We All Want to be Fixers

We all want to be fixers.  If we have a problem around the house we analyze the situation and based on experience we develop a plan to fix it.  In certain situations we might even go online to search for a solution.  You can use Youtube to view instructions on almost anything.  At this point in my life I prefer another option.  I will call a professional to do the work for me.  It is usually worth the cost when I consider the time involved and the amount of ibuprofen it will take for me to recover.  With an older home, I have the plumber and electrician on speed dial.

Unfortunately we often want to want to treat people the same way we do home repair project.  We see the problem and immediately want to step in and help them fix it.  After all, we have lots of experience.  So when a friend or loved one is going through a difficult time we want to help them through it,  We offer our advice.  

It is the same thing with our kids.  When they have a problem or are going through a difficult time we want to step in a fix it.  I think it is important to know the difference being a manager and being a consultant.  Managers manage the affairs of others.  Consultants offer advice but only with certain conditions.  They always ask for permission before offering an opinion.  They then offer their insights and let the individual take the next step.  What the person does with the suggestion is their decision.  Also, consultants do not call up every other day and ask why they haven’t taken our wise counsel.

A couple of words of advice based on my experience based on my experience working with teen.  Giving advice breeds dependence.  The more we manage their life, the more they depend on us.  Secondly: who are they going to blame if the advice proves faulty.  In the long run we risk hurting a relationship by giving too much advice.

It can make life difficult and frustrating, especially if our kids are involved.  Ultimately we need to equip them to make the decisions and then set them free.  We can be consultants along the way, but ultimately they have to figure things out.  Along the way prayer helps.  We have to trust that God has them in the palm of His hand.