cause us grief.  We might experience the loss of a job, a major relocation or the loss of a loved one.  As I write this, Barb and I are in the middle of a major change.  For the last fifteen years she has been the music director at Crown of Life Lutheran Church in Colleyville, Texas.  I said my goodbyes last Sunday and today is her last official day in the office.  We've done this before.  It's a reality of being in ministry.  Crown of Life is our fifth church in forty-three years of marriage.  A blessing is that we have friends all over the country.

I only know this parting feels different.  Some it is due to Barb's length of tenure, but for me a greater factor is what we have been through as a church and as a family.  Crown of Life is a growing church with lots of great ministries.  As is often the case such churches are susceptible to attacks from Satan.  We have weather two of those in the last few years.  On a family level: During our time at Crown of Life, Barb has lost both of her parents and my dad died from cancer.  Barb has had two surgeries for cancer and it's something she still lives with.  Five years ago, at age 61, I found myself unemployed and had to make career adjustments.  There have been family blessing as well.  All three of our children have married during our years at the church and we've added three grandsons.  Through it all our church family has been a stable factor in our lives.  They have shared both our grief and our joys. 

I look to the future with full confidence that God has some new adventures in store for us.  In time we will find a new church family.  In the same way, I am filled with anticipation because I know God has some awesome things in store for Barb.  By the way: She has made it clear she is not retiring. 

My message to you is that you can be surrounded by friends and family, but there is no more caring group than a worshipping community.  If you are a member of one, celebrate that.  If you don't, find one.  The people of God have a marvelous way of caring for each other.  The church is also vital for parents because it is through that community that the heritage of faith is passed on.

I received a lot of hugs last Sunday, along with promises to "stay in touch."  Experience tells me that even if we do get together it's never quite the same, but the other beautiful aspect of the Body of Believers is that we never really do say, "goodbye."  Rather we say, "see you later," in anticipation of the joyful reunion in heaven. 

Friday, August 24, 2012

What They do Does Not Change Who I am

Being an election year there is a lot of talk not just about the candidates, but about the state of our country in general.  For concerned Christians much of the focus seems to be on two particular issues: One is our leader's advocacy for the gay-lesbian community when it comes to marriage.  A second issue is what is viewed as an infringement on religious freedom in the implementation of certain aspects of the current administrations health plan.  In question is whether religious organizations should be required to fund abortions.  These two issues both generate a lot of emotion.  I have heard more than one friend express that our nation is doomed if we continue down this path. 

I don't want to downplay the importance of these issues.  I must admit that I am concerned to.  I have very strong feelings, especially when it comes to the right for a gay-lesbian couple to be married. I hold firmly to the biblical perspective that God desires that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman.  That plan is made clear in Genesis 2 and reinforced throughout scripture. 

In my mind, however, you cannot legislate morality and values. Those will always be personal.  In other words, I cannot allow the opinions of other people to change who I am and what I stand for.  The author of Romans compels us "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  (Romans 12:2)  To me that means I am to live in this world, but never be like this world.  That is a stance that believers have held throughout history.  Lot faced it when he chose to live in Gomorrah.  Daniel was confronted by it when he was forced to live in Babylon. 

As Christians we have the responsibility to vote for those candidates who views best reflect our value system.  As parents and older adults we also need to hold firmly to what we believe is "right in God's eyes."  Along with that, God holds us accountable to teach those values to our children as well.  As with other sins, we called by Jesus to, hate the sin but love the sinner. 

Friday, August 17, 2012

I Still Want to go to School

This marks the sixth school year that will begin without me.  I still miss it.  I guess I am realistic enough to know that at my age I probably could not handle the daily grind.  So I cherish the memories.  I spent Twenty-five years in church youth ministry before moving to a school setting.  There is no question in my mind that my most effective ministry came during my eleven years at Lutheran High School of Dallas.  I had the best of both worlds.  I was in the classroom two or three periods a day and in the counseling office the balance of the time.

What is it I miss?  The daily contact with students would have to be #1.  There were new challenges every day, but I never grew tired of helping students work through the issues.  What a blessing to be able to track many of those former students through social media.  I get particular satisfaction from hearing the success stories of those kids who faced challenges and struggled with issues. 

