Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012: Learning Flexability

We celebrated our National Day of Thanksgiving last week.  Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday.  My wife might differ since she is the one who does the cooking, but for me it's a relaxing time with family.  There are not a lot of decorations to put up, and no gifts to be bought.  I don't recall ever sending out Thanksgiving cards.  My tasks are simple: get the house cleaned, make sure all the leaves are in the dinning room table and then carve up the turkey once the family arrives.  Our family celebration of Thanksgiving has become a twenty-four hour event.  We spend time playing board games with the kids, playing football in the backyard and those who wish to participate in some Black Friday shopping.

We faced a dilemma this year, however.  This was the first Thanksgiving that all our our children are married.  We learned early on that our daughter, Katie, and husband John were going to be in Houston with his family Thanksgiving Day.  Our youngest son, Mark and his new bride, Kristen, were going to Georgetown, Texas to be with her parents.  With the two youngest siblings gone, our oldest son, Peter, and his family decided they would spend the day with Amy's family in Whitesboro, Texas.  As a result we were faced with having to spend Thanksgiving Day in our empty nest.

There was some despair once we realized our traditional schedule was in jeopardy, but I was confident that our kids would work in time with mom and dad.   First-off my wife might put on the the best Thanksgiving Feast in  the south and no one wants to miss out.  Secondly, they enjoy time together.  Instead of fretting, I waited until they worked out the schedule between themselves, and indeed they did.  The kids started drifting in Friday afternoon and Barb had the traditional dinner ready for 5:00 PM.  It even extended into Saturday.  Everyone was here for breakfast and more fellowship.  They even took time to help me with chores: raking leaves, hanging the Christmas light and cleaning out the chimney.

One of the things that I am learning in my old age is flexibility.  There are no longer any "givens" and all things are in a state of change.  Secondly, if you love your kids unconditionally and provide a place of refuge and relaxation they will always find their way back home.  

By the way, they even watch out for us: Our daughter-in-law Amy invited us to join her family 's Thanksgiving celebration in Whitesboro.  In the process we discovered another family that shares the same faith and values. 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Some Thoughts on our Divided Country

The recent national election provided another example of how divided our country is.  The margin of victory for President Obama over the Republican candidate, Mitt Romney was only 3 million votes.  Even though the election was lost, 48% of Americans voted for Mr. Romney, in effect voting against the present administration.  Looking at a map of our country, the divide is obvious.  The President gained his support from the northeast and the west coast, while the Republicans remained strong in the south. 

Currently, one of the most divisive issues is that of gay marriage.  Our president supports gay rights.  That stance mirrors almost exactly the election results.  Support for gay marriage is strongest in New England (62%) and the Mid-Atlantic (57%) regions and lowest in the South Central region (35%).  Opposition is the strongest in the south; 56% in the South Central and 48% in the South Atlantic regions.  Public opinion on the president's health care reform package is similar.  The ultimate example of the chasm might be the votes cast by evangelicals.  72% of evangelical Christians voted for the Republican candidate, while only 23% voted Democratic. 

I have heard a lot of "Whoa is us" comments in these post-election days.  There is even a campaign to have The State of Texas, where we live, secede from the union.  I prefer to view our present situation as a challenge.  I would encourage those who share my perspective to do the same.  This is especially important for parents of teens.  If our traditional faith and values are to be past on to the next generation the responsibility lies with us.  We certainly cannot look to the government,or the education system to impart our biblical value system. 

There has never been a more critical time for Christian parents.  We need to not only be teaching faith and values, but living them out.  More importantly, we must be pointing to The Scriptures and helping young people understand what God''s desire is for his people.  And while we are doing that, we need to be praying for our leaders, especially our president and the member of  the congress.  The future of our nation and the souls of our children are at stake.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Schools and the Private Lives of Their Students

Highland Park High School is in the news for all the wrong reasons.  For those not familiar  with DFW Metroplex, Highland Park is a very affluent community within the city of Dallas.  Locals often refer to the "Highland Park Bubble."  The cities of Highland Park, and adjacent University Park, seem to exist in a world and culture of their own.  As expected, Highland Park High School is one of the top schools in the state of Texas both in academics and athletics.  Yesterday it was reported that HPHS had suspended over thirty students from extra-curricular activities.  The discipline was not the result of anything that took place on campus, rather a response to something that took place off campus, after school hours.  The students attended a concert at a local club where there were reports of illegal behavior by teens.  Both alcohol and drugs were present, and witnesses reported seeing many teens involved.  This follows, by a week, the arrest of a HPHS athlete on a rape charge.  The varsity baseball player had attended the same concert and met the victim, and other HPHS student, at the event.

This raises the question: Can a school punish students for behavior that takes place off-campus outside the context of a school activity?  In other words: Do schools have the authority to discipline students for the things they do on their own time?  I had to face this issue personally during my years as a high school counselor.  My response was always "Yes."  Our school had a zero tolerance policy when it came to drugs and alcohol.  Our student handbook (as does the one for HPHS) noted that it was against school policy to even be in the presence of drugs and alcohol.  A student was disciplined after the first offense.  It was usually my responsibility to follow-up with the student to help them make better choices in the future.  Sometimes it involved alcohol and drug related counseling, but most of the time it meant sensitizing them to the dangers of under-age drinking.  If there was a second offense the students was asked to withdraw from the school.

I seldom encountered any resistance from parents.  In some cases they were not aware of the at-risk behavior.  I always tried to work in concert with parents, providing both resources and support.  If there was an objection it came from the student.  We were sometimes accused of running a "police state."  In the minds  of the kids; We, as a school, should have had no control over what they did on their own time.

One of the critical components for parents is a support system.  It's important to have adults who share our values, and concern for our kid's welfare, involved in their lives.  Teachers, counselors, coaches and administrators should be viewed as advocates for what we as parents are trying to accomplish.  I am not saying that every person in the education system makes our kids their top priority.  Like in every profession, their are some misfits, but until they violate our trust they need our support and encouragement.  It's a tough world and we, and our children, need all the help we can muster.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Saints in My Life

Today is All Saints Day.  It's ironic that I am in Michigan, because I grew up here.  The saints who impacted my early life all lived here.  Some of them were relatives: like my dad and my grandparents.  Others were adults who I knew through church and school: Pastor George Kurz, my Sunday school teachers and youth group counselors.  One of those special saints was my Aunt Phyllis.

Phyllis Ulbrich was my mother's younger sister.  Neither she or my mother's brother ever married.  Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Don were my Baptism sponsors, which made them my godparents.  They took that role seriously and actually were like another set of parents.  Aunt Phyllis took me to my first movie, Peter Pan, and in my college years took responsibility for sending me care packages.  We vacationed together for a week each summer at a cottage on Lake Huron.  Aunt Phyllis was also my first grade Sunday school teacher.  She taught the first grade Sunday school class at St. James Lutheran Church for over thirty years, until her health declined.  She was only in her mid-fifties when rheumatoid arthritis took her life.   I still miss her.  Aunt Phyllis, along with other adults in my life, were my moral compass.  She never hesitated to share her opinion or call me on my behavior. 

Who are the significant adults in the lives of your children?  All kids need a support system.  They need to be surrounded by other adults who share the values and faith system of their parents.  Sunday school has become passe and participation in church youth activities is on the decline.  Even church attendance is considered optional to some families.  Today's mentors are coaches, scout leaders and other adults.  There is nothing wrong with that, but I have to wonder who is passing on the heritage of faith and reinforcing the Christian values?

All Saints Day might be a good time to stop and ask, "Who are the  Saints in the lives of your kids?"