I spend Wednesday mornings at DFW Airport. I am a DFW Airport Ambassador. If you've been through DFW and seen the folks in green vests and jackets: I am one of those. During a typical four hour shift I usually assist about a hundred people, providing information and helping folks navigate around the enormous airport. It's also a great place to people watch and this past Wednesday I saw observed two dads who were about as polar opposite as possible.
Dad #1 was traveling with his two sons, I would have judged them to be around eight and ten years old. Dad was a good looking, projecting the image of a successful professional. His sons were well behaved. One of them was watching a video on a personal DVD player and the other sat quietly reading a book. Dad, was busy texting on a cell phone, when a second cell phone went off. Must be an important guy I thought: Two cell phones. He now became engaged in a heated conversation with whoever had called. I assumed it was business related. He was not happy that someone had evidently, in his terms, "Screwed up." Dad seem oblivious to his sons. As he continued his tirade, their focus shifted from what they were doing to watching dad. I felt bad for them. Not only was dad preoccupied, but they had to see him at his worst. At that moment, it was like his sons didn't exists. I have to wonder how dad will feel in a few years when the roles are reversed: Kids busy texting and ignoring dad.
When I first noticed Dad #2 I didn't even know he was a father. In the days of TSA security, it's unusual to see folks waiting inside security for an arriving flight, but this fellow was, and he was obviously anxious. When the flight arrived he moved closer and waited nervously as passengers exited. Finally he broke out into a huge grin. Soon the grin turned to a laugh. Obviously one of the departing passengers had brought him great joy. He hurried to the door where he greeted thee little boys who were acccompanied by a flight attendant. Hugs were exchanged and, after a prompt from the flight attendant, he showed her his photo ID. He signed a release and gathered the three boys together. I assumed he was their birth dad and the boys were coming for a summer visit.
I would like to think that Dad #1 is a good father and that he is going to get to spend some quality time with his sons on this trip. I only hope I was seeing him at his worst. I am also sure that there are going to be some moment when Dad #2 is going to get frustrated with his three boys. I only wish that I could have gotten the two men together to talk about their experiences and perspectives. There is so much to being a good dad.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Survey Says: It's Tough Being a Dad
A new survey from the Pew Research Center caught my attention. Most Say Being a Father Today is more Difficult, the heading announced. The report was based on a 2011 survey of over 250 dad and a slightly higher number of mothers. A majority of dads, 63%, stated it was more difficult today. 48% of moms were in agreement. Only 8% of dads polled felt it was easier today. The balance felt the degree of difficulty was about the same when it came to their role as a father.
While the survey sample was relatively small, I still found the results troubling. From a historical perspective, I can identify numerous times when being a dad was more difficult. When just considering the 20th Century I can pinpoint several periods when fathering was probably more of a challenge. The period of the Great Depression immediately comes to mind. For many dads the financial challenges were so overwhelming that they actually abandoned their children. During World War II many dad left home to defend their country, other older dads had to face the prospect of having their sons and daughters placed in harms way. Having lived through the Viet Nam War era and also the racial tensions of the sixties, I know that was a tough time to be a dad as well.
I think one of the reasons dads today view things as being more difficult is because they have lost perspective. That is not just limited to a historical view. I truly believe we need to keep things in perspective spiritually. My faith in God assures me that he will never put me in a situation that I cannot handle. Through God's power I truly believe that like Paul, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) I know I am not alone in that perspective because I hear the same conviction expressed by other Christian fathers.
Perhaps the problem is too many men today have their priorities wrong. When our priorities get turned around, over time things become more difficult. When we focus on ourselves and the things of this world we are destined to a life where we are never satisfied. Everything, including the responsibilities we have to our families, becomes more difficult. Our relationship with God must be our number one priority.
While the survey sample was relatively small, I still found the results troubling. From a historical perspective, I can identify numerous times when being a dad was more difficult. When just considering the 20th Century I can pinpoint several periods when fathering was probably more of a challenge. The period of the Great Depression immediately comes to mind. For many dads the financial challenges were so overwhelming that they actually abandoned their children. During World War II many dad left home to defend their country, other older dads had to face the prospect of having their sons and daughters placed in harms way. Having lived through the Viet Nam War era and also the racial tensions of the sixties, I know that was a tough time to be a dad as well.
I think one of the reasons dads today view things as being more difficult is because they have lost perspective. That is not just limited to a historical view. I truly believe we need to keep things in perspective spiritually. My faith in God assures me that he will never put me in a situation that I cannot handle. Through God's power I truly believe that like Paul, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) I know I am not alone in that perspective because I hear the same conviction expressed by other Christian fathers.
