Why Some Teens don't Leave the Church

In my last two blogs I have focused on the issue of why some many teens and young adults are walking away from the church. Earlier this week I read an article that approached the topic from the opposite point of view. Jon Nielson, a veteran youth pastor, proposed three traits of youth who don't leave the church.

He begins by calling those within the church to get back to an understanding of what salvation is: "a miracle from God through the working of the Holy Spirit." He states that we need to stop talking about "good kids" who attend church and youth group regularly, and focus on their faith. Our strongest weapon is prayer. We need to be praying for our kids and their faith.

Secondly, teens that stay faithful to God have been equipped for the challenges that they will face. In Jon Nielson's words, "They have been equipped and not entertained." We need to remember that these kids are growing up in a world that is hostile toward the church and the values it stands for. Whether the issue is evolution or homosexuality, teens need to not just be taught what is right and what is wrong, but why. They need to be able to see all contemporary issues through the lens of Holy Scripture.

Lastly, they have been raised in families that celebrate God's grace. Their parents preached the Gospel to them, but they also live it. Remember Ephesians 6:4, "Parents don exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

While I agree with much of what Jon Nielson writes, I would add two additional traits. Such teens attend churches that passionately seek to engage them in worship and Bible study. Such worship communities are also made up of adults who seek to model discipleship and have a desire to share their faith traditions with the next generation.

As the Body of Christ we need to be people of hope and live as such.

Are We Too Judgemental?

I spend four hours every Wednesday as a volunteer ambassador at DFW Airport. I assist travelers at an information booth in Terminal C. It's a great place to people watch and I ave seen and met all kinds. I thought I had seen it all until one young man got off a flight a couple of weeks back. It was hard not to notice him. His hair was buzzed short except for a crop of hair that formed a perfect curl right in the front. That hair looked like a rainbow: pink, yellow, and green. I thought of the trolls our daughter played with as a child. It didn't end there. He was wearing a pink sweater vest, lime green pants and pink ballet slippers. My immediate reaction was: "Weirdo."

As it was, he wandered over to the monitors that are above my podium. He stood amidst the crowd of travelers staring, obviously looking for his flight. Thirty seconds went past and he still seemed puzzled. Finally I decided I had to intervene. "Do you need help?" I asked. As it turned out he was flying to New York,and was confused by the airport codes. We located his gate and I pointed him in the right direction. He then asked if I was a really a volunteer. When I responded in the affirmative his response was, "Cool, Thanks for doing that." In the end he seemed like a nice guy. Was he Gay? I don't know. Maybe he was just a little eccentric. The reality is he needed help and I assisted him. I couldn't help but thinking I was doing what Jesus would have done.

That's the kind of Savior we have. Jesus accepted people for who were were and loved them that way. Once the relationship was established, he then had the opportunity to meet their need or confront their sin. Without first having a relationship, that would never happen.

Last week I wrote about two of the reasons young people are leaving the church. My initial reaction to the young man at the airport is an example of another thing that young people see wrong with the church and Christians in general. We tend to be judgemental and exclusive.

Young Americans have been shaped by a culture that esteems open-mindedness and tolerance. As a result young adults are the most eclectic generation in American history. Many young people view the church as a country club that is only open to people who fit certain criteria. When individuals don't fit the mold, they will probably feel excluded and unwelcome. Often, outward appearance becomes the criteria.

One of the challenges that Christian parents and other adults face is now to be accepting of others, without compromising who we are and what we stand for. If we are secure in our faith, encountering people who are different should not be a problem. It is always best to love and accept first. Once we have a relationship we are in a position to talk about our faith and values.

How Parents can Keep Their Teens Connected with the Church

David Kinnaman is president of the Barna Group and also the author of a new book, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving the Church and Rethinking Church. The books is the culmination of a five-year project that included eight national studies, as well as interviews with teens, young adults, parents and church professionals.

