Church and Family

I am reading a very insightful book titled Think Orange. The author is Reggie Joiner. The concept behind the book is that the color orange is the result of the blending of the colors red and yellow. The result is a bold new color and dynamic change. Reggie Joiner notes that both the church and familis are at a crossroads. In his words, "The church is losing its influence and the home is losing its heart."

I could not agree more. I also know that the two institutions, church and family, share a common goal; that is pointing people to Jesus. Churches that lose that focus will ulitimately die. Families that lose that focus are on the road to eventual ruin as well. Church and family must blend together.

The sad reality is that for many families church remains just another activity. God did not intend for the family to be that way. In fact, his intent was that the family, not the church, be the primary vehicle for passing on the heritage of faith. When Martin Luther wrote the Small Catechism, he intended that parents, not the church, use it to instruct their children.

We invest a lot of time and energy into making sure our children's future is secure. We save and invest so that they will receive a good education and their financial future is secure. But what about their eternal future? Unlike all the matierial things we give out kids, personal relationship with Jesus Christ, can never be stolen and won't ever break or wear out.

The Balloon Boy

Everyone else is talking about the Balloon Boy in Colorado Springs, I guess it's my turn.

In my recently released book, Parenting Without Guilt: Avoiding the Seven Things Parents Do To Screw-Up Their Kids, I identify living our dreams vicariously through out kids as one mistake parents make. That is not the case here, however. From my perspective this is a case of a parent living their personal dreams at the expense of their kids.

The dad in this case, Richard Heene, is like a character from a Disney movie. He views himself as a innovator and explorer. He enjoys edgy adventures, like storm chasing. There is nothing wrong with that. We need those kind of people so that the envelope is constantly being pushed in terms of technology. The problem here is that his kids have become the victims in his quest for adventure.

Unfortunarely this happens more often than we think. The problem is it takes a major public folly to move it to the forefront. When a parents personal passion impacts the life of their kids, that's a problem. It might be a career decision, accepting a position in another state because it advances out career even though it disrupts the family. Or perhaps it's a passion for a sport like golf; The time spent on the course takes away from quality family time. I am not saying there is something wrong with playing golf or changing jobs. What needs to be considered is; How does my decision impact those I love?

I bet Richard Heene wishes he had considered how his decision would impact his family before he launched his dream balloon.

College Students and Their Faith

I have listened to a number of parents express concern about the worship habits and faith of their college age children. This is nothing new. I recall my own college days. I went to a school where a majority of the students were preparing for some kind of full-time ministry but Sunday church attendance was usually less than 50%. That didn't mean religion wasn't a hot topic. I remember many late-night discussion. We took many classes on theology but I probably got more out of the dorm room debates. `

Parents need to remember that one's faith is always a work in progress. People move through faith stages, just like they do cognitive and social stages. Most teenagers are in the Synthetic-Conventional Stage. For the most part they have inherited the faith of their parents. They are usually the products of some kind of religious instruction that has enlightened them in the basic tenets of that faith tradition. Knowledge does not equal faith, however. During the young adult years most people develop an Individual-Reflective Faith. They often step away from the religious traditions of their childhood. In the process they might consider, and even try other faith perspectives. Yes, there is always the risk that they will lose their faith. Scary, you bet!

So, what is a Christian parent to do?

Be a spiritual sojourner yourself. It's not enough just to attend worship on a regular basis. People, especially your kids, should see you in God's Word regularly. Bible study, both within a group and personal setting are both vital. You need to be honest about your own spiritual struggles. The strongest witness you can give your kids is by allowing them to see how you handle crisis. If you remain strong in your faith during the tough times, you are providing them with an excellent model.

At all times, faith is a very personal thing.

Adult Mentors

The world today's children grow up in is vastly different from the one that nurtured my generation. I grew up in a neighborhood where my grandparents lived just blocks away. Five additional aunts and uncles also lived with a mile of our house. I can add friends at church, including my confirmation sponsor who I still see every time I am home and go to church with my mom. The bottom line is, In addition to my parents there were numerous significant adults in my life. Since we live in Texas and our roots are up north, our own kids never had the benefit of having grandparents and other relatives close by. Who are the significant adults in the lives of your kids?

An article in yesterday's Dallas Morning News focused on the impact mentors are having on low income students in the City of Irving, Texas. Local churches are partnering with neighboring schools to provide adult mentors who work one-on-one with students. While the emphasis is on academic help, the adult mentors provide much more. Mentors provide personal support and serve as role models.

The impact of adult mentors is a proven fact. A study by the University of Illinois-Chicago, focused on urban youth. Students who worked with a mentor were more successful in school and also were less likely to become involved in violent behavior. Such student had a higher self esteem and were more likely to attend college.

Mentors are not just for youth who live in low income communities. All kids need significant adults, other than their parents, involved in their lives. Teachers, coaches and church youth leaders all can make excellent mentors. Most mentoring relationships develop naturally over a period of time. Teens are drawn to adults who not only share an interest but who show a personal concern for them. While you can't hand pick your child's mentor, you can monitor the relationships they have with other adults. It's important that the other significant adults in their lives share similar values to yours and also have the best interest of your child at heart.

Mentors do make a difference.