Bullying: The Answer is Jesus

As I considered a title for this entry I couldn't help but think of the story of the pastor who was delivering a children's message. He described a small animal with a long busy tail. He told the children they had often seen them playing in parks and yards and running along telephone wires. When he asked for a response one little girl raised her hand. "I think you are describing a squirrel, but I am sure the answer is Jesus."

Now the issue being described in bullying. It's a topic that is much more serious, but I am confident that answer is the same.

Bullying is not going away. This time it was a fifteen year old girl from Staten Island, New York named Amanda. She died six days after throwing herself in front of a city bus. Police found a suicide note in her pocket. A broken romantic relationship had brought her into conflict with another female student. As she lay dying in the hospital the bullying continued on her Facebook page.

It might sound simplistic, but I really believe Jesus is the ultimate antidote to the epidemic that is bullying. As a person, Jesus was the opposite of a bully. He came to the defense of those who were being victimized by society. Read John
8:1-11. There we meet a woman who had suffered a broken romantic relationship. Was she without sin? No. But then neither were her accusers. Jesus chose to intervene. He befriended the victim and restored her dignity.

Nobody deserves to be bullied. We all have our flaws. Bullies see those flaws and point them out. They hammer away at their victims unmercifully. Social media now allows the bullying to become public. What was once confined to school hallways is now out there for the whole world to see. It's no wonder that some kids choose to end their lives rather than face continuing harassment.

And how do we stop this madness?

It begins when we call attention to the issue. It continues when we discuss the topic with our teens. It's addressed when we equip and challenge our young people to befriend and comfort those who are being victimized. The risk is that the bully will re-direct their venom and the one who intervenes will suddenly become another victim. That is where we need to teach our kids to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. They need to pray for discernment in the decisions they make. They need to ask for courage to act in a Christ-like manner. As parents we need to pray daily that God will put a wall of protection around the souls of our kids.

Jesus is the only answer. He is the antidote for bullying.

Reflections on Martin Luther King

Today is Martin Luther King Day. Having lived through the turbulent sixties, I marvel at how things have changed. I recall sitting in a junior high classroom and hearing my teacher talk in an angry tone about how disgusted she was at seeing a "nice young white man" give up his seat on a bus to a "colored woman." I recently visited the Henry Ford Museum in Detroit where the bus that Rosa Parks took her historical stance on is displayed. I reached the back of the bus where I found a mom explaining the significance of the event to her two grade school age children. This time it was a White family in the back of the bus.

I once almost had a close encounter with Dr. King. I was in 8th grade and a member of our church basketball team. Our games were played on Saturday morning in the gym at Grosse Pointe High School. Grosse Pointe was, and still is, a very affluent suburb of Detroit. In those days it was highly segregated. Dr. King was scheduled to speak at the school on a Saturday afternoon. His appearance was high controversial. There was a strong police presence as we left after our 11:00 AM game. Behind barricades stood some angry people. They were holding signs that said some pretty ugly things.

I was home in Detroit on spring break from college on that night in 1968 when Dr. King was shot. I was at church. I had been recruited to sing with the church choir for Easter. A member of the bass section was the one who broke the news. "The King is dead," he said with a smile. There was a real sense of satisfaction in his voice.

Now we have a Black Man as a President and we tend to view people not by the color of their skin but by what they stand for.

I live in a house where my neighbors are Hispanic, Vietnamese and Cambodian. I recently remarked, "all we need is a Black Family to move in to make things complete."

Thank Dr. King for being the catalyst for change.

Jakadrien Owes Us an Apology

Jakadrien Turner has gotten a lot of attention in the media ove the last week. She is the Dallas teenagers who was mistakenly deported to Columbia. I even commented on her on Facebook, questioning how federal agents could deport a Black American teenager who doesn't speak a word of Spanish to a South American Country. Dallas Morning News columnist, Steve Blow, brought me back to reality yesterday. You can find his blog at www.dallasnews.com/thescoopblog. Steve Blows perspective is that if a apology is due, it should be from Jakadrien.

Steve Blow contends that Jakadien has no one to blame but herself. She made some poor choices. It all began when the fifteen year old chose to run away from home in November of 2010: mistake #1. She ended up in Houston where she was arrested for shoplifting: mistake #2. Instead of identifying herself, she created an identity, saying she was a 21 year old illegal immigrant from Columbia: mistake #3.

Jakadien is now safely back at home. Her release and homecoming were widely covered in the local media. A lot of tears were shed and yes. The Congressional Black Caucus is now involved and there is talk about a grievance.

Having had time to reflect, I could not agree more with Steve Blow. Jakadien is not the victim here. The consequences are the result of her poor decisions.

This is a great case study for a parent to discuss with their teenager. It needs to be shared and discussed. Don't be surprised if your teenager sides with Jakadien. Teens often share the same perspective. Probably the most effective way to teach the importance of making good choices for their to be consequences when you don't. All too often I hear of parents who are quick to point out the mistake, but back off when it comes to consequences. Most often the reason is they don't want to listen to the complaining and whining about how unfair life is.

In the long run, our teenagers need to learn that poor choices can, and often do, have negative consequences, and nothing is learned when we let them off the hook.

Parenting a Parent

As I write this, I am Detroit visiting my mom. She's ninety and lives in a senior community. Mom is in generally good health, but her eyesight is failing. She has had to wear a hearing aid all of her adult life and is almost totally deaf without it. That's two senses down. I just took her to lunch and I can report that there is nothing wrong with her sense of taste,sense of balance and sense of humor too I might add.

I've been in this environment for less than twenty-four hours and have already reached a couple of conclusions. The relaxed pace is nice, but there's no way I am ready for this lifestyle full-time. Secondly, I am grateful that I have the relationship with my mom that I do. Not all families are as close as ours. And to be honest, we all need each other.

There is no doubt that she relies on us. My brother who lives only twenty minutes from her shoulders much of the responsibility, but the rest of us pitch in too. Mostly, I try to stay in touch with a phone call every Sunday. She always quick to remind me how much she looks forward to those.

I guess my word to parents with children still at home is; cultivate those relationships. Learn to love unconditionally. I know I put my parents through some grief, but they've never reminded me of that. The door has always been open and hugs readily available.

I am confident that our kids will treat me in the same manner should I live another twenty plus years. Twenty years ago, sixty-five seemed a long way off. Funny how quickly it got here and how time just seems to continue to march along.

Is it really 2012?