We had a minor fire in our kitchen last Friday. I was toasting a bagel and smelled smoke. The source was the toaster. Sure enough there was a little flame deep inside. I quickly force the lever up, releasing my now well toasted bagel and then waited until the flame went out. It couldn't have been to big a deal the smoke detector didn't even go off.
I didn't discover the damage until yesterday morning. This time it was cinnamon bread and it was only toasted on one side. You guessed it! The little fire had destroyed the heating element in the middle of the toaster. It still works fine but only toasts one side at a time.
I mentioned it to Barb who reminded me that she had bought the toaster second hand so not much would be lost if we had to replace it. I decided this morning I can live with a little inconvenience. A broken toaster is just a little pinch. I can add it to the other little pinches in life, like Dallas traffic jams and telemarketers. In the total scope of things it's all pretty insignificant. I am extremely blessed, even in these "difficult economic times." I have a comfortable house, a loving family and a God who has insured my eternal salvation.
That would be my good word to you today. When life gives you those little pinches consider them in the total scope of things. I think we spend too much time getting "bent out of shape" over things that quite frankly don't matter in the long-term. As parents we need to be especially aware of this because the way we handle life's pinches serves as a model to our kids. Maybe this will open the door to a heart-to-heart discussion with them on what really matters. Being loved by God is far more important than having my bread toasted on both sides.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Red Light Cameras
Red lights cameras have become the source of controversy in the Dallas-Fort Worth area recently. Some communities are under pressure from residents to remove them. Personally I appreciate them. When it comes to the law, I tend to be very black & white. If the light is red, you stop. If it's green you go. If it's yellow you need to prepare to stop. Seems simple. I just checked the Texas Department of Public Safety Code and it's still explained that way. So, what's the issue.
I think the same issue we have with speed limit laws. I regularly drive on I 635, the beltway around Dallas. The speed limit is 60 mph. That's what I drive, when conditions permit. I also ride in one of the center lanes, to avoid the traffic exiting and entering. Boy do I annoy people by doing that. Few other people are driving that speed. Most people seem to abide by the urban myth that the police won't bother with you if you stay within 10 mph of the posted limit.
I've done informal polls on this. When I ask people why they regularly exceed the speed limit the usual responses include, "The law is stupid." or "The roads were designed for fasters speeds." Then there is the typical, "Everybody else is driving faster. I don't want to cause as accident by getting in their way."
Here's the deal. Red means stop. 60 mph means 60 mph. What message are we sending to our kids when our actions say otherwise?
During my years as a school counselor I regularly had listen as parents rationalized their child's actions. Take the issue of cheating. The school policy was clear. Copying answers from another student was wrong. That included copying all or a portion of a homework assignment. The consequences if caught was usually a zero on that assignment. Enter mom or dad; "They were up late visiting their sick grandmother in the hospital." or "They didn't understand that problem so they were asking for help." Yes, there was the typical, "They told me everyone else cheats and they don't want to fall behind."
Our actions as parents send a message to our kids. When we look for ways to skirt the law are we giving our kids permission to do the same?
I think the same issue we have with speed limit laws. I regularly drive on I 635, the beltway around Dallas. The speed limit is 60 mph. That's what I drive, when conditions permit. I also ride in one of the center lanes, to avoid the traffic exiting and entering. Boy do I annoy people by doing that. Few other people are driving that speed. Most people seem to abide by the urban myth that the police won't bother with you if you stay within 10 mph of the posted limit.
I've done informal polls on this. When I ask people why they regularly exceed the speed limit the usual responses include, "The law is stupid." or "The roads were designed for fasters speeds." Then there is the typical, "Everybody else is driving faster. I don't want to cause as accident by getting in their way."
Here's the deal. Red means stop. 60 mph means 60 mph. What message are we sending to our kids when our actions say otherwise?
During my years as a school counselor I regularly had listen as parents rationalized their child's actions. Take the issue of cheating. The school policy was clear. Copying answers from another student was wrong. That included copying all or a portion of a homework assignment. The consequences if caught was usually a zero on that assignment. Enter mom or dad; "They were up late visiting their sick grandmother in the hospital." or "They didn't understand that problem so they were asking for help." Yes, there was the typical, "They told me everyone else cheats and they don't want to fall behind."