The author makes it clear that their is no one single reason for young people leaving the church. Rather,there are six significant themes indicating why three out of five (59%) of young Christians are choosing to disconnect with the church. For this entry in my blog I would like to focus on two of those themes.

Churches seem overprotective. Today's teens and young adults have an unprecedented access of ideas and worldviews. Their desire is to connect with the world they live in. They get turned off when the church gets defensive or re-acts out of fear. Almost one quarter (23%) of teens and young adults said, "Christians demonize everything outside the church." Other perceptions were that the church ignores the real world and that the church is too concerned that movies, music and video games are harmful.

Teens' and young adult's experience of Christianity is shallow. Many young people leave the church because they feel something is lacking in their experience. They sense a lack of passion among adult believers. One third (31%) said, "church is boring." Others felt the church was not relevant to them. A quarter (24%) stated, "the Bible is not taught clearly or often enough,"

These trends are not totally new. In her 2004 book, Practicing Passion, Kenda Creasy Dean wrote about teens quests for a more passionate church.

Now the questions must be: What can parents do to address the issues.. No Christian parent wants their child to abandon their faith. Let me make a couple of suggestions:

We can't ignore or become defensive about contemporary issues. We also must hold our church accountable for addressing the issues as well. Nothing is accomplished when all we tell teens is that, ".... is wrong." We need to give them the biblical resources so that they can grapple with the issues and draw their own conclusions. This is where our church, especially the youth ministry staff, become a vital resource.

We must live out our faith passionately. If our teens see the church as lacking passion, the change must begin with us. We must be into God's Word on a daily basis and practice a walk of Christian discipleship. When we live the faith, we are providing our kids with the best example possible.
Lastly, when we see enthusiasm within the church we need to "fan the flame," rather than "quench the fire."

Reflections on Grandparents Day

Barb and I spent this morning at our grandsons' school, St. Paul Lutheran School in Fort Worth, Texas. It was grandparents day and the church sanctuary was packed. They had a very nice assembly featuring the school choirs and orchestra. They also had a humorous version of Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader, with a senior couple matched against their granddaughter. Yes the student won.

The highlight for me was sitting with our oldest grandson,second grader Andrew. After he had showed me around his classroom and read a book to me, he asked if I would answer some questions. The questions had been printed out for him, but as he asked each one he listened patiently as I responded. He wanted to know where I was born (Detroit) and what kinds of games I liked to play as a child (outdoor activity baseball, indoor Monopoly). He also was curious about my first job (paperboy).

I reflected back on a conversation that our daughter, Katie, had with my grandmother. Katie was in middle school and had the assignment of interviewing someone who had experienced history. At that point grandma was one hundred years old: That's a lot of history. One of the questions was: What is the greatest invention during your lifetime. I was thinking the telephone or radio, but grandma trumped that, "electricity." She went on to describe what life was like before the electric light. Katie sat amazed.

Our children can learn so much from listening to the stories from previous generations. Some of those are stories of faith, other are of family traditions. Some are stories of tragedies and others of great accomplishments. Even in the world of social media and mass communication, there is still a need for storytelling. Make sure that is part of your child's experience.

Our Response to School Violence

There was another school shooting in the news this week. This time the community of Chardon, Ohio is in shock over the senseless killing of three students. The sad reality is its a sign of the times. Still, I think there are some things we can be doing to lessen the likelihood of our children becoming the victims.

It begins with the way that we treat other people. All people, even those the world labels as "weird" or different, deserve to be treated with love and respect. A friendly smile and a warm hello, over time can soften even the hardest of hearts. That is the message we need to convey to our teenagers, but the best way to teach it is to live it.

Secondly, those of us who work with teenagers need to be on the alert for kids who are drifting toward the fringe. I have yet to hear of an instance where the shooter was the star athlete or the homecoming queen. They are almost always kids who have become unattached. Sometimes they have been bullied, other times just socially excluded. Those are the kids who need to be on our radar. We need to help such students to become connected. We need to let them know that we care about them.

