Mom is Watching You!!!

One thing I have learned over all of my years working with teenagers; sometimes parents make poorer choices than their kids.  Countless times I have sat with students as they tearfully shared their concerns over the decisions their parents were making.  Sometimes it was an extra-marital affair, other times it was alcohol or substance abuse.  Just when I thought I had heard it all, something else came along.  Teenagers do not have the life experience to always make good decisions.  Their brains are not fully wired, so often they do not know what to do with their emotions and feelings.  Parents are supposed to be the responsible adults. 

I think I have found the solution for all those teens who are concerned about their parents.   It is a new application for smartphones.  Safeparent allows teens to monitor their parents activity.  Most teens will be able to use the app, assuming they share the same phone plan as their parents.  The app allows the teen to view all calls their parents make.  They can also view all text and monitor their social activity, Facebook, Twitter, etc.   With the push of a button they can even see the location of the phone.  That comes in especially handy for young teens who rely on their parents for transportation.  They will instantly know where mom or dad are and when to expect them to pick them up.  No more secret trysts with their secretary, or sneaking off to the bar on the way home from work.  Safeparent takes the worry about being the child of an irresponsible parent.

Obviously the above paragraph is fictional.  To my knowledge there is no such app for smartphones.  There is, however, a new app for parents called Teensafe.  It does all of the things described about.  It monitors all activity on the teen's smartphone.  Parents are able to track all of their teens activities and movements.  I heard an interview with the creator of the app and she stressed the "secure feeling parents could gain from knowing their teen is safe."

The Teensafe app troubles me.  One of the points I stressed when I wrote Parenting without Guilt was the need for parents to move from being a manager to being a consultant with their teenagers.  In my mind Teensafe moves beyond being a manager to being a "control freak."  I feel the same way about another app I recently heard of.  It allows parents of college students to monitor whether their son/daughter is in class.  No more sleeping through your 8:00 AM biology class.  Is not that fair.  After all they are still pay the bill for your education. 

Now I can see where there might be some cases where monitoring a young person's behavior might be required.  If they have a track record of making poor choices, it might be used as a safeguard.  It also would be a safety net for teens who have the pattern of putting themselves at risk.  They would especially be the case with young people coming out of rehab or who are probation for a criminal activity.   But most kids do not fit into this category.  They need to learn to function on their own and make good choices.   It is part of growing up. 

Our goal should always be to raise responsible and successful children.  Part of the learning process is growing from mistakes along the way.  We need to give them the freedom to do that and not feel like we are constantly looking over their shoulders like we do not trust them.