Flyover Fellowship

I was at church last night for praise team practice. I left before 9:00 PM and got home at 10:30 PM. Normally the trip takes less than half an hour. I spent over an hour parked on the flyover ramp from highway 114 to I-635. A bad accident had shutdown the highway. I called my wife and alerted her to the situation, so she took a different route. She was relaxing at home when I got there.

Yesterday was a long day. I had spent eight hours doing my hospital chaplain visits. For some reason they were more mentally taxing than normal. On my way home I had stopped by Home Depot to pick up forty square feet of sod to finish off a project in our front yard. Loading and unloading that was a chore. By nine o clock was was exhausted. Being stuck on a freeway was not where I wanted to be.

I could have spent the time listening to the radio, or one of the Garrison Keillor tapes I carry in the car. Instead I shut off the engine and stepped out of my car. Soon I found others around me doing the same thing. In a short while there were six or eight of us conversing. I can't say as I got to know any of them intimately but we did have some great conversation. I mentioned to a couple of them that I was on my way home from church. They were curious about the band I sang in. I guess they found it strange that a grandfather, who wears a flattop, enjoys singing contemporary Christian music.

My wife had shared a devotion on frontyard evangelism prior to our practice. The point being that if we spend time in our frontyards, rather than the back, we have more opportunities to meet our neighbors and share our faith stories with them. I guess I took it to heart. Instead of frontyard evangelism I had some flyover fellowship.

So, where is this going and how does it apply to parenting? My question to you, how do you handle life's incoveniences? When forced to wait in traffic or when stuck in a waiting room while your doctor runs behind schedule, how do you react? It becomes even more important when our children are part of the experience. The way we handle the "speed bumps" of life sends a message to them. It helps prepare them for the twists and turns they will have to face.

What to do With Bullies?

I am not a big fan of talk radio. I prefer to listen to news radio when I am at home, music when I am in the car. Oh yes, baseball is still best on the radio. But last Thursday I got into the car and there was a talk show. My favorite news station shifts to that format mid-day. Before I could change stations I recognized the topic. The discussion was on bullies in school. I was hooked because it's a topic I am familiar with and have strong feelings about. Our youngest son was the victim of bullies throughout his schooling. As a school counselor I also had to deal with both the victims and the bullies themselves. We instituted a peer mediation program at our school to help those who wanted help in dealing with bullies.

Most to the callers seemed to buy into the, "I teach me kid to defend themselves," camp. Such individuals would not only support their child if they chose to retaliate, but would be disappointed if they did not. Some of the predominately male callers even envoked the, "We're Texans and we always defend ourselves and our dignity." I was not suprised because I think most parents would respond the same way.

Let me continue by saying that bullying is a huge problem in our schools. Statistics indicate that three quarters of all kids report being bullied at one time or another. Being the victim is not fun and can lead to serious issues. Besides being scared and embarrassed, some kids even become physically sick. Others carry the long-term damage to their self esteem.

Responding to the bully with anger and brute force is exactly the wrong thing to do. When a student retaliates they give the bully exactly what they want. Bullies want the satisfaction of knowing they have control and power. Even if the situation escalates and the victim wins the confrontation the bully is the victor because they've gotten the response they wanted. They won't stop their behavior. They'll just look for another victim to control.

So how do we prepare of kids to deal with bullies? It starts by helping them feel good about themselves. We also need to discuss the issue with them before it happens so that they are prepared. Here are four steps you can discuss with your child.

1. Avoid those who have a reputation for being a bully. Bullies are never good friends, even on a casual level.

2. Get a buddy. Have a least one good friend that you know you can count on in all situations. It helps if they share similar values and interests. Discuss the issue of bullying with them before it happens.

3. If confronted by a bully communicate with them that you know what they are trying to do and that you don't intend to play their game. In other words stand up to them in a non-confrontational way.

4. If the bullying continues, seek adult help. A favorite teacher or the school counselor might be a good advocate. Teach your child that it's ok to admit that there is a problem and that you need help in dealing with it.

This is a topic you need to address with your child. We want them to become part of the solution and not part of the problem.

Rights of Passage

It is the time of year when many parents are celebrating the rights of passage in the lives of their children. Confirmation, graduation and spring weddings are such events. We recently celebrated such an occasion in our family. Our daughter, Katie, received her masters degree from Dallas Baptist University. She aspires to be a contemporary worship leader. DBU is one of the few schools in the country is a program in worship leadership.

