Passing on the Heritage

I spent yesterday in Fort Worth watching my youngest grandson, Jonathan. His two older brothers have already started the school year, but his pre-school doesn't start until next week. My son and his wife both had to work, so I was honored to babysit. We will be back over there on Saturday to celebrate Jonathan's third birthday, and then stay to watch the TCU game on ESPN - Go Frogs. Barb and I are blessed because all of our kids still live in the DFW area. We gather regularly for family celebrations. We attend Texas Ranger baseball and TCU football games together. I have season tickets at Texas Motor Speedway for the purpose of sharing my NASCAR passion with my grandsons.

I grew up on the eastside of Detroit in a neighborhood where my grandparents and aunts and uncles all lived within walking distance. We moved to Texas twenty-two years ago and in the process moved a thousand miles away from my family. Grandparents were voices on the phone and aunts and uncles were the people we saw at family reunions. No regrets... it can be a reality in our mobile society.

Extended family play an important role when it comes to passing on family heritage. I recall the one Christmas when we were home visiting family. Katie was in middle school and had a class assignment to interview someone who had experienced history. We suggested my grandmother, who at that point was approaching a century of life's experiences. One question Katie asked was, "What was the most important invention during your life time?" She expected to hear television or maybe the telephone, but grandma's response was, "Electricity." What followed were stories about what life was like when people depended on oil lamps, and food was kept chilled in a real icebox. Katie came away with a different perspective that she still reflects on.

It's important that all children have the opportunity to interact with those of previous generations. Not every family is fortunate enough to grandparents within convenient driving distance. That is where church family and neighbors can play an important role. We all have stories to tell. Many of those stories involve life experiences, but others are lessons in faith and discipleship. It's vital that our kids stay grounded by hearing those stories.

Community Service vs. Grounding

Sixteen year old Kirstin Rausch of Southlake, Texas made the news last week. Actually she made it twice. The first time was in a paid newspaper ad placed by her parents, announcing thirty hours of free babysitting. The second time was the rest of the story. It seems the Kirstin had violated the family curfew. Her parents response was to require her to do thirty hours of community service.



Kirstin is not your typical delinquent. To begin with she's a member of her school's National Honor Society. Her school, by the way, is Southlake Carroll High School which is annually rated one of the top schools in the State of Texas, if not in the whole country. Friends and neighbors describe her as smart, friendly and mature for her age. Kirstin's offense did not involve being out on the street after hours. Rather, she had friends over after her parents had gone to bed. There was no mention of alcohol or drugs, rather it appears this was kids celebrating the rights of summer.



Rather than grounding her, or punish her in some other way, Kirstin's parents required her to do community service. If there was one troubling aspect, it's that babysitting was a last resort. The community organizations the Rauschs contacted could not come up with a project for a teenager who had violated curfew. As a result, she now is spending her free time watching neighborhood kids for free.



I have never understood why parents using grounding as punishment. My question is: who is being punished here? Who wants to be stuck in the house with a irritable teenager. I have always encouraged parents to discipline their children, rather than punish them. Punishment might temporarily stop a behavior but disciplines could produce lasting results. Discipline also requires a relationship between parent and child. It turns a bad decision into a learning experience, which is exactly what I think happened with Kirsten.

My Quest

For this entry I am departing from my usual entries. No advice for parents. Today I need your help and encouragement. I have started a personal quest and I need those of you who know me and follow my blog to pray for me and also hold me accountable. Let me give you some background.

As I shared recently, I went on a mission trip with my daughter Katie. We spent four days in Booneville, Arkansas. On the last night we joined other members of our team for a worship service at one of the local churches. During the message the young pastor challenged those present. His text was Ezekiel 22:19,

"I looked for a man among men who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none."

He noted that Booneville is a city under attack. Unemployment is high and 40% of the people live below the povertry line. Many of the people are turning to drugs, especially meth, and alcohol. He asked for those of us on the mission team to stand in prayer at the downtown inter-section the next morning before we left the town. Katie and I did do that, by the way.

The leader of the team had asked me to lead the devotions for our group that evening. No problem, except it was one of those moments when I put my mouth in gear before engaging my brain. I not only challenged the families in our group to pray for the City of Booneville but to follow it up by standing in the gap and praying for their local community when they got home. OK so far, but I then told them I was going to that by doing a prayer walk through my city, Farmers Branch, Texas. Yes, I planned to walk every residential street in our community over the next two years. I immediately knew I was in trouble, because my daughter was present and she is one who will hold me to my word. I also knew the challenge. Farmers Branch is a city of over 25,000 residents. That's a lot of square miles.

