I recently overheard a conversation between a father and his teenage daughter. The issue was an empty gas tank that required dad to make an emergency run. It brought to mind an issue I got involved in several years ago. In that case mom and daughter shared a car. The friction arose because daughter often parked the car in the driveway with the gas gauge on empty. The daughter pleaded her case to me. "I've never felt comfortable pumping gas."
There are two issues here, both of which must be dealt with. To begin with, it's really inconsiderate to expect others to take care of us. Still, many parents continue to pamper and coddle their kids. The second issue is that of responsibility. There are some simple tasks that we need to learn so that we are able to take care of ourselves. The solution in this case is easy: A trip to the gas station and tutorial session on how to pump your own gas. We need to raise teens to be responsible for themselves.
Unfortunately, parents often facilitate dependence by continuing to provide for teens in the same manner they did when they were younger. Take the issue of laundry. Junior year in high school is a good time to begin to hand of that responsibility to them. It begins with instruction and then helping them schedule a time when they can have access to the laundry room. If they balk, remind them that it is part of the process of getting them ready to live on their own.
With regards to the issue of behaviors that are inconsiderate; We need to identify those when they happen, along with a reminder of how their actions affect us. We often shy away from confronting them because we don't want to harm an already fragile relationship. Reality is coddling them will do more harm than that.
Remember, we are raising kids to let them go. There is no greater joy than seeing our children grow into responsible and successful adults. That won't just happen, however. The time to start is now.
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