Perhaps the problem is too many men today have their priorities wrong. When our priorities get turned around, over time things become more difficult. When we focus on ourselves and the things of this world we are destined to a life where we are never satisfied. Everything, including the responsibilities we have to our families, becomes more difficult. Our relationship with God must be our number one priority.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The Man and His Poopy Dog: WWDD
It's Father's Day this coming Sunday. I know I've written about my dad before, but a recent incident caused me to once again reflect on his impact on my life.
My dad tried to be friendly with everyone he met. He liked to sit on the front porch and chat with the folks who passed by. My folks lived in the City of Detroit until 2004 when his health declined. The neighborhood went through lots of changes and eventually declined, but my parents were able to survive in the same house for over forty years. I think a lot of the credit should go to my dad.
Today, we live on a corner lot. Instead of a front porch we have a back patio. We chose to install a white picket fence, as opposed to a wooden privacy barrier. I too like to be able to greet my neighbors as they pass by. One familar face is an older man who rides a three-wheeled bike. It's the kind that allows him to peddle from a seated position. I assume he's a Viet Nam veteran because he wears a cap representing that conflict. An American Flag is displayed on a pole at the rear of the bike. I can always hear him coming because he has speakers installed on the back of his bike. He listens to conservative talk radio and has the volume cranked way up. The first time I heard it I immediately thought I was in the midst of some propaganda campaign.
The man also has a little dog. It's really is a mangy mutt, and not the least bit friendly. It barks and growls at everything. Our city has an ordinance that makes it illegal for people to allow their dog to defecate on public or private property. Dog owners are supposed to carry plastic bags and clean-up after their dogs do their duty. I don't think this man has totally embraced the law. When I notice his mutt leaving a deposit on my lawn one day, I reminded him of the law. His response, "S_ _ _ happens. Deal with it."
I the past I would wave to the man and attempt to engage in conversation, but since that day I've ignored him. Recently, I've had second thoughts. I've had to consider WWDD: What would dad do? Am I going to let a pile of poop keep me from at least trying to extend a hand of friendship? Granted, in this case it's probably going to be rejected, but at least I have tried.
I have no doubt that there is a connection between WWDD and WWJD: What would Jesus do? I know the source of my dad's core values. Now I am now compelled to live the same way. I challenge you to do the same. As parents and grandparents, we need to model love and acceptance, not anger and judgement.
My dad tried to be friendly with everyone he met. He liked to sit on the front porch and chat with the folks who passed by. My folks lived in the City of Detroit until 2004 when his health declined. The neighborhood went through lots of changes and eventually declined, but my parents were able to survive in the same house for over forty years. I think a lot of the credit should go to my dad.
Today, we live on a corner lot. Instead of a front porch we have a back patio. We chose to install a white picket fence, as opposed to a wooden privacy barrier. I too like to be able to greet my neighbors as they pass by. One familar face is an older man who rides a three-wheeled bike. It's the kind that allows him to peddle from a seated position. I assume he's a Viet Nam veteran because he wears a cap representing that conflict. An American Flag is displayed on a pole at the rear of the bike. I can always hear him coming because he has speakers installed on the back of his bike. He listens to conservative talk radio and has the volume cranked way up. The first time I heard it I immediately thought I was in the midst of some propaganda campaign.
The man also has a little dog. It's really is a mangy mutt, and not the least bit friendly. It barks and growls at everything. Our city has an ordinance that makes it illegal for people to allow their dog to defecate on public or private property. Dog owners are supposed to carry plastic bags and clean-up after their dogs do their duty. I don't think this man has totally embraced the law. When I notice his mutt leaving a deposit on my lawn one day, I reminded him of the law. His response, "S_ _ _ happens. Deal with it."
I the past I would wave to the man and attempt to engage in conversation, but since that day I've ignored him. Recently, I've had second thoughts. I've had to consider WWDD: What would dad do? Am I going to let a pile of poop keep me from at least trying to extend a hand of friendship? Granted, in this case it's probably going to be rejected, but at least I have tried.
