Parenting an Emerging Adult

It's the time of year when many parents are preparing to send their children off to college.  In addition to it being a time of transition, it can also be a confusing and disconcerting.  Even if school is only an hour away, they will be entering a different world.  Life will never be the same for you or for them.  Barb and I have been down that road three times.  The image of them waving goodbye in the rearview mirror is etched in my memory.  While two of our three children went to college an hour away at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, our middle child chose Valparaiso University in Indiana. 

Fuller Youth Institute has identified those going through the period as emerging adults.  Emerging adulthood can already begin in high school and will probably continue into the mid-twenties.  The transition from high school to college only intensifies the issue.  It's a struggle for them as they vacillate between being a child and being an adult.  It's a confusing time for us as well.  Sometimes we feel like we need to check the temperature of the room before we say anything.  It be especially helpful to remember these two characteristics of emerging adults.

Identity Exploration: Emerging adults are still searching for their personal identity.  As a result they will shift in their interests and their relationships. Yes, they will probably change their major at least once as they seek to find their real passion.  They might even try a different hairstyle or style of clothes.    In their spiritual development, they might try different worship settings or denominations.  It's important to keep this in mind and not overreact.  There is a tendency to view all changes as permanent, when in many cases they are just trying something to see how it feels.


Feeling In Between: In many ways emerging adults are caught in between still being a child and being an adult.  As a result we might often feel like they are pushing us away, and then in a matter of minute moving back toward us.  Remember, while they might be on their own they still are probably financially dependent on us.  Real financial freedom is probably years away.  When it comes to holidays they will probably want to be with family, but might seem preoccupied with what's going on with their college friends while also checking in with old friends. 

While it's can be a challenging period, if we have done our job in terms of providing spiritual roots and a sense of values they are probably going to get through this stage just fine.  Remember: continue to pray for them and always extend an extra measure of grace in their direction.   Be patient: this too shall pass.

From The Moral Majority to the Missional Minority

The days of the Moral Majority are long gone.  There was a time when America was a Christian nation.  The moral majority was more than just a vocal group of evangelical leaders. For centuries our values were anchored to The Bible.  Sex outside of marriage was considered wrong.  Co-habitation before marriage was frowned on.  Same-sex marriage was not even on our moral radar.  All of the above have now become acceptable behavior.  The conservative, evangelical voices are still there, but they are mere clanging bells.

All is not lost, however.  There is a new voice: The Missional Minority.  I was not even aware of the term until this weekend when I read an article on www.churchleader.com.  The author, Trevin Wix, actually tried to put a positive spin on the value shift.  He pointed out that Christians have been in the minority in other parts of the world, like Great Brittan and much of Europe, for centuries. The world-wide trend has just caught up with us. 

Being the minority might discourage us or make us uncomfortable.  Outside of our worship communities we might stick out.  It's more than just the fact that we might wear a cross or be seen praying before meals.  The lifestyle we live and they way we run our lives should be making a statement.  Hopefully, they don't have us labeled because of our "judgmental" attitude.  It's OK to have our personal moral compass focused on The Bible, but when it comes to those whose lifestyle differ from our, we just need to love and accept them.  We need to have a relationship with them, before we can impact their lives.  We need to view them in the same way that God views us, as broken sinners.

If you are struggling with this concept consider the New Testament church.  The disciples and other followers of Jesus were a Missional Minority.  Their desire was to share the Good News of salvation.  They were also out of step with the rest of their community.  All you need to do is read the first few chapters of the Book of Acts to realize their impact.  How ironic that after centuries we find ourselves in the same position, and we don't even need to worry about being thrown to the lions or losing our heads over it.

 

A Lesson Learned from the George Zimmerman Trial

The verdict is in.  George Zimmerman was found not guilty of murder in the death of Trayvon Martin by a jury of his peers .  That is the way our justice system is designed to work.  Unfortunately, the repercussions of the verdict continue to resound throughout our land.  My mind flashes back to the turbulent 60's and the racial tensions that divided our land.  I don't know what happened that night.  All I know is that one teenager is dead and another man has lost his freedom even though he was found not guilty.

There is one aspect of this whole situation that troubles me.  I also believe it provides us with an important lesson.  The issue has nothing to do with racial profiling or gun rights.  It does have to do with learning to listen when we are told not to do something.  Let me put this into context by quoting a portion of the 911 transcript from that night;

Dispatcher: "Are you following him?

George: "Yeah."

Dispatcher: "We don't need you to do that."

George: "Okay."

George Zimmerman said, "Okay." and then did exactly the opposite.  He got out of his car and followed Trayvon even though instructed not to.  I can understand his reaction.  He had reported suspicious individuals before, only to have them drift off into oblivion before the police arrived.  And yes, there continued to be crime in his neighborhood.  The reality is, he was told "don't" and he still did.  This is the lesson we all need to learn.  We tend to focus on teenagers and young adults.   We tell them not to experiment with drugs, and they still do.  We warn them about the dangers of getting in the car with someone who is driving under the influence and they still do.  We talk to them about being honest and always telling the truth, but they still lie to our faces.  It goes on and on.  "We don't need you to do that."  They respond, "Yeah," and then do it anyway.

Where do they learn this pattern?  We are told not to text and drive, and we do it anyway.  We are warned about dangers of obesity, but do nothing to change our eating habits.  Unfortunately it often takes a tragedy to force us to make the lifestyle change.  This regrettable event cost a young man his life and I would only hope that we would all learn the lesson, "No means No."  That is a reality that we need to be passing on to the next generation and once again the best way to teach is to model ourselves.

The Reformation and Our Cultural Shift

There is no denying that fact that values have shifted.  I was reminded of that again last week when I read the results of a new survey done by the Barna Group.  For decades, they have been tracking our national stance on traditional marriage.  This report compared current public opinion with that of ten years ago in 2003.  The most recent research was done during the last two weeks in June.  For the first time, less than half of Americans (48%) view marriage as limited to the relationship between one man and one woman.  That is 4% less than the 52% in 2003.  There was a slight decline in the number of practicing Protestants who support traditional marriage, 70% as opposed to 75% in 2003.  The most shocking statistic for me was the number of practicing Catholics who support same-sex marriage.  It almost mirrors that of the general population, 50% compared to 64% in 2003.

I had a theory but I was reluctant to share it because, to be quite honest, it might offend some folks. Then over lunch after church yesterday I was shared the information with our son, Mark.  I purposely just told him about the report, not my theory.  His response mirrored my mine.  It's a result of the Reformation.  Protestants not only spend more time reading their Bibles, but they also tend to take God's Word literally.  This isn't saying that Catholic are less spiritual, only that Protestants tend to hold to more traditional views when it comes to moral and ethical issues.  Let there be no doubt that the Vatican supports traditional marriage.  It's just that the message doesn't always trickle down.  The whole point of the Reformation was to reform the church.  It began with putting the Bible into the hands of people, allowing them to read it and grow from it.  When that happens, lives are changed not because someone says they should but because "Thus says the Lord." 

I believe in traditional marriage.  I also maintain that our laws should reflect that. Granting more freedom to gays and lesbians runs counter to God's desire.  That does not mean I want them to be excluded from God's family.  Jesus died for all people, that includes me and all the baggage that I carry.  There are no degrees of sin, "for all fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).  I think that we, as descendants of the reformers, have done an OK job when it comes to preserving traditional values.  We, however, have a long way to go when it comes to practicing Grace-filled living.