Our Response to School Violence

There was another school shooting in the news this week. This time the community of Chardon, Ohio is in shock over the senseless killing of three students. The sad reality is its a sign of the times. Still, I think there are some things we can be doing to lessen the likelihood of our children becoming the victims.

It begins with the way that we treat other people. All people, even those the world labels as "weird" or different, deserve to be treated with love and respect. A friendly smile and a warm hello, over time can soften even the hardest of hearts. That is the message we need to convey to our teenagers, but the best way to teach it is to live it.

Secondly, those of us who work with teenagers need to be on the alert for kids who are drifting toward the fringe. I have yet to hear of an instance where the shooter was the star athlete or the homecoming queen. They are almost always kids who have become unattached. Sometimes they have been bullied, other times just socially excluded. Those are the kids who need to be on our radar. We need to help such students to become connected. We need to let them know that we care about them.

Outlawing guns and installing metal detectors in every school is not the solution. The end of such school violence will only happen when we learn to treat each other in a more Christ-like manner.

Lenten Reflections

Today is Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of the season of Lent. I have very vivid memories of Lent from my childhood days. Wednesday night Lenten services were not an option in our house. Somewhere around fourth or fifth grade my parents started requiring my attendance. My mom and dad sang in the choir, so I sat quietly in the pew with my grandmother. It was hard not to be solemn in the sanctuary. The lights were turned low and candles flickered at the end of each row. Our pastor always wore a black robe, with a white surplice over the top. During Lent he left the surplice in the closet and was robed only in black. No stole, the only adornment being a large silver cross. That cross seemed to jump out from the black background. I can still sing many of those Lenten hymns from memory: There is a Fountain Filled With Blood, O Sacred Head Now Wounded and Come to Calvary's Holy Mountain.

It wasn't until I was in college and had to study theology that the true impact Lent came clear to me. As a child I never thought much about the contrast between Lent and Easter. I think it was professor Tom Strieter who enlightened me. Confession and absolution lead to celebration. To truly celebrate our Lord's Resurrection, we must first acknowledge our sinful nature. It was my sins that caused his suffering. I recall the first time I watched Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion of the Christ,. I was moved to tears by the realization that I caused His suffering.

One shortcoming of contemporary worship is that we lose sight of the liturgical church year. That's why I think it is vital that all Christian parents encourage their children and teens to observe Lent. More than that, we need to make sure the next generation understands the full meaning of the Lent. Christmas is a great celebration, but unless Christ suffered for our sins and defeated death and the devil by rising again we have no hope. The crux of who we are as people of faith is found in the contrast that is Lent and Easter.

The TCU Drug Bust: Kids will Break Your Heart

The administration at Texas Christian University, including football coach Gary Patterson, have learned something I discovered long ago. If you work with teenagers and young adults, sooner or later they will break your heart. While I was saddened by this weeks news that seventeen TCU students, including four football players, had been arrested for dealing drugs I was not shocked. Drugs use among students is a reality.

I am still proud to be a member of the "Horned Frog Nation." Our family's association with TCU has existed for over twenty years. We have two Horned Frog alums in the family. We just renewed our seasons tickets for TCU football for another year. TCU is a great university, but even great schools are susceptible to the problem of drug abuse.

I have spent over forty years working with teenagers and their families. The last eleven of those years I was the school counselor at Lutheran High School of Dallas. LHS was a great academic institution, but that did not make us immune to a drug problem. I recall one student assembly. We had invited narcotics detectives unto our campus to talk to our kids about the dangers of drug abuse. They bought along a drug sniffing dog and told me before the assembly they wanted to demonstrate how the animal could find marijuana. Their plan was to plant a bag of pot somewhere in the gym and let the dog find it. I waited, but that part of the program never came. After the assembly I asked one of the officers why. He replied, "We didn't want to embarrass one of your students." The dog had picked up a scent of pot as soon as it entered the room. The detective was even able to point to where the pot was, and indicated he had a good idea as to which student had it in their possession.

