Dead Man Talk

I just finished a remarkable book titled Raising Cole. The author is Marc Pittman. His son, Cole Pittman was a football player for the University of Texas Longhorns. Cole was killed in an auto accident. The book is about the unique relationship the Marc Pittman had with his sons and how that relationship got him through the difficult grief process.

Marc Pittman has a very unique style of parenting. He was the product of a rough upbringing. A builder by trade, he loved the outdoors and had even, on a dare, wrestled a bear. His personality was shown in the unusual relationship he had with his sons, Cole and Chase. Two aspects of that relationships really impacted me.

One is the term "Love Wars." It involved verbally expressing, "I love you," to each other. The war part comes from the fact that each individual tries to prove they love the other more deeply. In other words, they try to go out of their way to express affection in radical ways. Not exactly what you would expect from a 300 lb. football player.

The other aspect of their relationship was "Dead man talk." It draws its meaning from the concept that dead men can't tell secrets. Marc Pittman and his son Cole shared everything. During long discussions they would talk about fears and regrets. It was also a time of confession. Marc Pittman sincerely believed he know everyone of Cole's secrets. The son felt comfortable sharing his thoughts because they we sealed with a vow of secrecy.

I really would encourage you to read the book Raising Cole. It's an outstanding story. In many ways it touched me like Ron Hall's book Same Kind of Different as Me. More importantly, I would encourage you to be honest with your kids. When you share your struggles and inner feeling with them, you give them the freedom to do the same. You are also building a relationship that will be capable of weathering all of life's storms.