Our actions as parents send a message to our kids. When we look for ways to skirt the law are we giving our kids permission to do the same?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Compassion
I am sure you've had the experience where a certain word or thought gets stuck in your brain. That's what happened to me last week. On Tuesday morning during my personal devotion time I focused on Psalm 51:1. The word that kept replaying was compassion. "According to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions." I marveled at God's great compassion when it comes to dealing with my sinful nature.
I have always considered myself a compassionate person. I sincerely feel I have the spiritual gift of compassion. But I still have a long way to go and that day compassion was definitely on my mind.
The next morning I found myself at DFW Airport carrying out my duty as a volunteer ambassador. I was at my usual post at Gate C-12 when I noticed a well-dressed Japanese man staring at the departure moniter with a confused look. I approached him with my usual, "May I help you." His smiling response was "Little English." I reached for his boarding pass, which he had placed in his passport. He was trying to connect to a flight to Tokyo. That meant he would be departing from International Terminal D. In this case it was gate D-30 and I printed that information on his boarding pass.
To get to his gate required riding the Skylink, a train connecting the terminals. I knew he would need assistance finding his way. So I gestured for him to follow me and headed for the escalator. As we ascended I turned to see a smiling face.
We soon arrived at the station and I pointed to the sign that read "Terminal D & E." As the train approached a woman standing next to us asked, "Is he going to Tokyo?" When I responded,"Yes." she replied, "I'll take care of him." The doors opened and he stepped unto the train. At that point he turned and bowed in the traditional oriental fashion and then spoke in very clear English, "Compassion."
What was God trying to tell me? The word had been stuck in my head and now a total stranger had caused me to focus on it even more. The message became clearer when I arrived at my church for my scheduled Wednesday men's Bible study. Each week we do a textual study of the lessons for the next Sunday. Our pastors are currently doing a series on Psalms. This week the focus was to be on psalm 145:8-9. "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." There was that word again! When we turned to the espistle lesson from Colossians 3, it was there again. "Cloth yourself with compassion..." Where was this leading me?
Each day I step into the closet. It is filled with clothes. Some are dress clothes, others more casual. There are jeans and dress slack, work shirts and dress shirts. I have a choice when it comes to my appearance. I chose what I am going to put on that day and in the process determine the image I wish to project. It's the same way with my attitude. I can choose to cloth myself with compassion, in the same way I can chose kindness, humility and other spiritual gifts.
As a parent, you need to do the same thing when it comes to our relationship with our children. We need to be mindful that we are the adults in the parent-child relationship. If the relationship is to be fruitful and positive, it must begin with us. So cloth yourself with compassion this day, and remember patience is a spiritual gift as well. That one is vital too when dealing with teenagers.
I have always considered myself a compassionate person. I sincerely feel I have the spiritual gift of compassion. But I still have a long way to go and that day compassion was definitely on my mind.
The next morning I found myself at DFW Airport carrying out my duty as a volunteer ambassador. I was at my usual post at Gate C-12 when I noticed a well-dressed Japanese man staring at the departure moniter with a confused look. I approached him with my usual, "May I help you." His smiling response was "Little English." I reached for his boarding pass, which he had placed in his passport. He was trying to connect to a flight to Tokyo. That meant he would be departing from International Terminal D. In this case it was gate D-30 and I printed that information on his boarding pass.
To get to his gate required riding the Skylink, a train connecting the terminals. I knew he would need assistance finding his way. So I gestured for him to follow me and headed for the escalator. As we ascended I turned to see a smiling face.
We soon arrived at the station and I pointed to the sign that read "Terminal D & E." As the train approached a woman standing next to us asked, "Is he going to Tokyo?" When I responded,"Yes." she replied, "I'll take care of him." The doors opened and he stepped unto the train. At that point he turned and bowed in the traditional oriental fashion and then spoke in very clear English, "Compassion."
What was God trying to tell me? The word had been stuck in my head and now a total stranger had caused me to focus on it even more. The message became clearer when I arrived at my church for my scheduled Wednesday men's Bible study. Each week we do a textual study of the lessons for the next Sunday. Our pastors are currently doing a series on Psalms. This week the focus was to be on psalm 145:8-9. "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." There was that word again! When we turned to the espistle lesson from Colossians 3, it was there again. "Cloth yourself with compassion..." Where was this leading me?
