Monday, April 12, 2010

Is Your Child the Bully?

Bullies have parents too. While no parent wants to think of their child as being a bully, the reality is the potential is always present. Bullying has received a lot of attention lately. In the process, some myths regarding bullies have been debunked. One example: Bullies are loners. In actuality bullies often are surround by friends. Bullies need an audience and support system. Bullies know how to manipulate, so over time their peers may become unknowing accomplices. Another myth is that bullies have low self esteem. In reality the exact opposite could be true. Kids with an elevated self esteem can use bullying as a way to reinforce and insulate their self image.

So what are some warning signs:

Abuse of Power: Power is a convenient tool. We can use physical or verbal power to gain control over other people. In the process we can get them to do what we want them to do for us. Parents can prevent their children from falling into the "power trap" by not allowing themselves to be manipulated. They also should be good role models when it comes to abuse of power. Spanking and other physical uses of power might work with infants and toddlers but they might teach older children that they can use force to get their peers to do what they want them to do for them.

Anger: All human emotions are gifts from God. As such, anger is a part of being human. It's what we do with our anger that makes it wrong. When we use anger as a way to gain control of a situation it can have a negative long-term effect. When our children have fits of anger we may feel a need to give in. If we see anger in our teens we need to confront it, because it's proably not going to go away. The conversation won't be productive when they are aggitated. The time to talk about their anger is when they are calm.

Teasing: Ok, teasing has always been a part of being a family. We all might gently tease at times. Persistent teasing is not healthy. It can belittling. It also can give us control over another person. A good rule for a family is to respect the words, "stop that." When an individual requests that a particular word or action come to an end, we need to abide by that request. When we continue the action we are putting ourselves in a position of control over them.

We all tend to think of our own kids as being the victim. We want to protect them in all circumstance. When it comes to bullying we need to make sure we have all the information before jumping to conclusions. That especially must be the case if we see some of the warning signs ourselves.

Monday, April 5, 2010

A Need for Ethics in Texting

We live in a rapidly changing world. Think about it, how many conveniences that we take for granted did not even exist twenty years ago. Cell phones and home computers, led to laptops and i-phones. On-line shopping and texting did not even exist. In the case of the Millenial Generation, all these changes have taken place during their lifetime.



As a result, one issue our society has to deal with is a lack of ethics when it comes to the use of some of the technologies. So how do we help our teens learn the proper etiquette when it comes to the use of their cell phone? Here are some suggestions:



Establish some boundaries. Use of the cell phone for both texting and conversations should be off limits at certain times. Obviously that should include during churches services and similar public events but also should include meal times, including when eating out in a restaurant.



Designate a No Texting Zone. When our kids were teens I found that time together in the car was a great time to have conversation. I often used the time between school and home to talk about what was going on in my world and theirs. Maybe you want to make your car or one room in the house, the family room for example, a no texting zone. That way to guarantee you have a place where you can have uninterrupted conversation.



Talk about the issues. Let them know that you are aware of the issue of cyber bullying and the safety hazard that goes with texting while driving. Encourage them to be open and honest when they feel threatened by cyber bullies.



Encourage them to call you, rather than just texting you when their plans change. This gives you the opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of their mood. It's a lot more difficult to be deceptive when you have to verbalize it, than when you are just typing in a message.



Model good cyber ethics yourself. The same rules should apply to you as to your teens. Remember, they are watching you.