Penn State and The Bubble Theory

It's been a few weeks since the news of the scandal at Penn State University broke. Since then many school official, including legendary Coach Joe Paterno, have been forced to step down. Authorities are still sorting through the evidence, but this much we know: A lot of people were made aware that assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, was sexually abusing young boys and chose to do nothing about it. From my perspective this is an example of the insulated bubble theory.

Within an athletic program it is so easy to get caught up with success. Over time the focus becomes wins and trophies. Those who are viewed as responsible for the success are revered. The institution begins to focus on the success as well. It becomes a source of pride, and that's when the bubble starts to form. The program becomes insulated. Administrator do all they can to cultivate the success, and in the process might even ignore some of the flaws. Inside the bubble the emphasis is on victories. As a result the vices are overlooked. Misconduct is tolerated. The core values that the program was based on become vague. Those inside the bubble might even consider themselves to be above the law because of who they are and what they supposedly mean to the institution.

I have experienced the bubble. I coached high school basketball, including two years heading up a varsity boys program. The season itself was a grind. From October to February, twelve to fourteen hour days are the rule, rather than the exception. Add to that the pressure to win and the demands to meet the expectations of parents and fans. It's easy to become insulated. The team and the responsibilities that go with it become your world. Yes, I faced situations where players broke rules. In such cases I had to decide whether to discipline or not. Sometimes, sitting a player meant the difference between a win or a loss. I was blessed with an athletic director and principal who held me accountable. It still hurt because we played against teams that did not always keep those same standards.

Families are not immune to the bubble theory. Parents can get caught up in meeting the needs of their kids. We want the best and take pride in their academic, artistic and athletic success. When our focus is on our kids and their achievments, it's easy to lose perspective. As a result, we might be reluctant to upset the status quo, or to confront an issue. In some cases, we become so enamored with our kids that we feel they can do no wrong. As a school counselor, one of the most difficult situations I faced was having to inform a parent of their child's misdeed. Often I was met with anger because I had tried to penetrate that bubble.

When it comes to our kids, we need to keep things in perspective. We all have flaws. No family is immune to problems. Don't allow there to be a bubble around your family.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I can expect a Thanksgiving "wake-up call" every year. This time it happened Monday morning. The setting on the toaster got switched and my English muffin wasn't as crisp as I like it. You have to understand, I am creature of habit when it comes to breakfast: Oatmeal with a touch of brown sugar, a banana, an 8 oz. glass of milk and a well-toasted English muffin. That morning I was the one who was well-toasted. My muffin was soft and soggy. Where were the crispy nooks and crannies I treasure?

Then came the wake-up call. There was no mother there to remind me of the starving kids in Africa that are going hungry, but I still heard the voice. I guess it was God's way of reminding me how blessed I am. Nothing like a heavy dose of "keeping things in perspective."

I was re-visiting one of Max Lucado's books last night in trying to get my heart ready for Thanksgiving. In chapter 9 of The Great House of God, Max focuses on The Kitchen. He recalls a wall hanging with the fourth petition of the Lord's Prayer. "Give us this day our daily bread." In our self-serving, "Give Me" world it's easy to look at our blessings as something we deserve. Max reminded me that those words need to be kept in the context of the first three petitions. We have an awesome and powerful God who has met our greatest need. We have a Savior and can pray for the coming of his kingdom. Why wouldn't the God who has met our greatest and most eternal need not meet our daily needs as well? For that he deserves our thanks and praise not just this day, but every day.

As adults that is the message we need to share through our actions. It is so easy for our kids to get caught up in the self absorbed culture of our current world. We want and expect the best and the newest. When the world doesn't meet our needs the way we would like, we sulk. That's the wrong message to send this day especially. I am, of all people, especially blessed. I live in a great country, have an loving family and great friends. Most of all I have an awesome Savior. The frosting on the cake is the turkey on the table.

Bullying and The Golden Rule

I heard on the news this morning of another child who killed themselves as a result of bullying at school. In this case it was a ten year old girl in North Carolina. She was the victim of intense bullying at school and on-line. The mom opened the door to her daughter's bedroom to discover her hanging by her neck. The girl took her last breath in her mother's arms. The evidence was on the Facebook page on her computer.

Bullying has become such an epidemic that the national Center for Disease Control has become involved. In a 2009 survey, 20% of high school students reported being bullied on school property in the preceding twelve months.

It is especially disturbing when bullying takes place in a Christian environment, but I can't deny that it happened during my years in youth ministry. In one case, the parents of the bully responded in a hostile manner when I tried to intervene. In their mind, "It was just boys being boys, and the victim just needed to get over it." When words or actions hurt, it's never ok.

Maybe we need to do a better job of applying the Golden Rule: "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you." I know it sound a little like work righteousness, but it's a principal Christians should live by. It's also a principle that is best caught, rather than taught. In other words we, as adults, must model it. In addition, when we witness a child bullying another child, we need to confront it with a reminder of The Golden Rule.

In addition, we owe it to our kids to know what's going on in their lives. If we sense any bullying, we need to follow the trail. That means constantly monitor the content on their computers and smart phones.

If bullying is an epidemic, we need to shift into a prevention mode.

When is Spanking not OK

A South Texas judge made national news last week when a video of him spanking his sixteen year old daughter showed up on You Tube. The girl, who is now twenty-two years old, was being punished for illegally downloading videos from the internet. The video is hard to watch. While the offense deserved punishment, the method in this case is wrong.

It does raise the question; Is spanking ever appropriate? I do see some value in spanking younger children as a deterrent. There comes a point, however, when it can become counter-productive. In case in question, the spanking was highly inappropriate. We're talking about a sixteen year old girl. How demeaning for a sixteen year old girl who is in the process of seeking her own identity to be told by her own father to, "bend over so I can paddle you." It had to have been a blow to her self image.

The other issue in this case is the father's anger. That is the danger when spanking is used as punishment. Do our kids do things that make us angry? You bet they do, but we also do things that exasperate them. (Ephesian 6:4) The challenge is to keep our feelings separated from the child's behavior. That's why it's usually best to delay any discussion or punishment until cooler heads prevail.

The bottom line is physical punishment is not appropriate when the offender is a teenager. Parent who resort to such methods run the risk of having the victim eventually becoming the aggressor. In this case the retaliation came in the releasing of a six year old video.

NASCAR and My Grandsons

Next to the holidays, this coming weekend is one of my favorite times of the year. It's a NASCAR weekend at Texas Motor Speedway. Three straight days at the track. I always joke that NASCAR is the one sport that is truly Lutheran. They begin with an invocation and let you carry in your own beverage of choice, including beer. Hey, the parking is free too, and some of the best fellowship around is found at the track. NASCAR fans are a unique fraternity. No strangers here.

None of these are the primary reason I enjoy NASCAR weekends at TMS. It comes down to the quality time that I get to spend with my grandsons. Weekends at the speedway are the one experience that only I share with them. While our time at the track is fun and entertaining, that's not where I find the most satisfaction. The race itself is loud and extremely intense. Not much time for conversation. I enjoy the trips to and from the track almost as much as the race itself. Great time for conversation. And then there's the tailgating in the parking lot and walking the midway, looking at the show cars and searching for autographs.

I sincerely hope this is a tradition that continues. Every grandparent needs one activity that they uniquely share with their grand kids. It's not the activity, as much as it is the time together and the opportunity to pass on the values and faith that are so much a part of who I am.