Each day I step into the closet. It is filled with clothes. Some are dress clothes, others more casual. There are jeans and dress slack, work shirts and dress shirts. I have a choice when it comes to my appearance. I chose what I am going to put on that day and in the process determine the image I wish to project. It's the same way with my attitude. I can choose to cloth myself with compassion, in the same way I can chose kindness, humility and other spiritual gifts.
As a parent, you need to do the same thing when it comes to our relationship with our children. We need to be mindful that we are the adults in the parent-child relationship. If the relationship is to be fruitful and positive, it must begin with us. So cloth yourself with compassion this day, and remember patience is a spiritual gift as well. That one is vital too when dealing with teenagers.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tom's Blog: Swimsuit Edition
OK, do I have your attention? Seems like that's what Southwest Airlines wants to do. They have wrapped one of their 737's in one of Sports Illustrated swim suit models. Just think, next time you fly your family to Sea World you may take bakini clad Bar Refaeli instead of Shamu. The response has been mixed. Some people have contacted the airline to protest, while others are calling it a marketing breakthrough.
Southwest Airlines is not the only one catching flak. The Armani Exchange at the Dallas Galleria has raised some eyebrows with a Valentines Day Heart made from red condoms. So, what's a parent supposed to say when junior remarks, "Those are funny looking Lifesavers."
Seriously, if you are offended by either of these attempts to use sex as a marketing tool, I would encourage you to let the companies involved know how you feel.
In reality this is nothing new. How many billboards that line our highways use sex to get our attention? How do you respond when your daughter asks, "Is a gentleman's club a good place to meet a nice young man?"
I would really encourage you to use these opportunities to discuss this issue with your teenager. Show them the picture and ask for their opinion. Ask them how they feel about having an airline exploit a young woman? Seek their view of condoms in a window. Pose the question, "What does this say about our countries morality?"
We can't do much about the world we live in. We can however take positive steps to help our kids respond to it.
Southwest Airlines is not the only one catching flak. The Armani Exchange at the Dallas Galleria has raised some eyebrows with a Valentines Day Heart made from red condoms. So, what's a parent supposed to say when junior remarks, "Those are funny looking Lifesavers."
Seriously, if you are offended by either of these attempts to use sex as a marketing tool, I would encourage you to let the companies involved know how you feel.
In reality this is nothing new. How many billboards that line our highways use sex to get our attention? How do you respond when your daughter asks, "Is a gentleman's club a good place to meet a nice young man?"
I would really encourage you to use these opportunities to discuss this issue with your teenager. Show them the picture and ask for their opinion. Ask them how they feel about having an airline exploit a young woman? Seek their view of condoms in a window. Pose the question, "What does this say about our countries morality?"
We can't do much about the world we live in. We can however take positive steps to help our kids respond to it.
Monday, February 9, 2009
There is no I in Team
I have just returned from the Lutheran Middle School Basketball Tournament in Austin. I coach the 7th/8th Grade Boys Team at Crown of Life Lutheran School in Colleyville. I am a volunteer. While I have over twenty-five years of coaching experience this was my first season at COL.
I realized from the get-go that coaching this team would have its challenges. To start with we only had seven players. This put us at a disadvantage when it came to playing teams with larger rosters, who were able to subtitute freely always keeping fresh players in the game. I also had to be concerned about fouls since I couldn't afford to lose one player. A even greater shortcoming arose when we practiced. With only seven players, scrimmaging during practice was out. We had no one to try our plays against.
Then there were the players themselves. While six of the seven had previous experience, a couple of them had health issues. One of my post players suffered from asthma, requiring him to take regular breaks on the bench. My best outside shooter had Tourette Syndrome. Then there was Adam. Adam was an 8th grader who was new to the school. He had no experience playing basketball. Adam also struggles with Asperger's Syndrome. For those unfamilar with this disorder, it affects their ability to relate to peers and also slows their motor skills development.
In time Adam became part of the rotation at the post position. He was one of the bigger boys on the team and became effective at boxing out the opponent. In the process he became a proficient rebounder, in one game even pulling down a team best nine. Still as the season was drawing to a close Adam had yet to score a basket. It was not for lack of effort. Adam regularly made baskets in practice. He even took numerous shots during our games. Some of this attempts weren't close but others bounced off the backboard or rim. Still it became a goal of his teammates to get Adam his first basket.
