Monday, May 23, 2011

An Example of Entitlement

I spent the last five days serving as a volunteer marshal at the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial. It is the second year that I have been a part of this PGA golf tournament. It is a memorable experience to view a major sporting event close-up. Yesterday I was inside the ropes on 17th fairway and around the green for the final group. I did make a couple of observations. People who associate the consumption of beer with NASCAR races need to attend a golf tournament. I only wish they had established a sobriety checkpoint in the parking lot. Secondly, many of the people attended the event to be seen, rather than to watch golf. This was especially the case for the young females, many of whom were dressed more like hookers than golf fans.

Last year one of the major frustrations was enforcing the PGA's no cell phone policy. Professional golfers are among the most focused athletes I have ever observed. As a result, any sound or movement once they step over the ball can be a major distraction. This year the PGA changed the policy. Cell phones were allowed on the course, as long as they were on silent mode. There were designated cell phone zones where people could go to use their mobile devices. For the most part the policy worked. I never heard a phone go off and saw few people chatting on their homes outside the cell phone areas.

The presence of cell phone did create a whole new issue. The PGA does not allow the taking of pictures or videos during an event. Almost every cell phone is equipped with a camera, hence the problem. As a result, each time a group of golfers approached we were instructed to announced that cell phones could not be used to take pictures or videos. In addition, the electronic signs repeated the message on a regular basis. You would think that people would have gotten the message, but they didn't. On a regular basis I had to remind people, sometimes very firmly. In one case I had to ask a supervisor to intervene. I think you can blame such rude behavior on the sense of entitlement that seem so rampant. In the minds of many people they know the rules, but feel they don't apply to them. As a result they do what they want to do.

I wish I could say that most of the offenders were young people, but that was not the case. Many of them were adults, some cases parents who had their families with them. What kind of a message are we sending to our children when we know the rules, but still bend them? We do have a responsibility to model good behavior and communicate that we not only know the rules but will live by them.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Do Parents Have an Influence?

Last week, One of my youth ministry peers was looking for feedback on a link found on the Lutheran Education Association - Parish Educator Network (PEN) newsletter. The question posed by my peer was, do parent still have an influence? I don't usually respond to such posts, but when four hours past without a response, I felt I needed to respond. Of course parents have an influence. In fact, research continues to indicate that parents exhibit more influence than anyone else.

The article, authored by Lylah Alphonse, was subtitled: Stop Trying so Hard. Her message to parents, "Relax, you probably don't have as much influence as you think." She further stated that any influence is only temporary. How kids turn out is more determined by who they are, as opposed to the environment they are raised in. It's really just a continuation of the on-going "nature vs. nurture" debate.

Ms. Alphonse opinion flies in the face of any research I have ever seen. Need proof? Have you seen the Parents: The Anti Drug campaign? When it comes to substance abuse or sexuality, parents play a very important role.

Unfortunately, we cannot assume the influence a parent plays is always positive. Research by Search Institute, www.search-institute.org, indicates that most (68%)teens feel support from their parents, but a much smaller percentage (28%) report being satisfied with the level of communication they have with their parents.

There is some good news and some bad news here. Yes, parents make a difference, but we cannot assume the impact is always positive. If communications are poor, or the parents are making harmful choices themselves, the influence could be negative. If the parent is making poor choices when it comes to tobacco and alcohol use, are they giving their teenagers permission to do the same?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Some Thoughts on School Dress Codes

I find myself watching local TV newscast less these days. Part of it is the 24/7 availability of news on th internet. There are certain websites that I visit several times a day. I also subscribe to a couple of daily newspapers that provide me with an, albiet biased at times, overview. My disenchantment with local newscasts is rooted in the stations decisions as to what is major news. Often the lead story fall into one of two categories: An event that tugs at our emotional heartstings, a cancer patient who is miraculously cured, or an account of some form of social injustice, elderly widow is evicted from only home she has ever lived in.

