Self Serving Coaches

As a family we are college football fans. We've been TCU Horn Frog season ticket holders for years. This has been a fun season. It's been a great season for a number of teams. Four major college teams, in addition to TCU, remain undefeated.

One of those teams is the Cincinnati Bearcats but they are in an unusual position. They have lost their head coach. The University of Cincinnati players dedicated themselves to a goal. They worked hard and their commitment paid off. The reward is a trip to a BCS Bowl where they will play the Florida Gators. They will do so without their coach, Brian Kelly. Coach Kelly resigned to accept the head coaching position at Notre Dame. Kelly described it as his "dream job." We should not be surprised that Coach Kelly deserted his player to pursue his dream. Unfortunately he is typical of many adults who work with kids. I use the word "Kids" because that is what college athletes are. They are student athletes. In this case, the kids had their hearts broken. Many walked out of their final meeting with Coach Kelly angry. They knew what a traitor looked like when they saw one. They had committed themselves to a cause and they thought their coach had too. Instead a better offer came along and he left them "high and dry."

We should not be surprised. In his book Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, Chap Clark writes about the heartaches caused by self-serving adults. "Whether it is a coach, school teacher, a parent, music teacher, or a Sunday school counselor, midadolescents (high school teens) intuitively believe that nearly every adult they have encountered has been subtly out to get something from them." Such adults could be a little league coach obsessed with winning at all cost or a teacher whose only goal is to help students pass the standardize test so their job remains secure.

So, what is a parent to do in order to insulate their child from a self-serving adults? It starts early. They need to get to know every adult who is in a position of influence over their child. It's important that all of those individuals share similar values and perspectives. Sure, when it comes to people like school teachers, it really is a matter of the luck of the draw. But in other cases parents do have control. Parents can dictate the role that coaches, church youth counselors and scout leaders play in the lives of their kids. If they love their kids, they will surround them with adults who share that sentiment.

Most importantly, it must start with you. The needs and the development of your child must be your #1 priority.