Drugs, especially marijuana, are a very real problem among teens and young adults. A recently released study, done for the Federal Government by the University of Michigan, indicated that pot has replaced alcohol as the drug of choice among American teens. This was not small sample. Forty-seven thousand teens were polled. One in fifteen high school seniors reported that they smoked pot on a daily or almost daily basis. That is an epidemic. If a student is using marijuana in high school, they are going to bring that pattern of behavior to the college.

Parents who think their teens are immune, or feel their students are above such behavior, are being naive. The issue needs to be brought to the surface and addressed. Having the TCU drug bust in the news presents the ideal opportunity to have an open and frank discussion about the dangers of drugs and addiction with your teenager. If they have been exposed to drug use believe me they will be.

Prepare to be Fired

The reality is at some point in time every parent is going to be fired. Allow me to explain. Like the rest of us, teenagers are constantly facing decisions. At some point they will encounter a dilemma that they don't want their parents to know about. Think back, you know there were issues you wanted to keep hidden from your folks. Let's be honest. If in your teen years you were invited to a party where you knew there was going to be alcohol present you wouldn't consult your parents on what to do. When faced with some issues, parents tend to over-react: "You are going to do what, with who?"

It's no different today. The issue might involve sex, substance abuse or might be ethical in nature. Almost every teen is going to face an issue they want to hide from mom and dad. That's why it's vital that we surround our kids with a support system. While we can't always control who their friends are, we do have some influence over who the significant adults are in their lives.

I recently returned from a three day retreat with a group of forty DCE, youth ministry folks. It's been over fifteen years since I've been in that kind of environment, but I found one thing the same. They still had a passion for children/teens and their families. Children and youth ministry professionals, along with the volunteers who are part of their ministries, are a valuable resource for you. Coaches, teachers and scout leaders can also fill that role. The important thing is that you place your teen in an environment where they are surrounded by adults who share the same faith and values that you do. If you are going to be fired as a parent, you want to make sure the people they are turning to for advice are guiding them in the same direction you would.

During my years as a youth minister, coach and school counselor there were countless times when I was called on by a teen for guidance on a tough issue. Yes, there were times when the matter was resolved without mom or dad even knowing it. There were other times when I would get a call after the fact. "I am not sure what was going on, but I am sure glad you were there for us."

Tolerance Versus Respect

Tolerance is a word that is often used to describe our contemporary society. I thought I knew what it meant but I decided to look up the word in my dictionary. Definition: Tolerance is a "fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion or nationality differ from our own." Synonyms include: patience, forbearance, and open-mindedness.

In some ways tolerance is a valuable trait. It allows us to function in multiple settings, among a variety of people. If we work for a boss whose value system or lifestyle, is very different from our own, being tolerant allows us to work with them.

There is a reason for focusing on tolerance at this time. Those who study trends note that those under the age of thirty practice tolerance at a higher degree than previous generations. The disturbing factor in this trend is the way tolerance is impacting their Christian faith. When it comes to matters of faith I would prefer the word 'respect" over the word "tolerance." I respect those who hold different belief systems, but it's hard for me to be open-minded. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus is the only hope of mankind. He died for the sins of the whole world, and rose again that we all might have eternal life. That is not up for negotiation.

An unfortunate outcome to tolerance as it's practiced by young folks is they not only say, "I will let you believe what you believe as long as it doesn't effect me," but begin to incorporate other belief systems into their own concept of faith. Some Christians also buy into the concept that all religions worship the same God, they just take different paths or hold different traditions.

When imparting faith to teens, it's important that we help them view Jesus as their only hope for salvation and eternal life. Secondly, we need to teach them to respect those who hold different belief systems. Thirdly, the best way to share the Good News of Jesus is to be be models of Christ. When we are people of grace and hope we are sending a strong message. Our actions toward those who are outside the Christian faith will always speak louder than words. We must be people of respect, not tolerance.