The Grossest Place on Earth

I am embarrassed because I could not remember his first name.  Unfortunately his last name, and the very descriptive and vulgar nickname that became attached to it, are etched in my memory.  I recently dusted off the yearbook from my freshmen year in high school and discovered his first name was Randy.  The problem was Randy was physically different, and that difference was plainly evident behind the closed doors of the boys locker room.  A couple of the football player, who just happened to be in the same gym class, picked up on Randy's distinctive characteristics. They bestowed the nickname and it stuck.  That's probably the reason Randy's picture only appears with our 9th grade class.  He didn't return for his sophomore year.  I only wish now that I had said something to Randy, encouraged him in some way.  To this day I wish I could say, "I am sorry."  While I didn't make up the nickname or even referred to him that way, I did laugh at the antics of the bullies.

That experience, and my years as a basketball coach, confirm it; The middle and high school boy's locker room might be the grossest place on earth.  Another reality; The loudest and smuttiest males usually hold court.  Many of their classmates become the audience.  Unfortunately there often one or two individuals become the victims.

I though of Randy this week when I heard the news report of another boy who was the victim of locker room bullying.  In this case the boy took his own life.  His classmates knew what was happening.  The teacher/coach was aware of it.  Several parents were even conscious of what was going on.  And nobody did anything.

It's easy to write off locker room humor as a tradition.  Surviving it could be viewed as a right of passage, but there are victims who are permanently scarred.  For that reason I feel a need to offer some suggestions for parents who have boys in middle and high school.  It's really important for dads to take the lead on this issue.

Don't ignore the subject: Talk to your son about the issue of locker room behavior.  Reflect on your experience when you were in school and share what you saw and heard.

Confront the issue: Discuss what can be done when locker room bullying starts.  Remind them that the one thing they can do is not reinforce the negative behavior.  If bullies don't have an audience they usually quit.

Become an advocate: Encourage your son to become and advocate on behalf of the victim.  Make the coach or teacher aware of what is going on.  Let victim know you care about them.

Model appropriate behavior: As an adult, you need to be a role model.  Watch your comments about other people.  If there is nothing positive to say about someone, it's probably best to say nothing. 

Locker rooms smell enough without adding to their grossness through the language that is used