As we headed to Austin, Texas for the State Lutheran Middle School Tournament, Adam still had not scored a point during a game. Our team had gotten better and we were optimistic we would do well. We really wanted to come home with a trophy but just as important for us, we wanted Adam to make a basket. In our first game we played an opponent we easily overmatched. With three minutes left in the game we were up by twenty-five. I called a time out and informed the team that their only goal the rest of the game was to help Adam make a basket. Not wanting to run up the score, I forbid any other player to shoot. They were to work the ball to Adam and let him take the shot, and shoot he did. A couple of times a teammate would grab the rebound from his errant shot and feed the ball right back to him. Several shots came close but nothing went in. The game ended in a lopsided victory.
Our first game on Saturday was intense and close. Adam saw limited playing time and had no opportunity to take a shot. But in our second game on Saturday we again found ourselves playing against a lessor opponent. Adam saw some playing time in the second half but had not taken a shot. Up by almost twenty with the clock running down, I was prepared to call a time out and shift to our feed-the ball-to-Adam offense. Before I could do that however, Adam launch a shot. It was high arching attempt that hit the top to backboard and went high in the air. The crowd gasped as the ball came straight down and through the hoop. Adam turned and ran back down the court with his hands raised high in the air like he had won the Olympic Gold. With the pressure off, he took a feed from our center on the next possession and made a perfect lay-up. Four points in one Game! Following the game he posed for pictures with the game ball.
I was proud of Adam but I was more proud of the team that accepted him as a player and friend. Many Asperger kids find themselves being bullied because of their differences. At our school he was just another kid.
As we celebrated as a team following our last game on Saturday night I addressed the parents. I told them that my experience is that children are a reflection of their folks. This team affirmed that. Crown of Life Lutheran School is a loving, accepting community.
I think the lesson here for all parents is to model inclusiveness. We tend to think of being inclusive when it comes to race and ethnic background, but I think it also means accepting those who for whatever reason might be different than the norm. When parent practice acceptance they provide the model. When they help their children learn to adjust and accept their classmates and peers who might be excluded for one reason or another they pass on that trait. The reality is that we are all Children of God and he has made each of us unique.
By the way, the trophy we bought home was for sixth place. Not bad for our boys when you consider their were twenty-two teams in our division.
I realized from the get-go that coaching this team would have its challenges. To start with we only had seven players. This put us at a disadvantage when it came to playing teams with larger rosters, who were able to subtitute freely always keeping fresh players in the game. I also had to be concerned about fouls since I couldn't afford to lose one player. A even greater shortcoming arose when we practiced. With only seven players, scrimmaging during practice was out. We had no one to try our plays against.
Then there were the players themselves. While six of the seven had previous experience, a couple of them had health issues. One of my post players suffered from asthma, requiring him to take regular breaks on the bench. My best outside shooter had Tourette Syndrome. Then there was Adam. Adam was an 8th grader who was new to the school. He had no experience playing basketball. Adam also struggles with Asperger's Syndrome. For those unfamilar with this disorder, it affects their ability to relate to peers and also slows their motor skills development.
In time Adam became part of the rotation at the post position. He was one of the bigger boys on the team and became effective at boxing out the opponent. In the process he became a proficient rebounder, in one game even pulling down a team best nine. Still as the season was drawing to a close Adam had yet to score a basket. It was not for lack of effort. Adam regularly made baskets in practice. He even took numerous shots during our games. Some of this attempts weren't close but others bounced off the backboard or rim. Still it became a goal of his teammates to get Adam his first basket.
As we headed to Austin, Texas for the State Lutheran Middle School Tournament, Adam still had not scored a point during a game. Our team had gotten better and we were optimistic we would do well. We really wanted to come home with a trophy but just as important for us, we wanted Adam to make a basket. In our first game we played an opponent we easily overmatched. With three minutes left in the game we were up by twenty-five. I called a time out and informed the team that their only goal the rest of the game was to help Adam make a basket. Not wanting to run up the score, I forbid any other player to shoot. They were to work the ball to Adam and let him take the shot, and shoot he did. A couple of times a teammate would grab the rebound from his errant shot and feed the ball right back to him. Several shots came close but nothing went in. The game ended in a lopsided victory.
