Saturday, September 27, 2014

Jury Duty and Grace

I have been called for jury duty numerous times over the years, but until this week I had never been selected to serve on a jury. Most times I made it into the courtroom and went through the interview process only to be sent home.  I must admit I sometimes felt cheated in not being able to hear the rest of the story.  In those cases I had learned just enough about the crime that I was intrigued.  It was like reading the opening chapters of a novel and not being able to finish it.  All that changed this week.  Unlike other instances, I did not have a good feeling about this trial.  The defendant did not look like a hardened criminal, but it seem obvious that a violent crime had been committed.  During part of the interview process we asked questions about our experience with domestic abuse.  My thought was, "No thanks.  I will pass."  God had other plans and my name was called.

The defendant was in his late fifties, but we were told he had the mental capacity of a 5th or 6th grader.  While he had been married to the same woman for 37 years it was unclear how much time they had actually been together.  She was described by those who knew her as controlling and vindictive.  She also had been both physically and verbally abusive toward him.  The weapon in this case was a sock with a metal lock in it.  It belong to her and evidently she had used it on him numerous time.  On the night in question, he managed to get it away from her.  With weapon in hand he released the pent-up anger  brought on by years of abuse.  We saw the pictures and they were not pleasant.  .

It was obvious a crime had been committed.  Agreeing on a conviction was easy .  We found him guilty of assault with a deadly weapon.  Our job as a jury was only half finished, however.  The defendant wanted us, rather than the judge, to determine his punishment.  From the start, the twelve of us were divided.  I was part of the minority that was pushing for court supervision, rather than jail time.  The majority felt he should be punished because a crime had been committed.  As I surveyed the situation, I realized that the others who shared my view were the younger members of the panel. After three rather intense hours, we were sent home by the judge.  After a few more hours of deliberation the next morning, we were still deadlocked. "Keep talking," the judge told us.  Finally we reached an agreement.  We sentenced the defendant to jail, but it was deferred.  If he could abide by the conditions of his court supervision, he would not serve a day. Oh yes: one conditions is they not see each other. 

During the deliberation I was able to share my faith as I talked about grace.  One of the young women who shared my perspective noted that was driving her view as well.  Like the others, I was disturbed by the picture of the victim after the attack, but apart from his relationship with her I did not view him as a violent man.  He had never been convicted of a crime before.  Those who knew him said that the violence was out of character for him.  What would be gained by sending him to prison?

Serving on a jury can easily be viewed as an inconvenience.  It disrupts our normal routine.  Dealing with the court system can also be frustrating: the wheels of justice move slowly.  Still, it is part of our civic duty.  In my case it also proved to be a moment when I could talk about my faith and experience in working with teens who had made poor choices.  The way we talk about jury duty and other civic responsibilities can influence those who are younger, and maybe even some of those who share our life experiences.

If you are called.  Serve!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Ron Washington and Respect

Ron Washington, former manager of the Texas Rangers, made a public statement today.  For those who live outside the DFW area or who are not baseball fans, you might be wondering why this was a big deal.  Two weeks ago Ron Washington, the most successful and beloved manger in the history of the Rangers, resigned.  The team only said it was due to personal issues.  Since then, rumors have abound.  Some of the rumors focused on a conflict between Ron and the general manager, Jon Daniels.  Other reports insinuated that Ron Washington had become involved in an inappropriate sexual relationship with a female reporter.  Ron's comments today confirmed that it was the later.

I have always liked Ron Washington.  He is an old school baseball guy.  He also always made it clear that he respected the game and its history.  One of my favorite R. W. quotes is, "That's the way baseball go."   Translated: That just the way the game has always been.  Ron also is, an always will be, a coach and teacher.  He still pitched batting practice and spent time each day on the field teaching basic skills. He loves the running game and doesn't hesitate to try a squeeze play.

Today we also discovered that Ron Washington respects marriage and the commitment between husband and wife.  Ron has been married to Gerry Washington for 42 years.  He wants us to believe the only reason he resigned is because he desires to focus on his relationship with his wife.  He accepted responsibility for the act and apologized to the players, coaches, fans.  He also asked for privacy.  There are people who want more.  They are not convinced his affair is the real reason behind his departure.  There must have been a feud or some conflict.  Still other fans have reacted with, "What's the big deal?  People have affairs all the time and still keep their jobs."

