Is Your Child the Bully?

Bullies have parents too. While no parent wants to think of their child as being a bully, the reality is the potential is always present. Bullying has received a lot of attention lately. In the process, some myths regarding bullies have been debunked. One example: Bullies are loners. In actuality bullies often are surround by friends. Bullies need an audience and support system. Bullies know how to manipulate, so over time their peers may become unknowing accomplices. Another myth is that bullies have low self esteem. In reality the exact opposite could be true. Kids with an elevated self esteem can use bullying as a way to reinforce and insulate their self image.

So what are some warning signs:

Abuse of Power: Power is a convenient tool. We can use physical or verbal power to gain control over other people. In the process we can get them to do what we want them to do for us. Parents can prevent their children from falling into the "power trap" by not allowing themselves to be manipulated. They also should be good role models when it comes to abuse of power. Spanking and other physical uses of power might work with infants and toddlers but they might teach older children that they can use force to get their peers to do what they want them to do for them.

Anger: All human emotions are gifts from God. As such, anger is a part of being human. It's what we do with our anger that makes it wrong. When we use anger as a way to gain control of a situation it can have a negative long-term effect. When our children have fits of anger we may feel a need to give in. If we see anger in our teens we need to confront it, because it's proably not going to go away. The conversation won't be productive when they are aggitated. The time to talk about their anger is when they are calm.

Teasing: Ok, teasing has always been a part of being a family. We all might gently tease at times. Persistent teasing is not healthy. It can belittling. It also can give us control over another person. A good rule for a family is to respect the words, "stop that." When an individual requests that a particular word or action come to an end, we need to abide by that request. When we continue the action we are putting ourselves in a position of control over them.

We all tend to think of our own kids as being the victim. We want to protect them in all circumstance. When it comes to bullying we need to make sure we have all the information before jumping to conclusions. That especially must be the case if we see some of the warning signs ourselves.