Our first game on Saturday was intense and close. Adam saw limited playing time and had no opportunity to take a shot. But in our second game on Saturday we again found ourselves playing against a lessor opponent. Adam saw some playing time in the second half but had not taken a shot. Up by almost twenty with the clock running down, I was prepared to call a time out and shift to our feed-the ball-to-Adam offense. Before I could do that however, Adam launch a shot. It was high arching attempt that hit the top to backboard and went high in the air. The crowd gasped as the ball came straight down and through the hoop. Adam turned and ran back down the court with his hands raised high in the air like he had won the Olympic Gold. With the pressure off, he took a feed from our center on the next possession and made a perfect lay-up. Four points in one Game! Following the game he posed for pictures with the game ball.
I was proud of Adam but I was more proud of the team that accepted him as a player and friend. Many Asperger kids find themselves being bullied because of their differences. At our school he was just another kid.
As we celebrated as a team following our last game on Saturday night I addressed the parents. I told them that my experience is that children are a reflection of their folks. This team affirmed that. Crown of Life Lutheran School is a loving, accepting community.
I think the lesson here for all parents is to model inclusiveness. We tend to think of being inclusive when it comes to race and ethnic background, but I think it also means accepting those who for whatever reason might be different than the norm. When parent practice acceptance they provide the model. When they help their children learn to adjust and accept their classmates and peers who might be excluded for one reason or another they pass on that trait. The reality is that we are all Children of God and he has made each of us unique.
By the way, the trophy we bought home was for sixth place. Not bad for our boys when you consider their were twenty-two teams in our division.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Challenge of Raising a Tween
An article in the Life Section of this mornings USA Today focuses on the tween culture. The newspaper defines tweens as generally from 8 to 12. "The prepubescent children of days gone by have given way to a cooler kid - the tween - who aspire to teenhood but is not quite there yet." Interest in tweens and their culture has increased since we will soon have two living in the White House, Milia is already there and Sasha turns eight in later this year. Tweens are a hot market with their own clothes, music and entertainment, aka Radio Disney.
I have a couple of concerns regarding tweens. Eight and nine year olds still need to be kids. Retail and marketing folks tend to want to treat them like young adults. One shocking results is noted in the article. According to a study done by the journal Preventive Science, use of alcohol doubles between fourth and sixth grade with the biggest jump between fifth and sixth grades. It's no wonder that in many cases major academic issues appear for the first time during the middle school years.
My second concerns is rooted in the fact that children are going through puberty almost a full-year earlier. Yes many tweens already have entered adulthood, at least biologically. That opens them up to a whole new set of feelings and emotions, and to the situations that could go with them.
This raises the stakes for parents. The tween culture is a reality but the extent to which our kids are allowed to emmerse themselves in it should remain with mom and dad. Some ways to control: Restricting the time kids spend at the mall. Listening to their advice when shopping with them but keeping control when making the final decisions. Restricting the number of parties, sleepovers, etc., that they attend in a month.
We need to help kids enjoy the tween years but we also need to help them enjoy their childhood.
I have a couple of concerns regarding tweens. Eight and nine year olds still need to be kids. Retail and marketing folks tend to want to treat them like young adults. One shocking results is noted in the article. According to a study done by the journal Preventive Science, use of alcohol doubles between fourth and sixth grade with the biggest jump between fifth and sixth grades. It's no wonder that in many cases major academic issues appear for the first time during the middle school years.
My second concerns is rooted in the fact that children are going through puberty almost a full-year earlier. Yes many tweens already have entered adulthood, at least biologically. That opens them up to a whole new set of feelings and emotions, and to the situations that could go with them.
This raises the stakes for parents. The tween culture is a reality but the extent to which our kids are allowed to emmerse themselves in it should remain with mom and dad. Some ways to control: Restricting the time kids spend at the mall. Listening to their advice when shopping with them but keeping control when making the final decisions. Restricting the number of parties, sleepovers, etc., that they attend in a month.
