Sense of Entitlement not Limited to Millennials

We hear a lot these days about entitlement, especially when we talk about millennials.  I checked the dictionary for a definition and discovered, entitlement is "the right to guaranteed benefits under a government program."  I put in my years of work and now I am entitled to Social Security... after all I did pay into the program over the years.  Today word has taken on an additional meaning.  I am entitled to something because of who I am.  When it comes to millennials, some of them feel they are entitled to have the latest in mobile devises or to a college education.  Some young athletes feel they are entitled to a position on the team because of who they are, or who their parents are.  College graduates feel they are entitled to a top paying job right out of school.

I got to thinking recently, many older adults might have the same sense of entitlement.  Once I reached the mid-fifties a new term was added to my vocabulary: Senior Discount.  While it's nice to get a 10% discount when I shop at a certain grocery store, or to get a break on my greens fee when I golf, I have to wonder: why me?  It seems to me that parents of young children should get a discount too.  Raising children is expensive and many young parents are just getting started in their careers.  They often have tight budgets.  How about a young parent discount?

I don's see millennials as having a corner when it comes to a sense of entitlement. I also see it in older adults who have a lifestyle that focuses on themselves   "I've paid my dues.  Now I am entitled to time to relax, to play golf and maybe travel a little."  There are even whole senior communities that appeal to this sense of entitlement.  What probably troubles me most about this sense of senior entitlement is that they want to limit their relationships to other who are the same age or those who share their interest.  Aside from their grandkids, they have no interest in associating with teens or young adults.  That is a shame because if there was ever a generation that needs their insights and expertise, it's today's millennial generation.

"What Do You Have for Us?"

For the sake of anonymity I will call him Sam.   He had a child at Lutheran High during the time I worked there but I had not seen him since I left six years ago.  Sam and his family were not Lutheran, but attended a large Protestant church.  They were involved and he was on the church vestry.  After getting caught up on the family news, I asked if they still attended the same church.  He paused, "We're kind of shopping around."  I didn't have to ask because Sam offered an explanation and with it came an insight.  The senior pastor has been there for almost twenty years and is nearing retirement.   A few years ago they added a young associate to the staff.  "He a dynamic preacher, but he doesn't seem to relate to the people my age." 

"Who does he relate to?" I asked. 

"Mostly young folks," he responded.  "He kind of ignores those of us who have been around for years.  It's like, 'What do you have for us?"  

While I could identify with Sam's perspective I had to think, "So what's the problem?"  In a time when teens and young adults are turning their backs on the church, we need more pastors who can relate to them.   I could also understand Sam's perspective that the young pastor was not concerned about his needs.  That might be especially difficult if Sam and his friends had supported the church with their time and money.

It does create a dilemma for a church, especially since Christians are usually not open to change. If there is one thing we can say about our culture at this time it is that there is change.  Values have shifted and even faith perspectives have changed.  For those of us over sixty, probably the best thing to do is focus on the eternal hope we have in Jesus.  That never changes.  I also would encourage them to try to relate to millennials.  The church needs them, just like it needs us.

Touching a Hot Button

It has been four weeks since the release of my new book Passing the Torch: Sharing Faith and Values with the Millennial Generation.  I am a little overwhelmed by the initial response.  While the book hasn't made any one's list of best sellers, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback.  This book is my second attempt at self-publishing.  My first book, Parenting Without Guilt: Avoiding the Seven Things Parents do to Screw-Up Their Kids, did alright in terms of sales but I never had that many invitations to talk about the book.  This time is different and I am getting positive feedback and inquiries.  I've concluded that while there are an abundance of books on parenting, there are not many authors who have tackled the topic of millennials.

What I am hearing is that people want to do something to reverse the trend: Teens and young adults are leaving the traditional church.  This has been happening for over a decade but it seems like people are finally ready to take action.  It's not enough just to be concerned, it takes a desire to understand and seek out millennials.  It also means accepting those whose values and lifestyles might clash with what we believe.  One criticism of the church is that it is not the place to ask questions or to discuss controversial issues.  If you express an opinion that goes against the mainstream, you can expect get a "cold shoulder."  That has to change.

The book attempts to help adults, especially those over forty, to begin to understand those under the age of thirty.  It also includes strategies on how to begin to make a difference.  The bottom line is we need to be people of hope in the midst of change.  When we model our lives after Jesus, we can make a difference.  Remember, Jesus always accepted and loved people for who they were.  He calls us to do the same.  You can check out the book at www.outskirtspress.com/passingthetorch.  The book is available on Amazon.com in both standard and Kindle formats.

Ok, So What is Appropriate Attire?

It was my wife who brought it to my attention, yesterday.  "I think it might be something you might want to comment on," she remarked.  It was a radio report on the informality at which millennials approach job interviews.  It seems for some, flip-flops, shorts and tees have become OK attire when interviewing for a job.  Some young adults even bring along a friend, or a parent.  One young lady even showed up for a job interview accompanied by her cat.  "What are they thinking," I was caused to wonder.

Then today I met a young man at the airport that caused me to reconsider.  He was wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt, tattered shorts and sandals.  He hammered away at his laptop while he also chatted on the phone.  During a break in the action he asked me if I knew where the closest Starbucks was.  When he returned I stuck up a conversation.  It turns out he is partner, with a college friend, in a social media consulting business.  They have around a dozen employees and work with other small companies.  They help them use social media to spread their message.  When I commented about the report mentioned previously, he just laughed.  "Our employees work at home, so they might be naked for all I know," he commented.   "I do have a three piece suit, because I know certain clients expect that image," he concluded.

I guess it's a matter of adapting to the situation.  I am sure there is a big difference in the dress code at a law firm, as opposed to a social media giant like Facebook.  Come to think of it, I can draw from experience.  In retirement, we get around to the churches where our kids are involved in ministry.  Most Sundays we attend The Crossing Church in Dallas where our son, Mark, is lead pastor.  It tends to be a younger crowd and the atmosphere is informal.  On those Sundays I can wear jeans and and open collar shirt.  Our daughter is assistant director of music at Prince of Peace in Carrollton.  If we are attending the 8:00 am traditional service I will usually wear a sportcoat and tie, but if it's one of the contemporary services I can get by with an open collar shirt and slacks.  I dress in a similar fashion if we are going to Aledo, Texas to visit The Summit where our other son, Peter, is lead pastor. 

Perhaps that is what we need to be sharing with the younger generation.  It's OK to be yourself, but you also need to consider the expectations of others.  What's appropriate?  That's doesn't just include how we dress, but the kind of language we use and degree of etiquette.   To be honest, I don't think God really cares about how we look.  Rather like in the case of David (1 Samuel 16:7), he judges the heart.