We had quite a celebration. All our children are grown but we still rejoice in their accomplishments. We took lots of pictures. Her Uncle Bill flew in from Baltimore for the event. We hosted a party for her and her friends. For a parent there is no greater joy than watching your kids grow up and be successful.

At such times it easy to forget about all the struggles in between. When she was younger we referred to her as "Princess Terror," does that tell you something about her childhood.

A word of advice to all parents: enjoy the moment. Each stage of life has its joys, just as it has its frustrations. We often want to fast-forward our kids and see the finish product. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Besides, think of all the fun we would miss out on. So, take each day for what it is... a gift from God.

Bristol Palin and Abstinence

Bristol Palin, the daughter of the Governor of Alaska and former VP Candidate, Sarah Palin, is back in the news again. Last summer her out-of-wedlock pregnancy made national news. Since the election she has given birth to a baby boy and broken her engagement to the child's father. Last week the attention was on her public stand promoting abstinence.

I find her honesty and personal stand refreshing. First-off she did not compound the problem by entering into a marriage relationship she was uncomfortable with. Secondly, she has taken responsibility for her actions and seems to have learned from the experience.

There is a lesson to be learned here for all parents. We need to be mindful of the maturity level of our teens and their inability to act rationally on their emotions. The latest research on the adolescent brain indicates that the pre-frontal context, the portion of the brain that connects feeling and emotions with the long-term memory, is underdeveloped. The pre-frontal cortex really functions as the executive portion of the brain, helping individuals make decisions based on past experience and long-term goals. This helps explain a teenager's impulsive nature. God, in his infinite wisdom, has given teens the ability to be sexually active, along with the feelings to go with it but they are not mentally prepared to make good decisions. Bristol Palin is living proof of that.

This raises the stakes for parents of teenagers. It is our responsibility to help them be ready to make wholesome choices and be ready to forgive them when they don't. One way is to educate them. The other is to monitor their behavior and make sure they are surrounded by a support system of both peers and other adults.

Instead of criticism, Bristol Palin needs to be forgiven. I suspect her parents have already don that. She also deserves our praise and respect. She learned the importance of teen abstinence the hard way. Now she is speaking out about it and that is something we should all support.

Teen Drivers

I heard a news report yesterday concerning a recent study done by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. The conclusion was that teenagers behave differently behind the wheel when they know their parents are watching, as opposed to when they are unsupervised. My initial response was, Duh! What's new.

During my years as a high school counselor I often encountered parents who had a distorted image of their child. When informed of an inappropriate behavior the response was often, "My son/daughter would never do that." My thought was usually, "Yes, not while you are watching."
Our behavior is determined by our personal ethics. A great definition for ethics is: How we behave when no one is looking. I think that definitely applies here.

A bigger issue for me is: How do parents behave when they know their teens are watching them? It does no good to tell your child not to abuse alcohol if they regularly see you with a drink in your hand when at home. What do we expect when we make it a habit of driving ten miles over the speed limit when they are sitting in the car with us?

Parents are a role models for teens, whether they want to be or not.

The Swine Flu Scare

So, how are we to respond to the Swine Flu scare. Is it a genuine pandemic or the result of the media over-reacting. Here is the Dallas-Fort Worth community we see both poles being acted out. The Fort Worth ISD has cancelled classes district-wide until mid-May. May Fest, an annual outdoor art festival, has been cancelled. The Dallas ISD on the other hand has closed one school and things seemed to be pretty much going on as normal on the east side of the Metroplex.

I noticed little difference yesterday as I made my rounds as a hospital chaplain. Most the facilities had signs requesting that those who were sick (cough, fever, etc.), should refrain from visiting patients. When I asked if there was anything I especially needed to be doing I was told, "no." The general response from the medical professionals seemed to be, "business as usual." One even noted that we should be more concerned about MRSA staph infection. I visited three families yesterday who had loved ones in ICU with the it. From my perspective the Swine Flu is just another strain of "the flu." MRSA is serious stuff.

So, how do we respond when our children ask? I would try to be reassuring, don't panic or over-react. Try to maintain your normal routine as much as possible. Use this opportunity to talk about the need to wash and sanitize your hands several times a day. It's also an excellent time to talk about our sinful nature. The infection and viruses that plague us are all a result of our sin and the fact that our bodies are imperfect. God's and His unconditional love are the only perfect things. We can count on that. God has got us through difficult times before and if this is indeed becomes a pandemic, He will get us through it as well.