Mom is Watching You!!!

One thing I have learned over all of my years working with teenagers; sometimes parents make poorer choices than their kids.  Countless times I have sat with students as they tearfully shared their concerns over the decisions their parents were making.  Sometimes it was an extra-marital affair, other times it was alcohol or substance abuse.  Just when I thought I had heard it all, something else came along.  Teenagers do not have the life experience to always make good decisions.  Their brains are not fully wired, so often they do not know what to do with their emotions and feelings.  Parents are supposed to be the responsible adults. 

I think I have found the solution for all those teens who are concerned about their parents.   It is a new application for smartphones.  Safeparent allows teens to monitor their parents activity.  Most teens will be able to use the app, assuming they share the same phone plan as their parents.  The app allows the teen to view all calls their parents make.  They can also view all text and monitor their social activity, Facebook, Twitter, etc.   With the push of a button they can even see the location of the phone.  That comes in especially handy for young teens who rely on their parents for transportation.  They will instantly know where mom or dad are and when to expect them to pick them up.  No more secret trysts with their secretary, or sneaking off to the bar on the way home from work.  Safeparent takes the worry about being the child of an irresponsible parent.

Obviously the above paragraph is fictional.  To my knowledge there is no such app for smartphones.  There is, however, a new app for parents called Teensafe.  It does all of the things described about.  It monitors all activity on the teen's smartphone.  Parents are able to track all of their teens activities and movements.  I heard an interview with the creator of the app and she stressed the "secure feeling parents could gain from knowing their teen is safe."

The Teensafe app troubles me.  One of the points I stressed when I wrote Parenting without Guilt was the need for parents to move from being a manager to being a consultant with their teenagers.  In my mind Teensafe moves beyond being a manager to being a "control freak."  I feel the same way about another app I recently heard of.  It allows parents of college students to monitor whether their son/daughter is in class.  No more sleeping through your 8:00 AM biology class.  Is not that fair.  After all they are still pay the bill for your education. 

Now I can see where there might be some cases where monitoring a young person's behavior might be required.  If they have a track record of making poor choices, it might be used as a safeguard.  It also would be a safety net for teens who have the pattern of putting themselves at risk.  They would especially be the case with young people coming out of rehab or who are probation for a criminal activity.   But most kids do not fit into this category.  They need to learn to function on their own and make good choices.   It is part of growing up. 

Our goal should always be to raise responsible and successful children.  Part of the learning process is growing from mistakes along the way.  We need to give them the freedom to do that and not feel like we are constantly looking over their shoulders like we do not trust them. 

Learning From the Little League Scandal

It has happened again.  A major scandal has hit Little League Baseball.  This time it is the Jackie Robinson West team from Chicago.  The team from the south side of the city captured our hearts last summer when we heard of the tough urban environment the players came from. It was also hailed as a victory for baseball, a sport that has taken a backseat to basketball in the city.  Less that 10% of the current major league players are blacks who were born in the U.S.  The Jackie Robinson West team made it all the way to the Little League Championship game before losing to a team from Seoul South Korea. The team was honored with a parade and even earned a trip to the White House to meet the President.  Now it turns out the coaches of the team bent the rules. Boundaries were adjusted to create a "super team."  The team was stripped of its title. The Illinois State Little League Championship was awarded to a team from the Tri-Cities Little League in Dundee,

I am familiar with The Tri-Cities organization.  I coached in that league for six years when we lived in Dundee.  I have fond memories of that experience.  I recall what a "tight ship" the league board ran.  Nobody bent the rules. The players and their welfare were a high priority. While competition was fierce, the coaches and players remained friends off the field.

I had a similar experience once we moved to the Dallas area.  I coached for a few years in the Farmers Branch Little League.  I always tried to keep things in perspective.  I recall one incident in particular.  A draft is always held prior to the season beginning.  The coaches select players based on their notes from the tryouts.  Obviously, the best players are off the board first and after the first couple of rounds there is not a great differential when it comes to skill.  In this case their were twin boys who had little to offer in on the field talent. Their situation was complicated by the fact that their parents had requested that both boys play on the same team.  When none of the other coaches wanted to draft the twins, I agreed to take them on.  In response, the other coaches agreed to let me finish off my roster before any another player was selected.  As it turned out, it did not make a lot of difference.  Over the course of the season the team only won one game, but the boys had a lot of fun and it was one of my favorite teams ever.

I recently read an article in Forbes that caused me to think that perhaps we needed to integrate some millennials into amateur sports,  The author reflected on some of the characteristics that millennials bring to the workplace.  It confronted some of the myths that surround today's young adults.  Some of the positive characteristics that millennials bring with them are: they value team work, they desire mentoring relationship and they do not like a competitive atmosphere in the workplace.  Translate those to amateur sports. Imagine an environment where the emphasis was on working together, learning from each other and gaining experience rather than just playing for trophies.

Fifty Shades of Grey

Okay, now that I have your attention I am not referring to the erotic works of fiction that consistently appear on the most read book list.  Nor is this a reaction to the fact that the first film adaptation will soon be released.  I do want to focus on a cultural trend.  There seem to be more and more grey areas when it comes to values and behavior.  It has created a dilemma for those of us to make our decision based on God's Word.  It causes me to ponder, what kind of world do we live in?

The gay/lesbian issue has to be near the top of the list.  As I interpret the scriptures, homosexuality is wrong.  It is a sin that goes against God's plan, but the reality is I am convinced some people have been created that way.  It has become a grey area.  We could add abortion to the list of grey areas.  Taking the life of the unborn is wrong.  I truly believe a life begin at inception, but what about those instances of rape or incest.  I face another grey area as I make more rounds as a hospital chaplain.  We are able to sustain life through machines, but what about cases where there is no brain activity or hope of recovery.  When do we pull the plug?  Some grey areas are not so dramatic.  I value honesty, but there are times when I have to avoid stating the full truth to protect myself or because have been entrusted with some one's confidence. 

Yes, life is full of grey areas.  I think God puts us in such situations to remind us that we do have free-will.  He wants us to make decision, choices that reflect who we are as God's people.  He wants us to be Jesus, unbound by the expectations of others.  It does not make life easy.  We make hundreds of decisions each day.  Some have long-lasting implication, others are short-term.  Decisions can be significant or insignificant.  Many of those decisions involve grey areas.  Should we watch an R rated movie that has sexual content, but has been touted as being an award winner?  

Come to think of it maybe this is about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.  Shades of grey... What would Jesus do?  Isn't free-will a wonderful gift.  Now we have the challenge of living out God's plan in a post-Christian culture.  The world, especially the millennial generation is watching us.