We need to help kids enjoy the tween years but we also need to help them enjoy their childhood.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Convenant Basketball Part 2
The Covenant School basketball issue won't go away. It's been over aweek since the private school in North Dallas fired their coach for his comments following their girl's basketball team defeat of Dallas Academy 100 - 0. The Sports Day Forum in yesterday's Dallas Morning News carried six letters from readers concerning the issue. All the writers condemned the school for their actions.
One writer noted: "Bottom line is, Dallas Academy has a terrible basketball team to not be able to score one point. Dallas Academy needs to get over it and get to work."
Another commented: "Something is wrong when the team that wins honestly is pressured and criticized until both the team and school apologize and profess to have won without honor."
Let me remind you, that even though this was a district game, the similarity between the teams ends there. Covenant Academy is an academically challenging school. It is located in North Dallas. Dallas Academy is a school for students with learning differences.
There is more involved here than just winning basketball games and striving for athletic excellence. It's how we respect and treat those we not only compete against but those who we do business with and the people we meet on the street.
During my years as a high school coach at Dallas Lutheran we played a school for students who had learning differences. Watching the kids warm up on the court they looked like any other team but they often struggled when the pace of game picked up. Some of the players had a problem with eye - hand coordination leading to problems when catching passes. We talked about this as a team before the game. I prepared my players for the situation. We anticipated winning and playing out best. We also respected the players for the other team because of who they were and what they had accomplished.
I write this on a day when my middle school basketball team will play a game against a team we soundly defeated earlier this season. I knew going in we had an advantage but didn't anticipate blowing out the other team 50 - 16. We represent a small Lutheran School. Our teams is a mix of 7th and 8th graders. Our opponent was the B Team from a large Christian Academy. They were primarily 7th graders. After the game their coach and I talked about the rematch. I encouraged him to bring some of the bench players from their A Team. I really expect today's rematch to be a more competitive game. I have made sure my players understand the context in which we won our first game. The goal is to respect our opponent and keep our success in perspective.
I suspect the reason so many people struggle with Covenant Academy's decision to fire their coach is they don't operate from the same value system. As a Christian I want to use my God-given gifts to the max. I encourage those around me, like my basketball players, to do the same. I think that is what Jesus wants me to do. I also know that our Lord loved and respected those he met. I still believe what happened at Dallas Academy took place because of a conflict in values, The School's vs. The Coaches'.
One writer noted: "Bottom line is, Dallas Academy has a terrible basketball team to not be able to score one point. Dallas Academy needs to get over it and get to work."
Another commented: "Something is wrong when the team that wins honestly is pressured and criticized until both the team and school apologize and profess to have won without honor."
Let me remind you, that even though this was a district game, the similarity between the teams ends there. Covenant Academy is an academically challenging school. It is located in North Dallas. Dallas Academy is a school for students with learning differences.
There is more involved here than just winning basketball games and striving for athletic excellence. It's how we respect and treat those we not only compete against but those who we do business with and the people we meet on the street.
During my years as a high school coach at Dallas Lutheran we played a school for students who had learning differences. Watching the kids warm up on the court they looked like any other team but they often struggled when the pace of game picked up. Some of the players had a problem with eye - hand coordination leading to problems when catching passes. We talked about this as a team before the game. I prepared my players for the situation. We anticipated winning and playing out best. We also respected the players for the other team because of who they were and what they had accomplished.
I write this on a day when my middle school basketball team will play a game against a team we soundly defeated earlier this season. I knew going in we had an advantage but didn't anticipate blowing out the other team 50 - 16. We represent a small Lutheran School. Our teams is a mix of 7th and 8th graders. Our opponent was the B Team from a large Christian Academy. They were primarily 7th graders. After the game their coach and I talked about the rematch. I encouraged him to bring some of the bench players from their A Team. I really expect today's rematch to be a more competitive game. I have made sure my players understand the context in which we won our first game. The goal is to respect our opponent and keep our success in perspective.
I suspect the reason so many people struggle with Covenant Academy's decision to fire their coach is they don't operate from the same value system. As a Christian I want to use my God-given gifts to the max. I encourage those around me, like my basketball players, to do the same. I think that is what Jesus wants me to do. I also know that our Lord loved and respected those he met. I still believe what happened at Dallas Academy took place because of a conflict in values, The School's vs. The Coaches'.
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