I have no doubt that there is a connection between WWDD and WWJD: What would Jesus do? I know the source of my dad's core values. Now I am now compelled to live the same way. I challenge you to do the same. As parents and grandparents, we need to model love and acceptance, not anger and judgement.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Facing Up to Facebook
Facebook has been in the news a lot lately. A couple of weeks ago they went public with their stock and created a quite a stir. This week they are back on the front page with their plan to allow kids under the age of thirteen to create accounts under parental supervision. The plan was initially reported in the Wall Street Journal and drew an almost immediate response from privacy advocates and lawmakers. A federal law, the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) prohibits internet companies from collecting personal information from children younger than thirteen. Facebook claims to have the techonology that will help parents proactively oversee their children's activities without violating the law. The company currently rejects anyone under age thirteen, but acknowledges that parents often help younger children create accounts.
I can honestly say I don't know how I feel about this issue. I have no doubt that Facebook's plan is designed to increase their profits. At least they are being honest when they say they know some people are already circumventing the system. In some ways I wish they would be more pro-active in encouraging parents of all minors, those under the age of eighteen, to monitor their children's use of the social network.
Probably the most disturbing aspect is some of the online chat. There are parents who are upset that they will have to supervise and monitor their children's use of a social network. I have to wonder how those same parents feel about others aspects of their children's lives. I would hope they would monitor their children's driving once they have their license, and their dating habits once they enter that stage of adolesence.
Social networks are a part of our culture. As adults it is our responsibility to help all children use them in a positive and productive way. If we make sure they have the proper instruction before they get behind the wheel, we need to make sure they are equipped to enter the world of the internet as well.
I can honestly say I don't know how I feel about this issue. I have no doubt that Facebook's plan is designed to increase their profits. At least they are being honest when they say they know some people are already circumventing the system. In some ways I wish they would be more pro-active in encouraging parents of all minors, those under the age of eighteen, to monitor their children's use of the social network.
Probably the most disturbing aspect is some of the online chat. There are parents who are upset that they will have to supervise and monitor their children's use of a social network. I have to wonder how those same parents feel about others aspects of their children's lives. I would hope they would monitor their children's driving once they have their license, and their dating habits once they enter that stage of adolesence.
Social networks are a part of our culture. As adults it is our responsibility to help all children use them in a positive and productive way. If we make sure they have the proper instruction before they get behind the wheel, we need to make sure they are equipped to enter the world of the internet as well.
Friday, June 1, 2012
It Takes a Village
We spent last weekend in Georgetown, Texas celebrating the marriage of our son, Mark, to Kristen Seals. Mark was the last of our children to get married. It was the second family wedding in less than a year; Our daughter Katie married John Seal last September. Our oldest Son, Peter, has been married to Amy for almost thirteen years and God has blessed them with three boys. What a blessing to watch the family grow.
For many of our extended family it was the third trip to Texas within the last eighteen months. In addition to the two weddings, we also celebrated Peter and Mark's ordination into the pastoral ministry in January, 2011. It's not surprising, Barb and I both are blessed with families that love and support each other through the time of celebration and grief. It doesn't end there, however. We are surrounded by friends who share in those times as well.
In the case of both recent weddings I was honored to be able to make a toast at the wedding reception. In each case I noted the important roles that each of those present had played in the lives of the bridal couple. It takes a village to raise up a child and God has always blessed us with communities where our family has felt loved and supported. As with many ministry families, we have moved often. Over the years our children have been part of five very different faith communities. The one consistent element has been the presence of caring adults who not only related to our children, but modeled faith and discipleship.
In a time when there is so much emphasis on mega-churches that are able to offer the biggest and best in facilities and program, parents need to be mindful that it is still the people who will have the greatest impact on our children. Encourage and cultivate that support system. They are the people who will guide you and your kids through the difficult times in life.
For many of our extended family it was the third trip to Texas within the last eighteen months. In addition to the two weddings, we also celebrated Peter and Mark's ordination into the pastoral ministry in January, 2011. It's not surprising, Barb and I both are blessed with families that love and support each other through the time of celebration and grief. It doesn't end there, however. We are surrounded by friends who share in those times as well.
In the case of both recent weddings I was honored to be able to make a toast at the wedding reception. In each case I noted the important roles that each of those present had played in the lives of the bridal couple. It takes a village to raise up a child and God has always blessed us with communities where our family has felt loved and supported. As with many ministry families, we have moved often. Over the years our children have been part of five very different faith communities. The one consistent element has been the presence of caring adults who not only related to our children, but modeled faith and discipleship.
In a time when there is so much emphasis on mega-churches that are able to offer the biggest and best in facilities and program, parents need to be mindful that it is still the people who will have the greatest impact on our children. Encourage and cultivate that support system. They are the people who will guide you and your kids through the difficult times in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)