I also miss the challenges that came with being in a high school setting.   I had to be spiritually equipped to survive.  I couldn't allow myself to become spiritually stagnant.  I grew in my walk of discipleship during those years.  A good part of that was because I was surrounded by colleagues who modeled Jesus.  I miss them.

I miss teaching advance placement psychology.  I am grieved that the school chose to drop that course from the curriculum.  What a joy it was to see students begin to understand themselves and their own feelings and behavior.  I am still amazed at the number of students who chose to study human behavior at the college level.

I am excited that God has opened a door for me this fall, allowing me to get back into the classroom on a limited basis.  I am about to begin an adventure as a SALI  teacher as part of the ministry of LINC North Texas.  I will be working close to home in the Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district.  I am looking forward to helping students grow in their leadership and personal skills twice a month. 

I can't understand why so few older adults seek ways to relate to teenagers.  Today's students are searching for a sense of identity.  Many struggle to find a sense of values as well.  It's all too easy to sit on the sidelines and moan and groan about how bad things are.  What we need to be doing is investing in the lives of students. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Where Do Bullies Come From?

With the new school year almost upon us, I thought it would be good to again address the topic of bullying.  It's an issue that I became familiar with during my years as a school counselor.  We tend to think of bullying as a elementary and middle school issue, but my experience is that it extends across all generations.  I have even met a few seniors, that senior citizens as opposed to the high school variety, who fit the mold. 

In her book The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander, Barbara Conloros describes bullying as "arrogance in action, and contempt for another person."  I have always believed that bullying is a learned behavior.  According to the National Association of School Psychologist my assumption is correct.  Children who are bullies have learned the behavior at home, in school, or elsewhere in their social environment.  Like other learned behaviors, it can be unlearned, however the older the aggressor, the more difficult it is to change.  In other words we need to attack the issue in the pre-school and elementary school classroom.  

I met my share of adult bullies during my youth ministry and school counselor years.  Most of the time the bully was a parent.  I don't recall any incidents when it was physical power, but I sure remember times when angry words and threats were used to try to intimidate or belittle me.  Experts suggest that many young bullies are the products of home where an authoritarian parent holds the upper hand. 

All adults, but especially parents, need to consider what type of behavior they are modeling.  Discipline is vital, but when we only use power or threats to change the behavior we run the risk of raising a bully.  When we resort to that, we give our kids the permission to do the same.  Today they might be bullying their peers, but in the future we might become the victims.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Would Jesus Eat More Chicken?

It's being labeled as a campaign of hate.  I am referring to the statement by Chick-Fil-A president, Dan Cathy, supporting the biblical definition of marriage.  I personally didn't see any hate in his statement.  He was simply stating his belief in marriage as defined by God in Genesis 2:24-25.  The fast food chain has always operated on faith-based principles.  Chick-Fil-A restaurants still remain closed on Sundays in deference to God's command to "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy" (Exodus 20:8).

The escalation of feelings in this case comes from the over-reaction from both sides of the gay marriage debate.  Christian conservatives seized the moment to reiterate their disdain for those who live in a gay lifestyle, while from the other those from the gay-lesbian community fire back.  In the end we've done nothing to bridge the gap that exists between the church and contemporary culture.

I only wish those within the church would seek to model Jesus.  When Jesus came across those whose behavior was labeled "offensive" by society, he sought to love them first.  John 8:1-11 contains a great example.  The religious authorities brought a women who had been caught in adultery to Jesus.  Their desire was to stone the woman.  Jesus' response was to love her.  He also challenged her to "leave your life of sin."

One of the criticisms that young people have of the church is that it's intolerant.  You are not allowed to bring alternative views to the surface.  In other words it's, "God's way or the highway."  As a result we establish a list of criteria that must be met before we will even consider admitting someone into the fellowship of believers.  That runs into the face of everything Jesus taught or did.  All were welcome.  Jesus' actions demonstrate that it's impossible to impart faith unless there is first a relationship.  Jesus hated sin, but loved the sinner.  Reality check: Jesus loves gay and lesbian people and he expects us to love them as well.

As parents and older adults we should be doing two things: Point people to Jesus as our only hope for salvation, and help them understand God's plan for his people.  Standing on one side of the battle line and firing salvos accomplishes nothing.  Buying them a chicken sandwich and having a conversation with them does.