Ron Washington lives life passionately.  Those who covered the Rangers said he was the most transparent coach they had ever worked with.  You always knew where he stood.  He could be honest to a fault.  That's why I want to believe him this time.  He made a poor choice and has accepted responsibility.  Now he wants space to focus on the relationship with his wife.  He only wants us to accept that and his apology.  He also wants us to let it go and move on.

Sounds like a great lesson for all of us.  When we mess up, take ownership and responsibility.  If an apology is needed, it ought to be given.  That is a behavior that makes us authentic and real to those around us, especially our kids.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Shopping Malls and Reflections on the Good Old Days

I went to high school at Lutheran High School East in Detroit.  One of the great features of going to LHE was it's convenience to Eastland Shopping Center.  Eastland was a cluster of stores that were connected by park-like walkways.  It was not until later years that the complex was enclosed and it became a "shopping mall."   Eastland was a great place to hang out.  It was an easy walk from our school and if the weather was inclement, you could catch the bus in front of school and ride the couple of blocks.   I have great memories of visiting the mall with friends.  Funny, other than buying a burger at Big Boy or having a soda at the Saunder's Ice Cream Shop, I don't recall doing much shopping.  It was most the attraction of being with friends and conversation.

I don't go to shopping malls much these days.  Evidently, today's teenagers don't hang out there much either.  The two big shopping malls in north Dallas are North Park and The Galleria.  Both cater more to older adults.  I did stop by North Park one day this summer, just to test my theory.  It was a hot north Texas day, but very comfortable inside.  I observed a lot of young moms pushing stroller with other youngsters trailing behind.  I saw some fifty-plus women having lunch at one of the cafes. There were also older adults sitting on benches involved in conversations.  The shops all seemed to be busy, but I observed very few teens.  I even walked by the food court expecting to see some clusters of kids there, but none were insight.  The only young adults I saw were working in the stores.

Kids don't have a need to socialize at the mall anymore.  They have social media.  They can stay in touch with their friends 24/7 and they don't need to be at home on the computer.  They can text on their smart phones and use the same device to check-in on Facebook and Insta-gram.  When they do have a need to shop, they can do that on-line.  If they want to visit a store, it's probably doing to be one where they can park their car outside and walk in.  That is probably the reason why shopping districts like Mockingbird Station and the Shops at Legacy are so popular.  Just another sign that our world in changing.




Monday, September 1, 2014

Sleep Deprivation: Kids at Risk

Little known fact: more people die in car accidents due to drowsy driving than drunk driving.    Teenagers are especially vulnerable.  Experts tell us that the average teenager needs over 9 1/4 hours sleep each night. Teens need more sleep than the rest of us because they are still growing and developing.  Unfortunately the typical teen gets gets considerably less.  87% of high school students get less than 8 1/2 hours sleep.     That leaves a sleep deficit of almost an hour each night. Even extra sleep on the weekend will not make up for that.  Like many adults, many teens now rely on coffee and other caffeinated drinks to keep them alert.  Not a healthy choice.  Sleep deprivation is an epidemic that is putting most kids at risk.

During my years at Lutheran High of Dallas, I taught A.P Psychology, in addition to my job as school counselor.  One unit dealt with consciousness and as part of the curriculum we covered sleep and the sleep cycle.  I tried to help my students understand the implications when they and their peers didn't get the right amount of rest each evening. One year I challenged my students to come up with possible solutions to the problem.  One option was to alter the school day; to start school an hour later and extend the end of the day the same time.

Last week I read a report that the American Academy of Pediatrics had called for just such change.  Their recommendation was to delay the start of school for middle and high school students until 8:30 AM.   I immediately heard some negative reaction from educators.  The major issue is what the change would mean to extra curricular activities, especially athletics.  Still, the reality is are putting our teens at risk if we don't make the adjustment.

Why wait until school administrators get on board?  That is probably not going to happen. Then, why should we wait?  Every parent has the responsibility to insure the safety and welfare of their student.  It starts when we have an honest conversation with our teens about their sleep habits and then helping them make the adjustments..  We don't want them driving drunk or with someone under the influence.  Why should we allow them to go through life drowsy?