On Being a Patriarch

 

We just returned from a quick weekend trip to Detroit.  It was the first time I had been on an airplane in over a year.  The plane was full and the airport seemed busy, but felt very safe.  There was a dual purpose for the trip.  Our Uncle Don died from COVID over a year ago and it was not until Saturday that we were able to celebrate his life with his church family.  On Sunday we celebrated our mom’s 100^th birthday.  Mom had not been out of the nursing home in over a year.  It took about an hour but once she got warmed up, she was sharing stories and had us laughing.  Mom can barely see and has always been hard of hearing, but there is no doubt her mind is sharp.

It was quite a gathering with over thirty of us traveling from Baltimore, Columbus, Ohio and Dallas to join the family that live in Michigan.  In the midst of the celebration, I became aware of a reality; I am the patriarch of the family.  Uncle Don was 97 years-old and never married.  He was always like a second dad.  When our dad died in 2004 it just seemed natural to consider my Uncle as the male head of the family.  Even though he has been dead for a year, this weekend just felt different. 

Then I got to pondering on what being the patriarch of a family actually means.  In my mind, the primary thing a patriarch is to do is make sure the family legacy is maintained.  That requires not just modeling and leading by example but encouraging those who follow to walk as disciples as well.   As I reflected on that thought, it occurred to me that that is what I have always tried to do. 

I truly believe that is what all of us are called to do as members of the Body of Christ.  Passing on the legacy of faith is vital.  I sincerely believe the reason the church has struggled over the last few decades is because adults, especially Baby Boomers, have focused on themselves and neglected passing on the heritage of faith.  We’ve done a good job of kingdom building and failed at building God’s Kingdom.  Personal wealth and success have become a higher priority than passing on the Gospel message of grace and hope.

Now I want to do my best to stay healthy so that my tenure as patriarch is long and productive. 

 

Youth Ministry in a Post-COVID World

 

I spent much of my professional career in youth ministry.  Over the last year I was very grateful to be retired.  I honestly could not imagine what youth ministry would be like in the midst of a pandemic.  Having spent time with some of my youth ministry friends last week convinced me that even post COVID-19 the way the church minister to teenagers and their families is going to look very different.  The days of pizza and Bible study in the youth room might be in the past.  According to my director of Christian education (DCE) friends, just because churches and youth rooms are again open does not mean the kids are coming back. 

One of the unfortunate results of the pandemic for teens is that anxiety and depression have become a major issue.  Traditionally, teens are social creatures and the period of isolation has taken its toll.  In many cases they have lost their support system, and at a time when the church youth ministry staff could provide encouragement face-to-face contact is not possible.  During this time the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found symptoms of anxiety and depression up sharply from the previous year.  Almost 11 percent of all respondents to that survey said they had "seriously considered" suicide in the past 30 days. For those ages 18 to 24, the number was 1 in 4, more than twice as high.

Three things that church leaders, especially those working with teens, need to keep in mind moving forward;

Relationships matter.  One-on-one relationships with teens is vital during this time.  After spending hours online going to class, the idea of spending time on Zoom with the group from church is not as enticing as it was early in the pandemic.  What they really need is the intimacy of a relationship where they can talk about the issues that are troubling them.  The best approach for the church youth ministry teams might be to “divide and conquer.”  Divide the list of teens among the various members of the team, with the youth ministry professional taking those who might need the most attention.  Texts and phone are a good way to connect. 

Encourage spiritual disciplines.  Daily devotional thoughts sent via group text are a great way to start.  Sending them out early each morning might encourage them to begin their days in God’s Word.  When you do gather as a group, provide some models of how to find peace and solitude.  Prayer walks or similar activities help provide structure.  Through it all, we must be messengers of hope, modeling what we preach.

Parents are vital.  The new model for ministry puts less emphasis on what happens at church through children’s and youth ministry and more emphasis on the home.  Some churches were already moving toward this paradigm but the pandemic has greatly accelerated the process.  Millennial parents, more than past generations, want to be responsible for the spiritual formation of their children.  We need to be mindful that this really is the biblical model, and that the church community is really only there to provide encourage and support.

 

Some other things that church leaders need to keep in mind going forward.  The church youth room, like some of the rest of our facilities, might be devalued.  Just because the youth facilities are less used does not mean ministry is not happening.  Secondly, stop playing the numbers game.  In the post-pandemic world relationships are vital.  Some of the best ministry is going to be happening one-on-one way from the church building. 

 

RETURNING TO CHURCH: WHAT HAVE PEOPLE MISSED?

We are one week removed from the celebration of Easter 2021.  Compared to last Easter, most churches were able to hold regular services in their normal fashion.  A new report from the Barna Group provided insight into how different this Easter was compared to last year.  The same study also provided insight into what people missed during the pandemic when most worship had to take place online.

In the fourth week of March 2020, Barna surveyed over two hundred pastors on their plans for Easter worship. Almost half (45%) were planning live online worship, and 10% were planning an outdoor service. Thirteen percent (13%) were planning on recording their Easter worship and then making it available to members. Since it was still early in the pandemic, one-in-five (20%) of the pastors polled still had no idea how they were going to celebrate Easter. Only 2% planned to still hold indoor worship.

In a similar poll of over 500 Protestant pastors done from March 16-22, 2021 found that four in five (80%) planned to hold regular indoor worship with COVID-19 precautions. An almost equal 71% still planned to offer online worship, a strong indication that hybrid church is here to stay. Additionally, over one-in-five (22%) planned to offer an outdoor service, encouraging social distancing. One-in-ten (11%) of the pastors polled reported they planned to hold worship indoors with no COVID-19 restrictions.

As people begin to return to regular church attendance, the team at Barna was also curious as to what people said they had missed during their time away. The top overall response was “receiving the sacrament/eucharist” (24%).  Other responses tended to indicate the importance of fellowship. Overall, 23% responded “socializing with other churchgoers before and after services” and 19% “the chance to connect with like-minded people.”

There was a huge difference when it came to generations and what they most missed during the time they could not gather in-person. “Receiving the sacrament/eucharist” was more important to Baby Boomers than to Millennials (16%) and Gen X (18%) church attenders. “Socializing with other churchgoers before and after services” (27%) was also a higher priority for Baby Boomers than it was for younger attenders (17% of Millennials and 21% of Gen X’ers). 

I see a couple of disturbing trends in the new report from Barna. From my perspective, they all impact our effort to reach the next generation.

A social gathering of like-minded people: Two of the top responses to what people missed from not attending in-person worship underscore the reality that church is viewed as a social gathering spot. When the primary reason for attending worship is to “socialize” and “gather with like-minded people,” I think we have a problem. 

Discipleship is not a high priority. According to the research from Barna, involvement in “Sunday school / Small groups / Bible study” was missed by only 8% of Baby Boomers and Gen X’ers and 13% of Millennials. Additionally, only one-in-five (23%) of those polled miss “listening to a live sermon or homily.” 

Little desire to meet new people: If the church is to grow, there must be a willingness to welcome new people in the community. Over all, only 9% of those polled indicated “the chance to meet new people” as something they missed over the last year. Millennials were more open to meeting new people with 17% reporting that was something they missed.

 

The bottom line is the church has a long way to go if it is to grow. The reality is the lost are not going to find their way to us. We are going to have to meet them where they are at. That requires equipping people to be the feet and hands of Jesus where they live, work and play. In the post-pandemic world, if our church buildings are going to be devalued and viewed only as a gathering place for believers that will be an obstacle.