Every Gunman has a Parent

I was left numb today by another mass shooting.  This time it is an elementary school and children are among the victims.  This follows another shooting earlier this week in a shopping mall in suburban Portland, Oregon.  It's at the point where nothing shocks me anymore.  Schools, factories, offices and even churches have been the scenes for mass killings.  Once again we are hearing cries for stronger gun control.  I have never owned, or even fired, a gun, but I have many friends who do.  All of them seem to be normal, emotionally stable individuals.  I don't think outlawing guns, other than for hunting purposes, is the solution.

What I do think we need to be doing a better job at is identifying those who could potentially become involved in anti-social behavior.  Like cancer, early detection means a better possibility of effectively treating.   During my years of working with teens I can recall numerous times when I saw the beginnings of behavioral patterns that I saw as troubling.  I usually sought out a colleague who also knew the teen, seeking their opinion.  If they saw the same pattern and shared the same concern; The individual was on my radar.  I usually attempted to get close to the teen, when possible within their peer group.  If I sensed their friends shared a similar concern, it was time to get parents involved.  This is usually when things got complicated.  You see, in most cases parents "wear rose colored glasses" when it comes to the behavior of their child.  Seldom did parents share my perspective.  Even if they did they were reluctant to act, usually taking a "they will grow out of it," stance.  Rarely did they ask me to refer them to someone for professional help. 

I sincerely believe we need to address this issue within the family structure.  When parents see their children having anger control issues, exhibiting violent tendencies or the beginning of anti-social behavior, they need to address the issue and not ignore it.  Secondly, we need to move past the stigma of asking for professional counseling and help.  The reality is we all need some professional help somewhere along the line.  When it comes to our teens, we might just be saving their future, as well as the lives of others who they might potentially harm along the way.

Putting an end to violence begins at home.