Never Too Late

I recently spent ten days on the road including some invaluable time in Detroit visiting my eighty-seven year old mom. While this wasn't a tour promoting my new book, Parenting Without Guilt: Avoiding the Seven Things Parents do to Screw-Up Their Kids, I didn't hesitate to talk about the project with anyone who would listen.



When I gave my business card to one young man he commented that it was too late for him and wife. When I inquired about the age of his daughter he said she was thirteen. I tried to assure him that in spite of what he saw, "the final die had not been cast." It's never to late too make mid-course directions in an attempt to change a relationship. I contrast that man with another middle-age individual I spoke with. He had recently reconciled with this daughter who is now in her mid-twenties. She had recently come back into his life after almost five years of seperation. She had apologized for making such poor choices in her teen and college years and for all the grief she had caused him and his wife.



There are two lessons here:



Today is the day to begin to work on the relationship we have with our kids. It should begin with open communication. We need to say, "I love you," more. When we express that feeling, we need to back it up by telling them how much and why we care about them. We also need to be honest when their behavior hurts or concerns us. That doesn't mean threatening them with punishment. There also is no room for anger when we talk about it. A simple "I message" is best. "When you __________ it makes me feel ___________ because ____________." Your message might be, "When you got a ticket for speeding I got scared because I don't want you to get hurt in an accident."



The second lesson is the importance of unconditional love. No matter what our kids do, they are still our kids. Over the course of human history people have done all kinds of cruel things to each other. All of those things are offensive to the God who created us. In spite of that, God still loves us. When you are frustrated with your teenager, read Luke 15:11-24 and marvel at the love of that father. That's God's expectation for us.



Like in our relationship with God, it's never too late to turn things around.