With the new school year almost upon us, I thought it would be good to again address the topic of bullying. It's an issue that I became familiar with during my years as a school counselor. We tend to think of bullying as a elementary and middle school issue, but my experience is that it extends across all generations. I have even met a few seniors, that senior citizens as opposed to the high school variety, who fit the mold.
In her book The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander, Barbara Conloros describes bullying as "arrogance in action, and contempt for another person." I have always believed that bullying is a learned behavior. According to the National Association of School Psychologist my assumption is correct. Children who are bullies have learned the behavior at home, in school, or elsewhere in their social environment. Like other learned behaviors, it can be unlearned, however the older the aggressor, the more difficult it is to change. In other words we need to attack the issue in the pre-school and elementary school classroom.
I met my share of adult bullies during my youth ministry and school counselor years. Most of the time the bully was a parent. I don't recall any incidents when it was physical power, but I sure remember times when angry words and threats were used to try to intimidate or belittle me. Experts suggest that many young bullies are the products of home where an authoritarian parent holds the upper hand.
All adults, but especially parents, need to consider what type of behavior they are modeling. Discipline is vital, but when we only use power or threats to change the behavior we run the risk of raising a bully. When we resort to that, we give our kids the permission to do the same. Today they might be bullying their peers, but in the future we might become the victims.
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