Learning to Live With a New Normal

I am learning to live with a new normal.  Three weeks ago, on a Saturday morning, I awoke with a severe pain in my lower back. That was nothing unusual since I had been diagnosed with moderate arthritis in my lower back and neck. This sharp pain was different.  I discovered how intense when I tried to take a step.  I ended up crawling down the steps to the family room where I spent the rest of the weekend in my recliner. Now three weeks later I am on the road to recovery.  Thanks to my chiropractor friend, Dr. Stephen Tietjen, and a physical therapist I am now beginning to function again.

Things are different, however.  I am learning to manage my pain.  For the first time in my life I am having to pay someone to cut my lawn.  I now sleep in my recliner since it hurts to lie flat.  I have also learned to say "yes" when people offer to do things for me.  No golf for the immediate future. I am told things should continue to improve, but right now I am enjoying life for what it is.

Making adjustments as we face a changing world or new challenges is part of life, especially for those of us who are older.  One of the most drastic changes, for many of us who are baby boomers, is in the way the world communicates.  Think of all the new words that have been added to our vocabulary; social media, texting, tweets, Facebook and mobile devices.  What happened to good old face to face conversations?

A just started reading a new book that might change my perspective on how I feel about changes when it comes to communication.  The book is titled It's Complicated: The Social Life of Networked Teens. The author, Danah Boyd, spent three years studying, observing and talking with teens about social media and the way they communicate.  One of her conclusions is that kids are still kids.  Where a generation ago kids found community at the shopping mall or local fast food restaurant, today's teens live in a much more demanding and complicated world.  They find community through social media.  Parents and other adults use their cellular devices to communicate and network.  Teens use theirs to stay in touch with friends and create community.  Sounds to me like when it comes to communication, the new normal is a lot like the old to most teens.

How we adjust to change can effect how we related to the world and the people around us.  We can resist change or go with.  We can attempt to understand or complain about it.  We can reflect on the past or look to the future with anticipation.  Our attitude toward change might very well effect our ability to share the Good News and be Jesus' disciples.

Reflecting on the Death of Robin and Jack

I was watching the 6:00 pm news last evening when the word broke of the death of Robin Williams.  What saddened me most was the fact that this talented man who made us all laugh had taken his own life.  I had little time to process the loss of Robin Williams when my world was rocked by another death.  Dave Rahberg phoned to tell me that our mutual friend, Jack Giles, had gone home to heaven.  A short time later I was on the phone with good friend, Bill Ameiss, reminiscing memories of Jack and how he had impacted our lives.

I enjoyed Robin William's humor.  He was a talented actor, but whenever I saw him interviewed I sensed there was a troubled man beneath the surface.  I was not surprised when I learned that he battled substance abuse.  Humor can only hide the sadness within for so long.

While I watched Robin Williams from a distance, I knew Jack intimately.  We first met in 1973 when he was a rookie DCE and I, with four years of experience, was the veteran.  Over the years we worked together on many projects.  During the 80's we became partners, along with the sainted Larry Brandt, in Parish Ministries Resources, Inc.  Our journal, Insights into Christian Education, was pretty cutting edge at the time.  I was the creative mind, Larry was in touch with the resources, and Jack could process everything and develop a plan.  My last lengthy conversation with Jack was an example of that.  Last fall, we were together at a conference in Katy, Texas.  I had a new writing project that I was excited about.  Jack was a sounding board, helping me think through the process and the challenges I faced.  In the end I shelved the project.  Thanks again, Jack.

There is an irony in the fact that Robin Williams and Jack Giles died on the same day.  Robin Williams entertained us, and made us laugh, but it was only temporary.  Sure, he lives on in his movies, but what he offered us was shallow.  If you need proof, consider the way he died. He was a broken man who, because of his depression, could not face the realities of life.  Jack died with dignity.  He faced death with the same practical confidence he did other challenges.  Through his faith in Jesus Christ, Jack knew that death was but the door to eternal life.

Those of us who are left behind now have the challenge of living the legacy that Jack, Larry and others who have gone before us.  We are Easter People and Hallelujah will always be our song.