The later was the case last Friday night. The lead story was about three Mesquite, Texas high school students who were denied entry to the school sponsored senior breakfast because they were not dressed appropriately. The three girls appreared smiling on camera. They seemed to be normally good kids, certainly not rebellious troublemakers. In my opinion, they were dressed appropriately. "We were told to wear our "Sunday best," they noted. One girl reported that she had even worn the same dress to school once before with no problem. The school district had used the term "Sunday best" in March when the event was announced. That was clarified in April when, low-cut or bare shoulder dresses were banned. Then Thursday, the day before the event, students were told sundresses, even with a sweater or jacket, were inappropriate. You can probably guess, the girls who were turned away were wearing sundresses.

Having spent years as a school counselor, I am familiar with the tension created by a school dress code. The school where I worked had a student handbook. Inappropriated dress and hairstyles were clearly defined. That did not stop some students from "pressing the envelope." When they complained to me, I could always direct them to the school guidelines. I should add that the handbook was included in the agenda books students were required to carry with them at all times. Parents almost always supported the school, especially since they had attended an orientation meeting before their child ever attended class.

With the current incident; I have to side with the students, only because it seems like the school district did not do a sufficient job of communicating. Verbally amending the rules the day before, especially with seniors whose minds are probably in "La La Land" to begin with, is not acceptable. The students had heard "Sunday best" and that is what they wore. I noted a number of female teens wearing sundresses at our church yesterday, and I consider all of them to have been dressed appropriately.

Where does this leave parents? They have the responsibility to know the school dress code, and make sure their students understand and respect it. Even if they don't agree, the school administration deserves their support. We also need to hold our schools accountable for communicating clearly and punctually.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Who Is Texting Your Kids at School?

I don't usually read the articles in those magazine the airlines place in the seat back pocket. I will admit to doing the sudoku puzzles found in the back, usually as a way to pass the time during take-off and landing. We were returning from my mother's birthday in Detroit yesterday when an article in the May Southwest Airlines magazine perked my interest. "66% of Parents Text Kids at School" the heading announced.

My experience in a school setting reminds me that cell phones have been an issue in schools. Five years ago the problem was phones that went off during class. Our school had a zero tolerance policy and students were required to keep their phone in the off position and out of sight during the school day. At the close of school every Friday there would be a line of students in the office waiting to retrieve their confiscated phones. That could only happen once. A second offense meant the principal kept their phone until the end of the semester.

How times have changed! Kids don't talk on their phones anymore, they text. If you've observed any group of teens you know what I am talking about. Texting is the kids way kids stay in touch, but it's not limited to communicating with peers. According to the article, 66% of students admit that their parents have sent them texts while they were in class. Most often the purpose of the text is to communicate logistics, "Will pick you up at 3:30 PM," but often it's to inquire about a personal issue, "Is he still bullying you?" or "Did the teacher like your report?"

No matter what the issue, texting a student during the school day is sending the wrong message. 75% or more of students admit that use of a cell phone during the school day is wrong. Still, a majority of them do it. That means they consciously break the rules. Now we find out that parents are encouraging this negative behavior.

What we need are more personal boundaries. Discuss with your student the cell phone rules that are in effect at their school. Then talk about their responsibility to follow those rules, in spite of what their peers are doing. Tell them if you need to text them, you will confine it to the last half hour of the school day. Subsequently, they need to check their phones after school for any messages. It might be helpful to establish other ground rules as well. No texting during meals or during other family time.

Texting is a wonderful tool. As a family we used it to communicate updates on our travel this weekend. As adults we do have the responsibilty to set good examples when it comes to cell phone use. I thought about this as we prepared to land in Dallas yesterday. The command was made to "turn off all electronic devices." Over a minute passed and I noticed a woman across the aisle still texting on her cell phone. She continued to use her phone throughout the landing. From her age and the ring on her finger, I would guess that she was a parent herself. And then we wonder where the negative behavior comes from.