When I returned home I started my quest. It was easy at first. I even printed some small business cards that I shared with people as I walked. Unfortunately I began this task when Dallas is in the midst of a string of 100 degree plus days. Satan did creep in, and I began to question my sanity.

I have been pausing to read the Psalms at various times as I walk. This morning as I came across a verse that I think will become the theme for this quest.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

Psalm 127:1

As I read the verse I was surrounded by beautiful homes, with finely manicured lawns, but all of that means nothing if God is not present there. That is my plea. That somehow God will claim the town I live in and that his will is accomplished in and through it.

So, I ask for your prayers and support. Continue to challenge me to keep my commitment. I am not asking you to do the same thing, although that would be pretty cool. Just think of the difference we could make.

Kids Fly Free

Three Florida kids made the news yesterday when they managed to get aboard a Southwest Airlines flight and fly by themselves to Nashville without their parent's knowledge. Bridget Brown, age fifteen, invited her thirteen year old friend, Bobby Nolan, to go along. Her eleven year brother also travel with them. Bridget purchased the tickets using $700 in cash she had earned babysitting. Once in Music City, reality set in and the kids phoned home. The girl's grandmother paid for their tickets to return home.

Both Southwest Airlines and the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) are taking some heat for allowing the kids on the plane in the first place. Southwest states their policy allows kids twelve and over to fly alone. Other airlines have similar rules. The brother was allowed to fly with them since his two companions were over twelve. The TSA said the kids were allowed through security because then had boarding passes. Children under sixteen are not required to have an ID since they are not old enough to have a drivers license.

My first question when I heard the story was, where were the parents? One reality in a world where parents work is kids are left home unsupervised. It becomes especially acute during the summer when kids have unstructured time. A bigger question is how a fifteen year old can have access to $700 in discretionary funds. Granted, Bridget had earned the money babysitting, but what was she doing with that kind of money stashed in her room? Again, where were the parents? What happened to the days when mom and dad said, "let's open a savings account and keep the money safe."

Working parents do face a dilemma during the summer months. How do I balance my professional schedule with my parental responsibility. It become even more of a challenge when the kids are become teens. They not only are no longer candidates for a day care program, but possess the opinion that they can manage on their own. Still, we are the adults and they are the kids. Carrying through on our responsibility is defintely easier with the technology of cell phones. It seems to me that discretionary time requires the need for guidelines. When you sit down and do that, make sure your kids understand they can't leave the state without your permission.

Mission Trip

I spent much of past week on a mission trip with my daughter, Katie. It was a family trip sponsored by the church where she is on staff. The event was sponsored by Youthworks. We joined families from a small towns in Nebraska and Missouri for four days in the Mountains of northwest Arkansas. Part of our team worked fixing up local homes and doing clean-up. Katie and I spent our mornings at a senior center and then worked at the local Boys Club in the afternoon.

The small town we were in is economically depressed, like much of ruarl America. We were told that 40% of the people lived below povertry level and that 70% of school kids qualified for free lunches. The contrast between the senior citizens and the young children was stiking. The seniors for the most part were happy and contented. They were just looking for companionship and someone who would listen to their stories. On first glance the kids appeared to be normal, active 5 - 10 year olds. As I got to know them I discovered a lot of hidden anger and frustration.

I learned some valuable lessons during the week:

It was a real joy to see families on our team working together. Some of the kids who were part of the team were similar in age to kids we were ministering too. They pitched in and worked along side their parents. Hanging out with the families 24/7 provided the opportunity to see how these parents related to their children. For the most part they modeled servanthood, patience and love. I will give them credit. While many families vacationed in the mountains or at Disney World, they worked side-by-side in rural America. I would encourage all families to try to make such trips part of their future plans.

Secondly, family dysfunction does not know economic boundaries. During my career working with middle and upper class families I have crossed paths with many dysfunctional families. I usually attributed the dysfunction to the hectic lifestyle and materialistic society we live in. In this case, poverty and the economic reality only exacerbated the situation. These families did not have the resources or experience to deal with it.

Lastly, love is the ultimate antidote. It was overwhelming to see the response once the kids discovered that I genuinely cared and loved them. One-on-one they would respond. I can't recall a time when I have received as many hugs as I did last week.

As I reflect on the experience, I wish it were possible to get those two groups together. The young could learn so much from the senior citizens. In the end only love and relationship really matter. What a powerful lesson for a community. What a awesome responsibility for all parents.