Outlawing guns and installing metal detectors in every school is not the solution. The end of such school violence will only happen when we learn to treat each other in a more Christ-like manner.

Lenten Reflections

Today is Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of the season of Lent. I have very vivid memories of Lent from my childhood days. Wednesday night Lenten services were not an option in our house. Somewhere around fourth or fifth grade my parents started requiring my attendance. My mom and dad sang in the choir, so I sat quietly in the pew with my grandmother. It was hard not to be solemn in the sanctuary. The lights were turned low and candles flickered at the end of each row. Our pastor always wore a black robe, with a white surplice over the top. During Lent he left the surplice in the closet and was robed only in black. No stole, the only adornment being a large silver cross. That cross seemed to jump out from the black background. I can still sing many of those Lenten hymns from memory: There is a Fountain Filled With Blood, O Sacred Head Now Wounded and Come to Calvary's Holy Mountain.

It wasn't until I was in college and had to study theology that the true impact Lent came clear to me. As a child I never thought much about the contrast between Lent and Easter. I think it was professor Tom Strieter who enlightened me. Confession and absolution lead to celebration. To truly celebrate our Lord's Resurrection, we must first acknowledge our sinful nature. It was my sins that caused his suffering. I recall the first time I watched Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion of the Christ,. I was moved to tears by the realization that I caused His suffering.

One shortcoming of contemporary worship is that we lose sight of the liturgical church year. That's why I think it is vital that all Christian parents encourage their children and teens to observe Lent. More than that, we need to make sure the next generation understands the full meaning of the Lent. Christmas is a great celebration, but unless Christ suffered for our sins and defeated death and the devil by rising again we have no hope. The crux of who we are as people of faith is found in the contrast that is Lent and Easter.

The TCU Drug Bust: Kids will Break Your Heart

The administration at Texas Christian University, including football coach Gary Patterson, have learned something I discovered long ago. If you work with teenagers and young adults, sooner or later they will break your heart. While I was saddened by this weeks news that seventeen TCU students, including four football players, had been arrested for dealing drugs I was not shocked. Drugs use among students is a reality.

I am still proud to be a member of the "Horned Frog Nation." Our family's association with TCU has existed for over twenty years. We have two Horned Frog alums in the family. We just renewed our seasons tickets for TCU football for another year. TCU is a great university, but even great schools are susceptible to the problem of drug abuse.

I have spent over forty years working with teenagers and their families. The last eleven of those years I was the school counselor at Lutheran High School of Dallas. LHS was a great academic institution, but that did not make us immune to a drug problem. I recall one student assembly. We had invited narcotics detectives unto our campus to talk to our kids about the dangers of drug abuse. They bought along a drug sniffing dog and told me before the assembly they wanted to demonstrate how the animal could find marijuana. Their plan was to plant a bag of pot somewhere in the gym and let the dog find it. I waited, but that part of the program never came. After the assembly I asked one of the officers why. He replied, "We didn't want to embarrass one of your students." The dog had picked up a scent of pot as soon as it entered the room. The detective was even able to point to where the pot was, and indicated he had a good idea as to which student had it in their possession.

Drugs, especially marijuana, are a very real problem among teens and young adults. A recently released study, done for the Federal Government by the University of Michigan, indicated that pot has replaced alcohol as the drug of choice among American teens. This was not small sample. Forty-seven thousand teens were polled. One in fifteen high school seniors reported that they smoked pot on a daily or almost daily basis. That is an epidemic. If a student is using marijuana in high school, they are going to bring that pattern of behavior to the college.

Parents who think their teens are immune, or feel their students are above such behavior, are being naive. The issue needs to be brought to the surface and addressed. Having the TCU drug bust in the news presents the ideal opportunity to have an open and frank discussion about the dangers of drugs and addiction with your teenager. If they have been exposed to drug use believe me they will be.