I spent yesterday morning with a group of middle school students discussing how best to deal with conflicts. Even though they were in the last few hours of a twenty-four hour lock-in, the kids were engaged. Maybe it was the fact that I followed a shaving cream fight but I also think it had something to do with the topic. Conflicts are a reality. If two people spend any time together, there will be conflicts. The Bible is only four chapters old when Cain kills his brother Abel as the result of a conflict.
I think the reason kids have a problem dealing with conflicts is because we as a society have a problem with it. Most parents are not good role models when it comes to handling conflict. The options are usually to flee or to fight. When we flee a conflict we are ignoring it, hoping it will go away. When we fight it we are confronting it, working out the differences. Unfortunately most of us continue to flee until things get so bad that we have to fight. By then, it's often to late to salvage the relationship because of all the accumulated baggage.
I encouraged my young friends yesterday to embrace conflict. We need to see conflicts as a growth point. It is also an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and others. In conflicts we tend to focus on our needs. When we embrace conflict we listen to the needs of others and seek to blend those with our needs to find a solution that satisfies both parties.
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