Parenting an Emerging Adult

It's the time of year when many parents are preparing to send their children off to college.  In addition to it being a time of transition, it can also be a confusing and disconcerting.  Even if school is only an hour away, they will be entering a different world.  Life will never be the same for you or for them.  Barb and I have been down that road three times.  The image of them waving goodbye in the rearview mirror is etched in my memory.  While two of our three children went to college an hour away at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, our middle child chose Valparaiso University in Indiana. 

Fuller Youth Institute has identified those going through the period as emerging adults.  Emerging adulthood can already begin in high school and will probably continue into the mid-twenties.  The transition from high school to college only intensifies the issue.  It's a struggle for them as they vacillate between being a child and being an adult.  It's a confusing time for us as well.  Sometimes we feel like we need to check the temperature of the room before we say anything.  It be especially helpful to remember these two characteristics of emerging adults.

Identity Exploration: Emerging adults are still searching for their personal identity.  As a result they will shift in their interests and their relationships. Yes, they will probably change their major at least once as they seek to find their real passion.  They might even try a different hairstyle or style of clothes.    In their spiritual development, they might try different worship settings or denominations.  It's important to keep this in mind and not overreact.  There is a tendency to view all changes as permanent, when in many cases they are just trying something to see how it feels.


Feeling In Between: In many ways emerging adults are caught in between still being a child and being an adult.  As a result we might often feel like they are pushing us away, and then in a matter of minute moving back toward us.  Remember, while they might be on their own they still are probably financially dependent on us.  Real financial freedom is probably years away.  When it comes to holidays they will probably want to be with family, but might seem preoccupied with what's going on with their college friends while also checking in with old friends. 

While it's can be a challenging period, if we have done our job in terms of providing spiritual roots and a sense of values they are probably going to get through this stage just fine.  Remember: continue to pray for them and always extend an extra measure of grace in their direction.   Be patient: this too shall pass.