High School Heroes: Peaking to Soon

Multiple stories in the Dallas Morning News last week caught my attention.  They involved athletes who had a difficult time adjusting to life after high school. I guess it is a problem that spans generation.  Johnny Johnson was a star athlete at Dallas Samuel High School in the 1960's.  Basketball and baseball were mere aversions, Johnny was a football player.  He could have played running back for most major universities but because of grades he ended up at a junior college.  After two successful years, he transferred to Wichita State but there things turned sour.  There was a recruiting scandal and he was involved.  In the end he ended up returning to south Dallas. He was easy prey for the drug dealers that were part of that culture.  He ended up in prison, and only decades later was he able to rebuild his life in another state.

The other stories involve a current players.  Two years ago Devonte Fields was a freshman star as a defensive end for the TCU Horned Frogs.  He spent last year on the sidelines injured.  He also had time on his hands and ended up getting in trouble with the law.  This year was supposed to be his triumphant return, he was the pre-season pick to be The Big 12 defensive player of the year.  All that was put on hold when he was accused of assaulting his ex-girl friend.  He was quickly suspended as the situation is resolved.  All of this comes on the heels of the University of Texas kicking no less than five players off their roster for various violations of school policy. 

I recall a high school classmate, who shall remain nameless, who was a pretty good athlete.  He was also not much of a student.  There is probably one in every class; a smooth talker who could manipulate others and usually skirts the rules.  A big deal was made about the fact that he had been recruited to play college football, but he didn't last a year.  The rumor was that decisions off the field that led to his dismissal.

It was an issue that I had to deal with professionally, especially during my years as a high school counselor. There was a least one over-achiever in every class and they were not always athletes.  Our goals as a faculty was to acknowledge their accomplishments  but keep them grounded.  We also made sure they were held to the same rules.  Those of us in the counseling office also worked hard to make sure they were focusing on the future.  Helping them set goals and plan for college was a vital.  I am proud to say that most of our star athletes have been successful in the real world.

Those of us who are adults need to take care that we don't put our young people on pedestals.  When that happens, it is easy for them to hit their peak in high school.  They go off to college thinking they have it made, expecting to be stars and to receive all the attention and special privileges stars deserve.  The second thing is to help them stay grounded, holding them to the same expectations as we do other students.  Lastly, it means helping them focus on the future, using their high school experience to reach for higher goals, even if it isn't on the athletic field.

A Lesson from a Hip Grandma

I usually spend Wednesday afternoons at DFW International Airport where I serve as a volunteer ambassador.  I provide information and try to help people navigate the five terminals.  On a typical day I assist somewhere around 125 people.  In between I do a lot of people watching.  This week one of those was a very "hip" grandma.  She was traveling cross-country with three of her grandchildren.  This grandma was trying to corral three teenagers.  The oldest two were girls who I suspect were in the "eye rolling" stage: You know the look when you ask a teen to do something they think is beneath them.  This grandma was capable of rolling her eyes right back and letting them know who was in charge, and "yes, you will do what I ask."  The boy was probably 13 or 14, but already had the "surfer look" down; muscle shirt and earring to boot." 

The plane leaving my gate was heading to Orange County, California.  I could only assume they were heading for a vacation seeing the sites, although they hardly look like the Disneyland crowd.  After they had settled in she called them together.  There were ninety minutes till the flight left.  "Go get yourselves something to eat," she announced.  Then, holding her cell phone up for them to see, she instructed, "And let me know where you are at.  No issues!"

Curious, once the kids departed I wandered over.  Yes they were heading to southern California to see their father, her son.  They, along with their mom, lived in the southeast.  The trip west was an annual event.  "We let them fly alone over the holidays, but this one provides me with time with them.,"  she noted.  Suddenly their was the sound of an antique car horn. She glanced a her phone but in stead of typing the response she put the phone to her mouth.  "Just a fruit smoothie, please," she dictated.  Turning back to me she reported, "They just want to make sure I am fed, too."

I had other passengers to help, so I returned to my podium.  When I heard the announcement that the flight to Orange County was ready for boarding, I turned to check on grandma.  Her grandson was sitting beside her playing a game on his tablet, but the girls were nowhere in sight.  No worry.  Grandma got out her cell phone and once again dictated, "Plane boarding.  Get here now."  The words were barely out her mouth when the two teens surfaced, carrying grandma's smoothie. 

With all the changes in communication comes a choice; Stay current and embrace them or be left behind.  If we opt out, we might be leaving our grandchildren behind too. We need more hip grandma's in the world.